What is she thinking?? Is she playing games with me or not??

January 3, 2012

Hey Ls guys,

First of all, I wish a happy NY to all of you..I really hope that from now on we will all be able to see that the glass is half-filled and not half-empty..CHEERS!! Sorry inb4 for the long post.

So here's what happened..On NYE I posted on Twitter the lyrics of a Metallica song that i like a lot(The song's called "Ain't My Bi*ch" from the album "Load")..And literally after one minute she texted me this-->"Oh,boy..I didn't think that you could be such a jerk(lol)..BB" and I was like wtf is she talking about. I had many plans for the night so I didn't let this sh*t bring me down.

I really have made big progress all this time and I'm starting to think about her less and less as the days pass.Βut on NYD I couldn't get her out of mind bc of that msg.So i texted her happy NY etc and also asked her what was all this sh*t and a whole convo started that is still going on up to now.

She answered-->"Hey. happy NY to you too!Look, it just seems to me that this whole behavior of yours is fake (what behavior??We haven't spoken at all since the Boxing Day). I feel like I'm talking to somebody else.Anyways, have fun."

Me-->"Thank you very much! Without being offensive or trying to accuse you of sth..I texted you on christmas, you didn't even wish me on NY and you feel like YOU are talking to somebosy else? It's true that I've changed since we broke up and I have started to view things from a completely different perspective. You know I would never try to play it cool and stuff or try to piss you off"

Her-->"I didn't text you first on NY,even though I wanted to, bc I was madly in anger with you (Why really??).But first things first, you texted me on Christmas but you left our convo unfinished and didn't even say goodbye.Secondly, I know this might sound silly and immature to you, but you would say how much it was hurting you that we broke up and how sad you were but I just can't see this (I loled hard at this).It's not that I want you to be sad or sth but I'm really starting to believe that the things you said to me were not true.You really let me down this time"(WTF?????????)

Me-->"Look, Idk if this is true but the way you were responding to me on Christmas with all those short, one-word messages made me think(I have posted the whole Christmas convo on another thread) that you were replying to me just out of courtesy(according to some LS users) and you weren't really interested in our convo and correct me if I'm wrong.And about my feelings about our BU and the things I said to you..only I know how I felt about it..You say you don't believe now that the things I said to you were true.Well, the truth is you didn't believe it from the start,you just wouldn't trust me..So what's your problem NOW and what would be the difference if you believed it?"

Her-->"Oh my God,you're SOOO wrong..I wasn't replying to you just out of courtesy.I really wanted to talk to you and and hear about you.(WHAAAAT???). Anyways, I was really upset yesterday and when I saw your beautiful lyrics posted I just lost it..Please, forget about it"

Me-->"That's what I felt.But you're prolly right, maybe it was a misunderstanding.I was also going to suggest that we met but you didn't let me by replying to me in such a manner.The thing is I really can't understand why would that bother you so much, so you would text me out of the blue(She had NEVER initiated a convo after the BU before this).Look, the last time we talked on the phone you cut me off and told me that we should break up.I can't get the reason why you would tell me sth like this now"

Her-->"I guess you're prolly right in this.But we were together for 4 years and I think it's natural for me to be a lil emotionally confused by this.This was The first NYE that we didn't spend together in years and it made me feel a lil depressed..And i felt that you didn't give a f*ck about it.I know what I'm saying sounds silly to you.And I really want you to know that I haven't changed my mind about us..What I said stands"

Me-->"I totally agree it's natural for you to feel confused..I feel confused too now, but you can't let your emotional confusion come out as anger towards me when I haven't done anything to harm you."

Her-->"Yeah, you 're right about that last thing. but it's the first time since our BU that my feelings have taken their toll on me and I burst out.I just thought you were faking it, playing it cool and stuff for no reason"

Me-->"Look, I will never would do these things you 're accusing me of and I think you know that. But it's not fair trying to play mind games with me and manipulating me just bc I broke then and asked you to be together again..Because I feel there's no reason for you to say such a thing to me if you haven't changed your mind about us when I'm trying really hard to respect your decision and move on without thinking about you."

