Darklady Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Does anyone else have experience of handling this situation, and keeping their sanity? I moved in with my partner three months ago; to do so I let out my own house, and my tenants have it for a year - so going back home is not an option yet. The rental from this is my only income, though I'm actively looking for work and hope this situation will change soon. He seemed to change personality once I'd moved in - drinking heavily and getting really mean, being generally controlling, critical and sarcastic. The controlling stuff didn't really wash with me and I ignored his provocative remarks. A couple of days before Christmas he told me he didn't want the relationship any more and that I'd be staying in the spare room. I no longer love him - his behaviour has killed all that - and if I could wave a magic wand, get out and never have anything to do with him again, I would. In the meantime, I'm being polite, civil and distant with him. I'm not doing any informal activities like watching telly together or eating together. I'm also working very hard on job/freelance opportunities. Any comments or helpful suggestions gratefully received!
Philosoraptor Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 It just doesn't work. I did it a few times and you either don't stay apart (even though you should) or there is a ton of resentment. Not a good situation to be in.
BoredAgain Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 I've never been in that situation, but I think the general consensus around here is to move out as soon as possible. Of course, sometimes "as soon as possible" is several months.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 Well a living situation takes a big toll on the quality of your life, especially when it's not working at all. I would consider than an emergency situation and you should seek out all possibilities for moving out.. - contacting close friends and family - looking into cheap housing - taking out a small loan It might seem like the financially regressive thing to do, but being in this relationship will put more of a hamper on your life than a fire under your ass to get out. Plus you have to deal with all the daily stress and pain, and that just delays how quickly you will move forward from this situation. You might consider "Well...maybe If we can come to understanding and get long until I move.." that's not going to work, eventually you'll fall into a another argument or conflict due to the many sources in which to pull an emotion from. I suspect you'll try anyway, to be separate and do your own thing..but it's just too close for comfort...how can you concentrate on the future when the past is right in your face? you have to pull away from that to gain back a balanced and level headed picture of the world again, as I feel this will thwart your plans on getting a job and you won't have the support or love when things become challenging...which in life they always do.
carhill Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 Since you have income, look for a roomer situation and live off the remainder of your rental income. I'll assume you're not living in the current situation cost-free. Crunch the numbers and get moving, literally, out the door.
Author Darklady Posted December 30, 2011 Author Posted December 30, 2011 I'm hoping that as he was the dumper he will hold off from being aggressive; certainly when I was looking at flats to rent he told me that I shouldn't feel that there was any pressure to move out. Being able to empathise with how other people might be feeling was never his strong point; it wouldn't occur to him that I might be very uncomfortable, but he would like the financial contribution to the household. The problem is that I have too much stuff just to fit into one room if I went into a house share, AND I need it to be able to work, so it's looking at creative ways of keeping working and keeping my sanity. For now. I think maybe the way to go is to pull in as many sources of support as possible and just keep going. Before moving out as gently as possible. Thanks for the replies everyone!
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