gobig99 Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 We only dated 4 months but both knew it was something special right away and were saying I love you within two months tops. We both have relationship experience and knew our feelings were real, she dated someone 7 years and I dated someone 6 years. We have a great connection but BUTT heads a lotttt! We both have tempers and both jealous. She picks fighs about everything and always brings up old stuff in new "fights". She was engaged with her prior ex but that ell threw when he cheated on her two years back, she tried it again with him this past winter n spring but it isn't work. Her mother passed away from cancer last December so this one year anniversary of her moms death around holidays has been real tough. She left two weeks ago to Fl to see her brother and his kids for a few days. Things were fine when she left. We got in a silly argument the day b4 she was coming home. When she got home she continued argument and we ended up not seeing eachother. The next day she found out her ex fiancé wasn't paying mortgage on house since he was still living there, so she was all stressed about her credit and what was going to happen. I tried helping but anything I texted made her more mad and upset. We still didn't see eachother from when she got back from FL. The next day she found out some "personal family problem" and really just was talking about she needs time to herself and all that stuff. I got upset and texted a lot, but eventually when I stopped she would text back that she isn't focused and isn't breaking up with me and just is so stressed n confused. I ended up dropping her Xmas gifts on her porch days b4 Xmas. We only texted a couple times the three days around Xmas eve and Xmas. I was supposed to go with her to family on Xmas eve and she randomly texted me day before saying she wants me to go but blah blah. She wanted me to spend time with my mom who was awaiting her own cancer news (thought it came back) but it didn't. I told her I wanted to go with her to family but he said it was awkward under the situation. The day after Xmas I asked her to put my gifts for me on her porch and I'd pick them up. She didn't want to and wanted to drop them off some other time, but I persisted and she put them outside for me. That night and next morning I was sending her both good and bad texts. I did mention something about I don't think she was all honest about her n her ex breakup because I heard stories. She texted me back at noonish and was bugging out And telling me to get out of her life and lose her number and such. We went back n forth for couple minutes and haven't texted in 4 days. No contact. Havnet seen her in 2 weeks since b4 she went to FL. Happened outa no where after she was excited for our Xmas together and etc. it just sucks ugh. Should I continue with no contact for some more time??? I know it's such a rough time for her with her mom situation and such. I wonder if she is thinking about me to and contacting me even thiugh she basically told me **** off. Texted htonier nights ago that please be honest if there is another guy and that if she ever cared about me to please tell me so I get closure n peace of mind. I basically said come clean. She answered in half hour and said there is no guy and pisses her off for me thinking that. She said she just needed space and time to herself and doesn't like being tied down. She was upset that I told her to come clean. She said its over stop contacting her. I said I know it's over, I'm sorry. I wasn't sure what was going on and it was Xmas and I was worried and you were so vague I didn't know how to give u space, etc. and thanks for telling me if there was a guy or not. She said, "was that sarcasam??? This is not worth my time, there was no other guy, I just needed space!!! I was honest!!!" So I said basically same stuff about I'm sorry and didn't realize or know how to act. I also said no it wasn't sarcasam. And I said Gnight I know u have work in AM early, I miss you. So she never answered after the last text. I realize I should have given her that original space she wanted but I missed her on vacation, and didn't see her when she got back and she was confusing me texting me just as much, and it was out of no where. I don't believe that she really means that it's over and to stop contacting her. I am going to not contact her for a week or two and see what happens. Just worry about losing her n such. It was all so sudden. And we have such a strong connection, even though it was a rough month, which is understandable with anniversary of her moms death n such.
Philosoraptor Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 How long were each of you between relationships? It sounds to me like she has a lot on her plate and that she may not have been over her ex when the two of you started up. I'd say both of you need to sit alone and really think about what you want out of life and what each of you can do to help correct some of these issues in your relationship.
BoredAgain Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 Your post sounds very frantic. I think you need to take a deep breath and put this relationship into some perspective. She dated you for four months, but she dated this other guy for seven years. It sounds like there's still drama going on with him, PLUS there's the stress of her mother being sick. Backing off and giving her space is the right thing to do. Keep up the No Contact, but instead of a week or two, make it a month or two. Just look at what happened when you pushed her for answers and "closure." She got angry with you. By doing this, you are just pushing her away. So you want to know, do you have another shot at being with her? I don't know. I tend to be very skeptical about short-term relationships. If it didn't last for four months, the odds of a long-term reconciliation seem very low. But one thing is for sure: you'll decrease your chances further if you keep pushing her. So stick to NC and work on yourself. Start new hobbies, meet new people, go the gym more, etc. etc.
flitzanu Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 well she said "it's over, stop contacting me" and you're saying you don't believe her? if she SAID that, i'm not sure why you aren't "believing" her. you pushed her buttons, and she spoke out of anger, but that does not mean she wasn't sincere. people are more likely to be honest when angry because they stop caring about your feelings.
