Have men become spineless in approaching women?

[Emilia]

Thanks. TBH, I've never spent more than a couple weeks there at a time so don't really know the culture, but am open to potentials. So far, of the places I've traveled where English is the common language, I've found Aussie women to generally be the friendliest and most open to approaches. I never acted on any of that since I was married during most of the visits but did note it.

 

Australians in general I find really inclusive people, I'm a big fan. One of my favourite countries.

[stillafool]

I take cues for what they are, no hidden or concealed meaning. These guys simply are not interested in you.

 

The guy clearing his throat and glancing at you sounds like me when I'm near a woman who I have absolutely no attraction to whatsoever. Yeah he was probably nervous - in a situation clearly he would of preferred where a certain someone would stop looking at him.

 

I somewhat agree. My young friends and cousins who are single have guys chatting them up and begging for their numbers all the time.

[AD1980]

Because if you aren't attracted to the Man approaching you make him feel like dirt for even approaching a lot of times[not you specifically but women in general] and crush his confidence even more..

 

Plus the few times a women seemed somewhat interested and showed what i thought were subtle signs of flirting turned out she wasn't interestd in me at all..

Edited January 4, 2012 by AD1980

[Shaun-Dro]

Definitely agree with some of the comments here. When I was single, I can't tell you how many women I would have liked to approach on the LIRR, subway, starbucks, etc that had their ipod headphones jacked in and were texting away. Add to that the fact that some women love to blow things out of proportion (I have been accused of hitting on women for extending them common courtesy and being helpful, I have been accused of stalking a by an attractive female classmate because my car was parked outside her place for a day until I pointed out one of our mutual friends/classmates lived across the street and I had crashed at his place, and on and on). Plenty of women love assert their rights to wear low cut tops and ask questions of men without having to be hit on that many men have stopped trying. If you give a female co-worker a compliment or (god forbid) flirt a little, you may end up on the wrong side of a sexual harassment claim then on a date. With many women worried that every guy is a rapist/stalker and technology causing so many to live in a bubble, I just found it easier to online date or stick to bars for such things. A real shame actually.

 

You damn straight it's a shame . This kind of behavior destroys any sort of connection men want to make with their counterparts. Women serve no purpose anymore but to whine and be in the way, except for a very select few, like the OP, who seems to want to meet someone but I still think she should lower her standards. What a place this world has come to.

[zengirl]

I think the discussions of basic social behavior are interesting. I probably waiver on how friendly or talkative I am personally (I'm taken, so not looking for male attention but I consider myself polite and friendly) with strangers, based on my location, my mood, etc. But I talk to men I don't know sometimes, for purely non-romantic, non-flirtatious reasons, and I'd personally HATE for all men to think me walking past them, accidentally bumping into them, or asking them a question about Cheerios meant I wanted to be asked out.

 

So, I cannot blame these men for not taking the 'hint,' though a party setting is different, of course, for the NYE thing.

 

I think being dressed kind of provocatively can actually make men LESS likely to talk to you.* For one, it turns some men off. For another, even the men it turns on may be skeptical. I'm not sure how unbuttoning a few buttons would make men more likely to talk to you or how running into them or walking past them at a party is a good dating strategy. But then I'm very comfortable in a world where women can also approach men -- I approached my SO, and I'm glad for it. Not to say I think women should always approach, but I don't think there's a rule where men should either. Just: if you're interested, put yourself out there.

 

*This is purely based on observations and discussions with the people in my social circle; other circles may be different.

 

The men who are not really responding may be too nervous/chicken/whatever to do anything. They also may be not interested, caught off-guard and not really thinking about asking you out just based on the fact that a woman talked to them (to men with healthy social lives, a woman merely speaking to them doesn't = I NEED TO ASK HER OUT NOW!), or whatever.

 

I don't think men are spineless about approaches. Many men still approach women every day. Much more so than women do, so I think calling men spineless about it is a bit silly.

[Shaun-Dro]

No,you are incorrect.

 

Few women whine. Most women like most people are very nice individuals. Women attempt to balance their safety and integrity while still conveying availability (or non availability). I don't envy them.

 

We males are not isolated in our upbringing. We develop skills to pick up on signals...some biological and some cultural. 'If' one has an attitude that women are all 'difficult' or trying to make life hard for males, then it is knock on the observers social skills and not on women. Millions of guys hook up with millions of gals in successful relationships.

 

No, you're incorrect, in my opinion, because what you speak of is what's happened in the past on a regular basis, not now. There is a tremendous disconnect between American men and women. All of these forums, posts, and other venues have proven it time and again. Stop playing blind!

 

Women are at least 75% to blame for this. Men cover the other quarter of the blame. We men remained the same through evolution, continuing to do what's expected of us. Women, on the other hand, try hardest to change men into something they're not just to fit both her comfort zone and her own ridiculous fantasies.

 

If it weren't for the stupid, unsuccessful feminist movement, we'd all be in good, healthy relationships, and only a select few would be outcasts with the inability to form anything meaningful beyond occasional gripes.

[Wolf18]

I agree with Shaun Dro.

 

Some people might think I'm some pimply faced obese 20 something year old comic book fan judging by the timed obstacles women throw at me and other guys. Most guys I know who are single, are perfectly normal and lovable, without any major flaws.

