pink.fairy Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 I wasn't quite sure where to post this, but as it was a LDR, I figured here would be as good a place as any. My LDR boyfriend broke up with me back in March. We didn't speak for a little while, but then started talking again as friends. In the past few months we've talked quite a bit. I didn't assume we were getting back together, but we did flirt quite a bit, and talk about how much we cared for each other. He was also adament that he hasn't been seeing anyone, outright telling me so. A week ago, I was bored and playing around on the internet. I was in hotmail, after having just checked my emails, and started going through my contacts, deleting old ones, and checking out people's hotmail "profiles". I came across my exes, and went to it not really thinking anything of it. What caught my eye was a girl on the "friends" part of his page, whose picture was the two of them together. I have pictures taken with my male friends, but the "pose" seemed a bit too intimate to me. He was sitting down, and she had her arms around his neck/chest from behind and was leaning into/on him. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but it just didn't really sit right with me. I went to her page and there was a link to her facebook with yet another picture of them as her profile pic (was a different photo, yet similar to the first and obviously taken at the same occasion as the first). Honestly, I started freaking out a little. It seemed suspicious to me, but I didn't want to go off saying anything to him over two pictures. I'm not really proud of it, but I searched on a few sites that he frequents to see if I could come up with some kind of explanation. I came across a happy birthday message to a friend of his, from him on behalf of the both of them. So a "Happy birthday, from *girls name* and I" kind of thing. Which to me was a couple-y kind of thing to do, right? So after getting a bit more evidence, I just tried calling him but no answer. By this point I was freaking out a bit, and just messaged him asking if he had a girlfriend. He replied an hour or so later saying he didn't, and didn't know what I was talking about, etc. I don't really know what I'm asking you guys, since you obviously can't tell me yes or no on whether or not he's lying to me here. But what would you think? Would you believe it if, after finding what I have, they told you s/he's not their girlfriend/boyfriend? We've both been busy with the holidays and haven't had a chance to sit down and talk about things properly, so I don't have much more to go on other than him denying it's anything. I know we're not together, so he's free to get himself another girlfriend. It just bothers me because, if this is his girlfriend, he's been stringing me along for months now. Like I said, I don't assume we'll get back together. But I would like that to happen, and it honestly felt like that's where it was going. I know I either have to just believe him or, if I can't, let it go and move on. I really want to believe him, but the whole thing just feels weird to me. What do you guys think? I want to believe he's telling the truth more than anything, so really need the opinion of people outside the situation. Thanks in advance! And Happy New Year, everyone
salparadise Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 The only thing you don't know is whether the two of them consider it a relationship officially. Platonic friends maintain boundaries and don't post pics of themselves draped all over each other. I suspect that his NO answer to the do you have a girlfriend question is either an outright deception or based on the technicality they they aren't publicly declaring it. Of course the photos sort of obviate the second choice. Who's been driving this communication between the two of you? Probably the best way to gage his degree of interest, or lack thereof, is to back off and see how he reacts. if you've been the one initiating and pursuing it's understandable, though not really justifiable, that he might be enjoying the attention, holding out the option of activating you again, or innocently keeping you in the friend zone, and has no particular motivation or sense of obligation to keep you fully informed. Perhaps he doesn't see it as him stringing you along so much as you pursuing while knowing the score. In a sense you are behaving like you're still boyfriend-girlfriend and assume you have a right to know what he's up to... because you're still talking. I would let go of that assumption it that's the case. Back off and see what happens. If he's interested he'll show it and if not, then at least you have your answer.
creighton0123 Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I would say that regardless of the situation, your freaking out seems to be somewhat inappropriate. You aren't dating him. Perhaps between last March (11 months ago) and now, he had another girlfriend, but they broke up. They could have been flirty/intimate and are no longer. Sal is right. You're behaving as though you have a claim to his dating life when you really don't. You two currently do not have an understanding of emotional/physical fidelity. Sound advice: chill out and stop online stalking him. It's kind of freaky-obsessive.
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