SunsetRed Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I recently met a guy that I could possibly be into and he seemed attracted to me as well. We were in a social setting and he asked me "if I were to ask you out, would you go?" I responded, "Yes, I would". He seemed surprised, almost as if he had low self esteem. So he gave me his number and told me to call him. I was trying to be friendly and open so I took out my phone and called him right there and said "now you have my number too." We proceded to talk and the conversation was pretty good. It wasnt a lightening bolt moment but it wasnt another sucky first meet experience either. After our conversation we parted ways and he said "well call me if you wanna do something." I kept thinking he'd call me as he has my # as well but he hasnt. I've read many relationship books who say "never call a man, even when he asks you to" I know that sounds outdated, but still....I feel dumb calling him because I feel like then I'm asking him out when I want to be the one who gets asked out. So should I break down and call him or just let it go...
LadyGrey Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I think it wouldn't hurt to make the 1st call, but I would want him to be the one to suggest a date and I'd be cautious in that you didn't end up being the one who set's things up and he just passively goes along. Personally I like a man who pursues me. Good luck and I hope it goes well for you.
Emilia Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 It depends on what kind of woman you are. I like men to make the first decisive move because I like assertive men as I am that way myself and a more passive guy wouldn't survive dating me for long. To be honest, I find it a little lame that he wants to do something but he puts the ball in your court. Regardless of gender, if he has the idea to go out why is he expecting YOU to set it up? Why doesn't he do it himself since he asked first? Is he lazy or passive?
phineas Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I tell women I suspect of being attention whores to call me. Or women who have a history of flaking on me. I won't put the effort in. But someone I just met? It's no big deal to call because I only call a woman once anyways & if she don't call back I forget about her. Telling women to call is an effective PUA strategy I read about to get women chasing. The guy actively gets his number out to as many women as possible & let's them come to him. Can't tell you if this was the case or whether he just didn't think you were all that into him & was afraid of risking the rejection.
gaius Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 He wants you to be the man in the relationship. If that's fine with you then call him, if not then follow the outdated advice.
dasein Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 He wants you to be the man in the relationship. No idea how a single casual conversation between strangers leads to the above stretch. In your shoes, OP, I wouldn't call him because I don't generally like people who play childish "If I... would you?" type games because they aren't compatible with my personality and I perceive them as weak. If you don't feel one way or the other about that kind of gamesmanship, sure, no harm in calling.
jobaba Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I've read many relationship books who say "never call a man, even when he asks you to" I know that sounds outdated, but still....I feel dumb calling him because I feel like then I'm asking him out when I want to be the one who gets asked out. What book? I'd love to get my hands on the other team's playbook just for kicks.
blueskyday Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I'm asssertive, proactive and I like assertive men, too. Shy is good, but it hasn't worked out when I had to be the more aggressive one in the relationship. First it's calling the guy. Then it's making all the dates. Then it's moving the relationship along. Then it's _____(whatever). Yikes! I want an equal partner. If a guy hands me a card and asks me to call him, I will usually do one of two things. I may write my number on it and hand it back asking him to give me a call anytime. (smiling and touching his arm to make it clear I want him to!) If I sense he is shy and nervous or in a rush, I might accept, text him my number a bit later, asking him to give me a call and say how much I enjoyed talking with him and look forward to seeing him soon. That's pretty clear interest. From there, I would like him to call me. If he doesn't have the guts to do that, I am pretty sure I will be carrying him the whole way.
dasein Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 What book? I'd love to get my hands on the other team's playbook just for kicks. Are you being facetious? Go in the self-help section of any library or bookstore and you will find dozens and hundreds of relationship books geared towards women (maybe even 1-2 geared towards men LOL). Don't read more than a few though, as you will end up with the same kind of bad attitude about women today that I have. Those books seem to universally cater to the most vapid, vain, self-absorbed type of female audience.
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 He wants you to be the man in the relationship. If that's fine with you then call him, if not then follow the outdated advice. I agree with this completely. He wants you to take the role of pursuer, and therefore if a relationship develops, probably wants you to fill a dominant role. If that's okay with you, then by all means, pursue. I'm a shy, passive "beta" personality in every which way and I could never take that role in a relationship. But everyone's different, and I admire women who can.
