Little bit of a rant!

[PoppyLove89]

So basically today I came to see the rather painful and cold truth:

 

When your ex doesn't text or call following a break-up, they're moving (wait, that's not my conclusion).

 

When they go out of their way to make their presence known to you in a public place (a bar/club/store/whatever) they are simply ensuring you have spotted them. They perhaps just want to see if you're still miserable without them, see if they could still pull strings if they wanted to. It doesn't mean they still have feelings for you.

 

When they're rude to you in person despite the fact that they swore they'd never let things go sour after the break-up, it might just be because it's awkward but it could also be because they're over it. They want to forget you, almost wish you were in fact a stranger.

 

When we (the dumpees) are sat thinking about them, pining, going through 'what ifs' and 'if onlys' - we're simply torturing ourselves. I can guarantee my ex isn't sat thinking about me and what we had every day. Sure, I may pop into his head from time to time (especially since he's seen me by accident 3 times over the xmas holidays so I'm fresh in his mind, or so you'd think), we were together for over a year after all and spoke every single day without fail (you're bound to miss that) but I don't think he misses me in a 'I can't live without her, can't get her out of my head' kind of way.

 

Are we merely looking for the light at the end of the tunnel? Denial is a powerful thing and I feel I've been deluding myself. Making excuses for my ex's behaviour "oh yeah, he was rude to me because he doesn't know how to act" or "he's too stubborn to contact me" well I'm sorry but love wouldn't hold somebody back. If they see the error of their ways, they will make their feelings known no matter how dumb they feel. And he certainly wouldn't be rude to me if his love for me was real. I feel our whole relationship meant more to me than him and I feel like an absolute IDIOT for still loving someone who appears to have moved on so easily.

 

TIME FOR ME TO DO THE SAME. The call/text will never come (it's been two months as of today) he's out of my life for good and I need to accept that. Rant over

Edited December 29, 2011 by PoppyLove89

[Philosoraptor]

Many dumpers are emotionally immature and it becomes the prospect of winning the "who moves on faster" battle. Ignore it as one who has not grown will only hurt you again in the future anyway.

[PoppyLove89]

Exactly! 'Who moves on faster'...they want to ensure it's them so they can validate making the right decision. This explains my exes behaviour anyway. He wants to see that I'm still on a string 'just in case'. He wants me to still be hung-up on him until he's moved on but that ain't gonna happen!!!

 

I'm happier now than I was a month and a half ago and I'm guessing it's only gonna get better

[MIK1000]

So basically today I came to see the rather painful and cold truth:

 

When your ex doesn't text or call following a break-up, they're moving (wait, that's not my conclusion).

 

When they go out of their way to make their presence known to you in a public place (a bar/club/store/whatever) they are simply ensuring you have spotted them. They perhaps just want to see if you're still miserable without them, see if they could still pull strings if they wanted to. It doesn't mean they still have feelings for you.

 

When they're rude to you in person despite the fact that they swore they'd never let things go sour after the break-up, it might just be because it's awkward but it could also be because they're over it. They want to forget you, almost wish you were in fact a stranger.

 

When we (the dumpees) are sat thinking about them, pining, going through 'what ifs' and 'if onlys' - we're simply torturing ourselves. I can guarantee my ex isn't sat thinking about me and what we had every day. Sure, I may pop into his head from time to time (especially since he's seen me by accident 3 times over the xmas holidays so I'm fresh in his mind, or so you'd think), we were together for over a year after all and spoke every single day without fail (you're bound to miss that) but I don't think he misses me in a 'I can't live without her, can't get her out of my head' kind of way.

 

Are we merely looking for the light at the end of the tunnel? Denial is a powerful thing and I feel I've been deluding myself. Making excuses for my ex's behaviour "oh yeah, he was rude to me because he doesn't know how to act" or "he's too stubborn to contact me" well I'm sorry but love wouldn't hold somebody back. If they see the error of their ways, they will make their feelings known no matter how dumb they feel. And he certainly wouldn't be rude to me if his love for me was real. I feel our whole relationship meant more to me than him and I feel like an absolute IDIOT for still loving someone who appears to have moved on so easily.

 

TIME FOR ME TO DO THE SAME. The call/text will never come (it's been two months as of today) he's out of my life for good and I need to accept that. Rant over

 

 

Exactly. I made a thread on here after christmas eve, because my ex was in the pub I was working in, making her presence known the whole night and I got told she kept staring at me. I didn't think all that much of it but people were saying in the thread that this was her obviously trying to get me to talk to her, get me to ask her out (despite her being with a new guy). They were saying I was an idiot for not noticing this. After reading all this, I went and broke NC, put myself out there and got shot down.

 

I feel horrible now because at least before I broke no contact, I had my pride.

 

Before I was also telling myself that she was being rude to me because she wanted me to break NC and show her that I still cared, or get a reaction out of me. But now it seems she was just being rude because she doesn't care to be nice to me.

 

At least now I'm more realistic and know she isn't interested in me at all and can begin to drop hope of getting her back. (I'd stopped wanting her back until that night).

