minori Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 hi I was just wondering what you guys think about the following: I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we have lived together for a bit over one year. He is a great guy and for the last two years has been crazy about me, saying and doing really nice things and I could truly see that love in his eyes when he looked at me. Despite the fact that he has a very demanding carreer he has always been the one organizing dinners and quality time making sure we spend a lot of "quality time" together. Like when he would go on a business trip and couldn't take me with him, he would buy me flowers before hand and book "our" restaurant, leaving all sorts of love notes in our appartment for when he was gone. We have just spent five days having his friends from Europe staying with us. ( I didn't know them but cooked for them every day, chauffeured them around as my boyfriend just had an arm operation, etc,) It means that my boyfriend and I didn't have one single minute alone over the last five days, tomorrow night he decided to hang out with a buddy before he flyes to Boston for five days and then will come back with his mother who will stay at ours for a week. I tried to tell him before that I would have appreciated spending tomorrow night just with him and he got a bit upset telling me that he was really tired. Guys, is it normal that when you have been living together to forget about those "rules" you had before? Does he still love me? Can't he see that having HIS friends around for five days and then being away for five days, coming back with his mother means a lot of stress for me and I would love a quiet evening with him? or am I overreacting? thanks :-)
uriel Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 You need to talk with him about this. He's probably using tired as an answer he thinks won't hurt your feelings or cause a fuss. You could explain to him why you wanted that evening together. Don't accuse him of being a bad guy -- just explain how you are feeling. If he's evasive or angry, that's not a good sign -- given, of course, that you've opened up the topic gently and at a good time. You could also start the conversation by asking if he means something else when he says tired. Again, you need to do this in a supportive, non-accusatory way to get to how he's really feeling. It could be that he thinks you're too needy. It could be that he'd like to move into a more settled relationship -- one that's not hearts and flowers like a new romance (most relationships do transition to this after a couple of years). It could be he's missing these other people and wants to give them his full attention while he has them (you're around all the time, after all). You won't know until you ask. But I, like you, doubt he knows this far in advance that he'll be too tired to spend time with you. Especially when, as a partner, time with you should be pleasurable and relaxing. -- uriel
bluechocolate Posted June 1, 2004 Posted June 1, 2004 Can't he see that having HIS friends around for five days and then being away for five days, coming back with his mother means a lot of stress for me and I would love a quiet evening with him? or am I overreacting? You may think that he should "see" this, but he cannot read your mind. Honesty & open communication is the key. Don't assume that he should know something, talk to him & tell him how you're feeling. He is a great guy and for the last two years has been crazy about me, saying and doing really nice things and I could truly see that love in his eyes when he looked at me. Despite the fact that he has a very demanding carreer he has always been the one organizing dinners and quality time making sure we spend a lot of "quality time" together. Like when he would go on a business trip and couldn't take me with him, he would buy me flowers before hand and book "our" restaurant, leaving all sorts of love notes in our appartment for when he was gone. This sounds like he has some great qualities & cares very much for you. I'm not sure what "rules" you are referring too but if this behaviour of his is not an ongoing problem then maybe you are overreacting.
SASSYPRINCESS Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 of course he still loves you.. i think he is just caught up in the busy ness aswell.. i think your relationship is fine and it is completey understandable that u want alone time with him after 5 days but i also think its very reasonable for him to be tired and for guys he probably hasnt the time to really sit there and think about it to much ... i think you can see him all the time, you live with him... maybe give him a break just this once & talk to him about it once the rush is gone about how you felt.
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