Jarrod18 Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 Quick background story before I ask for some advice.. Ive just seen that shes sent me an email. We havent had any contact for around 7 months. She broke up with me after 4 years and found out just after the breakup she was seeing someone else(possibly while we were still together). She was very cold to me afterwards and I was too nice afterwards. After an extremely hurtful phonecall from her(I think she wanted to either hurt me or hate me so she could get enjoy her new love) I decided that enough was enough and complete NC since. A month after the breakup I get an email that had a small apology at the bottom and a thankyou for the goodbye letter I wrote her when we split. It was too little too late though and after how she ended it I couldn't find a reason she deserved a response. So now Ive got what I thought I wanted but its just....too late.I haven't read this new email and am thinking about just deleting it. I am over her but still slightly hurt from losing a close partner.I always thought she would try reach out to me but after the last 8 months had to stop hoping and accept the loss for what it was, a total loss. Now I know shes contacted me Im confused what I should do. Im over her, Im past this...but I still have a dilemma and think I will feel the need to respond when I read it. Although I'm suprised and hope its kind of an apology or a chance to be mates, I dont want to go back to day one. Im so close to completly forgetting her I know if she sent this email say in another 6 months I wouldnt have any concerns about it but yeah. So I know people will say theres nothing to lose by just reading it....there kinda is- my wellbeings slowly gotten better and better every month that has gone past. The idea of me and her never having anything to do with eachothers lives finally doesn't hurt like it used to. Guess Im worried about losing that progress.Also I know if I read it I will feel bad if its a nice email and I dont reply....but I dont really think she should be allowed back into my life they way she hurt me. Anyone else had a similair situation and regretted getting back in contact when there ex eventually decided to try?Or Should I just delete this email and keep walking? I mean I believe people should be forgiven but I needed this 4 months ago not now.. p.s. 3 weeks ago I saw photos on my facebook feed as im still friends with her sister and shes still with the other guy.
smokey bear Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 Read the email please and let us know what it says, id be very interested to hear.
Philosoraptor Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 If you feel like it could set you back then I would not read it now. You might file it away for another time but do not allow yourself to be set back. If you feel like in 6 months it wont matter then read it then. There is no reason to put yourself through any sort of unnecessary pain. I would file it away and read it when you feel fully confident it wont cause any issues. If you respond then I'm sure that anyone would be understanding that you were healing and did not want to risk taking a step back when you were doing so well.
geegirl Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 (edited) my wellbeings slowly gotten better and better every month that has gone past. The idea of me and her never having anything to do with eachothers lives finally doesn't hurt like it used to. Guess Im worried about losing that progress.Also I know if I read it I will feel bad if its a nice email and I dont reply....but I dont really think she should be allowed back into my life they way she hurt me. You've answered your own question. Don't do anything that is going to derail you. You've come this far and if this is what you feel, follow through with it. You can delete it if you want. Or you can place it in the safe hands of a friend and when you are ready to read it, you may do so but only after you've given yourself ample time to fully heal. Stay the course. You're doing so well. Most people would give anything to be where you are emotionally and mentally. You don't want to throw that all away. Edited January 3, 2012 by geegirl
CaliBabe Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 If you could stomach it then delete it. It would be very empowering and symbolic of how over her you really are.
Chi townD Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 Well, it could be anything. I'm speculating that her guilt got the better of her. A lot of women have a hard time knowing that there's a person on this planet that might possibily hate them. In their perfect world, you and her would be good friends, catching up every once in a while. Being civil and enjoying any brief conversations. SO! in my opinion, it could be one of two things. It's either a "friend zone" letter, or a letter telling you that she's engaged and she wanted you to hear it from her rather than you finding out on your own. Just my opinion. And if it's the second one, you're better off just ignoring it.
Author Jarrod18 Posted January 3, 2012 Author Posted January 3, 2012 Thanks for the responses guys, much appreciated. I'm not going to read it right now, If I'm double questioning myself then it obviously will have an affect on me, Im over the relationship enough that I'm not bursting at the seams to read it but not over the relationship enough to purely delete it just yet I think, I will see how I settle tomorrow and mabye read it in a day or two....or just delete it.(or mabye I should just send it to you smokey bear and then delete it:) Calibabe- you are right it would be completly empowering to do but I just went to delete it before and it felt like that was the final nail in the coffin so to speak. Not because of the relationship; I buried that coffin a long time ago. But the thought of that person kind of being dead to me. or non existent and I guess for a 4 year relationship 8 months just ins't enough for me to get over that line....yet(even came with a lame flashback of the relationship as I hovered over the delete button ><). Either way I will no doubt be on here and update in a day or two guys, if Ive read it I will need help with what if anything I need to reply. If i build up enough balls to just delete it stright out mabye thats the final nail in that coffin I need to smash. Thanks for what you said aswell geegirl/philosoraptor, I dont realise I have come so far since march and the head space Im in to actually reflect on this situation is huge compared to where i was a few months ago. and thats worth alot
EgoJoe Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 I don't think anything it says could be worse than getting second-hand info about her and the other dude via her Sister's FB. I think you would do well to read it and tell us what it says. Either way it is very manly to face pain head on. Just because you read it doesn't mean you have to believe it or respond. As Chi said it's about Ego...they don't like the idea of someone hating them even if they deserve it so they pander to themselves by contacting you and convince themselves it is some sort of "magnanimous benevolent gesture". I want you to read it if you think you can take it. I also want you to tell us what it said and what time of day she sent it, keep your head up champ!
DannyT27 Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 Hey bro I no how your feeling.. My gf of 5 yrs left me 9 weeks ago for a guy 11 yrs older than her I've not spoke to her at all, I saw a picture on fb yesterday of the two of them and I felt sick to my stomach she looks very happy and pretty.. I felt so jelous. And last night I was thinking of all our good memories together i want my babe back. But the way there going itcaint gonna happen as they've been talking abt marriage on fb lol it's only been 9 weeks. I'm seriously gutted I lost the best thing that ever happened to me, Personally I would read the email....
M2155 Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 (edited) I don't know what I would do in your situation. I'm nosy and I don't like what my ex did so I would read it because I'd assume it's ego and I would revel in not responding. However I would also naturally suspect he's just curious to see if I'm still around because things aren't going too dreamy in his current relationship (despite pictures) and was trying to be friendly. In that case I'd probably wish I hadn't read it because I don't want to feel "bad" that I'm turning down friendship. Or I would to turn him down when he comes around, I don't know. Gee I don't know, you sound like you've really thought about it and don't want to set yourself back so don't open it if you think it'll affect you. I am still Twitter/FB linked to my ex and I haven't looked at his page in probably 2 months now. As much as I'm curious, I just don't want to "feel" anything so I have been kinda proud of myself for resisting. I guess I know what you mean, I just don't want to risk even knowing how it'll make me feel after coming this far. But I don't think I'd be able to resist opening it. Good luck! Edited January 3, 2012 by M2155
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