How many men would actually wait months before....

[Casablanca]

If the feelings are there and there is chemistry I am willing to wait. Go at your own pace and decide who is worth what and when.

I'd be willing to wait, two gf's ago, my gf at the time was a virgin and had one sexual experience and it wasn't good. She told me it would take a while and it wasnt a till marriage thing, but it would take her a while. I had no problem with this.

 

I don't prefer this, but if I really care about the woman, I'll wait, thought after a while 3rd base would need to be reached at some point

[ascendotum]

Well, in my often 3rd hand and sometimes 1st hand experience, they usually are not attracted to you much, and end up putting out to someone else within a shorter timeframe. I'm sure it's not the case with OP, but of what I have observed, this tends to happen:

 

Guy meets girl, guy likes her, girl wants to wait, guy waits, kisses and cuddles every now and then, 3 months later, she gets distant, ends up with another dude.....doesn't wait that long to put out for other dude.

 

It's probably not a regular occurrence with you guys, but this is something I see a lot.

 

Same story here mate.

If I was totally mesmerized by a woman, then I would wait 2 months, ONLY as long as I saw things progressing with increased intimacy along the way and I saw a LT future with this woman. If the woman I was dating was nice but aspects of her looks/character/life was not the ideal in terms of what I really wanted for a gf/wife, then I would not wait much past 3 dates.

I realise some will say why bother dating a woman that you are not crazy over, but unfortunately not all of us strike the jackpot all the time. Also realise some women here, might say its a double standard to have a different tolerance to waiting depending on the desirability of the woman, but I (also my friends) have no qualms doing this, because:

 

A. A number of us have experience of dating and being told, 'friends first and see how it goes', 'want to take it slow', 'just not ready yet after my last relationship', 'I had sex too quick with guys in the past and it didn't work out so I want to take it slow now'....and while not in all cases but a number of times we were just placeholders while she kept her options open for something better. As a couple of other guys mentioned in same situations..'shes not that sexually attracted', and that's how I would see it, and I would also be following up on any other options in the meantime. The longer I waited the more I would see her as a friend.

 

B. Because women have different tolerances to waiting when it comes to looks/desirability. The women we know who say those comments listed above, sure didn't take it slow when it came to hot looking guys/bad boys.

[ThaWholigan]

Same story here mate.

If I was totally mesmerized by a woman, then I would wait 2 months, ONLY as long as I saw things progressing with increased intimacy along the way and I saw a LT future with this woman. If the woman I was dating was nice but aspects of her looks/character/life was not the ideal in terms of what I really wanted for a gf/wife, then I would not wait much past 3 dates.

I realise some will say why bother dating a woman that you are not crazy over, but unfortunately not all of us strike the jackpot all the time. Also realise some women here, might say its a double standard to have a different tolerance to waiting depending on the desirability of the woman, but I (also my friends) have no qualms doing this, because:

 

A. A number of us have experience of dating and being told, 'friends first and see how it goes', 'want to take it slow', 'just not ready yet after my last relationship', 'I had sex too quick with guys in the past and it didn't work out so I want to take it slow now'....and while not in all cases but a number of times we were just placeholders while she kept her options open for something better. As a couple of other guys mentioned in same situations..'shes not that sexually attracted', and that's how I would see it, and I would also be following up on any other options in the meantime. The longer I waited the more I would see her as a friend.

 

B. Because women have different tolerances to waiting when it comes to looks/desirability. The women we know who say those comments listed above, sure didn't take it slow when it came to hot looking guys/bad boys.

 

Yeah, I'm working on ways to offset that basically. A few girls actually even did it to me, they saw me as some kind of husband material (basically the provider guy who they marry in their 30s). I don't just want to be a back-up, I want to be desired as a man in all elements, straight up. It really depends on the girl to be honest. If she is wants me to wait, I would hope she's the real deal, and not stringing me along. If I get more than a few signs to indicate that, I am unlikely to stick around.

[ascendotum]

See, this just fuels me suspicion that women who want to wait a long time before sex either have hangups about physical intimacy or simply don't have a healthy sex drive. A normal woman would not want to wait 4 months for sex either...it would be pretty frustrating to intentionally restrain yourself from being intimate with someone you are attracted to for 4 months.

