I have no title Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 the situation I have with this guy is a little more different than the usual break-ups...we met each other and fell in love for each other instantly...we dated for like a little over a month, and then he ended it....he ended it because the city we met in, is far from the city I actually live and study in...I came here to this city where we met each other only for 4 months, and I am leaving it soon, to go on with my education and life in another city which is not so far, but still far from here... We were totally in love with each other when he ended it, and he still says that he is missing me, but our relationship couldnt have worked out because of the distance..It has been over a month now since we broke up...I tried to imply NC and tried to ignore him, but he just kept on insisting on being friends and talking to me everyday - I could not resist...he convinced me to stay friends..Now, we talk to each other everyday...he often writes to me to ask how my day was, and so do I...then we keep on talking about random things in life, and we keep on talking for hours... Once I tried to ignore him, and he has got angry, and when I spoke to him again, he said he missed talking to me and it really sucked for him when I was ignoring him.... However, he says that he doesnt regret breaking up with me, and he knows it was for the best of both of us, since our relationship didnt have any future anyway.... Here is the thing....he is still together with his ex gf...when we met, he told me they were breaking-up, but since she was a very depressive and nervous person, it was hard for him to break up with her. He told me he cared for her and wanted to be just friends, but since she was psychologically not very stable and was taking anti-depressants, he could not break up..He told me that before we started dating, the first night we met, where both of us didn't know that we would end up together (so i dont think he lied to me about that)... I liked him from the very first sight though, and from the very first conversation...and he did too...a week later we were together all the time...we couldnt get enough of each other, and i felt that he was in love with me...but after 1.5 month, he told me it was over..I knew it would be over, I saw it coming because this question of distance relationship bothered him from the very beginning, when we just started dating..I saw it coming but I couldnt stop myself..so did he... Right now, we're still talking as I said, but I dont know whether I should go on...I love him dearly and I want to stay in touch with him, but it is just so difficult to know that he is still together with his ex, and that we could have been together and everything could have been fine....i dont show him my feelings and jealousy when Im talking to him, but I have the feeling in my gut when he says something about her....he avoids talking about her, but i just sometimes ask about her in a friendly way, and he answers..I actually dont really know what to do in this situation..He is also colder in the conversation, I can feel it....we haven't really been together, and we couldnt be together...he thinks we are just friends now and so do I want to be..but its hard to get over all the memories that we've had. for the first time in my life I had the feeling like he was the one for me.I love everything about him, but I hate it that I cannot have him...some advice guys, please...
PegNosePete Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Ditch him. He is keeping you as a backup plan. You cannot maintain a friendship with someone in these circumstances. Go NC with him. It does not matter what he writes or says or if he gets angry, if you are ignoring him then you won't even hear it anyway so you won't know, right? Just tell him: "I have feelings for you and I cannot be friends with you. I need time alone to heal. Please do not contact me again. I will contact you when/if I am ready to have a friendship". And then, do not contact him again, and if he contacts you, delete/ignore/hang up.
Author I have no title Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 But what if I really want to be friends with him eventually? Actually I think its not the desire of being friends, I just want to get back to him someday..I really liked him, I just cant let this sh*t go so easily...Why would he keep me as a back-up plan? Dont think so cause he doesnt touch me or kiss me or show me any affection, and we agreed to never have sex anymore and I am pretty sure he will stick to his promise.. What if I ignore my pain until it goes away eventually and go on talking to him?
PegNosePete Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Then, "eventually" you can make contact with him again. "Eventually" meaning, when you have gotten over him. If you go on talking to him then the pain will not go away. Seriously, it won't. Every time you speak to him will be re-opening the wound.
flitzanu Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 the situation I have with this guy is a little more different than the usual break-ups... but it isn't. he's with his ex. he isn't with you. you shouldn't be concerned what he thinks of what YOU are doing. its none of his business. also none of yours if he's dating someone else. you should focus on you, and finding someone that's available.
Baxton Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Look you have to ask yourself why do you want to remain friends. I had to ask myself that and I'm now 1 week NC. My answer was because I thought they were the only way to end the pain, but thats completely wrong. Right now who knows what they are thinking or doing. You don't even know what they are doing or thinking if your in contact. In fact it just makes you worry even more. I know why I had to go NC because breadcrumbs are like a drug. I would get a little high from hearing from them it felt so good, then I would feel so much worse after a couple hours when I didn't have any more breadcrumbs and a dose of reality would hit when they didn't respond or started to act cold. So I started by going NC for a couple days at a time, then I would cave and text them. Until I started to realized how much better I really felt when not talking to them. When I went NC for good (1 week) I still feel sad but each day is more and more manageable, the ups and downs are leveling out. Just try it!! see how you feel in two days you will see how much better you are able to manage your life, then you will believe. Regardless of what you want to happen try NC for your own well being and who knows what will come of it, they might come back, they might miss you, they might not, but they are already gone so noting to lose in this situation Reconcile or not I'm sure we will both be happy soon. I have been on the forum a lot, first post, but just remember the people on here are all in the same boat, some are drowning, some have their life vests on and some have already swam to shore. Right now we are drowning but everyone here is trying to get us to shore. They know how we feel and they know how we will feel in a few weeks/months. So we have to really consider what they are saying. BTW yesterday I would have probably written something completely different, today is a good day
Author I have no title Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 Baxton I feel exactly how you have described...I even tried going NC and it worked out fine for 10 days, but then Christmas came and I decided to write a congratulation which was a big mistake...we started talking again, and now we keep on talking for hours again, which makes me happy just while im talking to him...but when he starts acting cold and distant, I feel so much worse... The thing is that I have already announced him that I am going NC, and he hated that idea, but accepted it...10 days later I broke it again, which made him mad that I was constantly changing my decision...If I do it again now, and go NC again, that will ruin everything definitely I think....and if I will ever want to reach out to him when Im over this, he might not reply at all.. But I have allready been through all this, and I get back to it over and over again....just like Im stuck on him, I just cant let go....I know we cant be together, I know he doesnt love me anymore, I know it all but I just cant help myself from talking to him..I have to leave this city in a month, so I was planning to keep talking to him for this month until I leave, and then when Ill be back in the city I normally study and live in, it will be easier to let go...and if I do go NC, I thought of just not telling him anything this time, and just replying like "im busy" whenever he will write to me, until the point he will stop writing...But in any case, it is soo effing difficult to let go of him, even though we dated only for 1.5 month...he's really got into my head and heart, it is so so difficult....and when we talk we understand each other so well, its so fuc*ed up to realize that we're just not as close as we were before...I keep on hoping that one day life bring us together..This is so hard.....
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