The Poster Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I've posted my story before, but it's taking quite a strange, painful twist recently and I'd love to get some opinions and advice on this, especially from posters like wilson who's been extremely helpful lately. Here's the story... We were together for about 20 months. Fell in love with eachother very early and the relationship was always strong, seemed unbreakable. We were ALWAYS together. She always talked about marrying and having kids and our future together. Just seemed like a sure thing for us. Then things just fell apart. I'll be the first to admit I made my mistakes. I wasn't always fair to her. I got controlling on her, very overprotective and smothered her. I would get upset when she would want to hang out with her new friends instead of me. I was jealous and very insecure being that all her new friends were guys that she had a lot in common with. No matter what she said to reassure me I couldn't let it go. She ended things in the spring. I was devastated because I wanted to work on it, I thought we had built such a great love, and she was giving up...but at the same time I understood why she ended things. We stayed on good terms through. I still talked with her every now and then and visited her every so often to see our dog and catch up. Eventually we started drifting apart, but in mid-September I got that phone call I dreamed about. She wanted to get back together. Said she just needed time alone and always knew we would get back together. At the time I wasn't willing to just jump back into a relationship, but I was willing to work on it...even though I wanted to be with her. She literally spent almost 2 full weeks begging and pleading to get back together. Said she had no future without me and I was the only one for her. Clingy, all over me, etc. After 5 months of misery it felt good to hear that kind of stuff again. Then everything came crashing down. We were arguing again over a 2 day stretch, and then she got completely cold on me. Wasn't answering my calls or texts and eventually told me she "couldn't do it anymore" and that she "envisioned herself always unhappy with me." Though I knew I wasn't always fair to her, I didn't buy it. I knew there was more to it. Well, about a month later she was in a relationship with someone she told me AND her best friend she had zero interest in. It didn't shock me though because I knew deep down something else was going on. I saw the writing on the wall with the way things ended again. She just couldn't tell me the truth and that hurts like hell. It's been a painful roller coaster. I don't understand how she could spend 2 weeks begging and pleading for me. Telling me all this stuff about needing me...only to do a 180 and start dating someone else so quickly. It's just so confusing. Thing is, the guy she's with now is much more compatible with her. He's a volunteer EMT/firefighter like she is, and they hang out with the same people. She has a whole new life now. Do I want her back? I don't know. I wouldn't take her back right now. I need to keep working on myself. I think I'm struggling so much because despite us not working out, all I wanted was peace with us. A happy ending if you will, but she's just gotten so cold. My grandfather died the day after Thanksgiving, and I at least thought I'd hear from her then...nope, not a word. I hate the feeling that after everything we had together, she just doesn't give a crap about me anymore. Like I was nothing to her. That's the worst feeling. I often wonder if she'd shed a tear for me if I died tomorrow. I wonder if I'll ever get to see my dog again. I just want to believe that inside, she does feel bad for the way she handled things. That she does care about me in some way. I want to believe that what we had for so long was meaningful to her. I just wish she'd reach out and tell me everything from her own lips. Please, any kind of opinions or advice would help.
PoppyLove89 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Well it seems to me that perhaps your ex was already developing feelings for this other guy when she came creeping back to you...almost like she just wanted to make sure that she was making the right decision in dating him and leaving you behind? You didn't say but how long were you back together for? Perhaps she got back in contact with you because she was lonely and reminiscing about all the good times you had, how happy you used to be. I know it's horrible to think of it in this way but people do some pretty mean things when they know their ex still has feelings for them. It was extremely unfair for her to beg you for two weeks, chip away at your wall until you agreed to give her a second chance. Perhaps she was serious about it until she realised the relationship was no longer what it was back when you were first together? We often want a feeling back from the past but it's very rarely ever the same the second time around. Just keep your chin up and cut her out of your life all over - this time, keep her out. You deserve better!
Author The Poster Posted January 5, 2012 Author Posted January 5, 2012 I don't doubt she had feeling for this other guy, but why spend 2 weeks pathetically begging for me to take her back? Why not just pursue him and let me be? She told her roommates and her friends and even my mom we were getting back together and working on things. We never officially got back together. She wanted a relationship but I wanted to work on our issues first, but obviously I felt all those feelings of love rush back, only to have her walk away again...all in a matter of 2 weeks.
Philosoraptor Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 The issues from the past were never corrected. It is up to each person to correct their own issues that plagued the previous relationship in order to make another chance successful. Instead of maturing she expected things to be better and when things were not she let go. This was at no fault of yours, she got a taste of things and when she got a taste of what was bad before she did not like it and had not matured enough to handle such feelings.
Author The Poster Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 (edited) The issues from the past were never corrected. It is up to each person to correct their own issues that plagued the previous relationship in order to make another chance successful. Instead of maturing she expected things to be better and when things were not she let go. This was at no fault of yours, she got a taste of things and when she got a taste of what was bad before she did not like it and had not matured enough to handle such feelings. This does make sense because once the fighting started again she bolted. I knew I didn't have enough time alone on my end either to make the changes I had to make to better the relationship, but I took a chance anyway and it backfired. Do I blame her for leaving? Not really. I completely understand, actually. But the way she did it is what haunts me the most. So cowardly, so cold, with no regards to my feelings. Like she doesn't care about me anymore. It was such a quick 180 that I'm still struggling to recover from it. Edited January 7, 2012 by The Poster
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