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Honestly, You think she'll initiate contact and come back?


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Posted

I know i've posted here a lot, i guess i just need a bit of a pick-me up.

 

Alright, there is a long story behind this, the break-up, and everything. I've talked to several people about it, and i just want to state i'm not looking for 'you just need to get over her.' because in a sense, i have. I understand what went wrong, why it happened, and how we can both improve if we got back together. I forgive her for everything that happened. Now, almost 2 month later i can logically look back and say i want to be in a relationship with her. So, here we go.

 

She's a pretty passive person. I wore the pants, i took care of her and protected her and in return, she was very loving and nurturing and caring. I was her first love. We had some of the best memories of our life together. I was her world, and she was very sweet. I was confident, and just went with everything. I never really had a fear of losing her. We had a very comfortable relationship. She was very dependent on me, and because of this she lost a lot of her friendships. She would break down and cry at the notion of even just making me upset.

 

So, time passed, and i noticed a change in her. We had a routine of things lately, so we didn't really do anything new. This lasted for a few months, and i guess we both got somewhat bored. I had just come out of a minor 'GIGS' mindset and had been distancing, and realized she was the one i wanted to be with. However, i graduated so we had the conflict of distance. I wouldn't be seeing her every single day anymore. During this period, she made some friends who weren't particularly fond of me, and there was a guy in that group who took an eye for her. He pretty much became her best friend and emotional doormat, and i could see everything he was doing. He was slowly manipulating her, starting out as her supportive friend, to telling her he misses her, to finally confessing his feelings and constantly talking to her about her relationship with me. Whenever she and i fought (as we were in a rough point) he would run to her side. She started to completely take me for granted during this time. She even told me that.

 

I kept fighting for her. Warning her about him, telling her i wanted to make everything work. She went along with it, told me she would stop talking to him and everything but she lied. She kept lying about it, until she ended up leaving me for him. I told her it was nothing but the chase, and she was going to throw our relationship away for it. It was new and exciting, but he wasn't anyone worth being with (he's got some emotional problems, very low self-esteem) When we broke up, she would say things like she didn't want to date me right now, she just wanted to be friends. I told her no, and she was really upset and scared to lose me, and she even asked me to wait for her. She broke down and started crying saying she doesn't want to be without me in her life. I was upset, things happened, she kept leading me along, and i caught them together one day and i told her to never contact me again, called her a b*tch, and blocked all contact with her. Before this, i asked her why she did everything. She just replied with, "I have no idea. I guess i just wanted a change." She even told me i was a better lover than him.

 

But, i do love her. I feel like this is some phase she's going through, and when she works through it she'll be back. Our mutual friends tell me her relationship looks really awkward, they don't act like a couple and they never see each other. This baffles me, because when she and i dated she wanted to see me 24/7 and wouldn't take no for an answer. I've ran into her a couple times since the break-up, and she just runs away and avoids me, i guess its too hard for her to confront me.

 

Point being, 5 weeks NC, 7 weeks post BU. Still counting on contact from her. I have faith that what we had was special, and because of that i feel like she'll come back.

Posted

I know that you are heartbroken, but how about doing things just for you? You keep writing how she feels etc but how about you? I think you owe it to yourself and than you stand a chance with her.

 

Cheers!

  • Author
Posted
I know that you are heartbroken, but how about doing things just for you? You keep writing how she feels etc but how about you? I think you owe it to yourself and than you stand a chance with her.

 

Cheers!

 

Thanks for the input. I know how i feel. I've always been a rather numb person. I don't care too much about my surroundings or the world of what is going on outside of my little circle. I cared about her well-being, however. I pretty much feel empty, sort of how i felt before i even met her. Not unhappy, but not particularly happy. But, i have been working on myself quite a bit. I just want that companionship back that i lost.

Posted

zimbo, she's young.. of course she could come back, people make mistakes in that age. no one can tell you what she's gonna do. dont even try to figure out. i know this is hard to do but its for the best. and even if this is gonna sound harsh, you are young to.. its a lifeexperience and for both of you and i actually believe its for the best to see what you want in life before settling down.

 

someone else will make you happy one day. remember that.

  • Author
Posted

Yeah, i just want her to come back. She's the person i have invested so much time and effort into. She's the one i really love more than anyone else. Bleh.

Posted

From where I'm sitting, it really doesn't look like you're over her. It's nice that you're able to forgive and forget, but why would you want to be in a relationship with somebody who treated you like this?

