Rose_Petal Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Hi there, I haven't posted in a while but lately something keeps bugging me. It's been about 4 months since the BU and almost 4 months NC (my BF of 2 years dumped be and I unfortunatly played the begging card for about two weeks, texting him and messaging him on facebook constantly to remind him of the good times we had together and how I would always love him and we should be together :S ...things change, I truly don't beleive that anymore ) Anyway, I still feel guilty to this day about losing my temper often and being quite stubborn. I know I have a strong personality but I almost feel like it's a fault. I don't let people step on my toes and i have very strong values. I really hope that I am a kind, thoutful, giving and loving person because I want to be that person. I want with my whole heart to give back and help others but I feel like having a strong personality overshadows that. I am very ambitious, want to travel the world, dance, be part of the army reserves, even joked about climbing Mount Everest some day (...we'll see ) I felt like I gave everything to my EX and was as supportive as I could be. However, I easily got mad at him (he had a temper too but im concentrating on my behaviour) and complained about his parents because they treated him, and eventually me, like CRAP! My ex's father told him he was ashamed to have him as a son and that he loved me MORE! Who the hell says that to their child?! Anyway I let me ex know how I felt and I think he just went and told his parents afterwards because the last thing his father told me before I got dumped by my EX was that I had ruined THEIR family...i never felt so awful but I knew it couldn't be true...I just wanted my ex and I to be free of their abusive behaviour and I knew my ex deserved better (or anyone would deserve better for that matter) ...Though I think I was trying to do well I feel like I was a bitch and just plain crazy sometimes for losing my temper with him...I lashed out really bad at one point and I was so ashamed...never at his parents, only at him because he would act like his father when I felt he knew better or when he talked to me about all the bad things his parents said about me...or he could be just plain annoying Anyway, I feel like me having a strong personality led up to the break up and that it takes away from my kind and caring side. Can I have a strong personality and still be portrayed as someone who is trying to help and just cares for others...can I be seen as gentle while also being strong? Do strong personalities in women scare guys off? I am just so confused and want to stop feeling guilty about what happened. When he dumped me one of the last thigns I said to him was "no matter what you may think of me, please believe that everything I did, I tried to do it for you" he said that was the most untrue thing he had ever heard I truly feel like I tried to help him, Us, and my biggest fear is that I was just being selfish withought realising it. Could anyway give me advice on how to ease the guilt or just some insight on this issue?
Lonely Ronin Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Could anyway give me advice on how to ease the guilt or just some insight on this issue? I know exactly where you're coming from as I have a strong personality as well. My ex (7+ years, engaged) ripped my heart out, and then stomped on it. her reasoning was that my personality was exactly the same as it was the day we meet. I can be opinionated, and inflexible when it comes to certain things, and I have been this way since I was a teen (I grew up fast). When she moved out, it made me feel like everything was my fault, and i just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.... Having been through a year+ of counseling and heard the opinions of family, & both male & female friends, I have learned a lot. A strong personality isn't a flaw, it makes you who you are. What you need is someone who you compliment. I have a happily married female friend, and she has a strong personality. Her husband is laid back, and not really aggressive. When they are together it's a beautiful thing to watch. They bring each other closer to the center, they counterbalance each other etc etc. Don't feel guilty for being who you are be happy that you know who you are, and look for someone who compliments you.
immitable Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I don't think that being a strong personality is a flaw, you ar e questioning yourself and that is a good thing. Dumpers rarely do that, especially not in the early stages. You and only you can change your behavioral patterns, I would recommend a book called Loving Choices, it speaks about growing relationships, understanding yourself better, your interactions with your partner and getting rid of emotional baggage.
flitzanu Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 i'd say the only time you should question your "strong personality" is if you have it because you're confident, or because you're insecure. it's a generalization, but often the most insecure come off as the most confident, and that type so often is disagreeable and stubborn to the max, never wants help and never believes in receiving help. do you have a strong personality because you're a strong person? or do you have a strong personality because you're masking and want to prove yourself as BEING a strong person? being a strong person and maintaining your values and opinions doesn't mean you're a bitch, or crazy. if you're genuine, everything "works out" in the end. people will recognize it and whatever "wrongs" you may have done, people will see the truth in them with enough time. at least that's my opinion.
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