 

Men went along with the feminist/free love craze though, we are equally to blame for that. A lot of guys thought that if social norms about female sexuality were changed, that it would mean most men would be able to have one night stands galore and women would be as indiscriminate about sex as men are.

 

The real result? Men traded away the virtual guarantee of a perfectly good and loyal girl to marry that didn't require any tricks or filling an absurd laundry list of "standards" for the very miniscule chance of scoring with a very hot chick for a night. Women are indiscriminate about how much sex they have, but extremely hypergamous about who gets it.

 

The new system lets the rich get richer, but the middle and poor, they become irrelavant. But of course like everything in the dopey USA, instead of accepting this fact and reflecting that maybe the old way was better, many middle and poor guys (in terms of romantic opportunities) instead choose to see themselves as temporarily inconvenienced hunks and millionaires It's a cultural problem , its why you see blue collar guys going out with the Tea Party fighting to repeal the Private Jet tax, because you know, one day we all might have our own private jet and won't want to pay taxes on it

[irc333]

Excuse me if I may interject here, I have a male friend that this view that women (esp attractive women) , esp if they're out on the town, dressed nicely, etc. Are ALWAYS being approached by men on a constant basis in some kind of sexual or romantic interest kind of way, which can be off putting to most women, esp. if they're being approached all the time.

 

YES, he actually thinks, esp since he has a lot of female friends, he listends in on their conversations and also tries to THINK like a woman, or at least get into their heads.

 

He says that they mostly are always on guard, and in public, if the guy is a COMPLETE stranger, there'd be no real chance....because she WILL be on guard, she doesn't know you....doesn't know what you could do to her.

 

AND...get this, as a man we should just be aware of our actions that could be scaring women or putting them off.

 

With the news, murders, etc etc going on all the time, women are rather skittish these days, and men should know WHEN to approach and when NOT to approach. And if you DO approach, make sure to do so in a rather cautious manner as to not frighten her.

 

I just listened to him, found it quite unreal that he was telling me this....that being said, can someone actually agree with my friend in what he says. Is this actually TRUE with most women?

 

 

 

 

No,you are incorrect.

 

Few women whine. Most women like most people are very nice individuals. Women attempt to balance their safety and integrity while still conveying availability (or non availability). I don't envy them.

 

We males are not isolated in our upbringing. We develop skills to pick up on signals...some biological and some cultural. 'If' one has an attitude that women are all 'difficult' or trying to make life hard for males, then it is knock on the observers social skills and not on women. Millions of guys hook up with millions of gals in successful relationships.

[carhill]

wary - careful - prudent - circumspect - chary - discreet

 

= invisible or, if not completely invisible, spineless. Unattractive.

 

Fortune favors the bold who are not caught up in and/or ruled by perceptions of their behavior. Cruel but meaningful life lesson.

 

If one bangs text on an iPhone, take a hard look at that piece of plastic, metal and glass. Such a man created it. No apologies and a lot of enemies and a wife who stuck with him and by him until the painful end of his life.

 

If anything, I've been criticized by women for being too cautious and too solicitous of their feelings. Finally the message sunk in. Finally. Man-up, retrieve your balls and grow a spine. Heard it all. Get it now. Good luck.

[counterman]

wary - careful - prudent - circumspect - chary - discreet

 

= invisible or, if not completely invisible, spineless. Unattractive.

 

Fortune favors the bold who are not caught up in and/or ruled by perceptions of their behavior. Cruel but meaningful life lesson.

 

If one bangs text on an iPhone, take a hard look at that piece of plastic, metal and glass. Such a man created it. No apologies and a lot of enemies and a wife who stuck with him and by him until the painful end of his life.

 

If anything, I've been criticized by women for being too cautious and too solicitous of their feelings. Finally the message sunk in. Finally. Man-up, retrieve your balls and grow a spine. Heard it all. Get it now. Good luck.

 

Good point. Some guys use that as an excuse not to approach women, that they might scare her, creep her out, etc. I use to think that but, in the end, it was just a excuse, a reason not to approach girls. It was self-preservation, if I don't approach them, how can I get rejected? That got me nowhere.

 

Of all the girls I've approached, I'm sure some of them were creeped out or maybe a little bit scared, but the thing is, I'm not a scary guy or a creep and I'm pretty friendly; I know I'm not doing anything 'wrong'. If a girl perceives it as 'creepy' or 'weird' then so be it, some other girls won't and those girls are the ones I most likely end up dating.

[irc333]

Good point. Some guys use that as an excuse not to approach women, that they might scare her, creep her out, etc. I use to think that but, in the end, it was just a excuse, a reason not to approach girls. It was self-preservation, if I don't approach them, how can I get rejected? That got me nowhere.

 

Of all the girls I've approached, I'm sure some of them were creeped out or maybe a little bit scared, but the thing is, I'm not a scary guy or a creep and I'm pretty friendly; I know I'm not doing anything 'wrong'. If a girl perceives it as 'creepy' or 'weird' then so be it, some other girls won't and those girls are the ones I most likely end up dating.

 

 

Good points, my guy friend was telling me how I shouldn't do "this" as a method of approaching women, basically cold turkey or through a Facebook inquiry.