She didn't reply to that last msg immediatelly, but only after 2 days had passed, saying-->"Hey, how are you doing? Sorry for not responding in time but I was out of town the last couple of days and had so many things to do with my mom. But I want you to know that I would never try to play games with you or manipulate you..That made me feel really sad.How can you say this?If you still believe this..Well, I guess you don't know me at all"

And I answered-->"I'm doing fine.Started studying today bc exams start on 23 and there's not much time left to lose:p..I did'n mean to make you feel guilty of sth or hurt your feelings. but i really got very confused of all that..Your emotional confusion has nothing to do with me and you just can't do this to me..It's not fair,don't you agree??"

She hasn't answered to that last text yet and it's been about a day since I sent it to her.What do you guys think?? Is she trying to play games with me or not and what should I do from here on?? Your advice can help a lot..

January 3, 2012

Hey Ls guys,

First of all, I wish a happy NY to all of you..I really hope that from now on we will all be able to see that the glass is half-filled and not half-empty..CHEERS!! Sorry inb4 for the long post.

So here's what happened..On NYE I posted on Twitter the lyrics of a Metallica song that i like a lot(The song's called "Ain't My Bi*ch" from the album "Load")..And literally after one minute she texted me this-->"Oh,boy..I didn't think that you could be such a jerk(lol)..BB" and I was like wtf is she talking about. I had many plans for the night so I didn't let this sh*t bring me down.

it really does look like she's feeling sad because it seems that youre moving on before her. normal behavior and selfish, but she probably doesnt even know that she's doing it. i dont think she wants you back. let me ask you.. why are you answering this texts... she's just stringing you along.

if she wants you back, well you will know for sure. right now, stay away and accept her decision. this is the kind of girl that could come back, if only for a month. because apparently she's having a really hard time when youre not there. i mean she's not even trying to stay away from you, and accept your decision to move on.

i dare you to not answer, wouldnt be surprised if she contacts you again after a month crying.

January 3, 2012

it really does look like she's feeling sad because it seems that youre moving on before her. normal behavior and selfish, but she probably doesnt even know that she's doing it. i dont think she wants you back. let me ask you.. why are you answering this texts... she's just stringing you along.

if she wants you back, well you will know for sure. right now, stay away and accept her decision. this is the kind of girl that could come back, if only for a month. because apparently she's having a really hard time when youre not there. i mean she's not even trying to stay away from you, and accept your decision to move on.

i dare you to not answer, wouldnt be surprised if she contacts you again after a month crying.

I agree that she may be feeling sad about the BU and me not being there, but the weird thing is I haven't given to her any sign of moving on(we haven't talked about that specific topic) so she could start feeling this way bc of it.

I don't think she wants me back either..Even I don't know if I really want her back or not, since NC has worked well for me over the past month as I said in the previous post. I still do love her,and I know that she does love me too, but I really doubt if we can work things out again. But how can you explain that she got bothered by such a silly thing?? That she admitted wanting to talk to me and learn how I've been doing if she doesn't at least have second thoughts about us??

I'm answering those texts bc I obviously want to know how she's been doing and how she handles the whole BU thing. I know this is wrong and it could end up hurting us both, but since she iniatiated the last convo and admitted that she truely wanted to talk to me and know how I've been doing it would be selfish and wrong not to answer to her(I know this may sound a lil naive on my part). But the main reason I answered is that I really felt ready to talk to her without bursting into tears and stuff, bc I 've finally accepted her decision to the full and started thinking about myself and my own life without her from now on.

Thank you for the reply chados. I'll try my best not to answer and handle things properly..Oh and another question, was LS server down the past 3 days?? bc I couldn't connect to the site at all.

