lalalandman Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 hope everyone is doing well. got back from hawaii yesterday. anyways, my phone broke on me the entire trip. got a new phone on my last day in Hawaii to find missed calls and texts from ex. She scourned me for ignoring her. I sent a simple text telling her my phone broke and I wasn't ignoring her. so she turned face and said she missed me and that she loved me. That was on Sunday. then today I talked with her and asked how she was doing, and she seemed to say 'Oh yea i loved you on Sunday, but today not so much'. I laughed that off as a joke but it definitely struck me as hot and cold. Actually, she's said a good many things these past couple months, but I'm starting to match what she says with what is real, and I still see the mismatch. i know most of you know my story, and i kerp thinking of how Wilson told me to pay attention to what she tells me. To be receptive. I've heard people say things like i will have to deal with the back and forth. But I tire of this instability. Why do I have to put up with this. sure you may love and care for someone, but why do we have to pay the price for their confusions. if this is gigs, and i'm handling it ok, i dont care. i just want to skip to the end. thats where i am at.
wilsonx Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 This is GIGS, welcome back from Hawaii, hope you had fun. Shes phase 3, egocentric bitch mode, everything is about her. Just go NC man, and focus on healing. Its the best option possible for you. 'Oh yea i loved you on Sunday, but today not so much' As for this, this is her on her ego high horse telling you how it is, that she only loves you when its convenient for her.
smokey bear Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 hope everyone is doing well. got back from hawaii yesterday. anyways, my phone broke on me the entire trip. got a new phone on my last day in Hawaii to find missed calls and texts from ex. She scourned me for ignoring her. I sent a simple text telling her my phone broke and I wasn't ignoring her. so she turned face and said she missed me and that she loved me. That was on Sunday. then today I talked with her and asked how she was doing, and she seemed to say 'Oh yea i loved you on Sunday, but today not so much'. I laughed that off as a joke but it definitely struck me as hot and cold. Actually, she's said a good many things these past couple months, but I'm starting to match what she says with what is real, and I still see the mismatch. i know most of you know my story, and i kerp thinking of how Wilson told me to pay attention to what she tells me. To be receptive. I've heard people say things like i will have to deal with the back and forth. But I tire of this instability. Why do I have to put up with this. sure you may love and care for someone, but why do we have to pay the price for their confusions. if this is gigs, and i'm handling it ok, i dont care. i just want to skip to the end. thats where i am at. You may be causing some of the confussion. lala, its worth it, the prize at the end is worth its weight in gold. Your looking at maybe 4-6 months of this. Wilson will pop on this thread soon and give the big show talk on emotional support to guide you on your way. GIBSON, get your ass on the thread and give a low down of these months. Its about time we got some details on this gigs recon of yours, without sugar coating, the real deal
smokey bear Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) This is GIGS, welcome back from Hawaii, hope you had fun. Shes phase 3, egocentric bitch mode, everything is about her. Just go NC man, and focus on healing. Its the best option possible for you. 'Oh yea i loved you on Sunday, but today not so much' As for this, this is her on her ego high horse telling you how it is, that she only loves you when its convenient for her. WILSON!!!! This is the second time today ive saw you advise someone to do something you wouldnt do. Guess what, You and Gibson think that most dumpee's cant handle this, LA LA man has stood up and said, no i can handle this, or im going to atleast try. LA LA man if you go nc, you will piss her off. WILSON you know this! and you know the result it will cause, MORE DAMAGE. Your annoying me! twice today. understand that some people want to try to make it through stage 3 regardless if they can do it or not. Support or ill stop supporting you, we are all here to learn and what better way than sending someone else out first, no offence LA LA as a trial run before we are faced with it. LA LA if you want my advise i will offer it and support you if you want it. I wanted to be the gigs recon guinee pig but your ex has came back first Wilson, you reached out to your ex a month ago, what did i say to you, "you going to f**k this up" Why? Cause you werent ready to handle it You asked me for advise, I didnt say go nc and heal. I supportd you I support you everyday, i build your strength every day, I throw thousands of tasks at you to build that strength, you come to me broke sometimes and what do i do, I patch you up then throw more bulls*it at you to knock you down, building your strength. What is happening Wilson? Your strengthening arent you, You want to be a legend, then lead and support like one. Edited January 4, 2012 by smokey bear
EgoJoe Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I think you're starting to see just how immature and at the mercy of her own feelings she is now, Lala. So, ask yourself: Are you going to let her drag you along for more of this? I think you know what to do. Someday she'll probably thank you. Cut this tie and tell her why, my friend.
