blahh! ex just contacted me out of the blue. his gf is preganant

[radiodarcy]

not sure how i feel about this. i had tried contacting him a month ago after 7.5 months of NC to see about being friends. and he was tight-lipped. never said anything abt a gf -- let alone a baby on the way.

 

now a month later he contacts me over IM and tells me he's going to be a dad. not sure how i feel abt this. he was my first love - - me first everything. i'm numb. i'm sure i'll be ok but just - - wow.

Edited December 29, 2011 by radiodarcy

[spicolli]

I had this exact same thing happen to me about 3 years ago with my ex gf from college. It hurt, we were together 5 years, and I never thought she would have another man's child. But that was the reality of the situation, and I couldn't change it. I know exactly how you're feeling and I truly admire your strength.

[perfectlyflawed459]

I am sorry that you had to hear that That has to be one of the worst things to hear when you still have feelings for an ex (assuming you still do, I don't really know your background story). I admire your strength as well. I could not imagine how painful that must be to hear...

[radiodarcy]

thanks Spicolli.

 

oh and this just in. his new gf has a cat and a dog that he loves. he hated my two cats. he's allergic and he said my basset was too slobbery. tha was one of the many lame reasons he dumped me.

 

i really think he did this because his life isn't going as great as he'd like me or anyone else to believe it is.

 

but you're right. that's the reality of the situation and i just have to accept it. thank god i had 8 months on NC under my belt

[perfectlyflawed459]

How silly, your doggy is adorable judging from you profile pic

[radiodarcy]

thanks PerfectlyFlawed!yeah -- i really don't think he would have went out of his way to contact me if things were going as well as he says they are.

 

he loves to party and flirt. which he's not going to be able to do with a baby on the way. not to mention he's struggling to support the son he has now.

 

my friend told me he is probably feeling me out for a friend with benefits situation, but i am too smart to fall into that

 

my dog is a love! he used to shriek like a girl whenever she came near him. he was afraid she would drool all over his shoes

Edited December 29, 2011 by radiodarcy

[perfectlyflawed459]

thanks PerfectlyFlawed!yeah -- i really don't think he would have went out of his way to contact me if things were going as well as he says they are.

 

he loves to party and flirt. which he's not going to be able to do with a baby on the way. not to mention he's struggling to support the son he has now.

 

my friend told me he is probably feeling me out for a friend with benefits situation, but i am too smart to fall into that

 

my dog is a love! he used to shriek like a girl whenever she came near him. he was afraid she would drool all over his shoes

 

Well if he wanted FWB situation with you, then telling you the he knocked up his new gf was not the right foot to step out on

 

Haha awww I bet you would get a kick out of that one what a good doggy!

[flitzanu]

thanks PerfectlyFlawed!yeah -- i really don't think he would have went out of his way to contact me if things were going as well as he says they are.

 

he loves to party and flirt. which he's not going to be able to do with a baby on the way. not to mention he's struggling to support the son he has now.

 

my friend told me he is probably feeling me out for a friend with benefits situation, but i am too smart to fall into that

 

my dog is a love! he used to shriek like a girl whenever she came near him. he was afraid she would drool all over his shoes

 

man.

 

rough.

 

as a guy...just throwing this out there...obviously at some point in the past he cared (or cares) about you, and on some deep level i'm sure there's that old connection, and he's probably just looking for some type of kinship. it may not mean he wants to bang you or hookup or anything like that.

 

again though, i'm not typical...but i know in times of HEAVY stress or crisis, i may often reach to an ex just because there's already that "connection" there, ya know?

 

however, your sitch is a bit different since you've not been in communication at all. if you two had mended fences and been speaking at least, or working on a semblance of friendship, i could presume he's just looking for a "connected" friend.

 

i'd be wary though since there's been no communication at all...but i'm still leaning toward him just reaching to the last person he connected with because as you said, his life is...getting out of hand.

