counterman Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 I have this former friend (won't go into why he's not my friend anymore) who talks about his girlfriend in a disrespect way when she is not around. When the guys are around he would say things like 'yeah, she's very lucky to have me -- we haven't had sex yet but I won't break up with her yet'. Recently, he told our group of friends that he thinks he is 'settling' for her, and says he could do a lot better. The reason why he thinks he is 'settling' is that he initiates everything in the relationship and she never does anything. They've been going out for nearly 2 years now and I'm a little shocked because he puts on this image that they have the best relationship and that he is so great but deep down it's not going that well at all. I use to talk to his girlfriend before they started going out; we were really close. A week or so before they got together, she told me that she was scared of not meeting someone and being alone and scared that she wouldn't make a good girlfriend. Around the same time, he was asking me unusually a lot about dating and whatnot and also expressed his concern about not finding someone. Now they're together, I wonder if there is such a thing as settling for each other until someone better comes along. It reminds me of when I was in my first relationship and I stayed with a girl who was abusive and disrespectful towards me. She ended up breaking up with me. My reasons for staying were that I thought I wouldn't meet someone else and I thought I couldn't do better. However, I realise that if I'm unsure of someone, to the point where talking things over and trying to take action hasn't resolved anything, then it's time to move on, no matter how emotionally attached and attracted I am to her. It's fair on her and fair on myself. I use to fear being 'alone' but I would much rather that than settling for something less than I feel I deserve, which was what I did in my first relationship. I know it's none of my business, but if he wasn't such a dickhead to me, I would have told him straight up to move on and be fair on her. Knowing him as long as I have, I know why he's staying in this relationship. 1) He's scared of being alone and not meeting someone else 2) He's wants to have sex. Instead, he's saying that he's not breaking up with her because it'll make things awkward with their mutual friends (which I think is the biggest bull****). He continues to brag that he could get hotter girls. This is a part rant because I find it ironic that the guy who puts on this self-image as the alpha-male and slammed me for asking girls out, now has issues with this girl who he waited 5 years to ask out (and advises others to be friends with a girl for at least a year before asking her out) , who he says is really into him and he's a total stud, when in fact, it's all a big act. Instead of talking about it with your partner, why would you put on this whole charade? Is it a self-preservation thing? Also, in fear of being alone, would you settle? Would you settle until someone better comes along?
Sanman Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 That relationship sounds like they are both settling. The truth is that everyone settles in some way, but often no one better will come along. I love my relationship, but I would tak my gf in a supermodel's body in a second. However, chances are any supermodel would not be as fun as my gf, so I compromise on personality then. Pick your poison.
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