 

I see it the same as you. Just at a personal level also, my sex life with the women who had sex straight off was more adventurous/spontaneous/passionate, than it was for the women who wanted to wait and take it slow.

[phineas]

Same story here mate.

If I was totally mesmerized by a woman, then I would wait 2 months, ONLY as long as I saw things progressing with increased intimacy along the way and I saw a LT future with this woman. If the woman I was dating was nice but aspects of her looks/character/life was not the ideal in terms of what I really wanted for a gf/wife, then I would not wait much past 3 dates.

I realise some will say why bother dating a woman that you are not crazy over, but unfortunately not all of us strike the jackpot all the time. Also realise some women here, might say its a double standard to have a different tolerance to waiting depending on the desirability of the woman, but I (also my friends) have no qualms doing this, because:

 

A. A number of us have experience of dating and being told, 'friends first and see how it goes', 'want to take it slow', 'just not ready yet after my last relationship', 'I had sex too quick with guys in the past and it didn't work out so I want to take it slow now'....and while not in all cases but a number of times we were just placeholders while she kept her options open for something better. As a couple of other guys mentioned in same situations..'shes not that sexually attracted', and that's how I would see it, and I would also be following up on any other options in the meantime. The longer I waited the more I would see her as a friend.

 

B. Because women have different tolerances to waiting when it comes to looks/desirability. The women we know who say those comments listed above, sure didn't take it slow when it came to hot looking guys/bad boys.

 

Can I get an A-men here!

[phineas]

I see it the same as you. Just at a personal level also, my sex life with the women who had sex straight off was more adventurous/spontaneous/passionate, than it was for the women who wanted to wait and take it slow.

 

My experience is slightly different.

 

I agree, the ones who wanted to get naked quickly were just so naughty in..well any room of the house.

 

Those that made me wait were very mechanical & wound up getting distant & dumping me.

Most slept with the first hot guy they met without even bothering to break up with me first. (cheated)

 

so making me wait = not attracted to me.

 

I do not want that.

 

And as carhill said what else does a woman have to offer me that I can't get from my friends & family?

[carhill]

I would say the reverse for a man (what does he offer that she can't get from friends and family) as well, and I'll share that experience from my data points. What I've noticed is a singular dynamic that connects all of the 'sucky' situations I've encountered and that is she 'gets' my validation of her importance and attractiveness and the value of the humdrum stuff her friends and family would roll their eyes at. Why did she get that validation? Vaginal power. The power to warp the mind of a receptive male through 'feminine wiles', aka the carrot of sex. Once I disconnected that plug from the socket, it all became clear. Prior, months would go by as I gave her the 'benefit of the doubt', waiting for an absolution that would never come. Ooh, that's good

[thatone]

or to put it in more simple terms, such demands from women are lies and bullsh*t .

 

at worst it's being told you're her backup plan.

 

at best it's a control game.

 

either way the answer is to take the attention away and make it clear that you're not playing along. best case scenario she relents to get the attention back. worst case scenario she disappears. either way, you get an honest answer in the only way possible.

[El Brujo]

proceeding towards intimacy (mainly sex) esp during a relationship?

 

I can wait until the day after forever.

[SilverLining]

As a woman, I agree that if a woman wants to wait a long time she's either got issues with intimacy, she's never had sex before or it was a bad experience, she's overly idealized sex, or she's just not attracted enough. Sex is extremely important in a relationship. I think it's great to wait a bit and get to know someone first...if you are with someone who knows you and cares about you then they will wait for you. I think 4 months is an ok time frame...at the longer end but it's not 'no sex until marriage'. For me, I could never wait that long, but that just brings me to my point. When to have sex and with whom is a very personal decision and no one can say whether it's right or wrong. Some guys will leave you, but you should never do anything that doesn't feel right to you, so let them.

[musemaj11]

I would never want a man to spend any money on me (especially if he felt forced and only did it as an expectation for sex. That'd made me feel like a hooker to be honest). I can pay my own - always. So what about this scenario?

I expect none from someone who expects none from me. I believe in fairness.

 

This is why even the decent ones out there end up with a bad name. It's men that only do nice gestures to expect to get laid that ruins it for the real ones who are interested in committing.

 

If having sex is the only sole reason he was dating and being ''so called nice'' then I'm doing great in withholding intimacy. He would already be showing his true colors.

