Gazelle8675 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 So... My last relationship before this one was with a girl I was sure I loved, we were together for 3 years until she cheated on me. With that said and done, I moved on, dated this amazing girl for a few months, and asked her to be my girlfriend just yesterday. We agreed to take things slow (before I asked her out) because of my previous relationship situation, and her not actually ever really having a serious relationship. When I asked her to be my gf, she asked me if I was sure I was reading for it and I assured her that I was. I soon began having second thoughts. I don't know if i'm really ready for another girlfriend, but I love spending time with her so much I know i couldn't handle dating anyone else. I don't want to hurt her... But I'm not sure that I'm ready. At the same time... I'm not sure that I'm not ready. Any advice on if I should just push through and wait for things to get better? Or do I try to tell her that I'm not ready and risk hurting her and losing a chance with her? Please help...
WhiteChocolate Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I think the answer really depends on you. It's hard to tell what you want from your post; it's up to you whether you are really ready or not
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 You shouldn't try to force things and communicate with her how you feel, if there's any changes or issues you are dealing with. Let things go at a steady and natural pace...don't overthink it and feel rushed or pressured, that'll just make you run away preemptively. Just be honest with her, and man up to doing the right thing. Whatever you do don't tell her things you don't mean so that she sticks around only to get hurt in the end. If you really care about someone you seriously consider how they feel in your decisions, even if they say they are fine with it in the moment. You've got to work on your past issues, like being able to open up and trust. Don't try and make her the victim of your ex-gfs doings, this is a new person a new situation...if you can't develop that mentality then you're just going to sabotage the new relationship. Many people do this without even noticing, and even blame everyone else but themselves.
Soxfaninfl Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 How long were you broken up from your previous GF?
Author Gazelle8675 Posted December 30, 2011 Author Posted December 30, 2011 (edited) Ok thank you everybody. I'm sorry I wasn't incredibly detailed but it was only second thoughts for a little. In reply to how long we were broken up, about 4 months before we began non-explicitly dating, and we dated for about the same. We've been talking and I've found it surprisingly easy to open up to her about most things. I haven't conveyed my second thoughts to her though. And just so everybody gets an extra feel, (this may dissuade you from replying, though I hope it does not and that you take it just as seriously) we're Juniors in high school. Edited December 30, 2011 by Gazelle8675 Typo
SilverLining Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 Well, your trust was betrayed and you were hurt. Your age doesn't negate that. Doesn't matter how old you are. And you are understandably nervous about having another girlfriend knowing that you could get hurt again. My advice would be to communicate with your new girlfriend about your feelings. She will understand knowing where you are coming from. I think your issue is not that you are having second thoughts about dating this girl, but second thoughts about having a 'girlfriend', but it really doesn't matter what title you give this girl, she or any other woman can potentially hurt you. Be strong and recognize that all women are different and even though there are some that will cheat, there are many that won't. Stick it out for a bit and see how you feel, and take things slowly.
Author Gazelle8675 Posted January 5, 2012 Author Posted January 5, 2012 I wanted to thank everyone for the wonderful advice. I ended up telling her about the second thoughts (unfortunately over text since we were apart with no chance of seeing each other until school, and that didn't seem like a good environment to come clean). She didn't reply for about 4 days, until I got a text asking me to come to lunch with her when we were at school (today). She ended up breaking up with me saying she didn't want to ruin the friendship. I'm planning on asking if we can continue just dating, not with an exclusive commitment to each other. Do you feel as though this is a good course of action, or should I just back off completely and try to remain friends? I'm sorry to be asking everything on here, it just hurts that my first relationship since my prior unfortunate ending lasted one week and one day. Any advice would be greatly appreciated...
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