Mikau Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 'Evening LS, My new year's resolution this year was to finally be more proactive and assertive, and take better control of my life. Part of that was asking a girl out I had been interested in for a while. We went to school together 3 years ago, but never talked much (if at all). Not during school, and not since. Recently we got reaquainted via fbook. We posted on eachothers walls for a bit, but didn't really chat. I'm not going to say I like her or liked here when we were in high school, but I've always been... interested. We share a lot of hobbies and interests, and if I were to make a list of things I am attracted to in women I would find a lot of those qualities in her. So, I asked her out. The response I got was kinda... mixed. I'll translate as directly as possible because I think nuance is important here: And a happy new year to you too! I'll be honest with you, because I don't want to string you along or kick you into the ground; I think you're a really nice guy, but I don't like like you. But I want to give you a shot. Just keep in mind, I have a 6 month internship coming up and I'm not sure how busy I'll be. I talked to her the next day, asking if she wanted to go get a drink some time. Her reply was something along the line of "Ofcourse I want to get a drink sometime. I just want to get my schedule before we pick a date. I'll let you know". We had a fun chat, and there was some back and forth banter on fbook as well. Anyway, onto my question. Her response seems... less than ideal. My first thought was, should I go through with this date, because it seems like I'm only setting myself up to get attached to something that won't happen anyway. Talking to a friend of mine, he said she probably meant "I don't like you yet but I'm interested", and he said I should just go for it and see how it goes. A little background on me that might be important: I'm going to be 23 in a month and I'm really inexperienced when it comes to the whole dating thing. Haven't dated anyone yet, haven't even kissed anyone yet. The few people I've been interested in weren't interested in being anything more than friends. To say the least, I could use the (dating) practice. Worst case scenario we'll just have a good time and nothing will lead from it (actually, worst case would be we have a horribly awkward time, but seeing as our common ground is so big I'm not counting on it). So, what do you here at LS think? Don't get involved or go out and see where it goes?
jobaba Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) 'Evening LS, My new year's resolution this year was to finally be more proactive and assertive, and take better control of my life. Part of that was asking a girl out I had been interested in for a while. We went to school together 3 years ago, but never talked much (if at all). Not during school, and not since. Recently we got reaquainted via fbook. We posted on eachothers walls for a bit, but didn't really chat. I'm not going to say I like her or liked here when we were in high school, but I've always been... interested. We share a lot of hobbies and interests, and if I were to make a list of things I am attracted to in women I would find a lot of those qualities in her. So, I asked her out. The response I got was kinda... mixed. I'll translate as directly as possible because I think nuance is important here: I talked to her the next day, asking if she wanted to go get a drink some time. Her reply was something along the line of "Ofcourse I want to get a drink sometime. I just want to get my schedule before we pick a date. I'll let you know". We had a fun chat, and there was some back and forth banter on fbook as well. Anyway, onto my question. Her response seems... less than ideal. My first thought was, should I go through with this date, because it seems like I'm only setting myself up to get attached to something that won't happen anyway. Talking to a friend of mine, he said she probably meant "I don't like you yet but I'm interested", and he said I should just go for it and see how it goes. A little background on me that might be important: I'm going to be 23 in a month and I'm really inexperienced when it comes to the whole dating thing. Haven't dated anyone yet, haven't even kissed anyone yet. The few people I've been interested in weren't interested in being anything more than friends. To say the least, I could use the (dating) practice. Worst case scenario we'll just have a good time and nothing will lead from it (actually, worst case would be we have a horribly awkward time, but seeing as our common ground is so big I'm not counting on it). So, what do you here at LS think? Don't get involved or go out and see where it goes? Were those her actual words? That's a little rough although I'd appreciate such honesty these days. If those were more or less her words, she sounds like a tease. Do you want to deal with that? If you are NOT emotionally invested in her in any way, I like your idea about the dating experience. Go on it and call it a date. But don't expect to get her to come around. Edited January 4, 2012 by jobaba
Author Mikau Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) Yeah, word for word. To be fair, back in high school I was dealing with too much stuff of my own to worry about girls or dating or whatever, so I guess you could say I was a different person then than I am now. The image she has of me (the one from back in high school) is probably different than the way I am now. Maybe that's just me sugarcoating the truth that she's just not into me, but maybe it actually means that there's a chance. And I'm not emotionally invested (yet), but that could change while on a date with a girl that's perfect for you on paper. That would open up a whole new can of worms assuming she is in fact, not interested. Edited January 4, 2012 by Mikau
jobaba Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Yeah, word for word. To be fair, back in high school I was dealing with too much stuff of my own to worry about girls or dating or whatever, so I guess you could say I was a different person then than I am now. The image she has of me (the one from back in high school) is probably different than the way I am now. Maybe that's just me sugarcoating the truth that she's just not into me, but maybe it actually means that there's a chance. And I'm not emotionally invested (yet), but that could change while on a date with a girl that's perfect for you on paper. That would open up a whole new can of worms assuming she is in fact, not interested. How could you say she's perfect for you on paper if you've never talked to her? Her response is weird, I do admit. You might read it as saying, "I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, concede that you might have changed and give you a shot." I'd go on the date. However, if you in any way 'really like her' then just let it go.
Author Mikau Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 How could you say she's perfect for you on paper if you've never talked to her? Her response is weird, I do admit. You might read it as saying, "I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, concede that you might have changed and give you a shot." I'd go on the date. However, if you in any way 'really like her' then just let it go. Yeah, ignore the perfect on paper. It's probably way too simplistic to say she is, based on nothing more than shared hobbies/interests and a shared sense of humour. What I meant to say was, there's a reason she sparked my interest, and there's no telling what that would develop into with more contact. Also, the part that really confuses me: if she "doesn't like me", why even agree to go out in the first place? I can only really think of 2 reasons; she is in fact stringing me along, or she hasn't written me off completely.
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