SadDazedConfused Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 I've been on this site here and there, trying to work through the ups and downs of my M and both my H's affairs and my own. I thought we had hit bottom back this spring, but I was wrong. An admission by my H put us back into marriage counseling at the end of October. I didn't think we would make it, but things have certainly improved a lot since then. I'd have to wager though, that there aren't many couples on here with a more f'd up back and forth than ours. Here is a timeline of our indiscretions as I now know them, and as I write them out, I wonder how in the world have we done these things to each other, and even more, I can't believe we continue to press on and try to make things work: Married for a year and a half: Me - EA and PA with OM1 on 2 occasions Me - PA with OM2 H suspected something, but didn't find out details until 2/11. Summer 2004: H makes out with a woman at a bar. Fall 2004: H - ONS with woman on a trip out of town with guy friends. 2004 - 2010: H makes out with by his estimation 10 or so women at bars, but nothing goes beyond that. Spring 2006: H - PA with a woman he met at a bar in town. They met about 5 or 6 times for sex. He broke it off after that. Summer 2008: Me - Weekend away with girlfriends, got drunk and made out with another man. Fall 2008: Me - Night out with girlfriends, made out with another man. Winter 2009: H - EA with a mutual friend of ours for about 3 months. Turned into a happy hour meeting and makeout session in her car. It ended a few weeks later when she got involved with someone else. February 2011: D-Day where we both admitted our past indiscretions, EXCEPT for my H leaving out the Winter 2009 incidents with our mutual friend. H - Moves out and says he has no desire to reconcile. During all of this and my coming forward with my indiscretions, H has been having EA and PA with mutual friend since December. The night he moved out, H went to her house and they had sex for the first time. Their A lasted about 2 weeks before they broke it off. He has had NC with her since we started MC and I have NC with her since I found out. I'm sure to everyone reading it looks like a complete trainwreck, and admittedly there is a minimal amount of trust between us. We are both completely transparent with emails and phones, have both quit Facebook and have agreements in place as far as what is allowable and what is not as far as time not in each other's presence. Our MC has helped us figure out where all of this started, and we are both in IC as well. We have 2 children, and honestly if not for them, I don't think either of us would have even given the M another shot, but we are sticking with it and are committed to each other and trying to regain the trust that we both have pissed all over.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 I'm sure to everyone reading it looks like a complete trainwreck, and admittedly there is a minimal amount of trust between us. We are both completely transparent with emails and phones, have both quit Facebook and have agreements in place as far as what is allowable and what is not as far as time not in each other's presence. Our MC has helped us figure out where all of this started, and we are both in IC as well. We have 2 children, and honestly if not for them, I don't think either of us would have even given the M another shot, but we are sticking with it and are committed to each other and trying to regain the trust that we both have pissed all over. Why? Why all the cheating? Really that is the key here. If you can get a grip on WHY you were cheating then you can begin to rebuild trust. I think trust is the big deal for you... but for your husband I think you also need to rebuild the respect.
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 This isn't just regaining trust! YOU BOTH have major issues going on, all the cheating (and neither one of you is worse than the other, it's equal cheating and intent), lying.. For what? Why did you two get married to begin with? Figure out WHY you both chose to ruin your marriage (less than 2 years married), fix what's broken inside you both, maybe just maybe, it'll work out.
Kidd Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I'm proud of the two of you for trying to work it out. Get seriously honest with one another and it can. My $.02
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