 

Besides, there are simply too many variables to know whether getting back together with her is even a possibility. First, it seems like she has a lot of growing up to do, and that may take many months, years, or she may never grow up. After that, it's possible that she may simply not want to get back together - it happens. But even if she did, there's no telling where either of you will be in life... maybe she'll be living in Sri Lanka, pregnant, and in court facing life imprisonment.

 

The only sensible thing for you to do is move forward with your life, and stop thinking about a relationship with your Ex.

Posted

You should be careful to not lump initiating contact, and coming back into the same group. She may initiate contact, for a variety of reasons (for the record generally selfish ones) but that isn't the same as coming back. There are people on this forum that will advise you how to handle the first contact, I wish I were one of them, im not. These people have been through your situation, listen to them

Posted

Spicolli and BoredAgain with very good posts. Zimbo, you've invested enough time into her and she still left you man. It hurts like hell no doubt. Don't invest more time into her NOW though. Invest it into yourself and moving forward!

 

She does not deserve your time or thoughts now. She doesn't. She left you for another man. You deserve better brother. Move on for yourself. You never know what happens in the future but do not wait for someone who right now doesn't ---realize--- that they care for you. They might realize one day but it doesn't mean that person will come back.

Posted

ive been through this, and since she's with another guy you should simply not answer her. if she breaks up with him and contact you, dont answer. it might be because she's lonely. if you cant resist. at least go limited contact. however if you really want her back i would advice you to not be rude, but not overly nice either. just act like youre okey with everything.

 

 

personally i would recommend to go on dates. because theres just no reason to settle down with a 17 year old girl. if i remember correct she's 17?. i know this is hard but theres just to much that you havent figured out yet. so go on dates, and maybe when she finish school there might be a chance for you later in life. the pain will go away trust me. and you will most likely be happier with someone more mature.

Posted
Yeah, i just want her to come back. She's the person i have invested so much time and effort into. She's the one i really love more than anyone else. Bleh.

 

What you are saying is a lot of "I, I, I (me/me/me)" when she is saying "No" to you and "YES" to someone else.

 

It doesn't matter how you feel right now. The ball is in her court and she's with someone else. Doesn't matter if it looks "awkward" to you or anyone else. It's only how she feels.

 

Please.

 

Stop wasting your time wanting/wishing/praying for things you don't control. She is the only one who controls herself. If she really wanted to be with you, she'd BE with you and not someone else.

 

Spend time making yourself happy. Read my NC thread. It shows you all you need to do to move on with YOUR life -- which is all YOU control.

  • Author
Posted

It pains me to say it but you guys are right. If she wanted to be with me, she would and she chose someone else instead, despite our history together. Its wrong of me to still put her first and think of her like this when she didn't return the favor.

Posted
It pains me to say it but you guys are right. If she wanted to be with me, she would and she chose someone else instead, despite our history together. Its wrong of me to still put her first and think of her like this when she didn't return the favor.

 

 

 

its a learningprocess. think about it. its been guys in here that are 20 years older then you asking the same things. if she wants you back, she should at least be able to tell you herself. thats not something you should do. cause if she cant tell you that she's sorry, she doesnt deserve you.

  • Author
Posted
its a learningprocess. think about it. its been guys in here that are 20 years older then you asking the same things. if she wants you back, she should at least be able to tell you herself. thats not something you should do. cause if she cant tell you that she's sorry, she doesnt deserve you.

 

Yeah. It was just so unreal losing her. She was a part of my life. You wake up, and you know your siblings and your parents are alive and you can reach them, and i wake up and it was the same with her. I had done so much for her, too. I really tried my best to be a great boyfriend for her. It doesn't feel normal without her, or like its really meant to be that we don't end up together.

Posted
Yeah. It was just so unreal losing her. She was a part of my life. You wake up, and you know your siblings and your parents are alive and you can reach them, and i wake up and it was the same with her. I had done so much for her, too. I really tried my best to be a great boyfriend for her. It doesn't feel normal without her, or like its really meant to be that we don't end up together.

 

Life is never constant. People change and so do their feelings.

 

Do not waste the good years of your life worried about things you cannot control. Control what you can which is YOU.

 

Get healthy.

Love yourself.

Hang out with friends.

Find new hobbies.

 

Read my NC thread or Second Chance threads. They have good advice in there as far as moving forward with your life. Time isn't going to stop or wait for you, so don't waste it.

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