Daremo_06 Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 I have a profile that I have worked on a bunch.. even posted parts of it here and been told its quite good. Posted it other places got the same feedback. decent pictures also. So can someone please enlighten me as to why women will read an email that you obviously spent some time writing and they just plain dont respond? Seriously. This is really annoying and I feel like hell if your not gonna bother showing me the respect of reply either way, then I'm gonna put a half ass effort in as well. I really really really am disliking online dating. Its impersonal, its rude, its shallow and its VERY VERY ANNOYING! ps im probably just upset at a bunch of other **** going on in life and just being triggered by the frustration this is generating...ARGH! thanks for letting me rant..
TheFinalWord Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 I have a profile that I have worked on a bunch.. even posted parts of it here and been told its quite good. Posted it other places got the same feedback. decent pictures also. So can someone please enlighten me as to why women will read an email that you obviously spent some time writing and they just plain dont respond? Seriously. This is really annoying and I feel like hell if your not gonna bother showing me the respect of reply either way, then I'm gonna put a half ass effort in as well. I really really really am disliking online dating. Its impersonal, its rude, its shallow and its VERY VERY ANNOYING! ps im probably just upset at a bunch of other **** going on in life and just being triggered by the frustration this is generating...ARGH! thanks for letting me rant.. Nah bro. You're right in many ways. It is annoying. The thing is girls get tons of messages and have to sift. I don't like it either b/c I feel so shallow as it is mainly looks-based. The girls who are 8 and above in the looks category you have little chance hearing from unless you're super attractive. Even then, it is unlikely. Also, I have found that the girls who are extremely attractive are half-psychotic. I know b/c I've met about 5 really attractive girls the past 6 months through OLD, friend them on FB, and see they have thousands of friends. They have that big of a social network, are super hot and they have to resort to OLD? lol For me, I'm in grad school and don't have time to invest in a huge social life right now and it seemed like a good strategy. But I'm basically done with it. All of the girls I've met have terrible communication skills and use OLD to get a feel good fix to get over their ex or they just have a need for attention. That's been my experience anyway. Nothing good has come from it so far! Unless someone can convince me otherwise, I'm done with it lol
Cracker Jack Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 Sometimes online dating just doesn't work for certain people. Try not to take it personal. I tried it very briefly, and aside from a few nice exchanged messages, I just can't get anything going. I'll admit, I didn't message that many women, but a good amount. You'd likely be better off trying to get at women IRL instead of online.
Author Daremo_06 Posted December 31, 2011 Author Posted December 31, 2011 Thanks guys! I have a few girls I have made connections with, and I meeting people at my local gym. Its just the holidays and all hitting me and still working on getting over my ex up and moving out and dumping me a few months back, so I'm sure some of this is from that as well. I appreciate hearing that I'm not the only one thinking its a damn shallow way to meet people though... Rob
TheFinalWord Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 Thanks guys! I have a few girls I have made connections with, and I meeting people at my local gym. Its just the holidays and all hitting me and still working on getting over my ex up and moving out and dumping me a few months back, so I'm sure some of this is from that as well. I appreciate hearing that I'm not the only one thinking its a damn shallow way to meet people though... Rob Yeah, I feel ya there. But don't let the non-responses get to you. There could be 1000 reasons. I think you have a much higher chance in real life by building a network of friends. OLD is not a very good representation of your ability to get a date IMHO. Trust me, even if you can get one of the ones you're interested in, the ones I've met have issues. If they didn't these super hot, super connected girls would not need OLD save for special circumstances.
kaleidoscope Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 I would tend to agree overall. I'm about to not give up on online dating but just make it only 10% of my effort. 90% of the other effort will be in REAL life in REAL places with REAL women :-) Also I found that even after meeting people with a great profile online, it doesn't translate to real life that well. Its just more real in person and you can figure out personality, chemistry, etc so much easier. More illusions online if you ask me.
Sith Apprentice Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 You're not getting responses because many of these sites have a 10 to 1 ratio of men to women and the fugly 4 and her fatty sisters think they deserve GQ models. Most of the hot one's online are Attention h0rs and serial daters. They get messaged by hundreds of men and still complain they can't find a man (insert hillbilly laugh). Think about this logically. If she were attractive, emotionally and financially stable then there would be no reason for her to be on the site. She's gonna be out getting attention in the real world if she's hot. Online you get the fugly fatties, AW's, serial daters, or they have some other character flaw that prevents them from attracting men long term.
mammamia1 Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 the fugly 4 and her fatty sisters think they deserve GQ models. Most of the hot one's online are Attention h0rs and serial daters. They get messaged by hundreds of men and still complain they can't find a man As a girl, I completely agree with this.
