Paid dating sites: Worth my time or a rip-off?

[Red Arremer]

I didn't really want to make a whole separate thread for this since I feel like it's kind of a small question, but I didn't see a thread that I could tack this on to so maybe this will take on a life of its own or something.

 

Anyone have any experience with paid dating sites, and specifically geek 2 geek? I've taken a look at it and it looks like it'd be right up my alley, but I've always been skeptical about paying for a dating site because I've heard about the zillions of shady things those sites will do to get you to start/keep paying.

[Lobouspo]

I have been no both eharmony and okcupid and have had better results with okc which is free. Be wary of the obscure sites that are not well known. There have been posts on LS about bogus dating sites that take people to the cleaners.

[KathyM]

Friends and relatives of mine have met their SO or spouse on a paid dating site, so I'd have to say they do work for a lot of people. I think I read something like 30% of all relationships are from those kinds of online dating sites.

[ditzchic]

I've been on OKC, POF and Match. I've gotten the best results from OKC actually. Match isn't bad but I live in a pretty rural area so the results aren't any better and I don't find it worth it for the price. If I expand my search radius so that it picks up the cities further away the results definitely seem better but that's not exactly ideal for a slow mover like myself. I'd rather just save the monthly fee so I can afford to go out and meet people in the flesh more often

[EnigmaticClarity]

Geek 2 Geek doesn't have enough users to be useful, or it hasn't in the past. OKCupid is great and has a decent number of users but not as many as Match/PlentyOfFish/eHarmony/Chemistry.com.

 

Try PlentyOfFish, it's the largest free site. Match has more users that are generally of a higher quality, I think because paying the money makes the people on it more sure they're ready for a relationship and more willing to make it work. With the right attitude, they're not a waste of time at all, but if you're expecting to pay money to avoid all the complexity involved in relationships, it won't happen. All the same issues you experience in the real world are there online, it's just that the site makes the introductions and finding someone compatible a bit easier.

 

There's a bit of a learning curve as well--making your profile attractive, taking good photos, learning how to write compelling emails all takes time. Before you learn all that, you'll likely be a bit frustrated.

[Red Arremer]

Geek 2 Geek doesn't have enough users to be useful, or it hasn't in the past. OKCupid is great and has a decent number of users but not as many as Match/PlentyOfFish/eHarmony/Chemistry.com.

 

Try PlentyOfFish, it's the largest free site. Match has more users that are generally of a higher quality, I think because paying the money makes the people on it more sure they're ready for a relationship and more willing to make it work. With the right attitude, they're not a waste of time at all, but if you're expecting to pay money to avoid all the complexity involved in relationships, it won't happen. All the same issues you experience in the real world are there online, it's just that the site makes the introductions and finding someone compatible a bit easier.

 

There's a bit of a learning curve as well--making your profile attractive, taking good photos, learning how to write compelling emails all takes time. Before you learn all that, you'll likely be a bit frustrated.

I think the reason Geek 2 Geek interests me so much is that I'm just about the nerdiest person in the entire world, and I figure at least on there I've got a decent shot of finding someone I share interests with. I have an OkCupid account but I've never really had much luck with it, and POF, at least in my experience, has always seemed like it attracts a "bottom of the barrel" clientele. Or maybe that's just because having that many people brings the average way down, I dunno.

 

I would actually just as soon go out and do things where I think I'd have a good shot of meeting a lot of nerdy people, but super nerdy people tend to be shut-ins so I've never had much luck with that either.

[Red Arremer]

And re: people on paid sites being "more ready for relationships," I have basically no relationship experience whatsoever so I really just sort of want to casually date for a while until I have a better idea of what I want to be looking for. So if anything this really isn't much of an issue for me, and at worst being on a site with a bunch of strictly relationship-minded people would actually be a negative right now.

[EnigmaticClarity]

I think the reason Geek 2 Geek interests me so much is that I'm just about the nerdiest person in the entire world, and I figure at least on there I've got a decent shot of finding someone I share interests with. I have an OkCupid account but I've never really had much luck with it, and POF, at least in my experience, has always seemed like it attracts a "bottom of the barrel" clientele. Or maybe that's just because having that many people brings the average way down, I dunno.

