Lobouspo Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 First off I just wanna say people who are overweight are not necessarily bad people and I am not passing judgement, but since when did "curvy" start meaning fat? When did "a few extra pounds" start meaning morbidly obese? Anyone else finding this kind of deceit common these days?
carhill Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 An unhealthy side-effect of this apparent phenomenon is that such people expect everyone else to be lying as well
FitChick Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Men who describe themselves as average generally are 30-50 lbs. overweight which I suppose IS average these days. (sigh) That's why you have to ask for more photos before you meet. With camera phones, you could ask the person to take a picture of themselves showing what they would be wearing the day you are supposed to meet "so I can spot you quickly." I do a lot of long distance dating so I might ask the guy to pose in local places of interest, or in his kitchen cooking, if he likes to cook, or in his back yard if he likes gardening, etc. It's a bit less obvious than asking them to hold up today's New York Times.
carhill Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Been awhile but I selected 'a few extra pounds' and included my height and weight in my OLD profile description back when I was dating. Though I haven't been near a 'normal' weight since adolescence, it is about 40lbs over what is considered to be healthy for my age and size. Funnily, I expect women to be honest about their weight as well. Interesting how that works Some other common 'exaggerations' Trying to quit = smokes like a train Drinks rarely = alcoholic Down to earth = cat hoarder
Casablanca Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 First off I just wanna say people who are overweight are not necessarily bad people and I am not passing judgement, but since when did "curvy" start meaning fat? When did "a few extra pounds" start meaning morbidly obese? Anyone else finding this kind of deceit common these days? This drives me nuts and I wish I could chew them out....you're not fooling anyone when you meet in real life. Just be honest, men lie too, but I dont experience it because I'm not a girl. It seems that men lie about age and height and women lie about weight most often. Anyone who doesnt list skinny or fit without giving a full body shot I never contact...though I've seen someone list athletic and she was a few extra pounds after I saw more pictures of her. I guess she justified that in her mind just because she was active, and chose it based on lifestyle...which doesnt make sense when all the others deal with body type and not life styles
ascendotum Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 There was a thread recently about there seemly being more lonely guys than women, one of the factors I reckon that contributes to this perception (though in reality there should be just as many single F as M), is the weight factor when it comes to dating in the US/UK/AUS/CAN. There are just as many overweight guys as there are women, but women drop in status in dating much more for it than guys. For guys piling on the kgs/lbs does not effect their masculinity not to the same extent as it does for women's femininity. Up to point bulk on a guy actually adds to his masculinity, and quite a number of beefy guys I know have dated slim/petite women. Most of my mates who are overweight are not what you would call fatties. The fat is evenly distributed, whereas for women it goes to their ass, thighs and belly. These guys want a slim gf. (I wont say avg because avg is overweight these days). The slim/not overweight build single guys I know really want a girl with a build like themselves, and given that so many single women (late 20s up) are overweight these days, are prepared to discount a number of attributes they would like in a partner just to get a slim gf. A girl who looks after her figure does not have a hard time getting male attention where I live, she does not have to be pretty, as other guys have pointed out in posts. They dont have to go online to find a decent guy no where near to the extent that an overweight women does, imo, so you are going to find a big bias for overweight women on OLD. The sites cater for this with female friendly euthanisms like 'cuddly', 'Big & beautiful', 'curvy', 'few extra pounds', etc. I've turned up to dates and been a bit shocked with the definition of 'average'. Even without being misled by a headshot photo, or old photo, I see many women describe themselves as slim or average who clearly aren't. Its annoying but I get why women do it, they would get filtered out of contention otherwise for so many guys. Its a shame for some women that really are curvy, that they cannot use that term on OLD, because the majority of guys read 'curvy' and know odds on it means not just cuddly, but FAT. "though I've seen someone list athletic and she was a few extra pounds after I saw more pictures of her. I guess she justified that in her mind just because she was active," Yep, many women jump on the 'athletic' tag who do some form of exercise, to avoid describing their body type. Its misleading, but I get why they do it. You just need to factor it in when using OLD.
shayla Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 When I dated online, I posted several pictures of myself, including full body shots facing forward, and facing the side. It was important to me that a potential date saw all of me. Alot of sites don't have the option of obese, they have words like curves and a few pounds....FAT isn't one of the choices. I figured that if I posted several pictures, and asked people to look at them before contacting me, there would be no suprises, they would not waste my time, and I would not waste theirs.
SJC2008 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 They do it all the time and when you look at their pics they are rather chunky and for what they want the have the BALL$ to list atheltic and toned and about average. For women: Slender=skinny, about average=a litte meatier (but not flabby) than slender with b+ breasts, Curvy=meaty but still has a womanly FIGURE ex: Beyonce. Full figured=big boned but carrys it well and has a figure (google plus size models),A few extra pounds=a little flabby with some resemblace of a female figure. BBW=obese. It's not rocket science and I'm a man and I dare any woman on here to challenge me on these categories. I list myself as a few extra pounds, I'm 5'10.5" and weigh 195.