Sith Apprentice Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 I'll give you the secret to destroying all the Internet Dating Dudes for free. Go out and approach women in the real world! A woman will blow off all the Internet guys for a man that had the balls to approach her and ask for her number in real life. 2 minutes of alpha will wipe out all the online betas.
kaylan Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 (edited) People need to get over it. Technology is a tool everyone uses. Just because someone is attractive and ignores you online does not mean they have issues and cant meet anyone in real life. It just means you dont do it for them. Get over it and realize that online dating is mostly about looks for men and women. The only difference is that men do the contacting so obviously women can pick out who they find most attractive. Guys lets not pretend we dont message a girl just because we find her attractive. I myself know Im LOADS more picky online then in real life. Its is what it is. Online dating allows for that. Jeez. Just roll with the punches. Its simple, attractive people get more hits in real life and online dating. Im an average looks fellow but can tell you that having a shirtless pic got me more responses than when I didnt have it up. Sex sells. Simple Edited December 31, 2011 by kaylan 1
TheFinalWord Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 You're not getting responses because many of these sites have a 10 to 1 ratio of men to women and the fugly 4 and her fatty sisters think they deserve GQ models. Most of the hot one's online are Attention h0rs and serial daters. They get messaged by hundreds of men and still complain they can't find a man (insert hillbilly laugh). Think about this logically. If she were attractive, emotionally and financially stable then there would be no reason for her to be on the site. She's gonna be out getting attention in the real world if she's hot. Online you get the fugly fatties, AW's, serial daters, or they have some other character flaw that prevents them from attracting men long term. :lmao::lmao::lmao: Stated much more eloquently than me!
lululucy Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 You're not getting responses because many of these sites have a 10 to 1 ratio of men to women and the fugly 4 and her fatty sisters think they deserve GQ models. Most of the hot one's online are Attention h0rs and serial daters. They get messaged by hundreds of men and still complain they can't find a man (insert hillbilly laugh). Think about this logically. If she were attractive, emotionally and financially stable then there would be no reason for her to be on the site. She's gonna be out getting attention in the real world if she's hot. Online you get the fugly fatties, AW's, serial daters, or they have some other character flaw that prevents them from attracting men long term. hahahha I also find it funny you said that last paragraph, because I was only on OLD when I was trying to make myself get over my ex and wanting to date casually to distract myself. Once I was over him, I stopped meeting people online and quickly met my now-boyfriend in real life. Interesting.
TheFinalWord Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 One big tip I would give average looking women, or even good looking women with super good looking friends, using OLD... DO NOT put a picture of yourself (especially your profile pic) with you next to a girl that is 10 leagues above you in the looks department. I can't tell you how many girls do that; I almost feel like messaging them to tell them. Thanks for reminding me you're average looking! LOL Why would I put a picture of myself next to a Brad Pitt look alike! Also, DO NOT meet women who put up old pictures or pics that are fuzzy. You want a recent, clear pic and at least one pic that shows her general shape. You would be surprised how many women put "slender" or "athletic" and then you see them in real life and think they are looking in a fun house mirror. I don't care if you have a few pounds, but be honest or guys are going to meet you and think you're deceptive! The first thing I know about you when I see you is that you lied or are incredibly naive about your own physical shape.
lululucy Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 One big tip I would give average looking women, or even good looking women with super good looking friends, using OLD... DO NOT put a picture of yourself (especially your profile pic) with you next to a girl that is 10 leagues above you in the looks department. I can't tell you how many girls do that; I almost feel like messaging them to tell them. Thanks for reminding me you're average looking! LOL Why would I put a picture of myself next to a Brad Pitt look alike! Also, DO NOT meet women who put up old pictures or pics that are fuzzy. You want a recent, clear pic and at least one pic that shows her general shape. You would be surprised how many women put "slender" or "athletic" and then you see them in real life and think they are looking in a fun house mirror. I don't care if you have a few pounds, but be honest or guys are going to meet you and think you're deceptive! The first thing I know about you when I see you is that you lied or are incredibly naive about your own physical shape. FOR REAL! I am astounded by some of the profiles that are out there.. women who are easily surpassing 250lbs posting their weight as "average" -- if I can see that isn't the case, imagine what the real thing looks like. Good lord. If you plan on meeting someone in person, why lie??