Would you go out with a guy who won't drive you around and pay for you on dates? Answer honestly. Most women won't and these same women ironically also feel upset when men won't go out with them unless they put out quickly.

 

Its easy to judge others until the mirror is directed at you.

Edited December 30, 2011 by musemaj11

[Emilia]

I think the original post should be rephrased: how many people would actually wait months....

 

I wouldn't. I dated shy/inexperienced men and it's not for me, I don't want to commit to anyone before I know we are sexually compatible and at least have a chance in that department. My best match is with men who are on a similar wavelength. I mainly express love through sex as well (not always but mainly) like men do and if there is no real intimacy (as in proper intimacy and chemistry during sex rather than just the act itself) I lose interest quickly because to me there is no bond.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I don't agree with this at all. I once ended things with a girl I really liked because she was taking it too slow. I had to ask myself if I really wanted to be in a long-term sexless relationship and the answer was no. I wasn't getting my physical needs satisfied, plus there was always the chance that she was just stringing me along and keeping me around until someone better fell on her radar....women do that sort of thing all the time. I didn't like the uncertainty of the situation, so I just said f*ck it...

 

So.... you think wait time correlates to sex drive?

 

My xWife didn't even wait until the END of the first date to jump my bones. Awesome sex life for over a year... averaging more than once a day. Within one month of marraige... nothing. 2 years... sex probably 3 times. Divorce.

 

GF a few years later... made me wait nearly 4 months. Constant, regular, awesome sex!

 

Point is that you can't judge a woman's sex drive by when she feels ready to begin a sexual relationship.

 

At the minimum it tells me the girl has almost no sex drive of her own that she's capable of expressing, so I tend to agree. Many women who lack the drive do have the potential to develop it, but you never really know if it will pan out, so it's a big risk.

 

I get it. I thought the same way once. I wanted to get laid and didn't want to wait.

 

Sometimes the best things in life require waiting. They are worth it.

[EnigmaticClarity]

I think the original post should be rephrased: how many people would actually wait months....

 

I wouldn't. I dated shy/inexperienced men and it's not for me, I don't want to commit to anyone before I know we are sexually compatible and at least have a chance in that department. My best match is with men who are on a similar wavelength. I mainly express love through sex as well (not always but mainly) like men do and if there is no real intimacy (as in proper intimacy and chemistry during sex rather than just the act itself) I lose interest quickly because to me there is no bond.

 

I agree with the thread title rephrasing, but it's indicative of the OP's state of mind--she appears to view sex as something men want and that she doesn't really have much need for herself.

[Professor X]

I agree with the thread title rephrasing, but it's indicative of the OP's state of mind--she appears to view sex as something men want and that she doesn't really have much need for herself.

 

I highly doubt the OP got much experience in that department anyway (both having sex and having a BF), therefor her view.

[EnigmaticClarity]

I get it. I thought the same way once. I wanted to get laid and didn't want to wait.

 

Sometimes the best things in life require waiting. They are worth it.

 

And after all the waiting, how do you know it wasn't because she has little or no libido? Sometimes it's worth waiting, and sometimes it's not--either way it introduces risk that plenty of other modern women free of sexual dysfunction don't carry.

[counterman]

Same story here mate.

If I was totally mesmerized by a woman, then I would wait 2 months, ONLY as long as I saw things progressing with increased intimacy along the way and I saw a LT future with this woman. If the woman I was dating was nice but aspects of her looks/character/life was not the ideal in terms of what I really wanted for a gf/wife, then I would not wait much past 3 dates.

I realise some will say why bother dating a woman that you are not crazy over, but unfortunately not all of us strike the jackpot all the time. Also realise some women here, might say its a double standard to have a different tolerance to waiting depending on the desirability of the woman, but I (also my friends) have no qualms doing this, because:

 

A. A number of us have experience of dating and being told, 'friends first and see how it goes', 'want to take it slow', 'just not ready yet after my last relationship', 'I had sex too quick with guys in the past and it didn't work out so I want to take it slow now'....and while not in all cases but a number of times we were just placeholders while she kept her options open for something better. As a couple of other guys mentioned in same situations..'shes not that sexually attracted', and that's how I would see it, and I would also be following up on any other options in the meantime. The longer I waited the more I would see her as a friend.