Author SunsetRed Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 Thanks for everyone's support. I agree that I dont want to be the pursuer in the relationship. If I have to call a man up and say "hey, lets do something", then already my interest has faded. It puts me in a stupid/akward position. If I say lets do something and he asks what should we do..do I suggest dinner, drinks and if I suggest it then who pays? I'm not asking a man out and paying for it. Passive, shy, insecure men have never worked for me either. I like a confident man. I did give this guy enough indication that I'd be receptive to him and he seems to want me to do the work of getting to know each other and I just dont have it in me to do that.
sugarmomma Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 If he's not interested enough to call, don't waste your time. He does appear to give off a more 'feminine energy'. Forget about him. There's nothing like a man that goes after what he wants.
mtber75 Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I think it wouldn't hurt to make the 1st call, but I would want him to be the one to suggest a date and I'd be cautious in that you didn't end up being the one who set's things up and he just passively goes along. Personally I like a man who pursues me. Good luck and I hope it goes well for you. I don't see what's wrong with the woman making the initial moves like calling or texting a guy first! I find it very attractive (sexy) that a woman have the nerves to approach/contact me first. Of course, I'll clearly pursue her aggressively if she shows that kind of a interest in me:) Go ahead and contact him first but leave him to decide on asking you out on a first date! Of course, I had other experiences where women (usually cougars) asked me out up front and get really aggressive with her questionings! That's a turn off!
Casablanca Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Could also be away to determine if you're actually interested and just didnt say yes to avoid an awkward situation. More than a few times has this happened and they never answered or if they did, they couldnt talk but for a moment or where always busy. If you're interested, just call him, he already asked you out. What do you have to lose?
Imajerk17 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 (edited) I have mixed feelings about this. One the one hand, I would never tell a woman to call me. I've always gone for what I want in life and dating is certainly no different. I take the initiative. On the other hand, I think a lot of modern women have a crazy sense of entitlement demonstrated in the OP's posts in this thread. I sometimes feel that your gender seems to wants equality when it works for you, but you want to keep things traditional when equality does not. You get paid just as much as men do for equal work, but you don't think you should have to pay for a first date, because "that's a man's job". Hmmmm..... Before you say that this is just ingrained, realize that "dating" is actually a fairly recent concept. Just something for you to think about. Edited January 5, 2012 by Imajerk17
TheFinalWord Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 I recently met a guy that I could possibly be into and he seemed attracted to me as well. We were in a social setting and he asked me "if I were to ask you out, would you go?" I responded, "Yes, I would". He seemed surprised, almost as if he had low self esteem. So he gave me his number and told me to call him. I was trying to be friendly and open so I took out my phone and called him right there and said "now you have my number too." We proceded to talk and the conversation was pretty good. It wasnt a lightening bolt moment but it wasnt another sucky first meet experience either. After our conversation we parted ways and he said "well call me if you wanna do something." I kept thinking he'd call me as he has my # as well but he hasnt. I've read many relationship books who say "never call a man, even when he asks you to" I know that sounds outdated, but still....I feel dumb calling him because I feel like then I'm asking him out when I want to be the one who gets asked out. So should I break down and call him or just let it go... I wouldn't recommend calling him, that's his job as the guy IMHO. I don't think its outdated. If he's already acting immature you don't want it to go any further.
Dust Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 I don't recomend calling the guy you already did more then most girls would by imeadetly calling and saying you have my number. This guy either a) is a Somedude81 and wants you to make every single move because he is so afraid of rejection he makes posts about how women have it easy and why can't women persue men... or b) he doesn't really like you that much. From your story it sounds like he is a) a guy who wants you to be the man. Some times guys who are shy wake up and become a man when a woman shows a little interest... sounds like this guy isn't. He's probably waiting by his phone pulling flowers to pieces saying "she likes me, she likes me not" waiting for you to call...