TheFinalWord Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 FOR REAL! I am astounded by some of the profiles that are out there.. women who are easily surpassing 250lbs posting their weight as "average" -- if I can see that isn't the case, imagine what the real thing looks like. Good lord. If you plan on meeting someone in person, why lie?? Definitely lululucy! You're going to meet eventually, so you might as well be honest. I don't know what goes through some people's heads! The inability to be able to honestly evaluate themselves is probably one of the reasons they're using OLD to begin with.
FitChick Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 FOR REAL! I am astounded by some of the profiles that are out there.. women who are easily surpassing 250lbs posting their weight as "average" Sadly, that is average today!
Cypress25 Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 People need to get over it. Technology is a tool everyone uses. Just because someone is attractive and ignores you online does not mean they have issues and cant meet anyone in real life. It just means you dont do it for them. Get over it and realize that online dating is mostly about looks for men and women. The only difference is that men do the contacting so obviously women can pick out who they find most attractive. Guys lets not pretend we dont message a girl just because we find her attractive. I myself know Im LOADS more picky online then in real life. Its is what it is. Online dating allows for that. Jeez. Just roll with the punches. Its simple, attractive people get more hits in real life and online dating. Yep. Everyone who does OLD wants to meet someone they find attractive and are compatible with. If you're not what they're looking for, they won't respond. It goes both ways. Men don't send messages to women they're not attracted to, and women don't respond to men they're not attracted to. It's no more or less shallow than approaching a girl in a bar and asking for her number.
grkBoy Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 (edited) So can someone please enlighten me as to why women will read an email that you obviously spent some time writing and they just plain dont respond? Sorry to hear you're frustrated. My answer is more "hard reality". You didn't entice her. You could look great on paper, but you didn't make her feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside, thus she wasn't interested. Based on my experiences in online dating and those of colleagues, I noticed a lot of women in OLD want to feel chemistry immediately...from just your photos, profile, and email. Only then will they respond. If you just look "ok" to her, then she'll probably move on because you appear like the loads of males who email her. It could be anything that causes her to reject you. Your height, looks, ethnicity, hair, where you life, how much you make, what you wrote in the email, what you wrote in your profile, a hobby you're into, a photo that rubbed her the wrong way, the fact that you're not a "copy" of the man she might really want (but can't get), etc. NOW...why doesn't she just send you a "not interested" reply? Here's some of the major reasons: 1) She might have an inbox full of well-written emails from guys she's not into, and to respond to each of them would take her hours on end. She figures it's just easier to delete and "hope he gets the message". 2) Many guys won't take "no" for an answer. So she might send a "thank you" and say she's not interested, but then the guys will email her back asking her for reasons why, or badgering her to "give me a chance". While desperation like that is a turnoff for many women, these guys think "no means maybe" and "persistence pays off". 3) Some guys will then be jerks. So she politely responds that she's not interested, and either immediately or after some badgering, the guy then calls her a b***h, c**t, wh*re, or some other expletive. Some will even then online stalk the girl out of childish anger...thus driving her off OLD. 4) Some women are just plain snobs. She got your email, didn't read it but looked at your photo, rolled her eyes, and hit the delete button. In her eyes you don't count because she's not interested, and even if you get mad, she doesn't care. If you got depressed and committed suicide, she would see it as "whatever" or "one less loser in the world". 5) She doesn't even get your original message. Remember, on a PAY site, those "free profiles" only get an email of "someone messaged you, subscribe and find out more". She feels she's too good to pay for a dating site, so she ignores, but other guys email this profile thinking they have a shot...when she'll never see that "well written" email. I honestly think the main reasons are the bulk and drama factors. Most women I've talked to on these forums will usually speak of the one or few guys who badger or cause drama online, and thus she goes into the "no response" mode. It's why I wish men and women could hit a "reject" button that basically makes him/her vanish from the one pursuing. So she could give you an honest reply, even saying how she thinks you're short or she's into athletes or doesn't like bald men...and you won't be able to reply or even see her online anymore. Yes, it sounds mean and cold, but I also think if a lot of men and women got the brutal honesty...they would see some of why they're striking out in OLD. Edited January 3, 2012 by grkBoy
FitChick Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 It's why I wish men and women could hit a "reject" button that basically makes him/her vanish from the one pursuing...and you won't be able to reply or even see her online anymore. I also think if a lot of men and women got the brutal honesty...they would see some of why they're striking out in OLD. I hate it that the same creepy guys keep looking at my profile. I can block them from contacting but I can't stop them from looking, unfortunately. Totally agree with your last sentence -- except people are delusional. They look in the mirror and see a god/goddess. They look at their own photos and ... so they post old, blurry ones.