January 4, 2012

I agree that she may be feeling sad about the BU and me not being there, but the weird thing is I haven't given to her any sign of moving on(we haven't talked about that specific topic) so she could start feeling this way bc of it.

I don't think she wants me back either..Even I don't know if I really want her back or not, since NC has worked well for me over the past month as I said in the previous post. I still do love her,and I know that she does love me too, but I really doubt if we can work things out again. But how can you explain that she got bothered by such a silly thing?? That she admitted wanting to talk to me and learn how I've been doing if she doesn't at least have second thoughts about us??

I'm answering those texts bc I obviously want to know how she's been doing and how she handles the whole BU thing. I know this is wrong and it could end up hurting us both, but since she iniatiated the last convo and admitted that she truely wanted to talk to me and know how I've been doing it would be selfish and wrong not to answer to her(I know this may sound a lil naive on my part). But the main reason I answered is that I really felt ready to talk to her without bursting into tears and stuff, bc I 've finally accepted her decision to the full and started thinking about myself and my own life without her from now on.

Thank you for the reply chados. I'll try my best not to answer and handle things properly..Oh and another question, was LS server down the past 3 days?? bc I couldn't connect to the site at all.

but the weird thing is I haven't given to her any sign of moving on(we haven't talked about that specific topic) so she could start feeling this way bc of it.

either because she truly miss you, or because you arent chasing her, most people do that. and its both silly and selfish by her to ask you why. even if she isnt asking straight on. this it what goes through her mind whether she admit it or not.

But how can you explain that she got bothered by such a silly thing?? That she admitted wanting to talk to me and learn how I've been doing if she doesn't at least have second thoughts about us??

same answer as above. i can almost promise you that a person that text you like this is really bothered. she broke up with you. with that being said, she simply told you that she doesnt need you and doesnt want to be with you. thats why you should stay away for now. yes youre feeling great now. but you could easily be miserable again if you starting to believe there a second chance. yes you are saying that you dont know if you want her back. "you dont know"

selfish and wrong not to answer to her

its not selfish at all. whats selfish is when she asks you why you arent feeling worse than you do.

Thank you for the reply chados. I'll try my best not to answer and handle things properly..Oh and another question, was LS server down the past 3 days?? bc I couldn't connect to the site at all

no problem, and yes the server was down:)

January 4, 2012

Ok First off.... All interactions between 2 or more people is a "GAME" Its not a black and white term. How the game is perceived to be played is at the emotions of the perceiving end.

I read this response at work today and I didnt see anything wrong on her end. She told you the truth. Shes not playing games with you. You are too emotionally involved to see otherwise

Good luck on your healing

January 4, 2012

Ok First off.... All interactions between 2 or more people is a "GAME" Its not a black and white term. How the game is perceived to be played is at the emotions of the perceiving end.

That's exactly what I 'm trying to achieve all this time since our BU and with help of NC. To stop thinking black & white and I feel really good about that..I have also read other posts from you on black & white thinking and got really into this subject and reflected a lot on it since our BU.

But is it fair to me when she obviously gets mad at me bc she thinks I should feel worse than I actually do (as chados stated)? That she says that all the things I told her when we broke up were sh*t while she doesn't change her mind at all about us?? I mean,I can't get her point on this.

I did try very hard to convince her to give me and our relationship another chance but she rejected and now I'm trying to respect her decision, to get over it and move on and she says all that stuff that got me confused all over again. I get that she's confused too and maybe it wasn't her intention to make me feel this way too and that maybe it was wrong to answer to her and start this whole convo right from the beginning.

I read this response at work today and I didnt see anything wrong on her end. She told you the truth. Shes not playing games with you. You are too emotionally involved to see otherwise

Good luck on your healing

Well..Do you see anything wrong on my end?? On the way I handled the whole thing(I don't think it was perfect but at least tried to be as much respectful to her as I could be)? Should I have said/done sth differently??

January 4, 2012

You tell me whats wrong on your end? What do you think is the best option for you and are you going to do it?

