confused kitty Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) Broke up 13 weeks ago Been NC 8 weeks - he was the dumper ( Ive put his texts in Italics) So even If you just read those,thanks! REASON FOR BU: He was going through alot of personal problems depression among other things and said he needid space to sort his life out, said he still had alot of feelings for me that would never go away and that he never wanted them too, he wanted to remain friends and didnt want to ever loose touch he said that he didnt want this to be it but that he couldnt give me/our relationship the time and effort it/I deserves right now and that he was afraid if we tryed to stay together that we would just end up hating eachother! Also said he loved every minute of being with me and that I still meant the world to him... When I asked him afew weeks later (before I went NC) would there ever b a possibility of sorting this out, he replyed saying "Right now no but, yes I can defenitly see us getting back together and Im honestly feeling better about it everyday" But that I wasnt to wait around for him, he wanted me to go out and have fun and said he wanted me to be happy because thats what I deserved, and right now he couldnt give it to me.... UPDATE: Well I went 8 weeks NC and was doing ok, kept telling myself he was no longer the guy I loved, that hed changed etc. So afew weeks pass and I start dating again, I still missed him but I thaught I was getting over him. Long story short, I text him on Christmas Eve to wish him and his family a Merry Christmas and I hoped he was doing well. I just sent it and didnt really think anything of it, I certainly wasnt expecting a reply, but he replyed straight away saying "Wow, I soo wanted to text you last night but was afraid you wouldnt reply,its so good to hear from you, Im still out last minute shopping, you know me! Il be in touch when all the madness is over and we'l catch up, its been way too long! Have a good Christmas So I still didnt get too excited thaught he was just being friendly. Afew days later he texts me to say "It was really great to hear from you again, you always put a smile on my face, weird how I was going to text you the night before, we always had an amazing connection that way! Im about to head out tonight with friends but just wanted to send a quick text as promised I want to talk to you and catch up aswell, I havent been with anyone since you but I dont want to call or text when Im drunk Il only end up getting all soppy and telling you how much I love you lol you know how I get! anyway Il be in touch hope your keeping well I never stopped caring, it really has been to long, we should meet for coffee or somthing sometime? Talk in the morning Ive kept my responces friendly but cool, I didnt want to get my hopes up or let him know I still love and miss him so much! So the next morning he texts me to say " Im so so sorry Im really not well today I dont think Im up for talking, Im sorry but I just wont be much company today! I really hope your not mad, Im sorry again xx" I didnt reply, I will admit I was alittle annoyed, I presumed he was just hungover!! Then he text me today to say hes in hospital with a swollen appendix and they might have to remove it. he said hed keep me posted and how sorry he was again about not calling yet... Well Im just looking for your advice and insight: Is he just being friendly or possibly looking to get back together??? Since xmas eve he has made all the contact, he told me he hasnt had a GF since me, I never asked him this.... He said he never stopped caring... we should meet for coffee sometime? And the kisses at the end of one text, he hasnt done that since before we broke up! Maybe Im reading waaay too much into all this without actually speaking to him but my mind is going into over-drive waiting to speak to him and find out what he has to say!! Id really appriciate some incite here guys...... Edited January 4, 2012 by confused kitty
Million.to.1 Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 It sounds positive to me... I would let him do all the contact and hold back. TAKE IT SLOW. I hope it works out.. do keep us posted.
Eddie Edirol Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I wouldnt count on it just yet. He gives no real signs of wanting to try again, he's just keeping it friendly. Make him work for it, ride it out and see what happens.
Author confused kitty Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 So Im guessing in the meantime I stay friends with him until I get to find out?? Do I ask him out straight if wants to get back together?? Or do I go back NC?? Bearing in mind that I still love this guy and truely do feel hes The One, just a case of bad timing with "us"
Author confused kitty Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 I think Im insane again, I cant get him out of my head its like been right back to the breakup before I went NC!! I want to text/call him soo bad... I know hes unwell right now and I want to know if hes ok Im worried about him but I also want to know what he wanted to talk to me for..Its literally driving me mad!!! I want to text him and ask if he wants to give "us" another try and if not go back to NC but at the same time I like been back in touch with him even though I now know Im nowhere near over him! Someone please give me some advice to snap me out of this crazy way of thinking!!!!
kkay Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I say you just wait it out until he contacts you again. Don't text him or call. Everyone with brains on here says, "make them miss you". Well contacting him is not going to make him miss you. It's painful but worth it. Hold out. That way you are a little bit more aware regarding if his intentions are friendly or romantic...