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 It seems everyone lies about one thing or another in the online dating world. Perhaps you should just go back to old-fashioned real-life dating? That, or only agree to dates with women who have full-body photos posted.
Frogwife Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 (edited) .......... Edited January 5, 2012 by Frogwife
bean1 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 I met my husband online. I described myself as "fit/athletic" -> he said he was shocked to see me because I was actually fit/athletic (I was around 5'5, 118lbs at the time, working out daily). Said nearly all women lied about their weight, so much so that even a man could tell it was bull**** (and men are bad at guessing women's weight).
irc333 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Yeah, I get a kick out of women on dating sites that are overweight, they try to literally HIDE it in their photos by taking picture from above or sideways or even funnier, trying to be cute peaking out from behind a large oak tree, when the REST of them is behind the tree. Or squatting down behind their kid or pet.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 We all lie don't we sometmes? It isn't right but I do think everyone lies about something on their dating profile or simply just doesn't include it. If you think about it, I'm sure there are things you leave out telling a potential love interest. Why do people lie about themselves online? Because of being insecure about that feature and still wanting people to give them a chance. I'm not saying someone has to be with someone who they don't consider attractive but perhaps a little more understanding and sympathy is in order instead of a disgust for the lying or a confused "why do people lie". You really mean to tell everyone here is a perfect human being who never lied about anything to anyone? I know I have lied. I try not to but sometimes you are afraid of how someone will preceive you if they know a certain thing about you. I bet many men lie about their incomes. I know men lie about their height because I have been out with men that clearly weren't as tall as they stipulated. And yes, men also lie about their weight and age too. I will say I totally avoid men that are "young at heart". Some of the men I was still attracted to and some I wasn't. Some I still gave a chance an some I didn't. People lie because of a vulnerability and insecurity about something that might not be perfect. Yes, ideally it would be better if they didn't. But people aren't perfect and I certainly can't claim that I never lied about anything. Perhaps other people can, but I know I can't. So I can't really hold it against other people that do when I know they are only doing it because they want to present their best self. Of course, there is an extent when lying becomes hurtful to someone else. But lying about one's weight isn't really one of them.
bean1 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Yes, everyone lies at one time, but I guess some people see the dating profile like a resume - it's not okay to lie. If someone asks me why a glass is broken and I'm scared to admit it, I don't see that at the same level of lying to a potential partner about a specific trait that may be very important to them. I don't believe all lies are equal.
Emilia Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Yes, everyone lies at one time, but I guess some people see the dating profile like a resume - it's not okay to lie. If someone asks me why a glass is broken and I'm scared to admit it, I don't see that at the same level of lying to a potential partner about a specific trait that may be very important to them. I don't believe all lies are equal. Yes everyone lies about certain things but you are right, not all lies are equal. In my limited online dating experience when a guy lied about his looks (I met someone who photoshopped his profile photo and lied in the description), he lied about a lot of other things too during the extremely brief conversation I had with him in the pub (I cut the date short). While the other guy I met and ended up dating was honest about most things as far as I could tell and could reasonably expect. His photos were up to date, he was who he said he was, never caught him out with contradicting stories, etc etc
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Yes, everyone lies at one time, but I guess some people see the dating profile like a resume - it's not okay to lie. If someone asks me why a glass is broken and I'm scared to admit it, I don't see that at the same level of lying to a potential partner about a specific trait that may be very important to them. I don't believe all lies are equal. I agree that not all lies are equal. I guess having been out with men that lied on their profile gave me a more sympathic heart toward them. I know they lied about certain things but I still couldn't hold it against them. I have lied myself. And on more important things then "who broke the glass". I believe we all have at some point in our life. Now, am I saying you must be attracted to that person? Not at all. I'm just saying that I can understand why someone lies and not hold it against them even if I don't want to continue seeing them. Although I do get the idea that if they lie about the litle things, they might lie about the big things. However, I do think people that are completely honest on their profiles have the potential to lie in real life about things as well.
Emilia Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Although I do get the idea that if they lie about the litle things, they might lie about the big things. However, I do think people that are completely honest on their profiles have the potential to lie in real life about things as well. I don't actually believe that those that lie about small things should be suspected of lying about big things too necessarily but when someone lies about something that they will be definitely found out on later (ie their appearance) then all sorts of questions come into my mind. Most importantly: if they thought looks were important enough for them to lie about, why is it that they also thought they would get away with it? I mean you either have to be extremely stupid or just really really weird to believe it would pass.
oaks Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 When did "a few extra pounds" start meaning morbidly obese? I don't think this one is entirely the fault of the profile owner. This started when dating sites started offering this euphemism as an option, and including it in a list of things where it appears somewhere between "average" and "full figured" and they didn't want to pick "overweight". Are you getting fooled enough by this problem that you don't find out until you meet in person? If so, the solution is to look more closely at the photos (and assume that you won't like them if they are absent).