 

related news...an ex of mine that shattered my life ended up calling me from the hospital when she had her first baby. the father was the guy she left me for. it was weird, and maybe that feeling of "that coulda/shoulda been mine" but deep down i think she valued me very deeply as a person and wanted to share a bit of her life and happiness (without intending collateral emotional damage).

[radiodarcy]

yeah. unfortunately i know this guy well enough to know that he has no shame. but it's ok. i'm smarter than that and he should know that

 

hehehe. good doggy indeed

[radiodarcy]

man.

 

rough.

 

as a guy...just throwing this out there...obviously at some point in the past he cared (or cares) about you, and on some deep level i'm sure there's that old connection, and he's probably just looking for some type of kinship. it may not mean he wants to bang you or hookup or anything like that.

 

again though, i'm not typical...but i know in times of HEAVY stress or crisis, i may often reach to an ex just because there's already that "connection" there, ya know?

 

however, your sitch is a bit different since you've not been in communication at all. if you two had mended fences and been speaking at least, or working on a semblance of friendship, i could presume he's just looking for a "connected" friend.

 

i'd be wary though since there's been no communication at all...but i'm still leaning toward him just reaching to the last person he connected with because as you said, his life is...getting out of hand.

 

related news...an ex of mine that shattered my life ended up calling me from the hospital when she had her first baby. the father was the guy she left me for. it was weird, and maybe that feeling of "that coulda/shoulda been mine" but deep down i think she valued me very deeply as a person and wanted to share a bit of her life and happiness (without intending collateral emotional damage).

 

Flitzanu! glad to have your input -- which i always value!

 

in the interest of full disclosure i did try reaching out to him last month to do a temperature check on whether he wanted to be friends. but he was very frosty and told me things weren't going well - -only he refused to say anything else.

 

so i was like whatevs and dropped it. so when he contacted me today with all that sh** i was more than a little shocked. turns out the gf was contemplating an abortion. which he was upset about. so that may have where the frostiness came from.

 

at any rate - - i think you're right - - this could go either way. he'd either contacting me because i have that connection to the past and he was less stressed or he's looking to get a reaction out of me - - or both.

 

either way -- i'm trying to keep a clear head about it and not read into it too much. although he has been flirting with me all afternoon. but that's probably because he didn't get the reaction out of me he expected

 

but like -- like you said with your ex reaching out to you when she had her baby. most likely he's just excited about it and wanting to reach out and share that happiness with me.

[immitable]

he is in shock, that's why he reached out to you.

Now he knows that he messed up with you forever.

Ahh... rebound relationships, really...

[radiodarcy]

hah! could be. he's the type of guy with a string of rebounds. and he loves to wax poetic long after each relationship ends. i should know -- i was one them - -although he'll never admit it:rolleyes:

[flow15]

Wow! that is some news!! I'm sorry to hear it, must be tough but it seems that you're handling it pretty well so you should be proud of yourself!

I'm not sure why he's telling you the news-- what is it with our ex's contacting us all of a sudden?!

Edited December 29, 2011 by flow15

[radiodarcy]

Wow! that is some news!! I'm sorry to hear it, must be tough but it seems that you're handling it pretty well so you should be proud of yourself!

I'm not sure why he's telling you the news-- what is it with our ex's contacting us all of a sudden?!

 

thanks Flow! yesterday i took a drive after work to clear my head and while i did toss and turn a bit before falling asleep last night, i am feeling much better today than i was yesterday.

 

i'm actually surprised i'm not more bothered by this. i really think if i didn't have those 8 months of NC under my belt i would be a wreck (not that i'm trying to sell you on NC -- but i really do think i works. at least for me it has).

 

so far he has made no attempt to contact me and i have no intention of reaching out to him. if he does reach out to me, i will simply ignore it. it won't be easy as i don't like to hurt people's feelings and always respond when someone pings me. not to mention he flirted with me like mad yesterday and called me by the nickname he used to. but i knew better than to buy into it.