Edited December 30, 2011 by MIK1000

[PoppyLove89]

Exactly. I made a thread on here after christmas eve, because my ex was in the pub I was working in, making her presence known the whole night and I got told she kept staring at me. I didn't think all that much of it but people were saying in the thread that this was her obviously trying to get me to talk to her, get me to ask her out (despite her being with a new guy). They were saying I was an idiot for not noticing this. After reading all this, I went and broke NC, put myself out there and got shot down.

 

I feel horrible now because at least before I broke no contact, I had my pride.

 

Before I was also telling myself that she was being rude to me because she wanted me to break NC and show her that I still cared, or get a reaction out of me. But now it seems she was just being rude because she doesn't care to be nice to me.

 

At least now I'm more realistic and know she isn't interested in me at all and can begin to drop hope of getting her back. (I'd stopped wanting her back until that night).

 

Don't worry you're not alone in this situation. My ex made a point of turning up at the cocktail bar in my work on my birthday, knowing full-well I'd be starting my night out there with my mates. You could say it was just an unlucky coincidence if this was a bar him and his friends frequented but as it stands, they never normally go there, it's like 'my territory' because I work there. Anyway he'd left his group of mates who know me in the club down the street and brought some other guy along whom I'd never seen before. Guessing it was a case of him telling his mate "Oh, let's just see what it's like in there tonight?", there's no way his other friends would have gone with him and he'd never have asked them because they know I'd be there. Anyway, I was waiting outside the club with my friend who was smoking, then I clocked my ex who was looking right at me. He made a point of walking in through the door I was standing by despite there being three other entrances to the building. (He made a smirky face as he walked in...obviously trying to ruin my night) - PATHETIC.

 

Then I saw him in the next club we went to and although I kept clocking him looking, he didn't come over. He kept breaking away from his friends and circling the club on his own, almost as though he was looking to see where I was and who I was with because as soon as he locked eyes on me and my friends, he'd walk back over to his friends. Pointless much?! It's all childish games.

 

He was clearly expecting me to come running, make a scene etc but I stayed with my friends and minded my own business. I was dignified whilst he looked like the needy ex, wanting to see if I was flirting/dancing with anyone.

 

We're better off without our Exes, just remember that

[MIK1000]

Don't worry you're not alone in this situation. My ex made a point of turning up at the cocktail bar in my work on my birthday, knowing full-well I'd be starting my night out there with my mates. You could say it was just an unlucky coincidence if this was a bar him and his friends frequented but as it stands, they never normally go there, it's like 'my territory' because I work there. Anyway he'd left his group of mates who know me in the club down the street and brought some other guy along whom I'd never seen before. Guessing it was a case of him telling his mate "Oh, let's just see what it's like in there tonight?", there's no way his other friends would have gone with him and he'd never have asked them because they know I'd be there. Anyway, I was waiting outside the club with my friend who was smoking, then I clocked my ex who was looking right at me. He made a point of walking in through the door I was standing by despite there being three other entrances to the building. (He made a smirky face as he walked in...obviously trying to ruin my night) - PATHETIC.

 

Then I saw him in the next club we went to and although I kept clocking him looking, he didn't come over. He kept breaking away from his friends and circling the club on his own, almost as though he was looking to see where I was and who I was with because as soon as he locked eyes on me and my friends, he'd walk back over to his friends. Pointless much?! It's all childish games.

 

He was clearly expecting me to come running, make a scene etc but I stayed with my friends and minded my own business. I was dignified whilst he looked like the needy ex, wanting to see if I was flirting/dancing with anyone.

 

We're better off without our Exes, just remember that

 

 

He went the extra mile then. Where as my ex would have been at the pub anyway, because it's traditional that all the young folk in our area gather there on christmas eve. However, she was hanging about the bar like a bad smell near me.

 

What I don't understand is, if she's happy with her new guy that she left me for and totally over me (as it would seem by her response to me breaking NC) then why is she doing this?

 

I'm guessing your ex hadn't moved on to a new girl at this point?

[PoppyLove89]

He went the extra mile then. Where as my ex would have been at the pub anyway, because it's traditional that all the young folk in our area gather there on christmas eve. However, she was hanging about the bar like a bad smell near me.

 

What I don't understand is, if she's happy with her new guy that she left me for and totally over me (as it would seem by her response to me breaking NC) then why is she doing this?

 

I'm guessing your ex hadn't moved on to a new girl at this point?

 

 

He was just being an immature idiot! I was close to getting our doormen (bouncers) to kick him and his mate out but I thought, no, I shan't be petty like him! If he gets his kicks from trying to make me miserable in order to make himself feel better then that's pretty sad in my eyes. I tried to be the bigger person once before, tried to be civil and he wasn't interested so if they need to act like they don't know us to get over it then that's their call.

 

My ex isn't with anyone else, we're both still single as it's only been two months and we only split because of little arguments that kept occurring, not because there were other people involved. He was fine with me, still being nice, for about a week after the split and then as soon as he got back in touch with his much younger friends, it was all downhill from there. He changed and I don't recognise the guy he's turned into.

 

Just leave your ex to it, if she's miserable in her new relationship/rebound well then that just goes to show that relationship karma is real!

[Philosoraptor]

One who forgives both their partner and themselves will find inner peace. With that peace one has found the indifference necessary to truly move on.

 

“Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.”

- Buddha