thatone Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 i actually got to meet one in person! at a friend's house, who has birthday and NYE all rolled into one. not a very big crowd, probably 8 people before the evening was over. i'm the 'new guy'. the friend of mine (male) and his fiance live together, i haven't been to their house yet and all women who showed up were friends of the fiance and friends of friends of the fiance. there are two single men present, myself and a younger guy, probably mid 20s. not really trying to wear out my welcome and not knowing who was single and who wasn't except me, the younger guy, and the girl this thread is about, i didn't really make any flirtatious advances on any of the women, just polite and conversational. so anyways, me and the younger guy are rough equals in terms of odds at this place, from different ends of the spectrum. the younger guy is pretty fit and trim and has looks going for him, and is a pretty good conversationalist. i'm the older guy with the nice car in the front and the provider of the expensive food and booze, and a bullshi*ter in my own right so it's me and him, basically. he and i actually get along pretty well, talk about funny situations with ex girlfriends and in so doing make our single status obvious. we make conversation with the others but nothing comes of it from the females present, so we just kinda include whoever is close by in our conversation. the whole time this is going on the least attractive girl present is constantly buried in a cellphone. she makes a big production when people are joking about new year resolutions about how one of hers was to land a perfect man on eharmony. and every time she gets a message (apparently via an app) she has to tell us about how she just "got a message from the asian doctor" or "got a message from the tall lawyer". and she's expecting positive reinforcement every time she says something about who she's getting messages from, because if she doesn't get it she repeats what she said in a minute or two. but actually, this girl is a solid 240-250 pounds at about 5'9" (and not to pull any punches, i'm about the same at 6'0" so whatever that's worth). not particularly attractive in the face either. just a girl with average potential who is falling short of that potential, so to speak. at certain points both me and younger gym guy make joking/questioning comments to her, not really flirting with her, just making conversation. she clams up no matter which of us speak to her, neither of us got a response out of her to our comments or questions. i wonder if she ever stopped to think that single non-socially-deformed doctors and lawyers don't have to sit at home in front of their computers on NYE to find a below average woman to talk to. i'm guessing not. the impression i got was completely isolated in her dream world of fake attention from people that don't exist. and that is stereotypical online dating girl. have a ball with her fellas. all you have to do is make up a fake persona and you can get some........text messages.....
ditzchic Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 but actually, this girl is a solid 240-250 pounds at about 5'9" (and not to pull any punches, i'm about the same at 6'0" so whatever that's worth). not particularly attractive in the face either. just a girl with average potential who is falling short of that potential, so to speak. Wait. This is average potential now? Day'um....
EnigmaticClarity Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 and that is stereotypical online dating girl. have a ball with her fellas. all you have to do is make up a fake persona and you can get some........text messages..... If you use a site like Match.com that lets you filter out women like this via their search mechanism, I rarely or never see this "stereotype." Definitely more common on a site like PlentyOfFish though.
Author thatone Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 Wait. This is average potential now? Day'um.... she wasn't ugly in the face, and body wise she wasn't disproportionate, so i would assume she'd be average minus the extra weight, yeah. that's what i was trying to get across.
joeyanna Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Perhaps she is aware of her perceived unattractiveness and her lack of response to you and the other guy and her alleged messages from eligible men were more to do with her lack of self esteem which is probably why she is online dating in the first place, it's a safe place to be in contact with men without having to ever commit to meeting any of them for fear of rejection. Just a thought!!
verhrzn Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Maybe she has low self-esteem. Maybe it's a running commentary with her friends about which guys are messaging her (pretty common among my girlfriends to talk about how certain online correspondence are going.) Maybe she knew you thought she was average/unattractive, and that's why she clammed up when you tried to talk to her. Either way, this seems like kind of a mean-spirited post. I mean, aside from being slightly annoying and kinda shy, exactly what did the girl do to you that you need to come onto a forum and make public record of it?
FitChick Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Definitely more common on a site like PlentyOfFish though. Just had a look at POF. Unattractive AND illiterate. A winning combo.