Its your bridge to jump from, no matter what I say, if you want to jump you are going to to it anyways, trust me been there done that.

January 4, 2012

there nothing wrong, she dumped you. when you dump someone youre telling them you dont want them and you dont need them anymore. tell her that you agree this is for the best and that you dont want to talk right now.

January 4, 2012

OK, I strongly believe that NC is the best option 4 me now. For me. I don't know about her and I'm not sure if should even think about how will NC affect her tbh. But I do think about her bc I still love her and she sounded so confused. I want to know what she is thinking even if this is wrong and I also know that it's my bridge to jump from no matter what anyone says.

I say that's the best and I'll try to stick to it but I'm pretty sure I won't be able to hold myself to stick to strict NC if she texts me again..If I could, I would have done so this time too, but I didn't.

Chados, I know she dumped me and what that means. But I've really come to a point where talking to her doesn't affect my emotions and bring me down and I'm very happy and proud of myself for this bc the first weeks of our BU I felt really devastated and depressed and thought that I could never get over her..I realized that those last 2 days we started talking again.

That's why i'm asking you if you see anything wrong on my end..

January 4, 2012

OK, I strongly believe that NC is the best option 4 me now. For me. I don't know about her and I'm not sure if should even think about how will NC affect her tbh. But I do think about her bc I still love her and she sounded so confused. I want to know what she is thinking even if this is wrong and I also know that it's my bridge to jump from no matter what anyone says.

I say that's the best and I'll try to stick to it but I'm pretty sure I won't be able to hold myself to stick to strict NC if she texts me again..If I could, I would have done so this time too, but I didn't.

Chados, I know she dumped me and what that means. But I've really come to a point where talking to her doesn't affect my emotions and bring me down and I'm very happy and proud of myself for this bc the first weeks of our BU I felt really devastated and depressed and thought that I could never get over her..I realized that those last 2 days we started talking again.

That's why i'm asking you if you see anything wrong on my end..

i see, but youre saying that you still love her. be careful, i thought i was over my ex at one point, i wasnt. as soon as we started talking i fell back into a depression

January 4, 2012

i see, but youre saying that you still love her. be careful, i thought i was over my ex at one point, i wasnt. as soon as we started talking i fell back into a depression

That's the thing..This is why all this has been going on the last 3 days.Bc I still love her, don't know if I'm still in love with her though (I'm so confused about that, almost a 50-50 coin flip situation lol:p). Thus, I can't say if I am over her or soon will be.

I am trying to be as much careful as I can and I for sure will be if she texts me again.I only want to know what;s on her mind right now. I'm not starting to believe there's gonna be a second chance and Ι'll put all of my effort not to do it so that I 'll be able to avoid a depression like that you fell into

January 4, 2012

See, this is why we go NC and stay there. Here's the rub. Whether she feels sad or guilty; it really doesn't matter because SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU!!!!! Not your problem anymore. She fired you. If you get fired from a job, do you still hang around the work site? Hell no! Why? So, you go out and get a new job. That's what you need to do!

January 4, 2012

See, this is why we go NC and stay there. Here's the rub. Whether she feels sad or guilty; it really doesn't matter because SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU!!!!! Not your problem anymore. She fired you. If you get fired from a job, do you still hang around the work site? Hell no! Why? So, you go out and get a new job. That's what you need to do!

dude. amazing analogy right there!

January 7, 2012

See, this is why we go NC and stay there. Here's the rub. Whether she feels sad or guilty; it really doesn't matter because SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU!!!!! Not your problem anymore. She fired you. If you get fired from a job, do you still hang around the work site? Hell no! Why? So, you go out and get a new job. That's what you need to do!

Wow,dude..That's a good one right there!!..lol..Never seen it this way.Although I do happen to know some people who actually were hanging around their work site after getting fired..lol.

So I've got an update(although I don't really know if it's an update indeed). I feel it's really silly what i'm bout to say.