 

I would actually just as soon go out and do things where I think I'd have a good shot of meeting a lot of nerdy people, but super nerdy people tend to be shut-ins so I've never had much luck with that either.

 

I tend to agree POF does have more "bottom of the barrel" type men and women--although not as many as Craigslist personals, which I still occasionally read even today just to laugh at how bottom-of-the-barrel people can get with horrible and shallow descriptions. However, I'm not sure what makes someone bottom of the barrel--if you mean bad physical appearance, then most geeky girls don't look great to begin with because they tend to focus less on their appearance, but if you mean just intelligence, then yea, POF is bad for that. Match is better, but you definitely won't find many nerdy girls there, although there definitely are a few. Many who actually are nerdy sort of hide it on there and you have to dig to discover it--I actually gear my profile to target intellectual and creative women by putting geeky stuff in my own profile that I somewhat offset with lots of humor and creativity. I know that tends to turns many women off, but somewhat like yourself, it doesn't faze me because it tends to weed out the women I'm not likely to have much in common with.

 

Two questions--what sorts of interests are you hoping to find in a girl, and have you done a Geek 2 Geek search on your area yet, and if so, did you find many results? I never used to in 2009 and 2010 when I was dating.

[Red Arremer]

I tend to agree POF does have more "bottom of the barrel" type men and women--although not as many as Craigslist personals, which I still occasionally read even today just to laugh at how bottom-of-the-barrel people can get with horrible and shallow descriptions. However, I'm not sure what makes someone bottom of the barrel--if you mean bad physical appearance, then most geeky girls don't look great to begin with because they tend to focus less on their appearance, but if you mean just intelligence, then yea, POF is bad for that. Match is better, but you definitely won't find many nerdy girls there, although there definitely are a few. Many who actually are nerdy sort of hide it on there and you have to dig to discover it--I actually gear my profile to target intellectual and creative women by putting geeky stuff in my own profile that I somewhat offset with lots of humor and creativity. I know that tends to turns many women off, but somewhat like yourself, it doesn't faze me because it tends to weed out the women I'm not likely to have much in common with.

"Bottom of the barrel" just sort of overall really. Attractiveness (although like you said, as a nerd my standards aren't sky high here, but without giving too much away about myself I'm on the west coast so it's not as bad here as it is in other places), intelligence, attitude, etc. OkCupid seems to be the best site of the free ones in attracting people I would consider "high quality," but I've kind of spread myself thin on there so I'm looking to other places.

 

Two questions--what sorts of interests are you hoping to find in a girl, and have you done a Geek 2 Geek search on your area yet, and if so, did you find many results? I never used to in 2009 and 2010 when I was dating.

1) My interests are mainly of the techy geek variety, stuff like computers and video games and fiddling around with Photoshop/Premiere and that sort of thing. Again, without giving too much away about myself I've been trying to break into one of the competitive video games scenes here locally, if that gives you any kind of idea. Ideally I'd really like a girl that would be there playing right alongside me, although I would settle for one that at least doesn't look down on it.

 

2) I did a search and it came up with a decent number of people, I didn't go through each result to see if they were old/inactive profiles but I found enough people where I figured it could be worth doing a membership for a month to see how it goes. There were definitely less hits overall than a site like OkCupid, but I figure there will probably be a higher percentage of people I'm interested in here so it might not matter too much at the end of the day.

[EnigmaticClarity]

1) My interests are mainly of the techy geek variety, stuff like computers and video games and fiddling around with Photoshop/Premiere and that sort of thing. Again, without giving too much away about myself I've been trying to break into one of the competitive video games scenes here locally, if that gives you any kind of idea. Ideally I'd really like a girl that would be there playing right alongside me, although I would settle for one that at least doesn't look down on it.

 

2) I did a search and it came up with a decent number of people, I didn't go through each result to see if they were old/inactive profiles but I found enough people where I figured it could be worth doing a membership for a month to see how it goes. There were definitely less hits overall than a site like OkCupid, but I figure there will probably be a higher percentage of people I'm interested in here so it might not matter too much at the end of the day.

