misssmartypants Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I'd been seeing a man for over six months, we've known each other for a couple of years. To me, it seemed like things were good. We live about an hour apart, but one or the other of us would drive to see the other each weekend. We enjoyed both hanging at home and going out to movies, to eat, casinos or concerts. We both have kids from previous relationships and the kids get along and we have similar parenting an life values. Felt like things were going well. I was in no hurry to accelerate things to another level, enjoyed things as they were. I cared about him so much. Today he texted and said he'd been thinking and decided that we probably didn't have any future and he was ending it now so I didn't get hurt later. I don't understand. Am I completely clueless about people? This has left me numb and spinning and I can't decide if I'm relieved because I don't have to worry about weekend plans or sad or upset or what. This hurts so much.
Casablanca Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Hmm...this seems very odd How serious where you two? Had you two slept together (I'd assume so, but cant say for sure), have you two had any exclusivity talk, and had you two said I love you? I'm very disappointed that he in the least didnt call you; I hate to suggest it, maybe there is someone else? Maybe he liked the idea of his kids having another motherly figure in their lives, depending on the relationship was with thie mother and thus continued the relationship. It is really hard to say, usually one can tell when a breakup is coming based on how the other one acts...sucks, wish I could offer more advice
Author misssmartypants Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 Yes, we've slept together, a lot. We'd talked about seeing each other and made plans for things to do together in the future. Even started a business together. We haven't said "I love you" but we both have said we care about the other one and both definitely like spending time together. I sometimes wonder if I am one of those people who doesn't get normal social cues. I don't read people all that well and am not someone who falls for people very quickly. To be honest, the idea of getting to know someone new, weather that is a friend, romantic partner, or coworker, is kind of scary to me. I don't open up to people very quickly. That's part of why this is so painful. I opened up to him. He knows my secrets and insecurities and hopes and fears and he seemed to be ok with them. I wasn't pushing for a more formal declaration of relationship status. I liked things the way they were. The last relationship I had that was this serious, when it ended, I was single and celibate for four years. I'm 30, I have three kids. I don't want to spend my entire adult life alone.
laotzu Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Go no contact with him, because one of two things is likely the case. A. He has someone else he's interested in that's closer, and you won't be able to compete. B. You go cold turkey, and he'll start to re-think things and reach out to you once his spigot of emotional salve is cut off. If you contact him a lot over the next few days, you'll only be doing yourself damage. I'm sorry - good luck.
Author misssmartypants Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 Crazy as it sounds, because I am so hurt, I don't know if I'd want him back. He's done this before, cut things off with little warning. And then come back into my life. I don't want to be that woman who just lets him do that. I care about him, probably love with a capitol L him, but I don't want to be a door mat. I also don't want to hurt an don't understand how things can do from great, romantic, fun, to "I don't see a future"
Casablanca Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Crazy as it sounds, because I am so hurt, I don't know if I'd want him back. He's done this before, cut things off with little warning. And then come back into my life. I don't want to be that woman who just lets him do that. I care about him, probably love with a capitol L him, but I don't want to be a door mat. I also don't want to hurt an don't understand how things can do from great, romantic, fun, to "I don't see a future" Yeah, I wouldnt give him another chance then...fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me...if he has a history of this, he will keep it up. I'm all for second chances, but he as already had his.
Emilia Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) Crazy as it sounds, because I am so hurt, I don't know if I'd want him back. He's done this before, cut things off with little warning. And then come back into my life. I don't want to be that woman who just lets him do that. I care about him, probably love with a capitol L him, but I don't want to be a door mat. I also don't want to hurt an don't understand how things can do from great, romantic, fun, to "I don't see a future" Love it how posters omit important details in the original post. So clearly this didn't come as THAT much of a surprise since he has done this before? It's not like you had a happy, solid 6 months of dating but you were on/off as he was trying to work out whether it would work between you. He clearly doesn't feel it's going to work so it's best to move on. Edited January 4, 2012 by Emilia
jobaba Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) ...I never thought ... doot, doot ... I'd fall in love with you! Sorry. I didn't realize the magnitude of your post before I posted my joke. Getting dumped and breakups I believe is a part of dating that NOBODY no matter how suave or beautiful can avoid. Take comfort in that and move on. Sorry... Edited January 4, 2012 by jobaba
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Crazy as it sounds, because I am so hurt, I don't know if I'd want him back. He's done this before, cut things off with little warning. And then come back into my life. I don't want to be that woman who just lets him do that. This is a crucial bit of information that should have been in your original post, IMO. He sounds generally unsure and unstable, maybe even emotionally unavailable? The good news is that he at least gave you the benefit of cutting it off before things progressed too much (although I know personally it is possible to fall for someone a lot in 6 months). Take advantage of this by not letting him back in. If you already gave him another chance the last time he did this, one more is one too many.
Author misssmartypants Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 Love it how posters omit important details in the original post. So clearly this didn't come as THAT much of a surprise since he has done this before? It's not like you had a happy, solid 6 months of dating but you were on/off as he was trying to work out whether it would work between you. He clearly doesn't feel it's going to work so it's best to move on. Actually it was Aeolus six months. I said I'd known him over two years. I'm not looking for people to make fun of me for calling in love or for advise on how to get him back. I want to know what I did to deserve this and how to stop hurtling and how to feel hopeful for the future. Because right now all I feel is hallow and empty and like I will be alone my entire life. How do you go from thinking of someone as you "one" to nothing? I'm not someone who has serial relationships where one day I'm all in love and the next I'm out. To top it all off I'm weird. I have three kids. I don't want someone's money. Im nerdy and proud of it. I feel it's my right to be choosy about who I love. I just feel like at 30 I'm doomed. No one will ever want me.
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