spiderowl Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) Actually, I'm happy for anyone to answer but I'd like to know what guys over 45 in particular think. Guys, do you feel you take fewer risks in asking women out than when you were younger? Have you given up on asking them out? I am over 50 myself but mostly get asked out by younger guys, generally 10-20 years younger than me. It's just too great an age gap. Are younger guys just responding to a stronger sex drive and therefore approach any possible female? Are they more daring? Basically, how can someone of my age attract younger guys (seemingly) but not ones of a similar age to themselves? Are older guys looking for something different? Have they lost interest in sex? What is going on? Edited January 4, 2012 by spiderowl
FitChick Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Older men don't have the testosterone that makes them aggressive, ambitious and highly sexed. They have more estrogen, which is the female hormone, so they become passive and fat. Sad. Ten years isn't much of an age gap. I draw the line at about 15 years younger for me.
phineas Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 i'm 40. I get women in their early 30's showing interest in me. Why go for an older woman when I can get a younger one?
Feelin Frisky Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I didn't take a lot of risks when I was younger because I was so prone to blushing. That all stopped when I started taking my SSRI med after a break-up in which I had become extremely distraught. A lot of that feeling of being distraught was tied to my belief that I'd always be shy--prone to blushing and awful with the idea of rejection or being mocked and that I couldn't find someone else until I returned to the "excellence" I had made of myself prior to that relationship. I believed I had to be as "perfect" as I could be with what I was born with so that if I were rejected there couldn't be anything that "wrong" with me--it would be something minor and not just that I was gross. I'm totally free of that fear and social anxiety but still have those underlying feelings of need to look as good as I can before taking risks. There you have it. My secrets to why I'm old and single. But I don't think the lack of testosterone and presence of estrogen which supposedly makes older men "fat" and "passive" is universally proportioned in all older men. I don't feel "passive" and am very socially assertive. I just don't channel that into womanizing (for reasons I'll keep to myself--no homo). I don't feel much different than I did at 35 as far as my attraction goes and my abilities.
Wolf18 Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 i'm 40. I get women in their early 30's showing interest in me. Why go for an older woman when I can get a younger one? God you're a typical shallow male idiot chauvinist who wants a younger woman to fulfill his master-pedophile fantasy. It's so angering and unfair when the guys over 6' tall with good jobs want to date younger women
Dust Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 God you're a typical shallow male idiot chauvinist who wants a younger woman to fulfill his master-pedophile fantasy. It's so angering and unfair when the guys over 6' tall with good jobs want to date younger women You know whats also angering when I can't be the first one to screw the virgin bride on her wedding night...
g450 Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I will be 50 in April and I will be remarrying in June to a 40 year old. Ex W was 7 years my elder. Divorced me two years ago FWIW. She cheated. Dating was a bit hard for me but I had no problem with at least trying. As someone else will point out, there are lots of 20 year old males with low self esteem who will date older women. Most of them simply see them as an easy target for an easy lay. Its sad but true. I see it all the time. I really dont feel the need to take chances. At my age if you are happy and out having a good time, a girl will find you. Being too clingy or too aggressive will usually just scare them away. I prefer women my age. Unfortunately most of them that go clubing etc are cougars. The good part is that the cougars out there pretty much stand out in the crowd and I used to avoid those types for that reason. And most of them seem to like to mess around with married men. I stay FAR FAR away from those types. I was looking for a widow or a good woman whos husband cheated on her. I wanted somebody with decent character who was honest and loving but still young at heart. Good news is that women my age and even younger are attracted to older guys who have their crap together, are mature, have a job, house, future etc. At the time I first started dating I did not understand this and had a bit of low self esteem myself. I sure as hell understand it now! Old men have it pretty good in the dating world compared to some older divorced women. And I actually feel sorry for some of those cougars giving away their bodies to be used by young guys with mommy issues. Makes you wonder what they will become as they grow older. As for me, I just put myself out there and they came to me. And I am far from being attractive. It's the whole package that women look for. Anyway, sorry for going off the subject a bit.
phineas Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 God you're a typical shallow male idiot chauvinist who wants a younger woman to fulfill his master-pedophile fantasy. It's so angering and unfair when the guys over 6' tall with good jobs want to date younger women Oh, the damage I could do if I was just 6' tall, let alone over 6'. Forget them old maids in their 30's, i'm hitting the college bar's! Now, which night is drink & drown? I got child support to pay.
phineas Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 You know whats also angering when I can't be the first one to screw the virgin bride on her wedding night... I saw braveheart, you don't want to be THAT guy.
FitChick Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Most so called cougars who go clubbing, looking for younger men, only want sex and fun because they've come out of long, sexless marriages. They usually married quite young so feel they missed out on having fun unlike women who waited until they were older to marry or whom never married.
carhill Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I honestly looked back upon my adult life and all the time, emotion and spirit I essentially pissed away on women and made a vow to never do that again, since there are far fewer quality years in front of me than behind me at 52. It's an individual statement of reality. Every man's opinion and experience will be different. I liked being married because it *seemed* that I wasn't pissing away the value of my life on it but, well, I was deluded. Yes, I do approach far fewer women than in the past; essentially approaching none with any zeal since splitting up with my exW. It's not unusual for me to interact with dozens of them, as I did today traveling home from friends, but there's nothing there. They don't move me anymore. That's it.