 

I've been known to contact women that I've met through events, though on a acquaintance level or in person....said, "Hey, it was nice meeting you at the BBQ/4th of July party the other day.....etc etc"

 

He actually had the nerve to tell me, "Dude, don't do that, you'll just creep them out.....what you need to do is only get to know them at a snails pace through social interactions at events ONLY, of course, other men might be so bold to ask for their number when they meet for the first time, leaving me to have missed the opportunity to ask the very same woman out, but have been taking it slow with that one, but the guy made the move before I did, and make sure NOT ask them out on a DATE, but just ask them to join you for a "fun" event (as he likes to put it) that way, you'll be friend zoned like I have until the day I die! Because asking women out on "dates" persee', just creeps them out...don't do that!!"

 

He seems to relish in the fact that women are so glad he never hits on them. lol

 

He's a nice guy, but come on, talk about a weird method.

 

And I said, "Hey, I'll just keep doing what I do , if they're creeped out by it, that's their problem"

 

His answer, "You're funeral, dude."

 

And I'm like "funeral?? how so" but he just repeated that statement again.

 

 

If anything, I've been criticized by women for being too cautious and too solicitous of their feelings.

 

Unfortunately, my male friend ENCOURAGES this kind of approach, he claims he's gotten success, I somehow find that hard to believe.

[soulm8]

Excuse me if I may interject here, I have a male friend that this view that women (esp attractive women) , esp if they're out on the town, dressed nicely, etc. Are ALWAYS being approached by men on a constant basis in some kind of sexual or romantic interest kind of way, which can be off putting to most women, esp. if they're being approached all the time.

 

YES, he actually thinks, esp since he has a lot of female friends, he listends in on their conversations and also tries to THINK like a woman, or at least get into their heads.

 

He says that they mostly are always on guard, and in public, if the guy is a COMPLETE stranger, there'd be no real chance....because she WILL be on guard, she doesn't know you....doesn't know what you could do to her.

 

AND...get this, as a man we should just be aware of our actions that could be scaring women or putting them off.

 

With the news, murders, etc etc going on all the time, women are rather skittish these days, and men should know WHEN to approach and when NOT to approach. And if you DO approach, make sure to do so in a rather cautious manner as to not frighten her.

 

I just listened to him, found it quite unreal that he was telling me this....that being said, can someone actually agree with my friend in what he says. Is this actually TRUE with most women?

 

Your friend is on the right track... and has been listening!

 

Don't give her (a woman you've just met) any reason to feel threatened, pressured, or objectified but also be mindful with hinting/reminding her that you're attracted to her (not just her looks but her personality, individuality/uniqueness)... and the right woman for you will respond.

 

Romantic and sexual interest is best reserved for a woman who has responded to you and has reciprocated interest.

 

Most healthy, attractive women want to be admired for who they are as a human being. Admiring them only for their appearance is a sure way of catching yourself an attention whore. Balance is key. Make her guess a little bit... does he want me?

 

Many men seem to overdo or underestimate the power of compliments and chivalry.

[carhill]

Quote:

If anything, I've been criticized by women for being too cautious and too solicitous of their feelings.

 

Unfortunately, my male friend ENCOURAGES this kind of approach, he claims he's gotten success, I somehow find that hard to believe.

It's possible for nearly any approach to have some form of 'success'. What varies is the perception of what success is. For some men, that's getting laid. For others it's a life-long marriage. For others, everything or anything in between. How does your friend define 'success'?

 

Since I failed far more in approaches and relationships than I succeeded, even though I was married, those failures taught me a lot, especially the marital failure. What you quoted was a central issue in our particular dynamic. Does that mean it has universal meaning? Absolutely not. However, when combined with a cold analysis of past failures, patterns result and, in my case anyway, are undeniable.

 

Remember, women 'like' that you are cautious and solicitous of their feelings but, generally, only after they are already in love with you and you have demonstrated your ball handling and male spine sufficiently to show that whatever caution and 'empathy' you show is backed up by solid masculine boundaries. When I look at my male friends in long, successful marriages and who are successful with women, this is an essential element. Caution and empathy are there but subordinate to being a man and acting like a man. They have limits. Limits are where I failed.

[Dust]

I'm not bashing men or anything so please hear me out, thank u! Just this past Saturday night I was at a NYE party with friends & really hooked my self up, looking my best with the right eyeliner, nice-fitting dress with the nicest form-fitting top. I was even guilty of leaving a few buttons open by the chest area

 

This thread could use some pictures of what you were wearing that night!

 

But all the men at the party did was look & look away. And whenever I'd get close to one of them' date=' let's say to pass them or something, they would literally freak out like spill their drink or completely avoid eye contact with me & its starting to get depressing [/quote']

 

Hmmmm if these guys did in fact like you they are chumps! If it had been me I would have spilled my drink on you. Then I would have sugested we go into the bathroom and get that tight fitting dress off so I could clean it for you!

 

I dont always run from my house dressed to the 9s but I do look nice & presentable but men these days seem so "spineless" to make a move. I'm gonna go out on a limb here & admit that I made a move once on a guy at the supermarket by asking him about trying this new cherrios cereal but it didn't pay off because I couldn't even get eye contact from him when he spoke to me & his voice went up & down every 2 seconds

 

I would have screamed "Let me make you breakfast in bed!" That way the entire store would know who I was about to mess up.

