Woggle Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 How do you deal with being happy in a world that is pretty much anti-love and anti commitment these days? How do keep your relationship alive in a society where men and women pretty much hate each other? How do you buck the current trends?
carhill Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 When our M was good we maintained and/or built relationships with other couples who shared that perspective. Some of those couples are still my friends now after D. What goes on with 'the rest' I really don't concern myself with.
oaks Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 How do you deal with being happy in a world that is pretty much anti-love and anti commitment these days? Oh no! I didn't know that I had to "deal with it". Not sure how I'm going to cope now that I know I have to be happy in such an environment. Or, in other words, what the heck are you on about?
Eve Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I am just glad to have what I have and if I can help someone else along the way.. cool. No point comparing or even worrying about what is by and large media hype of an age old subject. Men and women get on perfectly fine where I live. I haven't heard off anyone getting divorced for ages. Environment is key. Take care, Eve x
Stung Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I'm with Oaks in that I rarely see these environmental trends that you keep talking about, Wogs. I think you read way too many bitter websites that cater to the disaffected. Yes, there are a lot of damaged people in the world. Yes, the population is full of assh*les of all types and genders, and unsurprisingly they don't all just get along...life's not a child's cartoon where everyone is guaranteed a happy ending. But it's you who insist on pushing your own face into their assh*lery and mess until it's all you can see, everywhere you look, because you're staining yourself with it. Most of my friends and relations are happily partnered up. The ones who are alone are mostly looking to partner up, because they like partnership and love and commitment. The people I know who don't actively want to be part of a couple are just loners, or else they prefer to be in a triad or some other configuration. I know a few people in disastrous and toxic relationships, but they're in the minority in my circles. I know a few people who seem perpetually single, but one of those guys recently got a pretty serious girlfriend he is really really into and everybody is happy for him. A good friend of mine just got engaged and he is over the moon about it and we just threw him a congratulatory party a few weeks ago. One of my best friends is getting married this coming summer, and she's so excited--she waited 37 years to find the right person, after many heartbreaks, but she kept trying. I of course know people who are divorced, and in every single case I think it was the best thing for them in the long run. It was not something any of them took lightly, all of them made efforts to save their marriages, and it took most of them a while to recover because of course it was painful, but many of them are back out there looking to try again. My parents have been happily married over forty years. I'm happily married. My cousins have mostly been happily married for over twenty years. Three of my five sisters-in-law are happily married. My husband's parents were happily married for thirty years until my MIL was widowed. I believe you know enough of my story, if you recall it, to know that I have had to struggle in life, too, Wogs. You can't play your usual cards with me, because I was abused by men and had every reason to fear and mistrust them, just as you fear and mistrust women...yet I dug myself out of the pit, I opened my eyes and learned to see in the light. I would wish the same for you.
Pyro Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I deal with it by not basing what I read online as the majority or the norm. I tend to distance myself from those who are in a bad relationship because life is too short to deal with that crap. The society that I am in has a fair share of happy and unhappy couples, none of which affect the awesome relationship that I am in.
kiss_andmakeup Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Why would I even think about it? My friends and family have healthy relationships with and attitudes toward the opposite sex. Same goes for my boyfriend's friends and family. Besides, Woggle, aren't you in a genuinely happy relationship? How do you deal with it? Personally I see no point in spending so much time and energy thinking about problems that don't directly affect me and things I can't change.
Author Woggle Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 I am not trying to play my cards with you. I think men are just as bad. It is hard to see when I don't date them but I observed and it just as dire for a good woman as it is for a good man.
Stung Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I remember you mentioning once, Wogs, that not only are you happy in your marriage, but many of the couples you and your wife socialize with seem happy and well-adjusted. I found that interesting at the time, as I have noted that you really zero in on any bad examples you can find while overlooking or explaining away and minimizing the good. I hope that's something you've been addressing within yourself. I'm leaving in just a few minutes for a family vacation over New Years. Myself, my husband; my elderly parents; my stepdaughter and my son. 3 males, 3 females, two happily married couples. If anybody is going to bicker with anybody, it will probably be me and my mom, but ultimately I know we'll have a great time. There are some troubled relationships, some damaged people, some bitter asshats out there, but they're not even going to be on our radars, because we're going to be focused on each other and enjoying what we are making for ourselves. Have a good NYE with your lovely wife.