Author confused kitty Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 Its odd because when I text him Merry Christmas I really wasnt expecting a reply from him and I didnt really care either, I was sort of numb as regards to me feelings for him and really thaught I was well on my to to getting over him, the only reason I did semd that text was because I wanted to be the bigger person - like I said I wasnt even expecting a reply but instead he replies so warmly and it has resurfaced all these old feelings again as if it was only yesterday... Why did he have to be so warm and friendly, all it did was show me yet again how great a guy he really is
kkay Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Trust me. I understand. A pretty similar situation happened to me except he ignored my text and called me NYE morning. My mind has been in an absolute tailspin but as much as I want to call and reach out I know it is not the time to. Think about it - he responded but did he act on impulse or because he truly misses you. If it's the later he will reach out again soon because the pain of being without with will only build. However - it's just my advice but ultimately, its your life and decisions to make. Hope that helps
Author confused kitty Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 Thank you KKay it does help, your so right I broke the NC to open lines for communication - now its up to him! I think he genuinely was pleased to hear from me (hes not the type to lie or say things he doeant mean) but perhaps hes just not ready to try again yet.... Back to NC again I guess! :-(
Author confused kitty Posted January 5, 2012 Author Posted January 5, 2012 Im strongly thinking of sending him this one last text... Even though it was good hearing from u again briefly, I just need to get one thing straight - If your not interested in working things out then I think it best we dont keep in touch, Im just not interested in being friends as I will always look to you as more than a friend. I hope u understand and are aware that Ive opened lines of communication, but unless circumstances change its best not to keep in touch... I hope you get well soon, take care. What do you guys think??? Should I send him this text and then go back to NC or just wait it out until I hear from him again (I know he will text eventually) and listen to what he has to say?? Im hoping that if I sent this text it will possibly make him realise hes losing me for good and I wont be around as a friend for him - its all or nothing because this is just too painful for me... Opinions please
kkay Posted January 6, 2012 Posted January 6, 2012 Noooooooo! Don't send it! If you send that text I feel you may be pushing him further away! Let him come to you. It sucks but giving him ultimatums is the last thing you want/need to do. I don't know you or your ex but personally I would not send that text!!
Author confused kitty Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 Thank you Kkay, needid that reality check just panicing again!
weltschmerz Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 OK Confusedkitty... I think, we're in a similar situation, but on the other side of the fence. In our case, I / we mutually broke off. I denied being friends. We went NC. And on New year's eve, he broke the NC and wrote me a mail. Honestly, I am happy to have received his mail. But I too have my own fears, of whether I should encourage the communication or not (although, I really wish to)! Please read my post with our mails (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t312066/), just in case, it helps you understand your partner's attitude, a little better. Wish things work out for you, the way you wish them to. Good luck!
kkay Posted January 10, 2012 Posted January 10, 2012 Confused Kitty, Any updates? Has he contacted you again? I recently spoke with my ex last week but nothing since then. Still sticking to my guns and holding out for him to reach out to me. Be strong my friend!
Author confused kitty Posted January 10, 2012 Author Posted January 10, 2012 Hey Kkay, no word from him yet! Its been a week today since he texted to say he was going into hospital, Im guessing hes still in there as he hasnt been on Facebook since then (usually on it daily!) Its tough though Im worried about him knowing that hes ill, I just want to know how he is :-( Im trying to keep strong and not contact him, I know he will be in touch again Im just hoping its as more than friends!!!