 

I went out on a limb again yesterday coming home from work with a cute guy on the LIRR who sat one row behind me. I knew he was interested in me because he couldn't stop clearing his throat and glancing at me so I went ahead & made a move by asking if the train stopped at so & so but he lost his voice when trying to explain himself. I knew he was nervous.

 

I would have said "I don't know, lets just both get off at my stop!"

 

I'm getting tired of waiting around for the "right" guy to approach so I do try to initiate but it isn't working. If I do nothing' date=' only lowlife types try to hit on me at every turn, yuck! [/quote']

 

Oh so only low lifes approach eh. What do you mean. Do they approach and and tell you about how they just got out of prison? I had a bum on the street do that to me once. Gotta love bum logic like me hearing he just got out of prison is going to make me want to give him money...

 

Personaly this means nothing to me as girls find every guy to be a creep/ low life. You know what they say one girls low life another womens prince... We just have to wait till the low life you find charming aproaches.

 

Am I doing something wrong here people? I'm 35, still perfectly fit & pretty but I'm not getting any younger. My sister tells me to try the dating sites but it usually has a rep of getting sleazies on there only looking for sex.

 

So tell me what's happening to you guys? Why no more courting & only a bunch of stares & freaking out when you see a lady you're attracted to? I am really starting to worry about you

 

Well you are 35, these guys might be living with a women for the past many years if not married.

 

If in fact these guys were attracted they are just losers... Harsh I know but accurate if you are describing things correctly. I mean losing their voice haha. Some women find that kind of thing adorable... right

 

Heres what I would do if I were a girl who cared about getting a guy... I would wear leggy, cleavage showing outfits. I would also approach the guys I like. You will get rejected a lot just like a guy. BUT just like a guy (who behaves like a guy unlike the ones you describe)you will get all the power!

 

I'm only 23 so not exactly in your age range, but I pretty much fit the description you give here. For me, it's basically that every time I've made a move it wasn't well received, so I just concluded that women didn't like me and/or didn't like me expressing any interest in them so I just stopped bothering. As with most things in life success breeds success and a lack of success does the opposite. I've made some (meager) efforts at changing this but it's slow going.

 

You're younger and a man. But age range... Dude if she is smoking hot you should totaly mess a woman like her up. Just imagine how greatful she'd be for a good scream after all these whispers in the wind.

 

Look Fortyninethousand... Every time you make a move it isn't for the validation of being liked. It's because you're being man and doing what men do. Fighting for sex the way women don't have to. Seriously you're programmed to enjoy all that danger. So enjoy it!

 

Your efforts have been meager, the time is now! Do something!

 

I am almost 23 as well, and to be honest I don't consider a woman walking past me or even brushing up against me to be a sign of interest. I've even learned that a girl starting a conversation with you on the train isn't necessarily a sign of romantic interest either. I've had so many false alarms with no real tangible success in this realm that I just ignore it or think nothing of it.

 

You just have to be more obvious, subtle interest often times goes over our heads or reminds us of teasers/empty flirts. There are so many attention whores out there and that's ruining it for ladies like you.

 

Living in NY (I assume you hang out in NYC) also hurts your cause, the anonymity of such a place makes it hard to connect with women you're meeting for the first time. The handful of times an attractive woman has tried to talk to me on the train , for example, have indeed caught me completely off guard and I admit I freeze up as well in these situations.

 

I once started talking to a girl on the Train and she needed help bringing her luggage back to her apartment. Well I didn't stutter and we went back to her place and had quite the time. She was verry hotttt!

 

Now on the other hand I've had girls give me all the signals, like talking to me about my plans for the weekend, asking if I'm dating any one etc... only to act shocked when I asked them out!

 

You just have to go for it and take a girl walking in your line of vision as a sign of interest if you are in fact interested in her. Stop being so sensative and blaming women and just go after them. Realize they are a lot more fragile then you and are scared to death you'll snap they say no and call them fat or something.

 

Welcome to 2012.

 

Most of us don't like it, and we push back against it when we can... but whether we like it or not, dating is changing. Women wanted equality, now what---they want equality in everything except dating???

 

If women don't want to get with the program and start initiating convo with men, then they might as well take themselves off the market.

 

Haha why would we want women intitiating. If you had balls you'd realize we have all the power. Oh yeah theres a lot of estrogen in the water system these days that litteraly seems to be turning some men into women. Also it seems many forms of polution acts as estrogen.

 

I have an anecdote that pertains to this thread, that happened today actually...

 

I was at a local new & used game/comic store today, purchasing a new video game (because, yes, I'm a huge dork). The guy at the counter was probably in his late-30's, had on a dork-tastic (I do mean this as a compliment) super-hero shirt, was slightly overweight and slightly balding, but incredibly friendly and helpful in assisting me in my pursuit of this particular game. He kept trying to make quick small talk but messing up his words (ex: I think he meant to say, "Are you enjoying your day today?" but instead said "You are enjoying yourself, and er, your day, today?"). I was smiling and returning his friendly chit chat while he was fetching my game and ringing me up; and I couldn't help but feel that he was genuinely *surprised* that I was simply extending him basic human courtesy: returning his chit-chat, smiling, thanking him for his help.