Dust Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I saw braveheart, you don't want to be THAT guy. You're right! I was thinking more Gilgamesh as he doesn't get his butt wooped.
dasein Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Older men don't have the testosterone that makes them aggressive, ambitious and highly sexed. They have more estrogen, which is the female hormone, so they become passive and fat. Sad. Ten years isn't much of an age gap. I draw the line at about 15 years younger for me. My testosterone is much higher now in late 30s than in my 20s, reason being better lifestyle and cleaner living. A majority of my friends are exactly the same, so your testosterone theory is inaccurate IMO. If a man continued the 20s partying lifestyle into his 30s and beyond, then sure, low testosterone could be a problem, but likely not the most serious problem the guy would have. Repetitive, boring lifestyle and stress are the real culprits, and low testosterone could be a symptom of those granted. But if you are looking towards the factor that does the most damage to men over time in terms of attitude and appearance, look to stress. To the question, I don't consider engaging with women to be "risky" any more than I consider going into a restaurant and saying "table for three" risky. I do screen women more carefully before approaching now in middle age. I can pretty much tell by mannerisms, dress and listening to her whether a particular woman and I have a chance of being compatible.
dasein Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 You're right! I was thinking more Gilgamesh as he doesn't get his butt wooped. Want to clear up something important about seignuerage/prime nocte (sp?) There is no evidence whatsoever of the practice ever existing in Western European history. I don't want to turn this into a "feminism" or politics thread, but will say it's easy to figure out why the imaginary practice gets as much press and movie treatment as it does today. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Droit_du_seigneur
thatone Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 God you're a typical shallow male idiot chauvinist who wants a younger woman to fulfill his master-pedophile fantasy. It's so angering and unfair when the guys over 6' tall with good jobs want to date younger women you say that now, but when you're our age you'll do the same thing.
carhill Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I've interacted with and had romantic designs on a few women much younger (like mid-late 30's to my 52, as an example) and TBH I really don't think of their age. I see them as peers. A notable exception might be someone who is a child of one of my friends who is in that same age group. Although surely a mature woman, I still tend to view them as the young person I remember watching them grow up. It 'feels' wrong. Otherwise, age differences are really no issue, positive or negative. They're human beings.
PinkInTheLimo Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 I will be 50 in April and I will be remarrying in June to a 40 year old. Ex W was 7 years my elder. Divorced me two years ago FWIW. She cheated. Dating was a bit hard for me but I had no problem with at least trying. As someone else will point out, there are lots of 20 year old males with low self esteem who will date older women. Most of them simply see them as an easy target for an easy lay. Its sad but true. I see it all the time. I really dont feel the need to take chances. At my age if you are happy and out having a good time, a girl will find you. Being too clingy or too aggressive will usually just scare them away. I prefer women my age. Unfortunately most of them that go clubing etc are cougars. The good part is that the cougars out there pretty much stand out in the crowd and I used to avoid those types for that reason. And most of them seem to like to mess around with married men. I stay FAR FAR away from those types. I was looking for a widow or a good woman whos husband cheated on her. I wanted somebody with decent character who was honest and loving but still young at heart. Good news is that women my age and even younger are attracted to older guys who have their crap together, are mature, have a job, house, future etc. At the time I first started dating I did not understand this and had a bit of low self esteem myself. I sure as hell understand it now! Old men have it pretty good in the dating world compared to some older divorced women. And I actually feel sorry for some of those cougars giving away their bodies to be used by young guys with mommy issues. Makes you wonder what they will become as they grow older. As for me, I just put myself out there and they came to me. And I am far from being attractive. It's the whole package that women look for. Anyway, sorry for going off the subject a bit. g450, I am curious. Do you consider a woman of 40 a woman your age? Because I find 10 years already quite a big age gap. I am a 47-year old woman and I want to meet a man my age, which for me means someone between 40 and 55. Mission impossible. Almost no reaction from men my age. More interest from guys between 55 and 60 but I can't see myself with someone that much older than me. I was never attracted to older guys, and not to younger ones either. I like the feeling of belonging to the same generation. Oh g450, you also said in another thread that women have more options than men. I wish that was true. And this comes from an attractive, slim, kind, loyal, faithful, financially independent woman. And I am not looking for Brad Pitt...
Anela Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 i'm 40. I get women in their early 30's showing interest in me. Why go for an older woman when I can get a younger one? Nice. How about a little thing called judging by how compatible they are with you?