Author gobig99 Posted January 3, 2012 Author Posted January 3, 2012 How long were each of you between relationships? It sounds to me like she has a lot on her plate and that she may not have been over her ex when the two of you started up. I'd say both of you need to sit alone and really think about what you want out of life and what each of you can do to help correct some of these issues in your relationship. I was single for 9 months+ and totally over my 6 year relationship. She was 1.5-2 years out of original break up but got back with him 4 months b4 she met me. But they ended it because there were no feelings anymore and were sleeping on other sides of bed n felt nothing.
Author gobig99 Posted January 3, 2012 Author Posted January 3, 2012 well she said "it's over, stop contacting me" and you're saying you don't believe her? if she SAID that, i'm not sure why you aren't "believing" her. you pushed her buttons, and she spoke out of anger, but that does not mean she wasn't sincere. people are more likely to be honest when angry because they stop caring about your feelings. I understand your view. She has talked about moving in together down the line and family n such. The connection we had was incredible but faught too. She even warned me that this month of December she had a lot going on and evn thanked me for being supportive couple times. She has a hot temper and have had fights like this b4 but she always answered texts and contacted.
Author gobig99 Posted January 3, 2012 Author Posted January 3, 2012 well she said "it's over, stop contacting me" and you're saying you don't believe her? if she SAID that, i'm not sure why you aren't "believing" her. you pushed her buttons, and she spoke out of anger, but that does not mean she wasn't sincere. people are more likely to be honest when angry because they stop caring about your feelings. I understand your view. She has talked about moving in together down the line and family n such. The connection we had was incredible but faught too. She even warned me that this month of December she had a lot going on and evn thanked me for being supportive couple times. She has a hot temper and have had fights like this b4 but she always answered texts and contacted.
flitzanu Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 I understand your view. She has talked about moving in together down the line and family n such. The connection we had was incredible but faught too. She even warned me that this month of December she had a lot going on and evn thanked me for being supportive couple times. She has a hot temper and have had fights like this b4 but she always answered texts and contacted. the thing is, NOTHING that she ever said PRIOR to this moment matters anymore. not at all. you can't believe that it does. every other story on here will tell you the same thing...all these girls wanted a life, kids, marriage, etc, and then "left". maybe they wanted it THEN, but that doesn't mean she wants it now. easier said than done, but save yourself some heartache and just drop out of her world. you're not going to make progress by being bratty or sending smug texts, and pouring your heart out isn't going to help either. she's not going to hear anything you say right now, so cut yourself off from her.
Philosoraptor Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 I was single for 9 months+ and totally over my 6 year relationship. She was 1.5-2 years out of original break up but got back with him 4 months b4 she met me. But they ended it because there were no feelings anymore and were sleeping on other sides of bed n felt nothing. While I doubt this I am sure you know this person much better than anyone here could guess at. All I can do at this point is wish you good luck. Give her time and be respectful of her wishes.
Author gobig99 Posted January 3, 2012 Author Posted January 3, 2012 the thing is, NOTHING that she ever said PRIOR to this moment matters anymore. not at all. you can't believe that it does. every other story on here will tell you the same thing...all these girls wanted a life, kids, marriage, etc, and then "left". maybe they wanted it THEN, but that doesn't mean she wants it now. easier said than done, but save yourself some heartache and just drop out of her world. you're not going to make progress by being bratty or sending smug texts, and pouring your heart out isn't going to help either. she's not going to hear anything you say right now, so cut yourself off from her. Valid points thanks. But literally a week or two before and WHILE she was on vacation it was "I miss you I love you and hearts" and such. And still wanted me to come with her on Xmas eve but thought it would make things awkward n such too. I do have faith. She just has alot on her plate this past month and past relationship really gave her that "I can do it on my own personality" even though he has told me how much she loves me n such.
BoredAgain Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 Valid points thanks. But literally a week or two before and WHILE she was on vacation it was "I miss you I love you and hearts" and such. And still wanted me to come with her on Xmas eve but thought it would make things awkward n such too. I do have faith. She just has alot on her plate this past month and past relationship really gave her that "I can do it on my own personality" even though he has told me how much she loves me n such. As flitzanu said, it's not uncommon for somebody to say these things even a day or two before the breakup. Hell, my Ex was talking about looking at apartments for us less than a week before the breakup. It happens more often than you'd think. As I said earlier, if she wants space then give it to her. If you try to put yourself in her life, you'll likely just be pushing her further away.
ZimboGon Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 Buddy, you guys dated for 4 months. You said i love you within two months. It was infatuation accelerated by loneliness. Sure, you can say you loved each other very much, but that has nothing compared to the time and attachment you have to exceed before a relationship actually means something. I mean, it honestly sounds like she isn't interested in you and you keep pushing yourself on her. Give her space to figure everything out. Have some dignity man, no girl respects a guy who pines all over her.
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