 

Scenarios like this remind me that decent-looking girls my age are pretty much expected to be self-absorbed snobs who won't even so much as look at someone who doesn't meet their physical or social-status "ideal".

 

I love when I'm presented with opportunities to break this stereotype, like today at the gaming store.

 

I guess my point is that when you're an attractive woman like the OP, you have to work extra hard to shed the preconceived notion that you're a snob or an "entitled" princess. Men expect this attitude from attractive women, and it's sad, but it's up to us women to change it. :]

 

I wonder what game you trying to get.

 

You're too cute Kiss!

 

When I'm in a good mood I'll have silly fun conversation with any one. I realize that if its with a young girl it could be considered flirting. I'll have a silly fun conversation with the guy at the supermarket check out or the guy at the book store if he talks with me. Yeah go being a person who isn't all business 24/7

 

We need more women like you kissandmakeup. A an attractive woman (early-mid 20's) I helped at work yesterday made a horrible comment. She had some work done at another store and I needed to call them to clarify something. She did not remember the persons name who helped her so i asked her to desribe him. Instead of saying heavy set/ fairly large man she discribed him as fat and disgusting. Horrible, down right fing mean. Gee I wonder why average men are inimidated by attractive women??? Now I know there's always the exception to the rule but the stigma has to start somehow.

 

I believe in creating women. Litteraly you get what you look for. Yes we need more women like her. Buttt you can make a women like simply by going out there and finding one.

 

Hmm. Kinda...

 

I've met many very attractive women at work, school, and in public that were very kind and friendly. That doesn't mean they would go out with me though.

 

I've also met traditionally unattractive women who as you say, "wouldn't even so much look at me."

 

A woman I work with who is easily the most attractive in the office (and taken) also happens to be the friendliest. Perhaps it is because she is so happy with her life. She'd make sure she spoke to me like every day. Again, that doesn't mean she was interested. And the fact that she was attractive didn't mean I was interested either...

 

Well no ones stopping you from being the friendly one. Just go up to girls you like and be all friendly. Don't forget to be romantic too!

 

While it is refreshing to find a girl who isn't a complete bitch, and you probably did make that goof asses day, I personally wouldn't care since you probably (the "you" is general, I don't know who you are) wouldn't date me anyway.

 

Showing basic kindness and compassion is not going the extra mile, it's what should be expected of people. But to be honest , if a girl is nice or not to me makes very little difference if she wouldn't go out with me because of my looks anyway.

 

She never said it was going the extra mile doof!

 

Seriously stop playing the victim. You seem like a cool guy. Other then the fact you do horible with women and worry and complain which makes you seem lame.

 

I have some friends who are so lame and ugly and do great with women. I have this other friend who is cool, looks good in my opinion, but he sucks with women. He doesn't even try is why. My bet you don't even try.

 

Wow. I agree with this but it is rare to hear a woman put some of the responsibility on her gender for the current state of affairs. Both genders contribute to how bad things are.

 

You also hear all the time how even smiling at a woman constitutes street harassment so men are afraid. I can show you a number of feminist blogs who think men should just act like women are not there in public.

 

Haha feminists the word barely means anything. One feminist will think it means discovering herself and the other will just hate men. Stop letting feminists worried about being harassed scare you from being you.

 

Some times you have to live a little and stare at a few women. Grab an ass or two.

 

I think the discussions of basic social behavior are interesting. I probably waiver on how friendly or talkative I am personally (I'm taken, so not looking for male attention but I consider myself polite and friendly) with strangers, based on my location, my mood, etc. But I talk to men I don't know sometimes, for purely non-romantic, non-flirtatious reasons, and I'd personally HATE for all men to think me walking past them, accidentally bumping into them, or asking them a question about Cheerios meant I wanted to be asked out.

 

So, I cannot blame these men for not taking the 'hint,' though a party setting is different, of course, for the NYE thing.

 

I blame these guys if they did like her. If she had been married or what ever they could have just backed off at that point.

 

I think being dressed kind of provocatively can actually make men LESS likely to talk to you.* For one, it turns some men off. For another, even the men it turns on may be skeptical. I'm not sure how unbuttoning a few buttons would make men more likely to talk to you or how running into them or walking past them at a party is a good dating strategy. But then I'm very comfortable in a world where women can also approach men -- I approached my SO, and I'm glad for it. Not to say I think women should always approach, but I don't think there's a rule where men should either. Just: if you're interested, put yourself out there.

 

*This is purely based on observations and discussions with the people in my social circle; other circles may be different.

 

The men who are not really responding may be too nervous/chicken/whatever to do anything. They also may be not interested, caught off-guard and not really thinking about asking you out just based on the fact that a woman talked to them (to men with healthy social lives, a woman merely speaking to them doesn't = I NEED TO ASK HER OUT NOW!), or whatever.

 

I don't think men are spineless about approaches. Many men still approach women every day. Much more so than women do, so I think calling men spineless about it is a bit silly.

 

I don't know if the men in her story were spineless unless they truely wanted her and had nothing like a wife, or serious relationship stopping them

 

On the other hand any man I've met in real life and any man I've met on here who has no gf/wife and wants one is afraid to approach. They just can't bring themselves to and its so lazy and sad.