 

I'm in Virginia, so you'll likely have more luck with Geek 2 Geek than I've had. I agree with what you said before--your best shot for a cute girl who has interests that are typically guy-oriented is in person and not online. And when you find one, hold onto her--the stereotypical "plenty of fish in the sea" dogma doesn't apply to rare women. If you find specific avenues for finding them in person, let me know, because I'm mostly interested in the same type you're looking for, but given that they're the vast minority of women, I gave up on it because I couldn't find good places to find women like that online who were in my own area. Geek 2 Geek is the best online format for that type of person I've found though.

 

Another possibility is Meetup.com groups where the group topic is something nerdy, although that's more work and would take a lot longer than a dedicated dating site.

Edited December 29, 2011 by EnigmaticClarity

[verhrzn]

I think the reason Geek 2 Geek interests me so much is that I'm just about the nerdiest person in the entire world, and I figure at least on there I've got a decent shot of finding someone I share interests with. I have an OkCupid account but I've never really had much luck with it, and POF, at least in my experience, has always seemed like it attracts a "bottom of the barrel" clientele. Or maybe that's just because having that many people brings the average way down, I dunno.

 

I would actually just as soon go out and do things where I think I'd have a good shot of meeting a lot of nerdy people, but super nerdy people tend to be shut-ins so I've never had much luck with that either.

 

I'm nerdy as well, and I had way more luck with OKCupid than I did Geek 2 Geek. OKCupid seems to attract a more diverse crowd (so you'll get music geeks as well as computer nerds), and it's free.

 

I'm not sure if you're male or female (I'm female), but I'd stay the heck away from EHarmony or Match. My experience of EHarmony was that it was for the very traditional, religious types, and Match was for the preps/jocks/cheerleaders type.

[EnigmaticClarity]

I'm nerdy as well, and I had way more luck with OKCupid than I did Geek 2 Geek. OKCupid seems to attract a more diverse crowd (so you'll get music geeks as well as computer nerds), and it's free.

 

I'm not sure if you're male or female (I'm female), but I'd stay the heck away from EHarmony or Match. My experience of EHarmony was that it was for the very traditional, religious types, and Match was for the preps/jocks/cheerleaders type.

 

I generally agree, except that eHarmony doesn't just attract religious women, but it does attract more than other sites. I also agree that Match is for more traditional people who are at least moderately attractive, but they're not all preps/jocks/cheerleaders, but certainly that type has more success on Match. I particularly agree that OKCupid is the best site to find the type the OP is looking for if Geek 2 Geek in his area doesn't have what he's looking for, but OKCupid can take quite a while to find someone because it too has less people than the mainstream sites; in-person venues are probably faster if you're not lucky enough to find someone quickly.

[carhill]

When I see they've been online since 2004, cost 21.99/mo and have listed only 36K members (from reviews and other sources), I pause.

 

If you want to try a free version of this niche, try brainiacdating

[dasein]

First, as a man I would never use a free site. $17-20 per month is a pittance to pay for the higher chance that female members are actually interested in dating enough to pay a fee for the service. Have never been on match more than 3 months at a time, so $54 has been all it has cost me... that's the equivalent of a single date, and the amount of time and money saved over the costs of traditional meeting is a very high, but admittedly unknown number.

 

Second, I would steer from specialized sites and go straight for sites with the most members. Use the site as a database only, not some prescreen of type. Do all the screening in person, because in this day and age, that's all you can trust anyway. For one example, there could be a large portion of women on a geek site looking for dotcom millionaires or highly paid tech workers, and that's not really the same thing as looking for a geek is it? Better to just use the site as a large raw database than an initial screen IMO. Good luck whatever you decide.

[FitChick]

I prefer the paid sites because the quality is better -- education, income, attractiveness, mature subscribers. The free sites tend to attract kids, the unemployed and the unattractive. At least that has been my experience.

 

Photos are extremely important. You only need two -- headshot and full length. Not blurry, not taken with your back to the light source which puts you in shadow, no hats or sunglasses or baggy clothes.

