mortensorchid Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 My bf and I have been together for nearly 6 months now. Things are good. For some background, I'd known him by sight for a few years, we exchanged some banter through Facebook and Facebook chats, he asked to meet me (not the other way around), and it's been, well, good. He's 6 years younger than me (I'm hardly robbing the craddle here), he's had a full past like I have. But ... He hasn't said "I love you". Now don't get me wrong, things are not truly serious unless you have been together for at least 9 months to a year. I am not so young anymore, I am 37 now, had I known then what I know now it would've been a different story all together. Should I be concerned with this? I am not about to ask him anything, I don't want to have a "deep, meaningful relationship talk". What do others think on this?
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 IMO 6 months isn't really that long to be worried about not hearing "I love you" yet. About 2 months after we started dating, my boyfriend blurted it out randomly one night after a few too many drinks. Since I too had had a few too many drinks, I said it back. I think we both kind of knew it was too early and it was mostly the alcohol talking. It took him somewhere around another 5 months after that to say it again. But because it took so much time I knew he meant it. Waiting until you're 100% sure about your feelings before you verbalize them makes it all the more special when you finally do. I wouldn't worry until it's closer to a year. But the real question here should be...do you love him?
Author mortensorchid Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 THat is an interesting question, KAMU, because I've been questioning that myself. And the answer is "I don't know". I guess I am getting to know him a bit better as time goes on.
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 THat is an interesting question, KAMU, because I've been questioning that myself. And the answer is "I don't know". I guess I am getting to know him a bit better as time goes on. So you are worried that he hasn't said he loves you, when you yourself aren't sure if you would say you love him? That seems kind of silly, doesn't it? Sounds like you guys are likely on the same page. Taking time to figure out your feelings is not a bad thing.
ascendotum Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) All you are looking for is a 'ILU' and after 6 mths and I would expect in my experience the majority of women would be disappointed, though KAMU has said she'd be fine to wait 12mths for an ILU. There's another post going on here at the moment where the woman is disappointed she has not got a proposal within the year, and she is younger than you and has a timetable, but maybe you have already been married or have children. This would change things a bit in that the imperative to not waste time on a relationship that is not going to lead somewhere is not as strong. I know a handful of women in their mid 30s who are going out with younger guys, (more than your 6yr age difference) and none of these relationships have lasted. I'm not sure if the women were secretly viewing it as a fling or not, but I know in a few of these the guy had the bf label, when clearly he was was simply a F-Buddy imo, who turned up whenever for sex. They didn't seem heartbroken when it ended. I assume you have said ILU to his face? Edited January 5, 2012 by ascendotum
Casablanca Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 As I grow older, I find out more and more what I am looking for in a relationship and can spot someone who isn't right for me a lot easier than before. I have a hard time seeing me going over 6 months without falling in love. I follow the, wait 2 months from the time you first think it about saying it because you fear it is too soon to say it rule...two gf's ago, after about a month and a half I was starting to think it, and almost wanted to say it, but I knew it was too soon. So say by the time we were together 3.5 or 4 months I probably would have said it and known by then, but she broke up with me about a month later. Everyone is different though and I find myself quickly falling if I really like someone.
Author mortensorchid Posted January 5, 2012 Author Posted January 5, 2012 As I grow older, I find out more and more what I am looking for in a relationship and can spot someone who isn't right for me a lot easier than before. I have a hard time seeing me going over 6 months without falling in love. I follow the, wait 2 months from the time you first think it about saying it because you fear it is too soon to say it rule...two gf's ago, after about a month and a half I was starting to think it, and almost wanted to say it, but I knew it was too soon. So say by the time we were together 3.5 or 4 months I probably would have said it and known by then, but she broke up with me about a month later. Everyone is different though and I find myself quickly falling if I really like someone. I have experienced this myself, and according to others who have also been in LTRs that is the usual time span when one says "I love you". However, different situations for different people. But ... I have decided that I am going to wait things out. NO reason to rush things. And no one is putting any pressure on anyone else to decide something. It's more of an internal struggle on my part, just thinking about the future is all.
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