 

On the other hand its really confrontational to get shot down by a girl and is the most likely time another guy will try to fight you. Like some guy who is the girls bf or thinks he is...

 

Still these guys who complain they can't get women need to start approaching!

 

I agree with Shaun Dro.

 

Some people might think I'm some pimply faced obese 20 something year old comic book fan judging by the timed obstacles women throw at me and other guys. Most guys I know who are single, are perfectly normal and lovable, without any major flaws.

 

Men went along with the feminist/free love craze though, we are equally to blame for that. A lot of guys thought that if social norms about female sexuality were changed, that it would mean most men would be able to have one night stands galore and women would be as indiscriminate about sex as men are.

 

The real result? Men traded away the virtual guarantee of a perfectly good and loyal girl to marry that didn't require any tricks or filling an absurd laundry list of "standards" for the very miniscule chance of scoring with a very hot chick for a night. Women are indiscriminate about how much sex they have, but extremely hypergamous about who gets it.

 

The new system lets the rich get richer, but the middle and poor, they become irrelavant. But of course like everything in the dopey USA, instead of accepting this fact and reflecting that maybe the old way was better, many middle and poor guys (in terms of romantic opportunities) instead choose to see themselves as temporarily inconvenienced hunks and millionaires It's a cultural problem , its why you see blue collar guys going out with the Tea Party fighting to repeal the Private Jet tax, because you know, one day we all might have our own private jet and won't want to pay taxes on it

 

Haha you're so small minded. Though I think you do seem like a cool guy. Your politics and ways with women need a lot of work.

 

Women are very easy to get. You don't in fact need to know any secret. Simply be willing to go out there and try. You seem a little needy. I'm sure as you age this has a good chance of disapearing some. If you look at a lot of porn stop. You need to get horny for the real thing. Women are very easy to get if you just try! So do as the thread from some angry women suggests and approach dammit!

[counterman]

Good points, my guy friend was telling me how I shouldn't do "this" as a method of approaching women, basically cold turkey or through a Facebook inquiry.

 

I've been known to contact women that I've met through events, though on a acquaintance level or in person....said, "Hey, it was nice meeting you at the BBQ/4th of July party the other day.....etc etc"

 

He actually had the nerve to tell me, "Dude, don't do that, you'll just creep them out.....what you need to do is only get to know them at a snails pace through social interactions at events ONLY, of course, other men might be so bold to ask for their number when they meet for the first time, leaving me to have missed the opportunity to ask the very same woman out, but have been taking it slow with that one, but the guy made the move before I did, and make sure NOT ask them out on a DATE, but just ask them to join you for a "fun" event (as he likes to put it) that way, you'll be friend zoned like I have until the day I die! Because asking women out on "dates" persee', just creeps them out...don't do that!!"

 

He seems to relish in the fact that women are so glad he never hits on them. lol

 

He's a nice guy, but come on, talk about a weird method.

 

And I said, "Hey, I'll just keep doing what I do , if they're creeped out by it, that's their problem"

 

His answer, "You're funeral, dude."

 

And I'm like "funeral?? how so" but he just repeated that statement again.

 

Unfortunately, my male friend ENCOURAGES this kind of approach, he claims he's gotten success, I somehow find that hard to believe.

 

I have a similar friend too. His method was to get to the stage of being close friends with a girl and then ask her out. His only 'success' ever was with a girl who he asked out after being friends of her for 5 years. At the moment, their relationship is pretty rocky, as he realised that the only reason she went out with him because there was no one else, so she settled and now he doesn't know what to do. He went on further to suggest that if you ask a girl out and she's not sure, you should wait a year for her to decide. It's funny how from that one 'success', he slammed other people's approaches and has the nerve to tell people what to do. I'm not genius and geru myself but I wouldn't brag even if I were successful and I surely wouldn't be writing the book on dating and thrusting it in other people's faces. But at least your friend is a nice guy, my friend is a jerk. Then again, whatever works for him, I guess.

 

I think meeting girls through events and following up is perfectly fine. Sure some might not be interested but some would definitely be interested. And I think asking a girl out to a fun event is awesome but, unlike your friend, I wouldn't think it's a great idea to just hang out because it'll lead to problems later, especially if you don't want to be friends right from the start and she does. Point is, you're not doing anything threatening, scary or creepy, and if she feels creeped out, oh well. It reminds of the time I was sleeping on the train and some guy randomly introduced himself to me and asked me for my number. I was a bit creeped out, so obviously didn't give it to him. So I guess maybe that's what some girls feel like when a random guy cold approaches them.

 

Your friend is on the right track... and has been listening!

 

Don't give her (a woman you've just met) any reason to feel threatened, pressured, or objectified but also be mindful with hinting/reminding her that you're attracted to her (not just her looks but her personality, individuality/uniqueness)... and the right woman for you will respond.

 

Romantic and sexual interest is best reserved for a woman who has responded to you and has reciprocated interest.

 

Most healthy, attractive women want to be admired for who they are as a human being. Admiring them only for their appearance is a sure way of catching yourself an attention whore. Balance is key. Make her guess a little bit... does he want me?

