HappyFlower Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 Well, now I need to vent after hijacking Poppys thread lol So, I think I was a rebound (thanks Wilson for confirming my thoughts!). I will admit that I've put off asking about it on here because I thought you all might all say it I'm almost 4 months out of BU. I'm doing I think relatively well. Still angry at him and his lies and his exes, but not missing him really. Keeping busy, socialising, even dating! Just annoyed that I can't yell at him for it. I feel like now I want to tell him I know what I was, and I know he won't admit to it. His last long term ex before me he used to mention sometimes withput reason, then badmouthing her, telling me how crazy and psycho she was, but as like a side thought to why he'd mentioned her in the first place. I was a little suspiscious, wondering who he was trying to convince, me or himself? The same girl phoned him once when we were together - he made a point of ringing her straight back in another room for a 20min convo, coming back in and saying it was just a 'good friend' who wanted advice on a current BF. I found out later it was lies. I guess I was always questioning the posibility because she phoned and he hid it. But then I made excuses for him: I said to myself 'it was only one call' so it was ok. One that I was there for, and that he admitted to. I have no idea if they had further contact. The other excuse is that they split 9 months before we got together, so whenever I thought about it I thought it had been so long, it couldn't be a rebound. But I guess they can happen after any length of time huh? Erugh. Now I feel crap. On a positive note: I went on a date recently with a guy who was very interested in me. But I noticed when I got home that I'd spoken badly of the ex to him, so I text and said i was sorry but I clearly wasnt ready to date. I feel good that I saw that in myself and didn't just go along with it So, how now, and 4 months out, do I deal with realising I was probably a rebound without him admitting it?
PoppyLove89 Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 Well I definitely know that 'angry' feeling...you just want to yell and vent at them for putting you through all that BS. For watching you suffer and making out like you were the one making things up in your mind when clearly our gut instincts were right (I'm referencing my feelings from my previous break-up before this latest one) But here's the thing; say nothing. I know it's hard but honestly, there's dignity in silence. Don't let him think he has the upper hand, like he can still hurt you (I realise he probably still can given the fact that there's emotion involved but he doesn't need to know this!!) How long were you together? If you don't mind my asking. Has he reconnected with his ex since your split? I feel like my latest ex must have had stronger feelings for the ex before me too; they dated for 3 years, she left him for someone else, came back crawling to him two years later when her relationship with the new guy failed and he took her back for 6 months before ditching her. (Perhaps getting his own back, who knows). Anyway, I feel like crap because I never did anything but support him given his situation (he's in the army) and lord knows it was hard for me at times when he was away for months on end but I did! I wish him happiness but I know he'll regret behaving the way he did towards me eventually, not least because it's gonna be hard finding a chump like me who was willing to stick around with him doing the job he's doing...not that it's impossible but its a hard relationship to have with someone in the army unless you already have your foundations prior. Anyway, enough about me, focus on yourself. The anger will go eventually. I'd advise writing him a letter, putting all your feelings down on paper but whatever you do, do not send it to him!!! Chin up x
motive2002 Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 I was a rebound. The guy she still pined over treated her like crap. I can only suspect she went back to him (since it's been over a month NC) and I can honestly say I hope she gets more of the same She took a guy that was really into her and was nice to her etc and kicked him to the curb. She deserves whatever she gets.
Buttercup84 Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 I am sorry love . I was one too , we were together almost two years and almost got engaged and had a baby . He bad mouthed his ex too , and we met three weeks after she dumped him . He first said it was three months then it slipped out it was a lot sooner . Not good . He was so into me at first , wanting to marry me and have a baby . He was the best boyfriend . Then he just fellout of love pretty much after 6 months . I remember being at the doctors with him and he didn't put me down as his emergency contact , but he used to put his ex down before me. Like she was better and he saw a future with her and not me . I now realize it mainly didnt work out because he didn't let himself heal and got straight into a new relationship and I am sure he did the same after dumping me .
M2155 Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 See it as closure. He's never going to say "HappyFlower, I think you were a rebound." If you know that's why it didn't work out, that's all you need to know. My ex left me after almost two years as he had got back with his girlfriend before me. He never mentioned her during our relationship and never told me he was leaving (I found out through Facebook). I don't know how long/if he was single before we got together-i suspect not much at all but i'll never know. Anyway, we had the world of potential as we were a great match but he wasn't investing time or effort after the first 6months anymore and instead of walking, i fought for us and ended up being taken for granted (and boring). It hurt like crap and I went through all those stages. My anger is subsiding now though:), I don't want to talk to him and I can't respect how he went about it, but I...I don't know, it just is. I've been focusing on me and ready for what's next:love: Anyway, I genuinely believe people don't enter the relationship intentionally knowing they are rebounding (usually). They probably genuinely want to be happy again after whatever their previous issue was. That doesn't make it any easier to excuse, but he probably didn't do it on purpose, just couldnt let go. Like my story, it's just hard to respect the shady way he went about it. Hang in there. You'll realize you deserved better. And to question or walk when your gut is saying things aren't right. It's his loss. Remember you don't need HIM to tell you to know that
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