Last couple of days she's been posting on messenger and FB some poems,rhetorical questions and songs about BUs and love in general, like "Love Will Tear Us Apart Again" from Joy Division (

) and things like "What's this that unites us..seperates us..delivers us??" and stuff.

I really feel like she's trying to tell me something but I don't know what exactly.And I don't know what to do either. I promised to myself and I also admitted here that strict NC would be the best option for me right now, but she got me really confused once again. Almost called her today to suggest a meetup(what the hell was I thinking??) but eventually I changed my mind(Thank God!!). I have not reacted in any way to all of this.

What do you guys think?? Is she really trying to tell me something there or am I just hallucinating?? Should I somehow react to all this??

January 7, 2012

Do you want to know what she's trying to say? She saying, "Hey look!!! I can still play mind games with this guy!!"

Do yourself a favor, don't EVER try to figure out a woman's mind. You'll lose every time. Little innuendo's of a "lost love" means absolutely nothing. The one thing you should be looking for is, " I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I need you back in my life and I will do ANYTHING to make that happen." Anything else is breadcrumbs and not worth your time.

So, stay NC. Completely! Block her on your Facebook! You don't need to see what's going on in her life. Because, sooner or later, she'll get a new boyfriend and her status updates are gonna hurt. Any new pics of her and her new man are gonna hurt. NC and heal!!!

January 8, 2012

I agree with the last part of your post. Sure it's gonna hurt big time if she does so and I know going to strict NC is the best thing for me in order to heal right now. It has worked quite well already. So well that I almost believed I was over her for good.

I know that first love BUs(I'm 21, she's 20 and we were together for 4 years, so she 's my first real love no matter what I had done before her) hurt really really bad, but it surely can be something to learn from. I can actually see a change in me, a big one tbh and I told her that when we last spoke.

She's confused right now and so am I (actually she managed to get me confused). She also admitted she wanted to talk to me and hear what I've been doing and this has really affected me, 'coz NC as it seems has worked better for me than it has for her so far, but I can finally say that I'm not totally over her as I thought I was a week ago and that's for certain.

So the thing is I really don't want to miss an opportunity if only there is a slight chance that those little "innuendos of lost love" as you call them really mean something and she's indeed trying to deliver a message to me. If this is some kind of a sick game instead, I guess I never got to know her at all.

January 8, 2012

She pulled you in by making you feel guilty over nothing and in the end, left you with nothing. Except she knows she can still manipulate your heart and mind. She's a game player. She's doing it with others as well. It's her way of not dealing with her own problems. Let her be. I also agree to block her. If she does get a new BF, you're not going to want to know about it. Trust me. She'll screw with his head too and she won't learn anything until she's gone through some real pain. People like her, don't know too much about suffering with an attitude like hers.

Edited January 8, 2012 by lalalandman

January 8, 2012

She pulled you in by making you feel guilty over nothing and in the end, left you with nothing.

I don't feel guilty over something and she can't make me feel so whatever she says/does. If her aim by doing all these sh*t was to make me feel guilty of feeling better than I "shouldof" (that's what she accused me of)..well..f*ck that..Let's say she just didn't accomplish her "mission". I'm not gonna feel guilty for something that isn't wrong by any means, for trying (successfully so far I would say) to move on and forget about her.

She's a game player. She's doing it with others as well. It's her way of not dealing with her own problems. Let her be.

How can you make such an assumption?? How can you say that she's doing it to others as well?? I'm not trying to defend her or sth, but I just don't get how you can come to such a conclusion.

She's confused, I got that. But she never gave me a single sign of being such a manipulative bi*ch in our 4 year relationship. The only thing I can assume is that this whole thing is a lil "game" she's playing bc she's confused(admitted that) too and just to understand where she's at and where I'm at atm (given that she herself admitted that she still cares).

Except she knows she can still manipulate your heart and mind.