Author SunsetRed Posted January 5, 2012 Author Posted January 5, 2012 I have mixed feelings about this. One the one hand, I would never tell a woman to call me. I've always gone for what I want in life and dating is certainly no different. I take the initiative. On the other hand, I think a lot of modern women have a crazy sense of entitlement demonstrated in the OP's posts in this thread. I sometimes feel that your gender seems to wants equality when it works for you, but you want to keep things traditional when equality does not. You get paid just as much as men do for equal work, but you don't think you should have to pay for a first date, because "that's a man's job". Hmmmm..... Before you say that this is just ingrained, realize that "dating" is actually a fairly recent concept. Just something for you to think about. I get what you're saying Jerk It's just that when women make themselves too available to men, we dont get treated well. Men treat us better when they have to put some effort into getting us. If men would appreciate women who are willing to go dutch and who dont want to waste their time with chase me games, then we would relax a little and we wouldnt worry so much about living up to a 1950s stereotype.
carhill Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 So should I break down and call him or just let it go... Let it go. Here's why: I feel dumb calling him because I feel like then I'm asking him out when I want to be the one who gets asked out. Incompatible approach and dating styles.
Casablanca Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 I wouldn't recommend calling him, that's his job as the guy IMHO. I don't think its outdated. If he's already acting immature you don't want it to go any further. Since when is it the "man's job"? If she is interested she should do it. Maybe she has a busy schedule to where it is easier for her to call him when she has free time? He already asked her out, he might be putting the ball in her cort, who knows... Just call, if you dont get a good vibe from him talking to him or after one date, just forget about him...both sexes play all these stupid little games, just go for it and be done with it...no harm no foul
9Lives Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 For me, I need him to show interest by making the first move of calling me. It sounds like you will be making all the moves and he will be chilling in the cut. I wouldnt START the relationship that way. It dont normally get better.
9Lives Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Since when is it the "man's job"? If she is interested she should do it. Maybe she has a busy schedule to where it is easier for her to call him when she has free time? He already asked her out, he might be putting the ball in her cort, who knows... Just call, if you dont get a good vibe from him talking to him or after one date, just forget about him...both sexes play all these stupid little games, just go for it and be done with it...no harm no foul DONT NOT CALL HIM. It not a game. He is the man, he should call her and treat her like a lady and ask her out. He doesnt want to make the first move and that is unattractive in my opinion. If he has her number, call her
whichwayisup Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 I recently met a guy that I could possibly be into and he seemed attracted to me as well. We were in a social setting and he asked me "if I were to ask you out, would you go?" I responded, "Yes, I would". He seemed surprised, almost as if he had low self esteem. So he gave me his number and told me to call him. I was trying to be friendly and open so I took out my phone and called him right there and said "now you have my number too." We proceded to talk and the conversation was pretty good. It wasnt a lightening bolt moment but it wasnt another sucky first meet experience either. After our conversation we parted ways and he said "well call me if you wanna do something." I kept thinking he'd call me as he has my # as well but he hasnt. I've read many relationship books who say "never call a man, even when he asks you to" I know that sounds outdated, but still....I feel dumb calling him because I feel like then I'm asking him out when I want to be the one who gets asked out. So should I break down and call him or just let it go... Life is short, call him and set up a date. Just do it. don't worry about the 'a guy should be the first one to make a move, make the call..' You like this guy, felt an attraction then act upon it and do something about it. Maybe he's shy or insecure.. Either way, I say go for it!
TheFinalWord Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Since when is it the "man's job"? If she is interested she should do it. Maybe she has a busy schedule to where it is easier for her to call him when she has free time? He already asked her out, he might be putting the ball in her cort, who knows... Just call, if you dont get a good vibe from him talking to him or after one date, just forget about him...both sexes play all these stupid little games, just go for it and be done with it...no harm no foul I said IMHO. Apparently, she also believes this way as well. Why should she comprise her own values? She doesn't even know him yet and he's already behaving in ways she does not like.
OpenBook Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Don't call him! Whatever you do in the beginning of a relationship sets the tone for the rest of it.
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