Anela Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 g450, I am curious. Do you consider a woman of 40 a woman your age? Because I find 10 years already quite a big age gap. I am a 47-year old woman and I want to meet a man my age, which for me means someone between 40 and 55. Mission impossible. Almost no reaction from men my age. More interest from guys between 55 and 60 but I can't see myself with someone that much older than me. I was never attracted to older guys, and not to younger ones either. I like the feeling of belonging to the same generation. Oh g450, you also said in another thread that women have more options than men. I wish that was true. And this comes from an attractive, slim, kind, loyal, faithful, financially independent woman. And I am not looking for Brad Pitt... I've read in something put out by OKCupid, that a lot of older men are looking to younger women to relive their youth, whereas women over a certain age tend to want men around their own age. I've been hit on by teenagers, college students, and men about ten/twenty years older than me. Not nearly so many men around my own age contact me. (I'm 36. I've already been put out to pasture by some men my age.)
g450 Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 g450, I am curious. Do you consider a woman of 40 a woman your age? Because I find 10 years already quite a big age gap. I am a 47-year old woman and I want to meet a man my age, which for me means someone between 40 and 55. Mission impossible. Almost no reaction from men my age. More interest from guys between 55 and 60 but I can't see myself with someone that much older than me. I was never attracted to older guys, and not to younger ones either. I like the feeling of belonging to the same generation. Oh g450, you also said in another thread that women have more options than men. I wish that was true. And this comes from an attractive, slim, kind, loyal, faithful, financially independent woman. And I am not looking for Brad Pitt... Sorry it took this long to respond. Didnt see this post till now. Yes, a 10 year gap is a big one. I agree. And I was not shooting for a 40 year old when I found my girl. She found me. She even had to think about the age differance for a while. But I kid you not, fist real date we went on she threw me in the sack and realized that age is just a number. But age does in fact sometimes matter because I know for a fact she has some more maturing to do when it comes to things like finances etc. I did not go out looking for a 40 year old. I was looking for somebody my age or even older. Always had a thing for older women, even though I am considered to be old myself now. Strange right? I still think Women have more options. Going by your own description of yourself, you should be able to snag any guy you want IMHO, even Brad Pitt. But then again I never met you in real life so maybe there is something there that doesnt show itself in the forums. Personally I am not too picky. Never have been. There are guys out there like me but they are a bit rare. I am currently basically raising another man's kid because I love the woman. She is worth it even though we both have issues (we are both divorced). There really is somebody out there for everybody. I believe that.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Actually, I'm happy for anyone to answer but I'd like to know what guys over 45 in particular think. Guys, do you feel you take fewer risks in asking women out than when you were younger? Have you given up on asking them out? I am over 50 myself but mostly get asked out by younger guys, generally 10-20 years younger than me. It's just too great an age gap. Are younger guys just responding to a stronger sex drive and therefore approach any possible female? Are they more daring? Basically, how can someone of my age attract younger guys (seemingly) but not ones of a similar age to themselves? Are older guys looking for something different? Have they lost interest in sex? What is going on? I'm guessing that most men around your age either married or divorced and no longer interested in making the same mistaker twice (or thrice ) The older you get, the fewer options you will have...that's just the reality.
g450 Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 I'm guessing that most men around your age either married or divorced and no longer interested in making the same mistaker twice (or thrice ) The older you get, the fewer options you will have...that's just the reality. True! Even my XW told me she had no plans to date anyone because she knew exactly what she wanted this late in life and wasnt going to settle. Translation: The guy I left you for is still married and doesnt really want me the way I want him etc so I am running out of options. The twister is that I liked being married. So that is exactly what I decided to do, go out and look for wife material. It's not as uncommon as some may think. I see a lot of people get remarried one or two years after divorce for that reason. Thing is that you have have to be doing it for the right reasons.
hydorclops Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 I'm 52 and I'd be interested in a woman around my age. Ten years difference is too much for me. I don't know if it's testosterone levels, but even though everything still works, my sex drive is much less urgent than when I was younger. I can't decide if that's good or not. Just recently I realized I've been single, 12 years, as long as I was married. That feels OK to me. I stopped dating about ten years ago. Recently I've been thinking about starting up again. I'm glad for this thread. It's nice to trade ideas here with people like me.
FitChick Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 I see a lot of people get remarried one or two years after divorce for that reason. More divorced men remarry than women, despite men whining how they lose out. More men say they liked being married while most divorced women want to put themselves first now, instead of second (or third if they had kids). Surveys over the years have consistently shown that married men are happiest, followed by single women, then single men and last -- married women. Makes you think! Still, marriage is what you make it. Ultimately its success or failure is down to the two people in it.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 More divorced men remarry than women, despite men whining how they lose out. More men say they liked being married while most divorced women want to put themselves first now, instead of second (or third if they had kids). Surveys over the years have consistently shown that married men are happiest, followed by single women, then single men and last -- married women. Makes you think! Still, marriage is what you make it. Ultimately its success or failure is down to the two people in it. That explains why women are always the ones pushing guys for marriage. They are doing it out of altruism! How noble of them
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