 

Many men seem to overdo or underestimate the power of compliments and chivalry.

 

Some girls I've approached were really happy to get to the ego-boost from a grand compliment, especially about their appearance and that was enough for me to get a date. Other girls thought I was only into them because of their physical appearance. So, I try not to overdo the compliments and just get to know her better and see how we interact together, as one girl told me that a girl likes a challenge, if you compliment her a lot, she knows she has you and will lose interest; girls want to be admired for their personality as well.

 

Definitely agree with what you said in the bold.

[kiss_andmakeup]

I wonder what game you trying to get.

 

You're too cute Kiss!

 

You are going to laugh so hard.

 

It was...

 

(drumroll)

 

...a Pokemon game. -_- For my Nintendo DS.

 

I've been playing them since I was 8 or so, back when I had a black & white gameboy, and to this day I enjoy playing them as my occasional "escape" from daily life. I'll go months without playing, but when I get the itch, ohhhh man... :laugh:

 

Now that everyone knows what a huge dork I am, back on topic.

[Dust]

You are going to laugh so hard.

 

It was...

 

(drumroll)

 

...a Pokemon game. -_- For my Nintendo DS.

 

I've been playing them since I was 8 or so, back when I had a black & white gameboy, and to this day I enjoy playing them as my occasional "escape" from daily life. I'll go months without playing, but when I get the itch, ohhhh man... :laugh:

 

Now that everyone knows what a huge dork I am, back on topic.

 

No this is on topic. A lot of guys love dorky girls. Your man has a real keeper!

 

I'm 27 now so Pokemon came out when I was older. Yet I loved the first game I caught every single Pokemon. Even Mewtwo... Don't use the fricken special Poke ball oak gives you on a pidgey!

 

Yes I was entering HS when I played that Pokemon and even battled young children with my kick a$$ pokemon... Then I bough an N64 game that let me play with my gameboy pokemon on there.

 

Oh and that original theme song for the Pokemon cartoon. I wanna be the very best Like no one ever was To catch them is my real test To train them is my cause... now thats the can do attitude more guys around here could use haha.

 

You know maybe he'd enjoy it if you dressed like misty and held a giant star fish...

[kiss_andmakeup]

No this is on topic. A lot of guys love dorky girls. Your man has a real keeper!

 

I'm 27 now so Pokemon came out when I was older. Yet I loved the first game I caught every single Pokemon. Even Mewtwo... Don't use the fricken special Poke ball oak gives you on a pidgey!

 

Yes I was entering HS when I played that Pokemon and even battled young children with my kick a$$ pokemon... Then I bough an N64 game that let me play with my gameboy pokemon on there.

 

Oh and that original theme song for the Pokemon cartoon. I wanna be the very best Like no one ever was To catch them is my real test To train them is my cause... now thats the can do attitude more guys around here could use haha.

 

You know maybe he'd enjoy it if you dressed like misty and held a giant star fish...

 

Yes! I had the red version and caught Mewtwo, too. Badass. I was probably on the higher end of the target age bracket, too, being 24 now. But my little sister received the "red" game for christmas one year and never played it, so I popped it in my gameboy one day, and I was hooked.

 

I am lucky to have found a guy who embraces my dorkyness. I recall admitting to him on our second date that I enjoy playing Pokemon from time to time...my face must have been flushed enough to match my hair. But then he admitted that he collects comics and model robots, and plays X-Men pinball on his Playstation, so it was all good.

[Dust]

Yes! I had the red version and caught Mewtwo, too. Badass. I was probably on the higher end of the target age bracket, too, being 24 now. But my little sister received the "red" game for christmas one year and never played it, so I popped it in my gameboy one day, and I was hooked.

 

I am lucky to have found a guy who embraces my dorkyness. I recall admitting to him on our second date that I enjoy playing Pokemon from time to time...my face must have been flushed enough to match my hair. But then he admitted that he collects comics and model robots, and plays X-Men pinball on his Playstation, so it was all good.

 

I actually think its dorkier not to know about this stuff haha. Like I remember on Halloween a few years back I was Spiderman. So many girls went "Hey it's Superman!" Granted maybe I am, but they were talking about my costume...

 

Back on topic of approaching women. I love to approach women with something dorky as an introduction. Like asking a girl if they know who Martian Manhunter is, or if they think Batman woud beat Superman in a fight.

[Wolf18]

Wel Dust, I've had experiences like yours where I would sleep with women the same day or the next day after I met them when I used to work out 3 hours a day. I used to think it was because of my "game", but later found out that if a girl likes the way you look, anything that comes out of your mouth is "game" to them.

 

Now that I don't have 6 pack affirmative action, I am totally at a loss as to how be attractive to women in any other way. I'm a couple inches shorter than average, don't make that much money a year, don't play any instruments, and lost some weight in the last few years, all the guys I see with girlfriends are either exaggeratedly muscular, tall , have good jobs or are in some niche subculture that attracts a lot of women. Girls seemed to throw themselves at me since I was in 2nd grade until maybe age 19, I lost my virgo at 14 to the most popular girl at my middle school. Then suddenly, seemed like it was overnight, I just lost it.

 

In some part, I do agree it's my fault. I don't really bother starting conversations with women anymore after some awkward and unsuccessful experiences and I don't really fit in with any subcultures.

