EnigmaticClarity Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 When I get a nice thought out message from someone I'm not attracted to or someone I don't think I would be compatible with, I contemplate sending the latter response but somehow that seems more rude then just not responding. I agree. Every time I get a "sorry, we just don't match" email, I wonder why she took the time to be mean enough to overtly reject me. In person, yea, you've got to give a blow-off, but online? No response is the way to go.
FitChick Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Every time I get a "sorry, we just don't match" email, I wonder why she took the time to be mean enough to overtly reject me. Everyone is different and you can't please everyone. If a guy doesn't seem like a jerk, I will decline gracefully and I usually get thanked for having good manners. Many men will say in their profiles that they don't want to be ignored and prefer polite rejection.
carhill Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 A sincere and polite rejection, whether in real life or online, kept my faith in the integrity of the female gender during some pretty dark years. OP, I admire your sincerity. However, you appear to be making the same mistake I historically made, that of caring too much and investing too much too soon, even into an otherwise carefully considered and heartfelt approach. you should scale down your emails to not take so much time. They shouldn't be half-assed, but they should be short and not make much time. Brevity isn't half-assed, it's realistic--you don't know if you have much in common until she sees your profile, so the real purpose of the mail is just to get a profile view. Wit and style should be the focusGood advice, IMO. OP, give it a try. Each of us is different, but this style, in general, both online and IRL, was a fundamental change which improved my success in dating women (back in my 30's). I would have never known unless I tried something different. Good luck.
AD1980 Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 online datign is horrible for Men, its a bunch of women going after the same few hot guys
EnigmaticClarity Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Good advice, IMO. OP, give it a try. Each of us is different, but this style, in general, both online and IRL, was a fundamental change which improved my success in dating women (back in my 30's). I would have never known unless I tried something different. Good luck. It's reflective of the reality of dating. When we see a woman who turns us on, we may feel the desire to cling to romance and write a poem, or sing a song, or bend space and time to make her ours...but before you even know if she likes you back, this is all wasted effort. You could be Ryan Gosling or Brad Pitt, but any number of things about you could turn her off that are completely beyond your control. It's nothing to worry about, it's just how attraction works. What we're attracted to is often chaotic and fluttering--maybe you just happen to have similar facial features to her gym teacher she hated, or maybe she hates the color purple and you're wearing it in your profile pics. So until you know the attraction is there, spending a lot of time or effort on first contact is just a waste of time that is setting you both up for a potentially awkward situation.
g450 Posted January 5, 2012 Posted January 5, 2012 Oh my! I remember my O.L.D. days. Glad they are over LOL. I dated a 44 year old local girl once who's photo looked like she was wearing a prom dress. That's because the photo was her prom photo. Talk about false advertising. Felt like an idiot when I first saw her but I did the polite thing and had dinner with her. Went on at least two dates with her because I had nothing better to do as I was just divorced. I know, I know, dont say it. Anyway I realized there was nothing there so we dropped each other. Just two basketcases using each other as soundingboards so it was not a total loss. Had another woman tell me she was 45 and I swear to God she gets out of her sports car with a walker and looks like my Grandmother. I almost ran right there but I was a gentleman and had coffee with her. That's how I was raised. And most of you are right. Lots of overweight women on there or ones with issues and they all think they deserve Brad Pitt with a twelve inch schlong. And he has to be absolutely perfect LOL. Good luck with that ladies. Seems the ones on there that complain the most about no good guys being out there just dont understand that they are rejecting the good guys daily and wouldnt know one if he fell on her lap! It's almost laughable. I honestly believe that the majority of women on OLD sites do not subscribe so they never get any emails. They are there simply to stroke their egos and get attention that they dont get in RL. They have no intention of dating or paying the fee to actually communicate. Luckily I found my Fiancee in the real world. And it's a good thing because had she been honest in an online profile I never would have even given her a second look (3 kids, separated, ex hanging around etc). You sometimes have to put asside your narrow view of what your date should look like and give them a chance on a real date. That goes for both men and women who do the OLD thing IMHO.
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