Author confused kitty Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 So he finally texted me today, he only got out of hospital yesterday and only switched his phone back on. Well Im still confused and none the wiser as to why he wants to catch up, he told me all about being ill and how hes doing now and asked how Ive been, just general chit chat really - he asked had I any plans for the weekend (I stupidly got my hopes up!) I said "nothing much planned yet why?" He just replyed " ah just asking...." Stupid me was secretly hoping he would suggest hanging out or something!!! Is he just being friendly? Or possible testing the waters? I guess my main question is how do I handle this, should I remain in touch and stay "friends" hoping he'l possible come round??? p.s. I was soooo close to telling him I still love him
PoppyLove89 Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Do you wanna know what I would do? I would play the texting like any new flirtation/relationship. Think about it, when you first meet a guy, you're not gonna be asking him to hang out right away, right? You're gonna be getting to know each other, having a laugh, a little flirt etc and that's where you want to get to! You want to make things comfortable again after months of NC...pretend like you've only just met after all, if you get back together, you're gonna have to approach it like a new relationship anyway
Author confused kitty Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 Do you wanna know what I would do? I would play the texting like any new flirtation/relationship. Think about it, when you first meet a guy, you're not gonna be asking him to hang out right away, right? You're gonna be getting to know each other, having a laugh, a little flirt etc and that's where you want to get to! You want to make things comfortable again after months of NC...pretend like you've only just met after all, if you get back together, you're gonna have to approach it like a new relationship anyway Thanks for your advice PoppyLove, I could defenitly try this but what if he doesnt flirt back with me...well I guess Id have my answer then that hes just being friendly! Also should i text him tomorrow or wait for him to ignitiate contact?? (I just cant stand these games,IM SO UNSURE OF THE RULES) Im Really considering just sending him a text and saying even though Ive dated afew other guys and gone 2months NC I still love him and want him as bad as ever (I turned down a relationship with a new guy) because it always has been and always will be him...
PoppyLove89 Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 (edited) Thanks for your advice PoppyLove, I could defenitly try this but what if he doesnt flirt back with me...well I guess Id have my answer then that hes just being friendly! Also should i text him tomorrow or wait for him to ignitiate contact?? (I just cant stand these games,IM SO UNSURE OF THE RULES) Im Really considering just sending him a text and saying even though Ive dated afew other guys and gone 2months NC I still love him and want him as bad as ever (I turned down a relationship with a new guy) because it always has been and always will be him... Look at the dumper as a little deer, you have to let them come to you - don't go towards it as you'll shoo it away! Sure, they may have acted spitefully and maliciously during/after the break-up but perhaps this was just their way of dealing with their emotions so if they do come back, let them go at their own pace! Remember, they may well be feeling ashamed and embarrassed for the way they treated us and don't quite know how to approach the situation. I'd only flirt if the opportunity presents itself, with like a little smiley or something during an innuendo or whatever. Don't be too forward! You don't wanna give it all away or make him think you're fair game. Basically just go with the flow, he'll make his intentions known sooner or later; friendship, relationship or otherwise. Don't push anything. And no, don't text him tomorrow. See if he comes to you, if not, text him the day after. That way it looks like you weren't pining after him and that you were busy doing other things - your life goes on without him! Make him do the chasing after everything you've been through!!! Edited January 13, 2012 by PoppyLove89
Author confused kitty Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 Just like to add, I realise from these posts I sound a little crazy lol, but Ive been in love before and in a 2+yr relationship and never felt the intence chemistry and connection or deep love I feel for this guy. I could write a whole page of things that I felt made our relationship unique to any other Ive ever had (he also said this), we just seemed to totally get eachother we'd finish each others sentances from day one, we'd say exactly the same things at the same time, we'd call or text each other at the same time - I know this will sound stupid but I genuinely believe he was The One :-( He even told me many times that he was going to marry me one day ( I Never believed in marriage until I met him) and often found myself watching him with his little sister and imagining him with our kids in the future (which was also something I never wanted until him) Even today I had just picked up my phone to call him when he texted me - and we both laughed at how that "creepy connection" still seemed to be there.... Sorry rant over now!! I just wanted to let you guys know Im not some crazed teenage girl crying over her first crush
