TomerT Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 Hi all, Will very appreciate your thoughts on this one: About 1.5 years ago, I was cheated on, treated like a piece of sh*t and dumped by a girl that swore to me that I was the best thing that happened in her life... She got pregnant and had the baby half year ago. I didn't see her since then, but she was constantly occasionally (every 4-6 weeks or so) calling me. I never answered, but eventually I answered once - we "small talked" about nothing for 10 minutes and then she disappeared for several weeks. Recently her sister started to call me. I answered the first time ( I din't know by the number who was it ) - she told me that just wanted to check how I was doing. I could hear my ex in the background - but she didn't talk with me...When I realized who was it - I also politely said that I can not talk right now. So we kept it very short. Today (31-Dec) her sister called again - this time she was "filtered"....I am not sure if there is even a question here, but I try to understand why they keep calling me. Back then I loved her with all my heart, but now after what she did to me and how she acted after that - I don't want to do anything with her... I don't hate her, I just feel pity for her. Her life is f*cked. I completely over her, already dated with others and want to forget her like a bad dream... Yes, to be honest, I would like to hear a genuine apology from her, to have some closure, but I know I will never hear it anyway, so had to do the closure by myself. I am 100% sure that her sister calling me under my ex guidance. What for ? She knows there is nothing we can do now, there is zero chance for us to be together, so why she is calling ? What does she want to hear from me ? I suppose if it was something very important to say from her side she could write me a msg. or an email - it would be much easier from her side. Although I am completely over her, every such call - takes me out of a balance for some period of time (no more than few hours)... Thanks for reading this. any thoughts / advises more than welcome
seibert253 Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 Stop answering when sis calls. She's fishing for someone to pay/play step dad.
EgoJoe Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 Stop answering when sis calls. She's fishing for someone to pay/play step dad. Sad but true.
Purewil1 Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 Take it as she's trying to find entertainment. Once you look at it like that then, I think her calls "importance" and "mystery" will start to diminish... that's if you've really moved on.
leoc1973 Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 Do you know anything about her life? did her new boyfriend dump her or did she realize that she really did have the best thing ever with you. Stupid girls they always come back but there is no reasoning with them while they are dumping you. Sounds to me like maybe her and her sister sat around and had a chat about you and her sister asked what the hell she was thinking letting you go now they are fishing to see if you are interested.
Chi townD Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 Okay, you want the calls to stop? You already know that she's listening in. You're not stupid. So, the next time you get a call. Tell the sis that life is GREAT!!! How well you're doing and you started date a "new girl" and if things go the way they're going right now, this girl could be the one. and leave it at that... Hopefully, she'll buy a clue.
Sugarkane Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Stop answering when sis calls. She's fishing for someone to pay/play step dad. I completely agree. She's looking for a replacement daddy, coz the last one didn't work out.
wilsonx Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) Hi all, Will very appreciate your thoughts on this one: About 1.5 years ago, I was cheated on, treated like a piece of sh*t and dumped by a girl that swore to me that I was the best thing that happened in her life... She got pregnant and had the baby half year ago. I didn't see her since then, but she was constantly occasionally (every 4-6 weeks or so) calling me. I never answered, but eventually I answered once - we "small talked" about nothing for 10 minutes and then she disappeared for several weeks. Recently her sister started to call me. I answered the first time ( I din't know by the number who was it ) - she told me that just wanted to check how I was doing. I could hear my ex in the background - but she didn't talk with me...When I realized who was it - I also politely said that I can not talk right now. So we kept it very short. Today (31-Dec) her sister called again - this time she was "filtered"....I am not sure if there is even a question here, but I try to understand why they keep calling me. Back then I loved her with all my heart, but now after what she did to me and how she acted after that - I don't want to do anything with her... I don't hate her, I just feel pity for her. Her life is f*cked. I completely over her, already dated with others and want to forget her like a bad dream... Yes, to be honest, I would like to hear a genuine apology from her, to have some closure, but I know I will never hear it anyway, so had to do the closure by myself. I am 100% sure that her sister calling me under my ex guidance. What for ? She knows there is nothing we can do now, there is zero chance for us to be together, so why she is calling ? What does she want to hear from me ? I suppose if it was something very important to say from her side she could write me a msg. or an email - it would be much easier from her side. Although I am completely over her, every such call - takes me out of a balance for some period of time (no more than few hours)... Thanks for reading this. any thoughts / advises more than welcome You