 

I suppose if I went all out, I could get something. But I find myself in the paradox of wanting female companionship, but not wanting to do all the things you need to get it . I wouldn't be caught dead in a Tapout shirt, dancing makes me envy the crippled, I'm not going to take up all the politically correct causes, nor do I want to play guitar in an emo band.

[Dust]

Wel Dust, I've had experiences like yours where I would sleep with women the same day or the next day after I met them when I used to work out 3 hours a day. I used to think it was because of my "game", but later found out that if a girl likes the way you look, anything that comes out of your mouth is "game" to them.

 

haha like you have to say anything that important. I once complained to a waitress about the table being wobbly at a resteraunt and her reply blew me away "you should come back to my place for a meal the tables arn't wobbly." Though that story did happen in Europe... But thats not my point. You lost your mojo is all. You don't have to say anything all that sharp you just have to say something.

 

Now that I don't have 6 pack affirmative action' date=' I am totally at a loss as to how be attractive to women in any other way. I'm a couple inches shorter than average, don't make that much money a year, don't play any instruments, and lost some weight in the last few years, all the guys I see with girlfriends are either exaggeratedly muscular, tall , have good jobs or are in some niche subculture that attracts a lot of women. Girls seemed to throw themselves at me since I was in 2nd grade until maybe age 19, I lost my virgo at 14 to the most popular girl at my middle school. Then suddenly, seemed like it was overnight, I just lost it. [/quote']

 

You're in a minority usualy guys who do well with women from a young age through High School keep on doing better and better as they get older. You peaked. But it doesn't have to be that way.

 

I'm your oposite in some ways. Did horrible with women all through HS. Girls litteraly used to groan when they saw I was in their class because I was a wild man in all the wrong ways. Then As I got into my 20's I got better and better till finaly at 22 I lost my virginity. Ever since then getting women has been rather easy. Seriously as easy as just "trying" now you my friend seem like you've given up.

 

In some part, I do agree it's my fault. I don't really bother starting conversations with women anymore after some awkward and unsuccessful experiences and I don't really fit in with any subcultures.

 

I suppose if I went all out, I could get something. But I find myself in the paradox of wanting female companionship, but not wanting to do all the things you need to get it . I wouldn't be caught dead in a Tapout shirt, dancing makes me envy the crippled, I'm not going to take up all the politically correct causes, nor do I want to play guitar in an emo band.

 

See you don't even try. You don't go out and you don't talk to women. Yes its awkward telling a girl you'd like to twist her nipples but some times you just have to say it. Maybe go for something a little less awkward and talk about your favorite movies that arn't to risky.

 

You got to try man!... You have to try. Getting women is like shooting fish in a barrel if you actualy try. Seriously its unfair how easy it is.

[Shaun-Dro]

I have no idea how we got from the main theme of the thread to how hard or easy it is to attract women. It's not about attracting women that bugs some of the guys in here. It's about attracting good-looking women that other men wish they could have. Women of quality. There's a difference.

 

I've had my share of women. Some were cute. Most were average. None, in my opinion were really that hot except for maybe the Target babe and she wasn't really that fine. Not to mention, a pain in the damn ass . She was just the best looking in the bunch. So what? There are a lot better.

 

Picking up mediocre or ugly women are easy, I grant you that. Any man can accomplish that if he shows interest. She'd be happy any man came over and chatted her up but I'm not into monkey-faces. I prefer beautiful to at least very pretty young women and they're the hardest to nail since most men are pining for them, and their heads often in the clouds.

 

Come to NYC to see exactly what I'm talking about. Girls here are on some kind of mental spell. They might be different in a hick town someplace else but not in this constantly-bumping city that never sleeps.

[jobaba]

Women are very easy to get. You don't in fact need to know any secret. Simply be willing to go out there and try. You seem a little needy. I'm sure as you age this has a good chance of disapearing some. If you look at a lot of porn stop. You need to get horny for the real thing. Women are very easy to get if you just try! So do as the thread from some angry women suggests and approach dammit!

 

Haha. I likes you. You's funny.

 

I wouldn't say it's easy for certain guys to get women. But I definitely think every guy here who has never had a girlfriend could get one by the end of 2012 if he was more aggressive and assertive and broadened his standards somewhat (if applicable).

 

Notice I didn't say lowered standards...

[Untouchable_Fire]

So tell me what's happening to you guys? Why no more courting & only a bunch of stares & freaking out when you see a lady you're attracted to? I am really starting to worry about you

 

These guys are not spineless at all. The more you blame them the longer this is going to continue.

 

You are not giving off the right signals. You have to be MORE obvious in this kind of one chance situation. You don't have to go so far as to ask the guy out... although that does work... just be VERY clear that you find him attractive.

[NYC-BigKat]

These guys are not spineless at all. The more you blame them the longer this is going to continue.

 

You are not giving off the right signals. You have to be MORE obvious in this kind of one chance situation. You don't have to go so far as to ask the guy out... although that does work... just be VERY clear that you find him attractive.

 

This is true. We dont like getting rejected any more than u do so understand that the pressure is always on us to make things work. I never get any real signals from women so I never really know what to make. I'm actually going out on a limb most of the time.