chelle21689 Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I'm not hurt and in pain but I'm really shocked that my ex that I was with for 6 years is engaged! It makes me confused and think "What the hell was wrong with me? Why didn't he ever propose to me?" He broke up due to the distance and he did want me back at a point in time but it was too late. He met a girl and got in a relationship right away. He is deploying next month for training and he proposed to her after knowing her for only 3 months! I can't help but be shocked and feel like our 6 years together was probably crap in his eyes and not as great his relationship. It bruises my ego honestly...like what did she have that I didn't. Do you think he most likely got engaged because of his deployment? Can you really know for sure you love someone and be with them that soon? Before he ended contact with me because of his girlfriend, he told me he was a bit worried things wouldn't work out while deployed.
chryssy83 Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I think that the deployment may very well have something to do with it. Also, I have this theory that with guys sometimes they get married because they are ready to get married rather than because they met the right girl. Like she's not better, the relationship isn't better, he's just in a different place than he was with you. I've seen it happen over and over with guys I've dated and guys my friends date. It seems like when a guy is ready to marry he will find a woman who fits his needs and develops a relationship with marriage in mind. Women seem to rely more on the emotion first and then their minds move toward marriage. Just my thought.
Author chelle21689 Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 Oh, did I mention he is always broke and that she's rich? I know that isn't the main reason he did it but it helps lol.
mortensorchid Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you. I have been there not once but THREE times in life. One man who I am still friends with and I were together for nearly two years, things were on the rocks, then I went away for two weeks. When I came back, he was with someone else. They were together for ten years and just got divorced last year - she turned out to be gay. Who knew? The second was a nutcase. After a year of waffling and whining and telling me I was going to leave him because he was such a horrible person, he left me to make the horror story come true. Then he said he was going to become a priest the next year, about 4 months later he met and married another woman, they are still married ten years later. I can't imagine the kind of things she has to put up with, unless she's also a closet case or has some kind of issue she can't deal with normally. The third was my last serious bf - we were long distance for two years, then he turned abusive because he knew he was going to have to make a commitment at some point. Barely a year later, he met and married another woman. She took him for a ride, got him to support her and her two children from two previous marriages. THen she got an apartment in a Southern state to go down and "spend time with her daughter" and was going away for several weekends, then spending the whole summer down there. THis was also the same woman who would not allow him to chat in any way, shape or form with other women because she had trust issues. Last summer she ran off and married husband #4. So the moral of the story is : IT'S FOR THE BEST. LET THIS LOSER GO, IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE AND YOU DIDN'T JUST DODGE A BULLET YOU ALMOST LANDED HEAD FIRST INTO A LANDMINE!!!!!!
colliejoanie Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I do agree that it seems like men have a mind set of when to settle down. And that woman comes along. I will promise you, you did not mean NOTHING to him. It's just the time you all were together did not fit into his time frame. Please, don't take it the wrong way. You guys just may have grown up together, you may know too much about his past, maybe he knows too much about yours (neither of which are bad) but I think EVERYTHING is timing. I promise you, your timing will come. Keep the faith. And it's so easy for a stranger to tell you not to sweat it, and you WILL sweat it. But keep in mind this couldn't have been helped. (and if you're lucky, he'll try to come back and apologize and you'll be so far beyond him, it won't matter). Chin up, girl!!!! This is NOT about you!!!
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Don't think, "what's wrong with me," think instead, "what's wrong with him??" I'm sorry, I know some perceive it as "romantic" and "fairytale-like" when relationships move so fast...but IMO, getting engaged to someone you've known for three months is nuts. I'd go so far as to say you dodged a bullet. :]
Author chelle21689 Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) Yeah, I do notice that time frame thing a lot too. I guess it doesn't really hurt that he is with someone new but that he just forgot about me. We were friends before we were together (when I was 12 I am now 23) and friends after we were together...and when she came along he basically threw our friendship or whatever we had left away. I think if we were "allowed" to talk then I'd be happier but because she doesn't want him and me to keep in touch it makes it harder to be happier for him. I shouldn't care but I kinda do. Honestly, I hope he gets what he deserves...and I know he doesn't deserve his broke butt to be catered by a rich woman and treat him like a king. I hope that one day we can be friends again too. I miss just bein able to talk (platonic). But yeah, I'm accepting that they might be happy forever and have kids, and that he may never ever want to talk to me again. Oh yeah and within a ONE month of knowing her, they were telling each other how they loved each other SO much already. Thanks so much everyone. I'm with someone who makes me happy and it is a much healthier/better relationship. I could see myself marrying him one day (husband/father material) but I feel I am not ready for marriage yet LOL Edited January 4, 2012 by chelle21689
Emilia Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 It's because of his deployment, as you know marriage comes up in conversation pretty quickly in that situation. It won't last, I'm guessing he will be divorced in 6 months.
make me believe Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I would guess the deployment has something to do with it, but also I think that when guys find the girl they want to marry, they MAKE IT HAPPEN. They don't just hang out for six years. There are tons of stories out there about girls who waited around for years for their boyfriend to propose, only to be dumped in the end and find him engaged to another woman within a few months. It doesn't mean there was anything wrong with YOU, just that the relationship wasn't the right one -- for either of you. I'm sorry you're hurting, though.
Author chelle21689 Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 Yeah, I realize that...but do you see how that can make me feel like crap as if I was never good enough? I feel like she is a lot better than me and I don't know... It just felt like I could easily be thrown away and forgotten after all the years we put together. I doubt they'd be divorcing soon, he takes relationships pretty seriously. I just saw a huge rock on her hand and I know he didn't buy it for her because he was asking me for help with rent a couple months ago cuz he couldn't afford it lol.
FitChick Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 There are tons of stories out there about girls who waited around for years for their boyfriend to propose, only to be dumped in the end and find him engaged to another woman within a few months. That's why if marriage is what you really want, don't wait longer than two years max before getting engaged. Cut your losses and move on. I also agree that a lot has to do with timing. You can meet the right person at the wrong time.
carhill Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 OP, it was interesting to read your anecdote after reading this thread and the various perspectives offered. Is there a potential that this is a 'rebound engagement'? In my mind, yes. This presumes he was invested emotionally in your six year LTR. My sympathies.
azsinglegal Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I hate to burst your bubble and all those saying "it's not you it's him" but I'm sorry, it IS you. It's happened to me the last 6 relationships I've had. Each man ended up engaged to the girl right after me within 6 months of ending our relationship. You're either picking the wrong men. Or giving them some kind of signal early on that you're Ms. Right Now and NOT Mrs. Right. I've made some MAJOR personality adjustments after having this huge realization. It's not that he didn't want to get married, he didn't want to marry YOU. Find a guy who wants YOU now and make any self changes you have to in order to find this guy.
Casablanca Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 You dodged a bullet....3 months is not enough time to make that kind of decision....she isnt stable IMO
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