still are not over her, you never will be, you posted this thread because you are hurt by her calling you and looking for some advice. Everytime you tell yourself "I am completely over her" or "I dont care" You actually relive the breakup in your head all over again. Proof of this lies in "every such call - takes me out of a balance for some period of time (no more than few hours)..." The calls are never going to stop and she will find a way to contact you because she wants to talk to you. Like most people on this forum, you are being unreasonable because she left you for someone else. She had a bad moment in her life, made a decision and is now trying to make amends for it. This is the reason for the call. Its not about finding a replacement dad. Why do you want an apology after a year and a half? Its the past. Leave it there. If she does apologize, you are going to feel the same way 2 days from now as you do right now. The problem isnt her, its you not being able to understand why she did it. Homebrew posted this in his GIGS THREAD and its absolutely true So what I am asking is to cut the quick rebound / cheater a break, or at least a little one. Why should you? I am willing to bet that you sensed or saw a problem in the relationship long before your ex cheated on you. I am also willing to bet that you also did everything in your power (guilt them, convince them, plead with them, etc.) to keep them around based solely your need / desire to not have to go through the pain and loss of a breakup. In a sense, you are guilty of the same very thing you are angry with your ex about. By not taking into account their feelings or the impact it would have on them and by doing everything you could to get them to stay when you know they should have been free to go. It was about you, not them. Make Sense? If you want my opinion from what I have seen through countless friends and family members, even though you might have been cheated on due to G.I.G.S, it does not me there isn’t a chance for reconciliation. If you can get to the point that you REALISE that due to G.I.G.S., your ex simply cheated on you due to them not possessing the courage and strength that is required (if we are completely honest, I am willing to bet most of us don’t have this ability either) to end things the proper way either out of a sense of loyalty or their desire to not hurt you. If you can understand and come to terms with this, you will be well on your way to healing and forgiveness. Which in turn will give you the best chance if / when they return.I am not saying you should get back with her by any means, but why not talk to her to give yourself some closure? Ask questions and get answers for yourself. You are going to sit on this anger and resentment for the rest of your life if you dont. She's fishing for someone to pay/play step dad. I laughed when I read this and everyone agreed to this. You all are mind readers and can predict why shes' calling. THATS AWESOME!!! You guys should start a 1-900 psychic line, you would make a ton of money. Okay, you want the calls to stop? You already know that she's listening in. You're not stupid. So, the next time you get a call. Tell the sis that life is GREAT!!! How well you're doing and you started date a "new girl" and if things go the way they're going right now, this girl could be the one. and leave it at that... Hopefully, she'll buy a clue. Really? Girls arent that stupid, they will read right through that desperation. How about setting an example and being a mature adult and "communicating" to see whats going on instead of playing SILLY GAMES. Do you know anything about her life? did her new boyfriend dump her or did she realize that she really did have the best thing ever with you. Stupid girls they always come back but there is no reasoning with them while they are dumping you. Sounds to me like maybe her and her sister sat around and had a chat about you and her sister asked what the hell she was thinking letting you go now they are fishing to see if you are interested. Good job leoc, you nailed this one on the head with a hammer. Everybody makes poor decisions in their lives. She's trying to be the bigger person and contact you by pulling out all the stops. Whats sad is the dumpers actually grow up more then the dumpees for the most part and threads like these prove it Edited January 4, 2012 by wilsonx
EgoJoe Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Read the history of Tomer and see what happened the last time he spoke with her, Wilson. Also, your soapbox is starting to stress fracture.
wilsonx Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) You are rereading the past. The past has nothing to do with the present. Hence the problem here. He is talking about he feels PRESENTLY. I could tell you the past from his story in this post. He posted it here in black and white. Remember you are reading one persons' point of view, one. You are reading it from their "emotional" stand point. Its self talk. I understand everyones' negative outtakes on this current situation but it is what it is. Everyone here is self talking what they would feel like in that situation hence this comment "She's fishing for someone to pay/play step dad" and why everyone agrees with it. Its ok if people don't agree with me, everyones' perception is based on their current and past experience and pain. We all have it. I encourage him to seek answers from her and post them here if he's up for the task not for our benefit but for his own. He is seeking closure, THATS what this post is all about, hes lost and confused and asking himself what he should do. People that are advising him to stick NC are doing so for their own reasons. I am advising him to seek closure only for his own benefit because thats what hes asking for with this thread Edited January 4, 2012 by wilsonx 1
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