AD1980 Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Online dating is for unattractive or average women to get the attention they usually dont get from the type of guys they usually dont get it from
Author thatone Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 Perhaps she is aware of her perceived unattractiveness and her lack of response to you and the other guy and her alleged messages from eligible men were more to do with her lack of self esteem which is probably why she is online dating in the first place, it's a safe place to be in contact with men without having to ever commit to meeting any of them for fear of rejection. Just a thought!! yeah, kinda like a topless bar, only for women. in a topless bar men who can't get female attention on their own get it from women that otherwise wouldn't give them the time of day. just as in online dating women who don't get attention from men get it from men they otherwise wouldn't be approached by.
dasein Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Either way, this seems like kind of a mean-spirited post. I mean, aside from being slightly annoying and kinda shy, exactly what did the girl do to you that you need to come onto a forum and make public record of it? You go to a small NYE party, someone there, instead of having any kind of meaningful, polite party conversation with the few other guests, makes a point of repeatedly throwing out brags about who is -texting- them at the moment from an OLD site? That's arch-douchebag behavior at least as worthy of ranting about as lots of other rants here.
Author thatone Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 You go to a small NYE party, someone there, instead of having any kind of meaningful, polite party conversation with the few other guests, makes a point of repeatedly throwing out brags about who is -texting- them at the moment from an OLD site? That's arch-douchebag behavior at least as worthy of ranting about as lots of other rants here. that was my thought. we weren't picking on her or making fun of her, me and the other guy honestly just tried to talk to her like everyone else there, since we were both not acquainted with everyone else there and they were all friends before (he was a friend of one of the other female guests so also somewhat 'new' to the crowd present). but no matter who talked to her she kinda ignored them in favor of online dating messages, and seemed awfully proud of herself to be getting messages from (assuredly) fake doctors and lawyers.
Casablanca Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Could it have been a free communication week/weekend? In that situation you cannot see each other's pictures if they are both using the free trial. Or she could have been lying about getting messages or what type of person was sending her message. One of those previous statements are most likely than not. I know doing a quick sweep through match.com in my area, there was maybe at most 1 or 2 unattractive females and none in the size range you described. It seems those who are larger won't spend money on online dating because it probably won't payoff compared to the free. And I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being larger or having a few extra pounds (actually my biggest crush on a friend, who is sadly seeing someone is someone I is a few extra pounds) , though at her proportions (the girl at your party) she sounds unhealthily obese
Wolf18 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 The infuriating part of this story is that this person will probably end up bagging the tall lawyer or the Doctor . Online dating is CockBlocking.org . Women have no incentive to open up or connect to the guys from the neighborhood when they can just go online and find hordes of rich guys that don't have time to date and will go out with anyone "curvy" posting misleading Myspace shots on her profile.
Casablanca Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 and will go out with anyone "curvy" posting misleading Myspace shots on her profile. I wish I could give every woman who puts "average" or "curvy" as their body type as they clearly are not such a piece of my mind. Be honest, I'm not against a few extra pounds, but when you lie, it is a total turn off.
verhrzn Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 I wish I could give every woman who puts "average" or "curvy" as their body type as they clearly are not such a piece of my mind. Be honest, I'm not against a few extra pounds, but when you lie, it is a total turn off. Why?? What a waste of time to get so upset about it. That's the world of online dating... women fudge their weight and age, men fudge their height and their income (and occasionally their age.) It just comes with the territory. For all you know, the woman isn't out and out lying, but just has a different definition from you. Maybe to her fat IS curvy. Or maybe some men would call her curvy, but other men would call her average, and some other men would call her obese. For me personally, I've been told I'm curvy, chubby, fat, average, and square from the very same photo. So you messaging her to "chew her out for lying" just makes you look like an a**. And honestly, in the long run, her lying (if indeed, that is what she is doing) hurts no one but her. Yeah, you might be forced to go on a date with a fattie (the HORROR, her thinking she could win you over with her personality!), but she's going to encounter the same problem over and over again.... Men going on a first date with her and then never calling her again. So if you want your sweet revenge, there it is..... No one is ever gonna date the fatties anyway.
