irc333 Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 I am noticing the enormous amount of Phillipino women that have joined the ranks of the medical profession either as a occupational therapist or a physical therapist or some kind of nanny position. Some are pretty cute, too. And typically don't have many hang ups when it comes to physical attraction. Most are on a work VISA through an agency, but I have to ask, would you say this is the least superficial culture out there? I see so many of these ladies either dating or even marrying guys they meet on their days off within a year or so of being in this country. Not sure if they're doing it to get their citizenship and divorcing immediately after they get established in their marriage. Any feedback there?
Taramere Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 Can only speak from my own experience, but I thoroughly recommend foreign brides. I used to do general practice (law) which involved a fair bit of matrimonial work. A lot of my clients were foreign brides seeking divorces. They were almost always very nice to deal with, and paid fees without quibbles.
CarrieT Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 I see so many of these ladies either dating or even marrying guys they meet on their days off within a year or so of being in this country. Not sure if they're doing it to get their citizenship and divorcing immediately after they get established in their marriage. Any feedback there? One of my best friends courted and married a Filapina and within three months of the marriage, was in abject hell. Turns out she already had a child that her parents were keeping for her until she could get an American husband and then they sent the child over. *Poof* - he had an instant family he didn't expect or want, but was legally married. THEN it turned out that the bride was psychotic and bi-polar - the real reason the grandparents kept the child hidden was to get the child to America because the mother couldn't take care of her own progeny. The Filipina has been hospitalized a number of times due to her psychosis and my friend is having to care for this three-year-old on his own while he deals with his wife's medical issues. He is trying to get a divorce but doesn't want to see the child in protective services and is unsure how to handle it; he is trying to get the child back to her country of origin, but the grandparents don't want her or her mother (their daughter) back. Pretty sad, huh? The really sad part was/is that my friend genuinely loved the girl but had no idea of the baggage and problems that accompanied her. He thought he was getting a nice, young simple girl with whom he could build his own family and life...
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 Can only speak from my own experience, but I thoroughly recommend foreign brides. I used to do general practice (law) which involved a fair bit of matrimonial work. A lot of my clients were foreign brides seeking divorces. They were almost always very nice to deal with, and paid fees without quibbles. According to statistics the divorce rate for American men married to foreign brides is just a touch over 20%... National average is currently around 50%. Sure there are bad apples everywhere, but from what I see most foreign women are very sincere in their motives... just as most local women seem to be. The major difference is that foreign women tend to work a lot harder at the relationship before throwing in the towel.
Taramere Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 (edited) According to statistics the divorce rate for American men married to foreign brides is just a touch over 20%... National average is currently around 50%. Sure there are bad apples everywhere, but from what I see most foreign women are very sincere in their motives... just as most local women seem to be. The major difference is that foreign women tend to work a lot harder at the relationship before throwing in the towel. That perception is first cousin to the perception that marriage to a foreign bride will create a power imbalance in the man's favour. It's not an unrealistic perception, given that the woman won't benefit from the support network of close family and long-standing friends...and will therefore be heavily reliant on the man. Hence increasing the pressure on her to ensure that the marriage works. Even if she has to try to make it work when the odds are stacked against her. "Bad apples" refers, I'm presuming, to gold diggers. However, in some cases it might be better if the woman is a gold digger. If she regards the marriage in a very businesslike manner and is clear about exactly what the bargain is. The women I saw in my office were very nice people who didnt tend to have that cold, businesslike outlook. Their marriages didn't necessarily fail because they were gold-digging bitches or because they didn't try. It takes two to make a marriage work. Unfortunately, some of the men who hook up with foreign wives don't see it that way. Edited December 30, 2011 by Taramere
mtber75 Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 Can only speak from my own experience, but I thoroughly recommend foreign brides. I used to do general practice (law) which involved a fair bit of matrimonial work. A lot of my clients were foreign brides seeking divorces. They were almost always very nice to deal with, and paid fees without quibbles. What? You recommend foreign brides yet you see a lot of them in divorce court? Don't know if that's good:) I heard a lot of stories of these women that uses men to get or stay in the US or other westernized countries! As soon as they achieve this through marriage they dump the guys! Eastern European (Russians) and Fillippino women are the worst! But I also hear a lot of successful marriages with beautiful kids! So I guess its 50/50 chance that it will be successful!
