sher871 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I live in Illinois. I don't want alimony (maintenance) unless it's fair...my attorney thinks I deserve. My husband's does not. What is fair??? I'm a woman, married for 15 years. I stayed at home 9 years to raise his children from previous marriage as well as the children we had together during that time. Four years ago, I started working again, full time teaching. He is offering 50% assets, 50% of his retirement 401K. He wants half of my present value teacher pension and he does not feel I deserve alimony because I am gainfully employed. He is giving the proper amount of child support--28% of net income for our 2 minor children.
Soxfaninfl Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I live in Illinois. I don't want alimony (maintenance) unless it's fair...my attorney thinks I deserve. My husband's does not. What is fair??? I'm a woman, married for 15 years. I stayed at home 9 years to raise his children from previous marriage as well as the children we had together during that time. Four years ago, I started working again, full time teaching. He is offering 50% assets, 50% of his retirement 401K. He wants half of my present value teacher pension and he does not feel I deserve alimony because I am gainfully employed. He is giving the proper amount of child support--28% of net income for our 2 minor children. A judge will probably decide it unless your lawyers can come to an agreement. My ex-wife wanted alimony, but she didn't get it because she worked through the entire marriage. I only made 10K more than she did a year.
jstobo Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 The word "deserve" is an important word. If you decided to leave the marriage, I would say you do not deserve alimony. If he left the marriage, I would say you deserve it for a period of time. The courts like it when your take home income is somewhere around 45-48% and his take home is around 52-55% of the combined income. This would include child support. For example, if you make a combined $100,000 a year, the courts would want you to have $45,000 of that and him have $55,000 of it.
carhill Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Maintenance (formerly known as alimony) comes in many shapes and sizes. Unlike child support in Illinois, there is no statutory "formula" for determining the amount or duration of maintenance to be awarded. Illinois law recognizes three forms of maintenance: Permanent maintenancePeriodic (temporary) maintenanceRehabilitative maintenance (maintenance until the spouse can become self supporting) The Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act requires the Judge to consider all relevant factors when deciding whether to award maintenance. The factors include: The income and property of each party, including marital property apportioned and non-marital property assigned to the party seeking maintenance;the needs of each party; the present and future earning capacity of each party; any impairment of the present and future earning capacity of the party seeking maintenance due to that party devoting time to domestic duties or having forgone or delayed education, training, employment, or career opportunities due to the marriage; the time necessary to enable the party seeking maintenance to acquire appropriate employment or is the custodian of a child making it appropriate that the custodian not seek employment; the standard of living established during the marriage; the duration of the marriage; the age and the physical and emotional condition of both parties; the tax consequences of the property division upon the respective economic circumstances of the parties; contributions and services by the party seeking maintenance to the education, training, career or career potential, or license of the other spouse; any valid agreement of the parties; and any other factor that the court expressly finds to be just and equitable If I were a judge, and you appeared to be employed/employable at the level of self-support, I would waive maintenance if such a case were to come before me. The rest of the factors you can settle out. So far, I think you're headed to a fair settlement. Your present value teacher pension is likely small due to limited employment time compared to the value of his 401K. The respective values could be settled out in the rest of the asset mix. Who proposes to be responsible for the marital debts? If I were negotiating (as him), I'd give up the teacher pension value for no alimony and move along. Bigger fish to fry.
soserious1 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I live in Illinois. I don't want alimony (maintenance) unless it's fair...my attorney thinks I deserve. My husband's does not. What is fair??? I'm a woman, married for 15 years. I stayed at home 9 years to raise his children from previous marriage as well as the children we had together during that time. Four years ago, I started working again, full time teaching. He is offering 50% assets, 50% of his retirement 401K. He wants half of my present value teacher pension and he does not feel I deserve alimony because I am gainfully employed. He is giving the proper amount of child support--28% of net income for our 2 minor children. You are getting 1/2 of the marital assets, 1/2 of his pension as well as 28% of the poor SOB's net income, you have a full time job. Enough is enough.
standtall Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 (edited) I agree with the other poster jstobo..you used the word deserve..I am sure some posters here will advise as to what you're legally entitled to, but since you used the word deserve, the real question to ask yourself is what you're morally entitled to....only you know the true answer. Edited December 30, 2011 by standtall
thomasb Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 I live in Illinois. I don't want alimony (maintenance) unless it's fair...my attorney thinks I deserve. My husband's does not. What is fair??? I'm a woman, married for 15 years. I stayed at home 9 years to raise his children from previous marriage as well as the children we had together during that time. Four years ago, I started working again, full time teaching. He is offering 50% assets, 50% of his retirement 401K. He wants half of my present value teacher pension and he does not feel I deserve alimony because I am gainfully employed. He is giving the proper amount of child support--28% of net income for our 2 minor children. So you have decided you would rather sleep with other women rather than your husband and feel he should pay out the ass for the fact? Unreal.