ascendotum Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 I don't actually believe that those that lie about small things should be suspected of lying about big things too necessarily but when someone lies about something that they will be definitely found out on later (ie their appearance) then all sorts of questions come into my mind. Most importantly: if they thought looks were important enough for them to lie about, why is it that they also thought they would get away with it? I mean you either have to be extremely stupid or just really really weird to believe it would pass. I think the same as you. People who put up photos of themselves from 5 yrs ago when they have radically changed in appearance or put their height as 6' when its 5'7 or put down average as slim as their body type when they clearly need to go on a diet, bewilder me. If a woman has recent photos of herself and they aren't taken in a specific manner that is designed to obscure but not outright deceive, but puts her body type as curvy when shes fat, then I get that the reason in many cases is not so much as to deceive herself or a potential date but more a case of getting her profile come up in men's filtered searches. Getting a foot in the door so to speak, and I bet a lot of people tweak their profiles with this in mind. I know a few guys who are good looking and have that advantage to begin with but still BS on their profiles to reel in more/better quality prospects.
ditzchic Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 My last ex I met from a dating site had himself listed as average. He was 5'10, 205 lbs. That's pretty considerable overweight. Borderline obese by BMI standards. I had myself listed as a little extra at 5'6 150 lbs. That's actually a normal weight by BMI standards but I erred on the side of caution because I wanted to drop 10 lbs. It's all subjective to the individual and men do it too.
irc333 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Oh definately...there's this one woman on POF, probably mid 40's....great body, very attractive, has like 37 in her profile. BUt, in her WRITE-up she clarifies that she's actually 45, but just looks YOUNG for he age (narcisstic already) and she deliberately did that so when guys looked her up, they'd come up in THEIR search parameters. SHe admitted to this in her profile, because she's so stuck on herself....she gets off on how she gets carded in clubs, etc. I think the same as you. People who put up photos of themselves from 5 yrs ago when they have radically changed in appearance or put their height as 6' when its 5'7 or put down average as slim as their body type when they clearly need to go on a diet, bewilder me. If a woman has recent photos of herself and they aren't taken in a specific manner that is designed to obscure but not outright deceive, but puts her body type as curvy when shes fat, then I get that the reason in many cases is not so much as to deceive herself or a potential date but more a case of getting her profile come up in men's filtered searches. Getting a foot in the door so to speak, and I bet a lot of people tweak their profiles with this in mind. I know a few guys who are good looking and have that advantage to begin with but still BS on their profiles to reel in more/better quality prospects.
azsinglegal Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 I thought the complaint about women I've heard the most was them posting old pics (10 yrs old) and then when you meet them they look nothing like the pictures they had up. I always posted RECENT pictures and never lied about my weight. I put "average" when I was 130lbs (I thought that WAS - I'm 5'6"). When I started working out I changed it to "athletic". I've seen many folks put "average" that were obviously more then "a few extra pounds". Just be honest, eventually whoever you meet will see the truth.
azsinglegal Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Oh definately...there's this one woman on POF, probably mid 40's....great body, very attractive, has like 37 in her profile. BUt, in her WRITE-up she clarifies that she's actually 45, but just looks YOUNG for he age (narcisstic already) and she deliberately did that so when guys looked her up, they'd come up in THEIR search parameters. SHe admitted to this in her profile, because she's so stuck on herself....she gets off on how she gets carded in clubs, etc. I think you are misreading her profile. I get why she changed her age to come up in a search. Men who are 45 are looking for women 37 not women who are 45. She did it so men would see her qualities and not her age (as a number). Don't you know how critical folks are of age? Seriously, look up some posts on here. Women who are over 35 are considered used up, old, discarded old rags. Can you imagine how it must feel to be a 45 yr old SINGLE woman? Seriously, don't judge so harshly. I'm 38 and have lied when I met people and told them I was 33 or 34, not because I feel I look that young (which I do) - but because when men find out I'm 38 and single, they don't even listen to me or get to know me - all they think is "she's 38" and then I'm categorized as washed-up and put on the back burner.
jobaba Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 First off I just wanna say people who are overweight are not necessarily bad people and I am not passing judgement, but since when did "curvy" start meaning fat? When did "a few extra pounds" start meaning morbidly obese? Anyone else finding this kind of deceit common these days? C'mon man. It can't be that bad. Certain people have poor metabolisms. If in her picture, she looks like she's 5'6" ~ 130 and then you meet her in person and she's 5'6" ~ 150, so what? 20 pounds can be lost in a month. She still looks essentially the same. I had a female friend that complained that men would always post their absolute best picture up and in reality, they looked nothing like that. Grow up. It's a picture of HIM. It's not a picture of Brad Pitt.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Sometimes, people are in a state of denial about their weight. I have gained weight before, and I have typically had a period of turning a blind eye, as it were, to the reality of the situation. When I really faced the fact that I'd packed on a few, that was the time I was ready to do something about it. Some of these women are probably trying to pretend to themselves that they don't have some weight to lose. That said, though, I think it puts the person who lied about their weight or height or age in a terrible position that I personally would HATE to be in - that of appearing before a stranger for the first time and having them look at me and see the reality. I'd much rather tell someone upfront about weight, age, etc. and get rejected BEFORE meeting, if that were going to be the case.
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