 

B. Because women have different tolerances to waiting when it comes to looks/desirability. The women we know who say those comments listed above, sure didn't take it slow when it came to hot looking guys/bad boys.

 

This strikes accord with me. In my first and only relationship, my ex-girlfriend wanted to take things slow, which is fair enough. I was 'ready' for sex a month or two after we started dating. When we first started, it was fun -- discovering each other, making out and fooling around non-sexually. Then it got to the point where I got absolutely nothing from her, whilst I was giving her oral sex... I resorted to masturbation, which I thought I never would have to since I had a girlfriend.

 

I thought that if she was feeling what I was feeling, she wouldn't be able to 'wait' too long. I was patient and yet there was no progression. In fact, it went downhill and she would pull back from my touch. Yet, she kept saying that there was plenty of time for sex, and that we could wait, since we'll be together anyways. WRONG. She saw me as husband material, someone she'll gladly have provide for her but not someone she would have sex with. I was foolish enough to wait around, taking her word that she felt the same way about me that I felt about her. Half a year later, she breaks up with me and shortly after that she's with my former friend, who she's been dating for about 2 years now.

 

Now, if I see a girl as long-term potential and that things are progressing well, I would wait and yes, some things are worth waiting for and if I think she's worth it, then I'll wait months if I have to. If I don't see a girl as a long-term partner, I'll break up with her pretty soon, I guess.

[silvermercy]

And after all the waiting, how do you know it wasn't because she has little or no libido? Sometimes it's worth waiting, and sometimes it's not--either way it introduces risk that plenty of other modern women free of sexual dysfunction don't carry.

Well, you can always ask her and pray for an honest answer??

 

But seriously, even if she sleeps with you right away, what makes you think a high frequency is not something temporary? She could be only doing that to appease you for a while and make you attached to her. So, in other words it would make no great difference; in the end, you would have still wasted your time in that woman. (Unless you're a player and casual sex is all that you're after of course but not relationships).

 

By the way, low libido is not abnormal (despite what media and pharmaceutical companies want to make people believe (perhaps so they can all be "cured" with miracle drugs or drive sex-related product sales up and up). Low vs high libido in BOTH genders is important only when it comes to incompatibility. Mostly nothing to do with hungs ups, rather than genetic programing or in some cases disease. This happens to both men and women.

Edited December 30, 2011 by silvermercy

[EnigmaticClarity]

But seriously, even if she sleeps with you right away, what makes you think a high frequency is not something temporary? She could be only doing that to appease you for a while and make you attached to her. So, in other words it would make no great difference; in the end, you would have still wasted your time in that woman.

 

Until she gives you a reason to believe she's putting up a false front, you can't assume it. If you do, you're paranoid, because there isn't a single healthy relationship that wouldn't start as you describe above. The things you look for are her openness to discuss sexuality, whether or not she initiates, whether or not she appears to display any interest in sex separate from you bringing it up to her by taking note of what she reads/watches/talks about.

 

When you get with a woman who enjoys sex, you DEFINITELY know it. It's great. Will that change later? Of course it will, most things about a person change over time. You deal with that when it comes.

[thatone]

I think the original post should be rephrased: how many people would actually wait months....

 

I wouldn't. I dated shy/inexperienced men and it's not for me, I don't want to commit to anyone before I know we are sexually compatible and at least have a chance in that department. My best match is with men who are on a similar wavelength. I mainly express love through sex as well (not always but mainly) like men do and if there is no real intimacy (as in proper intimacy and chemistry during sex rather than just the act itself) I lose interest quickly because to me there is no bond.

 

that's it precisely.

 

if you could be a man for about 3 months i could set you up with a couple of women that i've dated who would amaze you, that after being single for in some cases 20+ years will still have no more confidence in themselves or knowledge of what they want and can reasonably attain than a teenager .

 

as such they behave like teenagers.

 

the trap is it's very easy to confuse those types for the 'good girl' stereotype who just hasn't dated much because of unfortunate circumstances with location, social circles, etc. when in fact they just never grew up and are still waiting on their high school/college fantasy to show up and knock on their door, even though whatever that fantasy is does not exist.