Edited December 29, 2011 by FitChick

[Red Arremer]

Second, I would steer from specialized sites and go straight for sites with the most members. Use the site as a database only, not some prescreen of type. Do all the screening in person, because in this day and age, that's all you can trust anyway. For one example, there could be a large portion of women on a geek site looking for dotcom millionaires or highly paid tech workers, and that's not really the same thing as looking for a geek is it? Better to just use the site as a large raw database than an initial screen IMO. Good luck whatever you decide.

Don't get me wrong, I get where you're coming from, but I work pretty nutso hours and the thought of going on countless dates with random people to filter them out in person sort of seems like looking for a needle in a haystack to me. I would much rather start out with a smaller haystack that has more needles strewn about in it.

[dasein]

The illusion is that there would necessarily be more needles. It's a matter of marketing and our being susceptible to it as prospective customers. If you truly believe that a specialized site with a small fraction of the members of one of the larger sites will boost your efficiency, then give it a whirl. As someone with lots of OLD experience, I don't believe the marketing, and believe that raw numbers in the database make for a more valuable product. If you are working crazy hours, you should have enough cash to try both out for a few months and see which works best for you.

[FitChick]

Don't join right away. Create a mostly empty profile so you can have a look around the site and see what sort of members they have and how active they are. I like a website where you can see the last time someone logged in. Also be aware that several dating sites share the exact same members so you need to check out several and if the basic layout is the same, odds are they are the same profiles. You could look for specific profiles at the various sites. Then subscribe to the one that is the cheapest. I've saved a lot of money that way.

Edited December 29, 2011 by FitChick

[piggyoink]

there are a few websites out there that screen based on income levels -

[monkey00]

I've had pretty good experiences with Match when it came to looking for relationships. The people on there seem more relationship minded and seem to have their sh*t together with real jobs compared to free sites like OkC and POF, as someone else mentioned. I've noticed their are lots of girls in their 20's on OkC that are either grad students from what I've seen and girls who are still figuring out their lives.

 

I guess if you're looking to date around and stay casual, the free sites are good for that.

[Red Arremer]

Don't join right away. Create a mostly empty profile so you can have a look around the site and see what sort of members they have and how active they are. I like a website where you can see the last time someone logged in. Also be aware that several dating sites share the exact same members so you need to check out several and if the basic layout is the same, odds are they are the same profiles. You could look for specific profiles at the various sites. Then subscribe to the one that is the cheapest. I've saved a lot of money that way.

I was also planning on doing this before I dropped any sort of money. Thankfully you don't have to pay up front, so I was going to finish my profile up and then have a better look around before I paid anything.

[Casablanca]

I've met people off the two big free and the two big paid sites. I never paid for the paid, I used the free trials, which I think turned off a few women whom I contacted. I liked match, but I'm not really wanting to pay for it (maybe in a couple years). Match typically has more "older" than pof or ok. And by older, mid to late 20's (and I'm sure higher, but that's my age range). One thing I noticed about Match, there were no one who I felt ugly or completely obese. Also Im in a metro area of about 1.3 million, so there was a good selection number wise

[Jane2011]

Met my last boyfriend (who I'm no longer with, but I liked him a lot) on OkCupid. I was on it off and on for a while, though. For the longest time, I wasn't interested in a single person...the one I finally became interested in was kind of a fluke.

 

That being said, last year around this time, I got a 3-month subscription to Match. Liked none of the men and never really corresponded with anyone.

 

At this point, I would not pay for a subscription to a dating site. I only did OkCupid because it's free. I might change my mind in the future about the paid sites, but at this point, I think I'd have better luck just getting out more.

[Red Arremer]

Ok, so I took a closer look at my matches on Geek 2 Geek and it looks like they're sorted by last login, and if that's right then that means there are only 8 women within 20 miles of me who have logged on to the site in the last week. I think I have reconsidered paying for this site.

[daisydukes]

I found my ex on POF and I thought he was serious but in the end he totally was not and ended up cheating on me. I think next time I am going to stick with the pay sites but that's just me.POF has to be the biggest joke ever:p