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I was on an OLD site for about 3 months, back around the age of 21. I met my ex there, who I ended up being with for 3 years, and subsequently deleted my account when we became serious. I am a nice girl. I'm not a stuck-up bitch or a snob. But I absolutely did not reply to every single message I received on the site. In fact I'd gues that, prior to meeting my ex, I only replied to 1 in 10 messages received. Do you know how many messages I received in my first day of joining? 60. 60!! Including several offers from much older married men wanting to know if I'd be interested in a "discrete mutually beneficial relationship." :sick: My point in telling you this, OP, is that you should try not to take it personally that your messages don't garner many responses. Meeting my ex was a total fluke - he was online, I was online, I thought he was cute, we chatted, and we ended up hitting it off. But to be honest, I don't know how anyone meets anyone on these sites. From a female perspective you are bombarded with crap: sleazy sex offers, messages from men old enough to be your father, one-liner "hey sexy wud up" messages...it's actually pretty overwhelming and irritating. And it can be hard to sift through. And then from a male perspective, it's frustrating in a whole other way. Online dating just doesn't work for many people, IME.
Buttercup84 Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I have a profile that I have worked on a bunch.. even posted parts of it here and been told its quite good. Posted it other places got the same feedback. decent pictures also. So can someone please enlighten me as to why women will read an email that you obviously spent some time writing and they just plain dont respond? Seriously. This is really annoying and I feel like hell if your not gonna bother showing me the respect of reply either way, then I'm gonna put a half ass effort in as well. I really really really am disliking online dating. Its impersonal, its rude, its shallow and its VERY VERY ANNOYING! ps im probably just upset at a bunch of other **** going on in life and just being triggered by the frustration this is generating...ARGH! thanks for letting me rant.. I gave up , I just want to meet someone in real life now . Plus on ex guys see my picture they seem to lose interest . Don't let it get you down
EnigmaticClarity Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 So can someone please enlighten me as to why women will read an email that you obviously spent some time writing and they just plain dont respond? Seriously. This is really annoying and I feel like hell if your not gonna bother showing me the respect of reply either way, then I'm gonna put a half ass effort in as well. If they're not attracted, they won't respond, don't worry about it. Even if they give you a response, if they're not attracted it'll be a blow-off, and that's not really what you're after, either, so you'll be pissed then, too. I'd rather get no response rather than a generic "sorry we don't have much in common" answer that doesn't help me figure out why she actually thinks she doesn't like me. And you should scale down your emails to not take so much time. They shouldn't be half-assed, but they should be short and not make much time. Brevity isn't half-assed, it's realistic--you don't know if you have much in common until she sees your profile, so the real purpose of the mail is just to get a profile view. Wit and style should be the focus; at first it may take you an hour to come up with a great, short email, but eventually it'll be easy and take a few minutes with enough practice.
FitChick Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I'd rather get no response rather than a generic "sorry we don't have much in common" answer that doesn't help me figure out why she actually thinks she doesn't like me. I think the general consensus regarding this is that when you tell someone WHY you didn't like them, you will get a barrage of insults in return.
ditzchic Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 Would you rather get no response or a response that is something along the lines of "Hey thanks. Good luck on the site." When I get a nice thought out message from someone I'm not attracted to or someone I don't think I would be compatible with, I contemplate sending the latter response but somehow that seems more rude then just not responding. Start approaching women in real life. Women use online dating kind of like they use online shoe shopping, we aren't going to go taking chances on something we aren't sure about. If it doesn't really catch our eye (we find you attractive) and isn't a brand whose sizing we are familiar with (our "type") we would rather do it in store. And when we are shopping in store you'd be surprised at what we leave with in our bag.
EnigmaticClarity Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 I think the general consensus regarding this is that when you tell someone WHY you didn't like them, you will get a barrage of insults in return. Oh yea, absolutely, I'd never expect a stranger to tell me she doesn't like the way I dress, what I do for a living, or the angle of my nose...yet those are the only things that would actually be at all of value for me to hear. That's why I vastly prefer no response at all--it's easiest for her AND me.
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