Taramere Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 What? You recommend foreign brides yet you see a lot of them in divorce court? Don't know if that's good:) Sorry...I was being facetious. Saying that they make good clients. I heard a lot of stories of these women that uses men to get or stay in the US or other westernized countries! As soon as they achieve this through marriage they dump the guys! Eastern European (Russians) and Fillippino women are the worst! But I also hear a lot of successful marriages with beautiful kids! So I guess its 50/50 chance that it will be successful! Many stories on this site bear witness to the human tendency to demonise ex partners as narcissists, psychopaths etc. Those labels are going to get thrown at women from other countries who marry and subsequently divorce Western men. In some cases the labels may be deserved, but in others the woman might have gone into the marriage really wanting to make it work - but maybe she was the second or even third wife to a man with a tendency to blame the other person when his relationships or marriages failed.
dasein Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 IMO, only a moderately educated one (caveat) with respect to filipinos, it would be no worse nor better than one's chances dating citizens. The tendency to rush into marriage should ALWAYS be avoided by everyone, no matter whom one is dating. In fact, if children aren't desired, American men should avoid marriage in its current state in the U.S. It is a VERY bad bet. Were you to go into court getting a divorce from a foreign bride today, a gender biased bench and bar will presume wrongdoing on your part, that you mounted an insidious plan to obtain a docile serf, and that the mere act of marrying her was an act of oppression. Her lawyer will of course take full advantage of shooting the fish (you) in the barrel. Yes, it is that bad. So I guess I'd say sure, date them... for a long long time, and marry only after several years of courtship if ever.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 That perception is first cousin to the perception that marriage to a foreign bride will create a power imbalance in the man's favour. It's not an unrealistic perception, given that the woman won't benefit from the support network of close family and long-standing friends...and will therefore be heavily reliant on the man. Hence increasing the pressure on her to ensure that the marriage works. Even if she has to try to make it work when the odds are stacked against her. "Bad apples" refers, I'm presuming, to gold diggers. However, in some cases it might be better if the woman is a gold digger. If she regards the marriage in a very businesslike manner and is clear about exactly what the bargain is. The women I saw in my office were very nice people who didnt tend to have that cold, businesslike outlook. Their marriages didn't necessarily fail because they were gold-digging bitches or because they didn't try. It takes two to make a marriage work. Unfortunately, some of the men who hook up with foreign wives don't see it that way. Power imbalances exist because of personalities... not national origin. Does being a foreign bride suddenly entitle you to less in a divorce? Nope. If you look at communities where people recently immigrated those guys always go back home to get married. It's partly a cultural thing... but primarily it's a quality issue. It's just incredibly difficult to get a quality woman who was born here and make a long term relationship work. I had a Russian friend tell me that none of his LTR's with American women worked because they couldn't adapt to his family and culture. Yet he married a woman from Japan and has no issues. Why is there such a difference?
Taramere Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 (edited) Power imbalances exist because of personalities... not national origin. Does being a foreign bride suddenly entitle you to less in a divorce? Nope. If you look at communities where people recently immigrated those guys always go back home to get married. It's partly a cultural thing... but primarily it's a quality issue. It's just incredibly difficult to get a quality woman who was born here and make a long term relationship work. I had a Russian friend tell me that none of his LTR's with American women worked because they couldn't adapt to his family and culture. Yet he married a woman from Japan and has no issues. Why is there such a difference? Well, here's a link to a study that might go some way to addressing some of your questions. It's quite interesting. It looks at the role a surrounding culture plays in shaping temperament. Russians have more in common with East Asian countries (in terms of child rearing practices) than other Slavic countries. So according to the study, Poles would tend to be more similar to Americans (culturally, in terms of child-rearing..) than Russians would be. Russians would have more in common with the Japanese than Poles and other Slavs would. The study also refers to individualism v collectivism and the impact this can have on child-rearing practices. It suggests that in collectivist society there is more emphasis on care-giving and emotional warmth being employed to encourage acceptance of group values. In more individualist societies, the study says, play and eye contact is used to encourage the expression of positive emotions. As always, there are pros and cons to both approaches. Your Russian friend's preference for a Japanese partner ties in with that study. I would think that having shared values with regard to collectivism v individualism and also with regard to child raising practices would be of prime importance in compatibility...not just between the two people in the marriage, but in relation to how they get on with their other half's families. ETA...of course a study like that does support the use of generalisations, which don't always apply. As the post-communist decades roll by in Russia, values and norms might start to change rapidly and be more reflective of American culture. I think, though, that even when an economic system has changed it can be a long time before familial values alter. Perhaps fair to say that the individualist approach is effective in helping individuals to get on in the business world, and the collectivist approach in helping families to function cohesively. Consider the emphasis in the US on individualism. The scornful "commies" perspective of socialist countries. I don't think that political and economic approach can be divorced from attitudes pertaining to relationships and family values. Can a marriage work between an individualist man who has a basic contempt for the collectivist values that would make a "good" wife? It seems more desirable that both parties to the marriage would be compatible and reasonably consistent in their values. It's inevitable that in a society where collectivism is scorned, American women as well as American men will feel pressurised to live up to the individualist ideals that American women are so frequently chastised (on this board) for chasing. Edited December 30, 2011 by Taramere
taiko Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 Oh please, a Filipino on a work visa in the US, UK, Canada or Australia has won the lottery. She is under no pressure for a quick wedding. And it not like she is a domestic servant in Hong Kong, an "entertainer" in Japan or a worker in Arabia where if only three and not four men admitto raping her she is prosecuted as a fornicator.
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