Casablanca Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Why?? What a waste of time to get so upset about it. That's the world of online dating... women fudge their weight and age, men fudge their height and their income (and occasionally their age.) It just comes with the territory. It just gets annoying from all sides of it, there are men out there who give honest guys looking for a relationship and not a booty call a bad name...online dating could be a great thing if both sexes where honest instead of just okay. No I'm not messaging them, because it isnt worth my time, at least if they have a full body shot I can determine how accurate their description is and go from the picture. Every site should require full body shots. Also those who put say average or curvy without a full body shots are the ones hiding something and they know it...yeah we want to put our best shots, but average body type only face shots, doesnt tell us the picture...if you put average, but have a fully body shot but I think are a few extra pounds, then that isnt so much an issue, you're at least putting it out there for us to see and judge
Wolf18 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 The height thing is different. When it comes to very important things like that, women demand specifics (IE , no broad highly variable things like "Average") . If there was a website where 5'3 guys were listing themselves as "Average", women would boycott it completely. I think we ought to pettition online dating sites to demand an exact weight, like they do with height, instead of "average" "curvy" etc. Women might subtract a few pounds, but you could atleast get a much better idea about just how fat this person is.
misssmartypants Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Here's my question, what if I honestly don't have any "full body" pictures because I live alone and most of them are self portraits or when I'm out with family all the pictures are bad (thanks son) or way distant (thanks dad)? Does the fact that I describe myself as being curvy - because I have an hour glass shaped figure, automatically make me obese in your book? And if I just posted a weight, how would that be any better? And why is it that so few people on LS admit that they have flawed bodies? Everyone here is obsecced with finding a physically perfect person and claiming they are perfect, but looking around reality tells me that there are very few "perfect" physical specimens of either gender. And further observation tells me that these physically imperfect specimens date, fall in love, and get married and lead happy lives together. So maybe all of you are looking for the wrong qualities?
Casablanca Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Here's my question, what if I honestly don't have any "full body" pictures Does the fact that I describe myself as being curvy - because I have an hour glass shaped figure, automatically make me obese in your book? And why is it that so few people on LS admit that they have flawed bodies? So maybe all of you are looking for the wrong qualities? Take a quick picture of you in the mirror, even if it is low quality, if you have quality face shots, people can get a good idea of what you look like from good clear face shots and a body shot even if its a little out of focus I have nothing wrong with curvy women, I enjoy them, the actual hour glass figure is very sexy to me, but there are women who now use curvy in a way that doesnt describe an hour glass figure, so some women ruin it for the honest ones. I've met a few that have said average or curvy and were not close to what they described, and I had no idea because they didnt have one body shot up I have a flawed body, I'm in decent shape, go to the gym, but Im far from perfect or sculpted. I just want honesty, show me a recent full body shape and we'll be fine.
misssmartypants Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Well, that's the thing. I have an hour glass figure, but I'm also over weight. I've also had kids so my tummy is a mess and I refuse to wear clingy clothes. In fact, most of what I own is a size or two too big, my weight loss has out paced my clothing budget. And then there's the whole fact that different people have different expectations for body types. I have a slight squishy marilyn monroe figure (look her up, she wasn't svelte), to me that's curvy. Some men think of curvy as porn star proportions with huge boobs, tiny waist and freakish butt. And posting numerical weights is not good either, because according to "the experts" I'm way heavy and ought to be hideous, but the figure I have doesn't reflect that. I think people need to relax about weight and figures. I'd rather have an intense emotional connection with Mr. Squishy, than be stuck with a pretty face and an empty head.
