theplastickid Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Ok so here goes, I broke up with an ex of almost 2 years, 2 years ago (4 years in my life) but on a routine basis she gets in touch every 3 months or so with no intention of trying to get me back or get back together, yet she still says things like "i love you" "i miss you". In the meantime she is off seeing lots of different guys. I have a new gf who I have been seeing for a year and been in a relationship with for 6 months, she is pretty much everything that my ex wasn't! Puts me first, loves me unconditionally (as far as i can see). But for some reason I can't let go of my ex. I was the first person that my ex was ever with so the thought of her with other guys, sickens me and I have lost all respect for her, her innosence I guess was part of her attraction and gave me a sense of intamacy with her that I couldn't get from anyone else. So why can't I let go of her? Its driving me mad and effecting my new relationship...
stillafool Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 The reason you can't get over her is because you are still in love with her. Talking to your ex is not good for your current relationship. It's also unfair to your gf. Why don't you cut all contact with your ex so she can't get in touch with you? Your ex is trying to throw a wrench in your new relationship. Don't let her.
EgoJoe Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Yeah. I would say something like, "I have moved on due to your decision. I didn't want to but it happened. Leave me alone and deal with the consequences of your actions." But...I'm like that.
Author theplastickid Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 Yeah. I would say something like, "I have moved on due to your decision. I didn't want to but it happened. Leave me alone and deal with the consequences of your actions." But...I'm like that. The last thing I said to my ex was pretty much along those lines, I said I wanted you and I hoped to have you back for almost 2 years and you didn't want me so I have to now move on. But I still am in love with her even though she is not the person she used to be. I still think somewhere deep inside her she is, but I know this is a stupid way to think, you can't change a person. I do think if I split with my current GF i could convince my ex to try again with me, but I am with a girl who loves me and doesn't need convincing so why should I break her heart for my ex who can't see the benefit of "US" without my persuasion.
PegNosePete Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I am with a girl who loves me and doesn't need convincing so why should I break her heart for my ex who can't see the benefit of "US" without my persuasion. Well how do you feel about your current GF? Is it fair to her, to be LYING to her about this? I mean lying by omission. If you love someone else then you are LYING to her every time you speak to her.
wilsonx Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 (edited) Well how do you feel about your current GF? Is it fair to her, to be LYING to her about this? I mean lying by omission. If you love someone else then you are LYING to her every time you speak to her. So you can only love one person at a time in your life? If you have a gf, you cant love your parents? or your siblings? or your friends? What he did is a consequence from rebounding, loving 2 people at once and those feelings fluctuate from one to the other. Right now, hes starting to see the infatuation of his current gf wear off and the unconditional love for his ex is reappearing. Edited December 29, 2011 by wilsonx
EgoJoe Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 So you can only love one person at a time in your life? If you have a gf, you cant love your parents? or your siblings? or your friends? What he did is a consequence from rebounding, loving 2 people at once and those feelings fluctuate from one to the other. Right now, hes starting to see the infatuation of his current gf wear off and the unconditional love for his ex is reappearing. This is pretty true but it wasn't intentional rebounding he just hadn't healed in two years. OP: Peg also has a point. Tell your new girl what the deal is...I think she'll surprise you if you're realistic, honest and open with her.
wilsonx Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Ehhh grey territory with the lying part. I agree and disagree. I agree with it is lying because he's not being true to himself (This is the only part that matters in this equation... not her) him posting here though is a sign that hes not lying, hes trying to understand. I disagree with the lying part of this because he's protecting her and her feelings and someone he cares about. One of the most basic principles in life is that people lie all the time. We all lie, either to others or ourselves. If we do it to others to protect their feelings, this is where the grey area exists. Everyone on this board has lied at some point in their life and lies to themself at least 1 time a week. Now, this relationship can work if you put work into it and want to put work into it. I dont necessarily think you have to communicate this with your current girlfriend, you either need to put effort into washing your hands of your ex and stop communicating with her and focusing on the relationship or take a break and figure out whats best for you
clementyne Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 If I may ask a few questions here: you say your new gf is everything your ex wasn't - what do you mean by that? What was your ex like, i.e. what kinda things attracted you to her? And how is this new girl different to her? And is it because she is different to her that you don't feel the same for her as you do your ex?
Codez Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 You need to allow yourself to move on. Tell yourself that it's over with your ex. Those feelings will fade in time, but if every 2 or 3 months she keeps refreshing those feelings, you'll never move passed them. PLEASE be sure you aren't taking your current gf for granted. Because if you are and end up breaking up with her because of the way you 'think' you feel for your ex... then realize you actually did love your current gf more than you thought and those feelings for your ex were just echo's from the past, you're going to hurt A LOT. You're going to hurt and you're going to hurt her as well.
BoredAgain Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 theplastickid -- As others have said, you need to move on from this Ex girlfriend. If she's contacting you every few months to tell you she loves and misses you, then she's either extremely confused or just trying to toy with you. Neither option is good for you. So your best bet is to just cut the cord by ignoring her phone calls. You seem to like your new girlfriend. If you think you'll be able to get over your Ex easily (after all it has been two years already), then stick with her - hang out, do fun stuff, etc. On the other hand, if you're going to be pining over the Ex for awhile then that's really not fair to the new GF. In this case, consider letting her go until your healed.
wilsonx Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 (edited) I will post this instead, the reason you cant move on is because you understand what unconditional love is, you love her, you always will. If your choice is to move on, then you have to cut ties with your ex, no more emailings etc Edited December 30, 2011 by wilsonx
Recommended Posts