If she thinks that she's still able to manipulate me, it's probably bc I couldn't help myself and asked her to give us a second chance when we broke up(terrible mistake on my part). But that's gone. The sadness and desperation of the first days/weeks is long gone now.

I have forgiven myself and also her for everything that happened during our relationship and that's the key of success. Although I haven't totally succeeded in getting over her and moving on, I had made a pretty decent run at it since she started texting me and posting all those fu*king innuendos that got my mind so messed up all over again.

The only thing she managed by doing these BS those last few days though, is to get me confused again regarding what I feel about her and what I really want to do (Move on and forget her or maybe take another shot at it) and NOT to make me feel guilty of sth.

I also agree to block her. If she does get a new BF, you're not going to want to know about it. Trust me. She'll screw with his head too and she won't learn anything until she's gone through some real pain. People like her, don't know too much about suffering with an attitude like hers.

Yes, sure I'm not going to want to know about it. But like I said in my previous post, don't you or any other LS poster think that there's a slight chance that this maybe isn't some kind of a "manipulation game" she's playing?? That she's trying to make me understand sth, to deliver a msg to me? It has to be 100% a "game"?

January 8, 2012

Sorry if it seems like I'm distorting things to you. Not trying bring you down. Just looking out for you is all. I don't know you guys, so i'm at a loss.

January 8, 2012

Not accusing you of trying to bring me down or distorting things:p Probably you misunderstood my point there and you came to a wrong quick conclusion:o..I'm just trying explain the situation to you and give you the whole background to these BS she's been pulling on me the last couple of days.

Oh God, she managed to get me SOOO fuc*ing confused! Anyways, thx for trying to understand my situation and giving me your 2 cents. So I ask again; Does it have it to be 100% a "game"?? Couldn't it be genuine?

January 8, 2012

From what I gathered, it truly did seem like she reeled you in only to throw you right back into the pond. It seemed manipulative, and it seemed as though she had you apologizing and feeling guilty over nothing. It just seems a tad controlling and that type of behavior is unhealthy. You're confused because that's what she set out to do. So, does that make sense? Perhaps you don't understand her manipulation because you're blinded by your love. I'm only trying to be the skeptic because it seems like you're giving her credit where she doesn't deserve it. But in the end, you're allowing it. It's just my opinion. Just trying to help you see things from a different angle.

January 8, 2012

I dont think she is doing it on purpose but i also think she knows what she is doing is wrong... Only cause of her delayed replies... If it was a second chance i think she would be trying harder to say what she is going thru rather than wondering what you are...

I think if you want to continue replying you need it firmly in your head it is only a second chance when she says i made a mistake...

Also dont read into status updates.. They are for her and yes they might have you in mind but if she wanted to give you a message wouldnt she just talk to you?? You have been very open and always reply... You dont attack her or get angry and say harsh things so she should beable to be open to you...

When you posted your lyrics where they for her? Did you expect a message from her? Or were you feeling something and so posted?

January 9, 2012

From what I gathered, it truly did seem like she reeled you in only to throw you right back into the pond. It seemed manipulative, and it seemed as though she had you apologizing and feeling guilty over nothing. It just seems a tad controlling and that type of behavior is unhealthy. You're confused because that's what she set out to do. So, does that make sense? Perhaps you don't understand her manipulation because you're blinded by your love. I'm only trying to be the skeptic because it seems like you're giving her credit where she doesn't deserve it. But in the end, you're allowing it. It's just my opinion. Just trying to help you see things from a different angle.

She kind of threw me back into the pond indeed by saying she hasn't changed her mind at all about us. I can see your point, this whole behavior of hers being manipulative and unhealthy, and I agree with it. That's what I would think also if only she had given me a single sign of being able to behave that way over those 4 years, but she just isn't that kind of person IMO.

What I really believe is that after my first failed attempt to approach her again and set up a reconciliation, she probably expected me to run behind her again, chase her, fall to my knees and beg her once more to come back to me and she was taken by a HUGE surprise when I didn't. Thus, she tried to learn what I'm thinking about her.