Author confused kitty Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 Look at the dumper as a little deer, you have to let them come to you - don't go towards it as you'll shoo it away! Sure, they may have acted spitefully and maliciously during/after the break-up but perhaps this was just their way of dealing with their emotions so if they do come back, let them go at their own pace! Remember, they may well be feeling ashamed and embarrassed for the way they treated us and don't quite know how to approach the situation. I'd only flirt if the opportunity presents itself, with like a little smiley or something during an innuendo or whatever. Don't be too forward! You don't wanna give it all away or make him think you're fair game. Basically just go with the flow, he'll make his intentions known sooner or later; friendship, relationship or otherwise. Don't push anything. And no, don't text him tomorrow. See if he comes to you, if not, text him the day after. That way it looks like you weren't pining after him and that you were busy doing other things - your life goes on without him! Make him do the chasing after everything you've been through!!! Once again thanks for the great advice PoppyLOve, Il see do I hear from him tomorrow and follow what you say and keep you posted!! By the way he always puts lil smileys in his texts and one day even put two x's (Im not sure if he meant to or if it was just an old habit) but boy it felt good I havnt got those since pre BU lol Thanks again, Confused K
PoppyLove89 Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 (edited) I felt all these things with my most recent ex too but maybe it's the relationships with intense chemistry and passion that fail the test of time - they're too temperamental We were best-friends, made each other laugh until we got stomach cramps and told each other things we'd never trust to tell anyone else. Unfortunately now we've been NC for 2 months, it was a heated row that ended our relationship, and he seems to be moving on just fine - acting like an ass whenever he sees me out at clubs but staring over all the same. He tries to make a point of adding all these girls on Facebook coz he knows I hated it and was insecure about myself but I know he still loves me and I guess this is his way of moving on since we split for an idiotic reason. No worries. Yeah keep me posted if he messages you tomorrow x Edited January 13, 2012 by PoppyLove89
Author confused kitty Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 I felt all these things with my most recent ex too but maybe it's the relationships with intense chemistry and passion that fail the test of time - they're too temperamental We were best-friends, made each other laugh until we got stomach cramps and told each other things we'd never trust to tell anyone else. Unfortunately now we've been NC for 2 months, it was a heated row that ended our relationship, and he seems to be moving on just fine - acting like an ass whenever he sees me out at clubs but staring over all the same. He tries to make a point of adding all these girls on Facebook coz he knows I hated it and was insecure about myself but I know he still loves me and I guess this is his way of moving on since we split for an idiotic reason. No worries. Yeah keep me posted if he messages you tomorrow x That all sounds so familiar he really was my best friend and he know things about me nobody else ever will, in the 5months we were together we only had 1 fight (even during the BU) I also know he still loves me (told me many times during BU while both of us clung onto each other sobbing) it was just a case of bad timing with our relationship - Im keeping faith that when the time is right we will get to try again, I have this extremely odd feeling and Im not even sure where its coming from but I just know we aint done yet!!! As for your guy, why try p!ss you off if he doesnt still care, why stare at you across the bar if he didnt care??? Is he really moving on, or just coping... Guys dont like to act heart broken and misserable - their egos dont allow it! Keep that in mind sweetie
PoppyLove89 Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 (edited) That all sounds so familiar he really was my best friend and he know things about me nobody else ever will, in the 5months we were together we only had 1 fight (even during the BU) I also know he still loves me (told me many times during BU while both of us clung onto each other sobbing) it was just a case of bad timing with our relationship - Im keeping faith that when the time is right we will get to try again, I have this extremely odd feeling and Im not even sure where its coming from but I just know we aint done yet!!! As for your guy, why try p!ss you off if he doesnt still care, why stare at you across the bar if he didnt care??? Is he really moving on, or just coping... Guys dont like to act heart broken and misserable - their egos dont allow it! Keep that in mind sweetie Yeah I've had that feeling too but are we just clinging onto hope? Wishful thinking perhaps. Mind you, even before we broke up, when everything was fine, I had a feeling that we were destined to be apart before being together again for real - I don't know why. We also had the added pressure of him being in the army (which is why most of our arguments happened; I was upset/scared and he'd get defensive because there was nothing he could do about it and he hated seeing me hurting because of him). I feel like he's trying to force himself to move on. I guess he'll either realise he truly loves me or he'll forget me eventually - as is the case with everyone. If our relationship and love are what I thought they were, then I haven't seen or heard the last of him but I could just be disillusioned because I love and miss him. He's been adding and flirting with girls but I feel like it's more to fill the void I left - when we were together he'd call me on camp every single day and I'd be the only one he text until the weekends so I guess he's bored or whatever. Who knows! If he is looking to date after just two months, I shall be extremely hurt since I'd mean as little to him as his ex whom he ended up ditching because she "did his head in" as he put it and he cut her off cold the day they split, he even walked out his house when he saw her sitting there waiting for him; wouldn't give her the time of day. But when we split we stayed in touch for two weeks and he stood and talked to me when I confronted him, a week later we spoke on the phone and he said "I love and miss you but I'm sick of the mider" (mider = bickering, we argued a lot in the last month but up until then we hadn't fought once in almost 6 months; we were together a year) Who knows what the future holds for me and you, truth and time tell all Edited January 13, 2012 by PoppyLove89
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