M2155 Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I agree with EgoJoe, love is hard to walk away from...but running me through the mud for months or whatever if this is some phase is not worth my sanity. I would rather be home with popcorn watching TV in peace than walking on eggshells in mass confusion for several months. I get riding the good times and the bad, but I would have a hard time dealing with all you, all the time. That just seems really unfair to yourself when there are so many other people in the world who would love to hang out with you because they clearly enjoy being with you. I would look at reconciling when that person is sure of what they want and put a concerted effort toward our relationship. Yes, relationships are always a power game on some level but this just sounds like too much uncertanty. You can't let your guard down with her, and that makes it hard to build a strong foundation. But hey, maybe I'm getting old in my mid 30s here.
Author lalalandman Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 I really dont understand why I should stick around during her Phase 3 or whatever you call it. Put simply, I'm accepting the fact that I'm some sort of backup plan. She can still have the comfort of having me around and being able to say crap like "I loved you Sunday but today not so much".
Author lalalandman Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) I'm just wondering what the best course of action is. I don't want to outright start ignoring her because that is just childish. I dont want to respond to small talk and immature comments. Why does she feel the need to splurge all these feelings with nothing to back it up. Edited January 4, 2012 by lalalandman
Author lalalandman Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 To be honest, I'm really over being concerned with the WHYs. That's her problem. If she is still confused, then oh well. I think when she contacts me again, i'm just going to tell her straight up.
wilsonx Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I'm going to tell you a secret lalalandman You can do whatever you want, and you cant **** this up. She wont remember anything. Trust me on this =) You can go NC, you can have sex with her 2 nights a week, You can tell her shes an idiot and dates losers. Anything you do wont mess this up until the fog lifts from her. Its about your mental health and sanity. Its clear as day you love this girl and its ok, theres nothing wrong with that
Author lalalandman Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 I understand. I just feel ridiculous that i'm still dealing with this 8 months after the fact. I've gone NC many, once for 3 months, and I just think it's ridiculous for someone I care for this much to come back and settle for less than half ass. I mean, whatever we have now, is just, bologne. I mean, what's the point? Why would she even want this low contact, up in the air bullcrap? Just venting, but we were together for over 4 years. If you wanted to really come back then i would assume you'd give it your all!! This situation is just bogging me down!! I want to live, not grovel.
Rimer Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 This is GIGS, welcome back from Hawaii, hope you had fun. Shes phase 3, egocentric bitch mode, everything is about her. Just go NC man, and focus on healing. Its the best option possible for you. 'Oh yea i loved you on Sunday, but today not so much' As for this, this is her on her ego high horse telling you how it is, that she only loves you when its convenient for her. Could I get a list of these phases?
smokey bear Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I really dont understand why I should stick around during her Phase 3 or whatever you call it. Put simply, I'm accepting the fact that I'm some sort of backup plan. She can still have the comfort of having me around and being able to say crap like "I loved you Sunday but today not so much". If you want her back at the end of it, rejecting her actually causes more damage, i can explain why if you wish
smokey bear Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I'm just wondering what the best course of action is. I don't want to outright start ignoring her because that is just childish. I dont want to respond to small talk and immature comments. Why does she feel the need to splurge all these feelings with nothing to back it up. End of Phase 3 is knowing what you want in life, even as conflicting as she sounds. It wont be backed by actions until phase 4, she's looking for emotional support. If you dont provide it it causes conflict within her making her bounce again.
smokey bear Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 To be honest, I'm really over being concerned with the WHYs. That's her problem. If she is still confused, then oh well. I think when she contacts me again, i'm just going to tell her straight up. I suggest learning more about why she is the way she is and what she's going through
smokey bear Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Till death do us part, in SICKNESS and in health, for better for WORSE. That is what is wrong with todays society, they bail when its not good. I for one will not give up on my partner and ill be there through all the mud and **** and bad times and hell
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