Author Woggle Posted December 30, 2011 Author Posted December 30, 2011 I agree. I am feeling more up now but certain things just really trigger me. I admit when I read threads concerning wrong on the part of a woman I always assume women will side with it when honestly most of the time it turns out not to be true.
dasein Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 The best thing you can do is to keep an eye peeled on friends your wife cultivates apart from you. Not to a controlling, paranoid level, just be aware. Not doing so is what killed my last happy relationship due to toxic influence of supposed "friends." Have seen it happen to many of my friends who take a loose hands off approach also where friends outside the relationship are concerned. Always be aware of who your woman is interacting with when you aren't around and the level of influence they may have on her. I had another one prior to the last where we were doing great... then she started bonding with a recently divorced friend of hers who was constantly trying to drag her out drinking, to frat parties (both women were 30+ lol) and into her madcap recently divorced lifestyle. I tried to befriend the woman also, but in retrospect, she wanted me out of the picture and was backstabbing me at every opportunity to accomplish that. My GF was impressionable and suddenly started getting haughty and contemptuous. Broke things off with her and guess that's exactly what the divorced friend was seeking. Never again will I ignore what is going on with external "friends." Was a lazy mistake on my part.
Els Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 I'm with Oaks in that I rarely see these environmental trends that you keep talking about, Wogs. Ditto. I honestly have personally met very, very few adults who hate the opposite sex. LS was my first experience of such, and it surprised me that so many people could harbor so much bitterness. I don't think men and women 'pretty much hate each other in this world'. I think the people who do hate the opposite sex are a genuinely small minority, it is just that relationship/gender forums bring out that small portion of the population. Also, I don't quite get the question. I'm not sure how it's so difficult to deal with being happy, but I think I somehow manage. Honestly, when I see some of the craziness on here and on the news, etc, I feel even more grateful for my relationship. I do stand by my opinion that there are many happy couples out there though, and that we are not really as much a rarity as some people are led to believe.
thatone Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 The best thing you can do is to keep an eye peeled on friends your wife cultivates apart from you. Not to a controlling, paranoid level, just be aware. Not doing so is what killed my last happy relationship due to toxic influence of supposed "friends." Have seen it happen to many of my friends who take a loose hands off approach also where friends outside the relationship are concerned. Always be aware of who your woman is interacting with when you aren't around and the level of influence they may have on her. I had another one prior to the last where we were doing great... then she started bonding with a recently divorced friend of hers who was constantly trying to drag her out drinking, to frat parties (both women were 30+ lol) and into her madcap recently divorced lifestyle. I tried to befriend the woman also, but in retrospect, she wanted me out of the picture and was backstabbing me at every opportunity to accomplish that. My GF was impressionable and suddenly started getting haughty and contemptuous. Broke things off with her and guess that's exactly what the divorced friend was seeking. Never again will I ignore what is going on with external "friends." Was a lazy mistake on my part. agreed, made that mistake on the last gf myself. she also wanted to keep certain friends/family separate from me, and i went along with it for a few months, but eventually had enough. even though i didn't initiate the breakup, i initiated the arguments that led to it. subconsciously you know when something is wrong and act accordingly even if you don't know about it consciously at the time. and i'll fully admit that i'm not that guy, that will control a woman just for the sake of keeping her around. if i see such behavior i'll just walk away. i'm not going to tell someone else how to behave. but the lesson is, and i'm sure plenty of women will pound their desks in indignation over this, those women need to be manipulated and controlled. that's why they wind up with men that do so.
Cee Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 Infidelity and anti-love is none of my business. I don't participate in it and frankly, I find the whole topic boring. This isn't about people hating each other, it's them hating themselves and finding validation through empty liaisons. The reason my boyfriend and I aren't bothered by this anti-love stuff is we have other interests. My boyfriend is passionate about computer science, gaming, politics and his motorcycle. Especially his motorcycle as he talks about it night and day. As for me, I am starting a business so I'm up to my eyeballs thinking about that. Other people's love problems are at the bottom of my list. I saw on Twitter that people were talking about Russell Brand and Katy Perry breaking up. That has no impact on my life, although for 15 seconds it drew my attention. But it has zero effect on how I view my partner. I trust and love him completely. I know this stuff is deeply upsetting to you and affects your life. I don't know what is underneath all of your anxiety and pain and I hope one you heal from it.
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