[silvermercy]

Until she gives you a reason to believe she's putting up a false front, you can't assume it. If you do, you're paranoid, because there isn't a single healthy relationship that wouldn't start as you describe above. The things you look for are her openness to discuss sexuality, whether or not she initiates, whether or not she appears to display any interest in sex separate from you bringing it up to her by taking note of what she reads/watches/talks about.

 

When you get with a woman who enjoys sex, you DEFINITELY know it. It's great. Will that change later? Of course it will, most things about a person change over time. You deal with that when it comes.

Exactly. So that means you can engage her in conversations and try to feel if she's lying or not. Most people would be able to tell anyway. In other words, no reason to expect sex from her early on. Because then it would be her turn to be a judge of your personality and intentions. It's only fair. And that takes time. The sex conversations with her would take TIME, too, for sure.

Therefore, if both people are genuine and compatible they will be happy in the end. If one of them though gets dumped after sex, he/she will feel used and very hurt while the other just goes on with his/her life. It's natural then, for many women at least to want to wait some time (which can take up to 4 months) before having sex.

[samsungxoxo]

I highly doubt the OP got much experience in that department anyway (both having sex and having a BF), therefore her view.

You're right I probably by this day don't know much. My ex was the only experience.

Well technically he would be my 2nd bf. I had one prior to him but it only involved making-out (I broke up with him by the 2nd week).

[Untouchable_Fire]

And after all the waiting, how do you know it wasn't because she has little or no libido? Sometimes it's worth waiting, and sometimes it's not--either way it introduces risk that plenty of other modern women free of sexual dysfunction don't carry.

 

Well... if you have a line of ladies wrapping around the block rearing to go, then I can see the irritation with waiting a month or so. Otherwise if everything else is looking good about her... why walk away from something that could be great.

 

Fact is that when she decides to have sex really has very little to do with her libido... and much more to do her self confidence and emotional state. I've found that truly self confident women will make you wait longer.

 

Face it... it hurts when someone uses you and discards you. Smart women make you put some skin in the game. Desperate women put out fast and hope you stick around.

[thatone]

Exactly. So that means you can engage her in conversations and try to feel if she's lying or not. Most people would be able to tell anyway. In other words, no reason to expect sex from her early on. Because then it would be her turn to be a judge of your personality and intentions. It's only fair. And that takes time. The sex conversations with her would take TIME, too, for sure.

Therefore, if both people are genuine and compatible they will be happy in the end. If one of them though gets dumped after sex, he/she will feel used and very hurt while the other just goes on with his/her life. It's natural then, for many women at least to want to wait some time (which can take up to 4 months) before having sex.

 

what you're saying is those women are spending that 4 months trying to compare and contrast the man they're currently with versus all of the other men from their past, and/or prolonging the 'honeymoon' period of dating as long as possible because that's what they really want they don't want to 'get to know' the man they're currently with, and/or maintain control by dangling sex like a carrot in front of a horse.

 

it doesn't take 4 months to figure out what makes a person tick if you've been spending a couple of days with them every week and talking with them on the phone every other day besides that. i've got a lot more stories to tell than most people my age but despite that they'll all be spent in about a month, tops.

 

so yes, it's perfectly natural that such women can spend 4 months with another person yet primarily only think of themselves.

 

and it's also perfectly natural that those women remain single for a long time.

 

i know this may be a shock but most men aren't looking for damaged, distrustful, indecisive, self centered women.

[silvermercy]

what you're saying is those women are spending that 4 months trying to compare and contrast the man they're currently with versus all of the other men from their past, and/or prolonging the 'honeymoon' period of dating as long as possible because that's what they really want they don't want to 'get to know' the man they're currently with, and/or maintain control by dangling sex like a carrot in front of a horse.

 

it doesn't take 4 months to figure out what makes a person tick if you've been spending a couple of days with them every week and talking with them on the phone every other day besides that. i've got a lot more stories to tell than most people my age but despite that they'll all be spent in about a month, tops.

 

so yes, it's perfectly natural that such women can spend 4 months with another person yet primarily only think of themselves.

 

and it's also perfectly natural that those women remain single for a long time.

 

i know this may be a shock but most men aren't looking for damaged, distrustful, indecisive, self centered women.

Please see Untouchable Fire's response above, which I agree with. You just gave a total opposite definition. Now who is right then? I think I'll go with Fire on this one.