maybealone Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 I can see both sides. On one hand, you do have a full-time job and he is doing his share in supporting the children. On the other hand, you would be nine years closer to retirement and have bigger assets (such as savings accounts) had you not taken that time off to raise your children and stepchildren. If you need it, you could try for it. If you really don't need it, you could either decline, or take it and put the money in savings to help the kids with future expenses like college. If you really don't feel like you "deserve" it, ignore the lawyer. His/her job is to get the most for you, only you can decide if you want the most he/she can get.
Ballerfamily Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 Are you serious? Take him for everything you can get...that abusive man...you are entitled to every cent you can get from him..he should actually give you 75% of everything, and pay high maintence till he dies...he being upset at you, because you like to eat carpet...he deserves a life of being broke and poor and barely surviving....you are entitled to your life of choosing...take him to cleaners now
Author sher871 Posted January 3, 2012 Author Posted January 3, 2012 So you have decided you would rather sleep with other women rather than your husband and feel he should pay out the ass for the fact? Unreal. TO: Thomasb My original question was about alimony, not about the fact that I am gay. But if you are going to bring up the issue, I should mention the fact that my marriage break up is not only because I am gay. My husband has been a verbally and emotionally abusive man. He is very controlling and my 22 year old daughter told me last week that she thinks he is controlling, manipulative and has a personality disorder. Not only that, my friends have brought it to my attention that they have witnessed my husband's verbal abuse toward my 12 year old son since he was a small child. My son's self esteem and confidence has been crushed. Yes, I stayed at home for 9 years to raise his/our children (did a damn good job I might add because everyone complments me on our children), so I gave up a lot of time to raise our 5 children because the cost of daycare was more than my salary. However, putting all that aside, I do want to keep things fair which is why I am seeking other opinions. I want to be the bigger person in this situation. I don't want to just "go for all that I can get" because my attorney says so. I want to get what I deserve. Our marriage breakup is indeed very complicated. I'm not perfect and neither is he. Aside from his verbal abuse, I also think he has a very big heart and tries to be a good man. He's just not for me. And by the way, I don't appreciate your immature remarks about my "sleeping with other women". I came here for advice about considering alimony OR NOT. I am certainly NOT saying I want to take my husband to the cleaners and suck him dry. I am seeking advice. Yes, I certainly feel guilty for putting an end to this marriage, but I am also finding a new sense of relief as I put closure to a marriage that made me feel very depressed and trapped. Thank you.
standtall Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 TO: Thomasb My original question was about alimony, not about the fact that I am gay. But if you are going to bring up the issue, I should mention the fact that my marriage break up is not only because I am gay.. If a woman has been married for 15 yrs to a man and has had 2 children with him, then has sex with women, doesn't that make one a bisexual?
soserious1 Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 TO: Thomasb My original question was about alimony, not about the fact that I am gay. But if you are going to bring up the issue, I should mention the fact that my marriage break up is not only because I am gay. My husband has been a verbally and emotionally abusive man. He is very controlling and my 22 year old daughter told me last week that she thinks he is controlling, manipulative and has a personality disorder. Not only that, my friends have brought it to my attention that they have witnessed my husband's verbal abuse toward my 12 year old son since he was a small child. My son's self esteem and confidence has been crushed. Yes, I stayed at home for 9 years to raise his/our children (did a damn good job I might add because everyone complments me on our children), so I gave up a lot of time to raise our 5 children because the cost of daycare was more than my salary. However, putting all that aside, I do want to keep things fair which is why I am seeking other opinions. I want to be the bigger person in this situation. I don't want to just "go for all that I can get" because my attorney says so. I want to get what I deserve. Our marriage breakup is indeed very complicated. I'm not perfect and neither is he. Aside from his verbal abuse, I also think he has a very big heart and tries to be a good man. He's just not for me. And by the way, I don't appreciate your immature remarks about my "sleeping with other women". I came here for advice about considering alimony OR NOT. I am certainly NOT saying I want to take my husband to the cleaners and suck him dry. I am seeking advice. Yes, I certainly feel guilty for putting an end to this marriage, but I am also finding a new sense of relief as I put closure to a marriage that made me feel very depressed and trapped. Thank you. If you cheated on your husband IMHO, you basically deserve the bare minimum, You're going to get 50% of the marital assets, 28% of his gross income in child support. I'd say you're making out well, real well, leave the poor slob something to live on.
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