Maybe you are right, I'm much too blind to see what her real intentions behind all these sh*t are, bc I still love her. I know that I am allowing her to confuse me by replying to her texts but I'm not that strong to ignore her I guess and she is not either. That's why I'm struggling right now. And the hardest part is I learned from a friend of mine who spoke with her closest friend(just ran into her on the sreet and talked) that she's gonna leave the day after tomorrow bc her exams start at the 16th of January and she won't be back until at least February 10th.

I dont think she is doing it on purpose but i also think she knows what she is doing is wrong... Only cause of her delayed replies... If it was a second chance i think she would be trying harder to say what she is going thru rather than wondering what you are...
I think if you want to continue replying you need it firmly in your head it is only a second chance when she says i made a mistake...
Also dont read into status updates.. They are for her and yes they might have you in mind but if she wanted to give you a message wouldnt she just talk to you?? You have been very open and always reply... You dont attack her or get angry and say harsh things so she should beable to be open to you...
When you posted your lyrics where they for her? Did you expect a message from her? Or were you feeling something and so posted?

What delayed replies are you talking about?? The last text she sent me?

I don't think she would ever EVER admit she made a mistake.. When we broke up she was mad at me and only pointed out MY mistakes that led to the BU (which I have to admit were a lot) and only very few things that she "perhaps did wrong" as she said.lol.. That's also the reason why I believe she would never just speak to me straight about a possible reconciliation, even if it's burning her inside. She wants ME to do all the hard work..At least that's what I'm assuming.

Do you really believe that by being angry and saying harsh things to attack her, I would make her open up to me??

When I posted the lyrics I didn't really feel sth. I'm just a huge Metallica fanboy:p and I do this a lot with my friends. It really wasn't directed to her.

January 9, 2012

So today the inevitable happened. I eventually ran into her on the street. I knew it would happen sooner or later bc she stays only 2 mins away from my house and I have to pass in front of her block every single morning to get the bus to college.

Basically, I reacted much better than I though I would.

She saw me waiting in the bus station and came over to talk to me.If she hadn't seen me first I would have gone to her no doubt. We had a small chat (about only 3-4 mins, I had to get into the bus 'coz I would have missed my class else, although I admit that I'd love it if only i had stayed.)

So she asked me how I was doing and after having the casual talk like I've done this and that and how about you etc (she seemed as confident as I did), I told her about my dad's recent health issue. She seemed really worried but was apparently very happy and relieved that everything is ok now. (Thank god everything went well, my dad's the single person I love and admire most off of anyone in the world).

I didn't mention anything about our last convo or about the other stuff she 's been doing lately and she didn't either. But after 3-4 minutes of chat I had to leave.

On the road to college all I could think about was her. So I succumbed into temptation and I texted her this-->"Look, I have to talk straight to you..Do you want to meet me tomorrow before you leave?? Don't worry..no bad intentions:p Just a cup of coffee or sth"

And she replied after 3 hours(!)-->"I don't know...I'm still confused, but I think that if we met, things could get ugly again. It may hurt us both..I don't know..I don't wanna fight with you, that's the last thing I want right now..I really don't know"

And I said-->"We would start a fight only if there was a reason or a predisposition to do it..And I can't find any reason or predisposition..Unless you can find one.Anyways, I owed this to myself, to suggest that we meet, despite the thing that I almost knew what the answer would be..because I believe it's way better to have a life full of "Oh wells" than one full of "What ifs"."

Then she asked what I mean by saying that I owed that to myself..I haven't replied to that yet.

What do you guys think? I know it was a mistake to text her in the first place but it was an on the spot decision, a momentary lapse of reason. I just couldn't her out of my mind.

January 9, 2012

Mistake sending the text. She obviously doesn't feel comfortable talking to you. You have to have her come to you.

She knows she can still have you.

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What is she thinking?? Is she playing games with me or not??

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