Pizzaman81 Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 So, I've been pursuing this girl for a few weeks. We went on lots of dates, and started getting serious. I was over at her place and was cooking her dinner while she was in the shower, and I started thinking in my head.. "Wait.. what am I doing? Am I really that attracted to her? She's fun to talk to and really smart, etc" Throughout the night I just kept on thinking about it, and I can't really pin point the reason for me feeling like something's off. Obviously we are not exclusive and just started to get to know each other more. Should I trust my gut feeling that something's not right? Or take some time and see how things play out?
norajane Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 Well, are you attracted to her - do you think she's pretty? Does this happen to you frequently where you chase someone, and then when you start getting more serious you start to lose interest? Are you missing the anxiety or uncertainty of not knowing how she feels about you? Is she attracted to you, or meh about you and it shows?
laotzu Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Yes, that happens all the time. But I have issues.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 You were over at her place cooking for her. Maybe its the feeling of domesticity that's killing yhe freedating life you're used to.
Author Pizzaman81 Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) You were over at her place cooking for her. Maybe its the feeling of domesticity that's killing yhe freedating life you're used to. No I don't think it is that. It was my idea to make her something. Besides I like cooking. To answer the question above... I think she's average looking, cute. Not super pretty. What really got me intrigued was her personality, intelligence, and passion for life. Yep... perhaps I am doomed to find the wrong person again. Edited January 4, 2012 by Pizzaman81
norajane Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 No I don't think it is that. It was my idea to make her something. Besides I like cooking. To answer the question above... I think she's average looking, cute. Not super pretty. What really got me intrigued was her personality, intelligence, and passion in life. Yep... perhaps I am doomed to find the wrong person again. It's a choice. Letting yourself fall in love with a right person is a choice, just as it is with a wrong person. And sometimes you have to battle your own issues and get over them in your head in order to let someone in.
colliejoanie Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 It's a choice. Letting yourself fall in love with a right person is a choice, just as it is with a wrong person. And sometimes you have to battle your own issues and get over them in your head in order to let someone in. But you also can't force it. I honestly think it should be easy. You shouldn't have to think about it too much. (says the girl who over thinks EVERYTHING). But, the ones I over think are the ones who end up not working.......hmmmm. I don't know. Give it a little more time. If it's not there, it's not there. Good luck
iris219 Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I felt meh about the last person I tried to date, even though we had fun together. I liked him as a person, but something was off. When I’m trying to convince myself to like someone, I’ll repeatedly make a mental list of all the reasons why I should like them. Unfortunately, when I feel apathetic about someone in the beginning, my feelings for them never increase. Do you find yourself focusing on her good qualities, qualities that should make you feel more excited about her? If so, not a good sign. When you really like someone, you don’t need to keep reminding yourself that they have good qualities.
TheFinalWord Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 So, I've been pursuing this girl for a few weeks. We went on lots of dates, and started getting serious. I was over at her place and was cooking her dinner while she was in the shower, and I started thinking in my head.. "Wait.. what am I doing? Am I really that attracted to her? She's fun to talk to and really smart, etc" Throughout the night I just kept on thinking about it, and I can't really pin point the reason for me feeling like something's off. Obviously we are not exclusive and just started to get to know each other more. Should I trust my gut feeling that something's not right? Or take some time and see how things play out? For me if I have to question it, it's not the one...move along, don't string her along please No offense, but it also sounds like you don't really know what you want. Take some time to figure that out before hoping someone else has a chance of figuring you out
photogeek Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I have felt like that sometimes. Sometimes it can just me trying to sabotage myself. Other times I am just not really attracted to them on a deeper level. For example the latest girl I was "pursuing" which we played the texting back and forth. I finally went out with her, and realized after that what I really liked about her was her personality, I could talk to her and she understood and we shared common interests (cars, cameras, coffee). Thats what I liked about her, in a sense I wasn't too attracted to her on a potential girlfriend level. It could just have been that night for you, see how it plays out and if the feeling continues then obviously you truly feel "meh"
mammamia1 Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I would say, trust your guts feeling! See what others posted "Do you think she's pretty?" etc. I just don't think love works that way. Love happened to me before, I couldn't explain why I loved that person. He wasn't handsome, wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I just felt attracted to him naturally. Until now, I haven't liked anyone else that much, even if they have all those "good qualities". Real attraction/love doesn't happen often, but it worths waiting/searching. Why waste your time if you already know this will end.
monkey00 Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) No I don't think it is that. It was my idea to make her something. Besides I like cooking. To answer the question above... I think she's average looking, cute. Not super pretty. What really got me intrigued was her personality, intelligence, and passion for life. Yep... perhaps I am doomed to find the wrong person again. Funny how you made this post. Actually I'm currently dating someone kind of similar to what you mentioned above. I really am lacking the need to call and talk to her in-between dates or text her either. It's great for the situation because I come off less needy. But I've only been out on 2 dates so it's still too early to say for me. Though I have to say me and her click really well on the physical and mental side..and I haven't felt that way in a long time for anyone, it just feels very organic which is why I want to keep seeing her. For going out on a lot of dates after a few weeks that's a pretty long time...should be close to figuring out if she's LTR or not. Do you think you're with her just because you're bored? People fall into these kinds of R all the time (from boredom). Edited January 4, 2012 by monkey00
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 If you're not attracted to her, you should end it. As much as I believe physical attraction grows with emotional connection, there has to be something there at the start. She might be developing feelings for you, especially if you've been intimate, so I think you should end before she becomes too emotionally invested.
mortensorchid Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Unfortunately, I have found that if you are not physically attracted to the person, you will never really get past that. I have met plenty of people, men and women, who say that they lost the sense of attractiveness towards their longterm partner / spouse because they went downhill physically. Is that the problem? Or is it something else? If it has nothing to do with physical appearences, then it's something else. And you're ... Not too attracted to them. Personality or sense of humor or something is also lacking? Not a pretty picture you're painting here. If that's the case, best to end things.
Imajerk17 Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 You wrote a thread a week or so ago "Can someone cut off my legs"--about how you met a girl who is amazing, except that she doesn't meet your height requirement. Life aint a rom com. Give it more time. And don't spend every damn day with her either! (You mention you've gone on a lot of dates in the span of only a few weeks, so I did the math.) Give both of you a chance to miss each other.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Life aint a rom com. Give it more time. And don't spend every damn day with her either! (You mention you've gone on a lot of dates in the span of only a few weeks, so I did the math.) Give both of you a chance to miss each other. I second this and add- don't spend every damn day on LS either. Date for the heck of dating and not for the heck of having something to post on LS. The next time I see a pizzaman post it'd better be- **** me! I'm in LOVE!
Dust Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 If you don't atleast want to have sex with her really bad then maybe the other stuff doesn't matter. Stop thinking like a girl and just make up your mind!
jobaba Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 The 'meh' can turn into when you slowly find out she really likes you and is willing to be devoted to you ... ... and the 'meh' can come back when you're out for coffee and she says something stupid and shallow about how your best friend is too good looking and rich for his wife (even though she's a doctor) and she is really lucky to have him. I think it's a normal part of dating, relationships, and marriage...
USCGAviator Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Maybe your gut was telling you that you should have cooked something else or ordered take-out.
zengirl Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Yes, that happened to me when I was dating sometimes. For me, it always meant the guy was maybe "good on paper" but not the guy for me. Nice guys, great guys, but not for me. I would tell them so and move on, and I'm glad I did because then I met the right guy. If you ALWAYS feel meh at a certain relationship point or something, that might be you, but, of course, not everyone -- not even every cool, beautiful, smart, good-on-paper girl -- is going to do it for you. That's life.
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