Author thatone Posted January 5, 2012 Author Posted January 5, 2012 Could it have been a free communication week/weekend? In that situation you cannot see each other's pictures if they are both using the free trial. Or she could have been lying about getting messages or what type of person was sending her message. One of those previous statements are most likely than not. I know doing a quick sweep through match.com in my area, there was maybe at most 1 or 2 unattractive females and none in the size range you described. It seems those who are larger won't spend money on online dating because it probably won't payoff compared to the free. And I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being larger or having a few extra pounds (actually my biggest crush on a friend, who is sadly seeing someone is someone I is a few extra pounds) , though at her proportions (the girl at your party) she sounds unhealthily obese from my limited perusal of eharmony in this area last time i looked at it there are a LOT of people without any pics on there. i think this is a pitch eharmony is working. they think there's a market in lonely hideous people and will freely encourage people who don't want to put up any pics to sign up and pay and message each other.
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 (edited) It's funny; in the brief time that I online dated I listed myself as "average" (I was 5'9 and 120lbs so I probably should have selected "thin") and I had several guys mention in their messages to me that I should change my body description because "average" was what fat girls selected. Mens' preoccupation with the way women advertise their bodies is fascinating. I went on a date with a guy who listed himself as 5'9", but when I met him (wearing flats, no less), he was obviously significantly shorter than me. His height didn't bother me, but the fact that he was so insecure about it that he had to lie about it on his profile did. And before any guys try to call my bluff and say that I would have dismissed him if I had known his actual height, I've dated and had relationships with men ranging from 5'6" to 6'5". Both genders misrepresent themselves equally online. As far as the OP goes, the question is...who cares?? If and when the "tall doctors" or "handsome lawyers" do choose to go on a date with her, and if she has misrepresented herself online, they'll inevitably find out. I don't know of many tall, attractive, successful men in relationships with 250lb bitchy women with bad attitudes; in fact I haven't known of any. If she's really deluded enough to believe that she's "entitled" to the physical and financial pinnacle of "ideal," then it's her prerogative to live in that fantasy world. Just as the 40 year old fat guy who lives in his mom's basement only feels attracted to hot 25 year olds. Both will probably not get what they want, but then I guess that's their own downfall, isn't it? Men who choose to online date often (NOT always, so don't jump down my throat!) choose it because it is "easier" to approach someone online than it is in person. Rejection is swifter, quieter, and stings less because it isn't face-to-face. If you want to take that easy way, you can't really complain about the lack of selection. No one is forcing these men to date the girl mentioned in the OP. And for all the times I've been single and hanging out in clubs, bars, and public events and not gotten approached or asked out, I know that the "cream of the crop" men certainly don't have their backs against the wall to date women they're not attracted to. Edited January 5, 2012 by kiss_andmakeup
Wolf18 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Hey KissandMakeup , if a guy you liked said on his profile that he was 5'8 but was actually 6'1 would you have dumped him for being dishonest too?
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Hey KissandMakeup , if a guy you liked said on his profile that he was 5'8 but was actually 6'1 would you have dumped him for being dishonest too? I didn't "dump" the guy I mentioned in my post for being dishonest...merely mentioned that it was a turn off. We went on a couple dates but we didn't have much in common. I ended up dating my ex for 3 years instead, who was taller, but still no taller than I. To answer your question, if we hit it off, then absolutely not. I'd just wonder why he lied about it, and would probably poke fun at him about it later in our relationship. ;]
Dust Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 I didn't "dump" the guy I mentioned in my post for being dishonest...merely mentioned that it was a turn off. We went on a couple dates but we didn't have much in common. I ended up dating my ex for 3 years instead, who was taller, but still no taller than I. To answer your question, if we hit it off, then absolutely not. I'd just wonder why he lied about it, and would probably poke fun at him about it later in our relationship. ;] If I was shorter then say 6 foot I'd like to and just say 6 foot. If a woman asked me why I'd just say "cause it's funny!" The truth is girls arn't all as smart as you and will just look at the heigh a lone when deciding to date a guy when it comes to online dating. Thats why NO MEN at all should participate in online dating.
Recommended Posts