Jayerjay Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Hi All - My now ex just broke up with me about 4 days ago. Of the reasons, the main one being that she doesn't think I care about the relationship enough and our personalities are too different and she needs someone more attentive. Admittedly, i started a new job a few months back and haven't done enough to make her feel special and put in the effort I should. I should also specify before the official breakup we had a pretty large fight just a week before and she expresses that she needed some time to think, I begged and pleaded a bit, then the axe came on Monday. No other guys involved yet, healthy relationship other than obvious communication issues that we both need to work on. She's worth everything to me, and I know i need to express that properly while giving her the space she needs. Any suggestions? I know people preach no contact, but as her main issue is my apathy toward the relationship that doesn't sound like a good strategy. We have been in low contact, and she has shown glimpses of cracking and regret, though indirect. I am thinking of giving her another week with not much contact, letting her come by to pick up her things but have something special laid out for her... A scavenger hunt of memories, with a letter at the end telling her what she means to me. Then from the the ball is in her court, move to no contact and move on with my life. Thoughts? Thanks all! Really sucks as this should have been our first Christmas and NYE together (relationship has been 10 months).
Author Jayerjay Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 I should say during this time (other than the first day), I haven't begged or pleaded. I've moved immediately to working on all the things she expressed to me... Taking more pride in my house, being timely to things, etc... We are both 28 and er general point was I need to stop acting like a bachelor and more like an adult. I agree with her. Words are cheap at this point, I don't think she trusts that I can take these measures when I tell her.
Philosoraptor Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I would stay away and continue to work on yourself. Very very rarely are relationship issues one sided. There are things that both parties could have done to change the outcome. Do not lay out anything here. Show her maturity instead. Most of the time the dumper ignores their own faults while at the same time providing only minimal details of why they are ending the relationship.
Author Jayerjay Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 I would stay away and continue to work on yourself. Very very rarely are relationship issues one sided. There are things that both parties could have done to change the outcome. Do not lay out anything here. Show her maturity instead. Most of the time the dumper ignores their own faults while at the same time providing only minimal details of why they are ending the relationship. Thanks, that is sound advice. To reveal some more, she is very honest with herself and takes responsibility for her faults. She would never put the blame on me for the relationship, and continually says it is no one's fault, we are just different and have different needs. She is also on some depression medication and goes to a counselor and is very confused and concerned that these may be all her issues and that she is just messed up. I know that she is not, I've taken ownership of what I should have been doing better, and I want to be a support for her problems and not a catalyst. We know we both have our issues, I guess I just want to prove I can help with hers. I'm generally a very happy, optimistic guy, and when she goes through her swings she feels like I don't relate to her or appreciate what she is feeling. She says I am too easy going and it makes her feel like I don't care, and it hurts her more than helps. Hope that makes sense... She is an amazing person and has insecurities from her parents being in a loveless marriage, so she is very sensitive to these things.
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