 

besides all i have to do is remind myself that he will go home to his pregnant girlfriend - - whom i'm sure he has a nickname for as well and will be happy to console him; that will be enough to put me off

[flitzanu]

Flitzanu! glad to have your input -- which i always value!

 

in the interest of full disclosure i did try reaching out to him last month to do a temperature check on whether he wanted to be friends. but he was very frosty and told me things weren't going well - -only he refused to say anything else.

 

so i was like whatevs and dropped it. so when he contacted me today with all that sh** i was more than a little shocked. turns out the gf was contemplating an abortion. which he was upset about. so that may have where the frostiness came from.

 

at any rate - - i think you're right - - this could go either way. he'd either contacting me because i have that connection to the past and he was less stressed or he's looking to get a reaction out of me - - or both.

 

either way -- i'm trying to keep a clear head about it and not read into it too much. although he has been flirting with me all afternoon. but that's probably because he didn't get the reaction out of me he expected

 

but like -- like you said with your ex reaching out to you when she had her baby. most likely he's just excited about it and wanting to reach out and share that happiness with me.

 

aww i've been in "time out" so i haven't been able to post for a while. i'm glad to hear you didn't let this recent event trouble you too much though. i can't say that i'd be reacting as calmly if my ex contacted me saying something like that, at least not this recent ex.

[radiodarcy]

aww i've been in "time out" so i haven't been able to post for a while. i'm glad to hear you didn't let this recent event trouble you too much though. i can't say that i'd be reacting as calmly if my ex contacted me saying something like that, at least not this recent ex.

 

well i have to admit i did fall into a bit of a funk this weekend. but the more i thought abt it the more i relieved i am that that girl isn't me.

 

i mean - - they had only been dating for 4 months before she got pregnant. she also has two kids from a previous marriage and my ex has a son by his ex wife (and i'm pretty sure she wasn't thrilled by the news as she's been trying to get additional child support from him for years; which seems even more unlikely now with a baby on the way)

 

i always worried that my ex found me boring but the more i think about the situation he's in now -- the happier i am to be a bore

[flow15]

Yes exactly, its not exactly the best situation he's in right now!! They've only been together 4 months and already having a baby!!! I don't know how long this will last, but I reckon you'll probably be hearing from him again. I reckon he's gonna be in for a stressful time...

 

You should be so happy you don't have anything to do with that situation, and hun your not boring at all!!! Who cares what your ex thinks!

[radiodarcy]

Yes exactly, its not exactly the best situation he's in right now!! They've only been together 4 months and already having a baby!!! I don't know how long this will last, but I reckon you'll probably be hearing from him again. I reckon he's gonna be in for a stressful time...

 

You should be so happy you don't have anything to do with that situation, and hun your not boring at all!!! Who cares what your ex thinks!

 

thanks Flow! you are right - - he did contact me again. this time i know it's for no good. he's simply looking to use me for an ego boost/stress reliever and then he can drop me again. eight months of NC doesn't mean i've forgotten this act.

 

 

and i will not be indulging him. if he wants an escape, he can find it with one of the many women he flirted with while he was hanging out with me!

[stillafool]

 

my friend told me he is probably feeling me out for a friend with benefits situation, but i am too smart to fall into that

 

 

If he is trying to feel you out with a FWB situation that is the dumbest way I've ever heard of. Who wants to be with a guy with a baby on the way?

 

I think your dog is a cutie.

[radiodarcy]

If he is trying to feel you out with a FWB situation that is the dumbest way I've ever heard of. Who wants to be with a guy with a baby on the way?

 

I think your dog is a cutie.

 

hah! thanks stillafool! yeah - - my ex has no common sense whatsoever. he even asked if he could take nude photos of me as he wanted to experiment with different skin tones (i'm east indian descent). when i asked how his ex would feel about that he said she wouldn't mind as long as she didn't know.

 

needless to say - - i didn't take him up on the offer (which i'm willing to bet he extended to other women besides me). i doubt he'll get any takers... on the photos or a FWB offer.