whitefire Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 The other night I could have gone home with a girl who I thought was pretty attractive. I haven't had sex or done anything in a long time, so it would have been good for me. She outright told me she thought I was hot, but she also had a boyfriend. I told her I wouldn't do anything with her as long as she had a boyfriend, and she gave me the whole "we're on a break/we're about to break up/something along those lines." I can't do that though - it would sit wrong with me. A friend told me tonight the same thing happened to him and he had sex anyway. I told him my thoughts on the matter, and he told me that relationships in the early 20's are fickle and shouldn't be taken so seriously. While he's right in some respects, I still wouldn't do that myself. Even though the girl's probably just going to find some other guy to cheat with, and in many cases I've seen the boyfriend is doing the same thing, I would still feel wrong. This has happened many times to me, and I've never taken the bait. A few months ago this one really pretty friend I have told me one night that she's had a huge crush on me ever since we met, and she tried to kiss me, but I wouldn't because she had a boyfriend at the time. I feel like a chump, as I haven't had sex in close to a year. Part of me is telling me to be selfish and take the next opportunity I get, but part of me tells me that staying clear of girls like that will some how pay off eventually, in a what goes around comes around sort of way. Will it?
YaOldBuckaroo Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 The other night I could have gone home with a girl who I thought was pretty attractive. I haven't had sex or done anything in a long time, so it would have been good for me. She outright told me she thought I was hot, but she also had a boyfriend. I told her I wouldn't do anything with her as long as she had a boyfriend, and she gave me the whole "we're on a break/we're about to break up/something along those lines." I can't do that though - it would sit wrong with me. A friend told me tonight the same thing happened to him and he had sex anyway. I told him my thoughts on the matter, and he told me that relationships in the early 20's are fickle and shouldn't be taken so seriously. While he's right in some respects, I still wouldn't do that myself. Even though the girl's probably just going to find some other guy to cheat with, and in many cases I've seen the boyfriend is doing the same thing, I would still feel wrong. This has happened many times to me, and I've never taken the bait. A few months ago this one really pretty friend I have told me one night that she's had a huge crush on me ever since we met, and she tried to kiss me, but I wouldn't because she had a boyfriend at the time. I feel like a chump, as I haven't had sex in close to a year. Part of me is telling me to be selfish and take the next opportunity I get, but part of me tells me that staying clear of girls like that will some how pay off eventually, in a what goes around comes around sort of way. Will it? Yeah instant karma once their boyfriends find out lol. I think it's a matter of conscience rather than karma. You definitely wouldn't want your girlfriend cheating on you with other dudes either. So good on you for respecting the value of relationships. Instead of waiting, why not find someone single? Max
FitChick Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Yeah instant karma once their boyfriends find out Or maybe not so instant. Eighteen years later there is a knock at the door. "Daddy!"
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 First: Your definition of karma doesn't exist. Like most people, you don't know what karma is. So you go by the popularly accepted definition of karma: when you do bad things to others, it'll come back to haunt you. Look up the definition of karma. Karma has 4 different definitions and none of those involve the popularly accepted definition. Second: you believe that if you cheat with this woman, later on, you might get cheated on. You fail to realize you could get cheated on regardless of how you behave. The first time I'd fallen in love was at 19. I'd never been in a real relationship before and I'd always treated women good. We fell in love with each other but eventually our relationship grew cold. She cheated on me, got pregnant, and blamed me as the father. If people get repaid for their bad deeds, like cheating, then how does that explain what happened to me? I had never cheated on anyone before. How does your definition of karma explain that? There are millions of people who get cheated on who never did a thing to deserve it. Bottom line: you could get cheated on regardless of your past behavior. Lastly: she was hinting that she wants to dump her boyfriend for you. When she said, "we're on a break/we're about to break up/something along those lines", she wasn't giving you a line. She was hinting she wants to leave her boyfriend for you. She just wants to make sure you're committed to her before she leaves him. My advice: go for her. Many guys on this forum, and real life, would love to be in your shoes.
Feelsgoodman Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I'm not the one to condone cheating, but I agree with Oxy. If you want to avoid sleeping with girls that have boyfriends for moral reasons, it's one thing. But to do it because of some stupid, quasi-religious concept of "karma" is retarded. On a side note, you need to keep in mind that women tend to be rather cowardly when it comes to breakups. They generally prefer not to break up with their current BF before they secure a suitable replacement. I heard this phenomenon being referred to as "branch swinging". In other words, the behavior that you are observing is not at all uncommon. What can I say, we live in an immoral era...you have to go with the flow to some extent. If a girl tells you that she is in the "breaking up stage" with her BF, I don't think it's particularly terrible to sleep with her. I would not, however, pursue a relationship with such a woman.
worlybear Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Disagree on all counts re karma. You just have a good dose of integrity!. Hang on, in there, as there will be some worthwhile, single girl along soon- it'll probably be like number 7 buses- several girls will all arrive at once and you'll have to calm your conscience by making a choice- Good luck!
dasein Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 Women lie all the time about having BFs as a "jerk/creep screen," as you experienced, once she decided you aren't a jerk/creep, the BF disappears or is minimized. She isn't going to just come out and say she was lying about the BF. Learn to deal with the "disappearing BF" lie lots of them tell, and don't foreclose your options because of it. In short, you should have sexed her. Better luck next time.
Casablanca Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 I believe in karma or at least the western view of "what goes around comes around". I don't know why, but I do. Maybe it is just another justification for me to be nobel and moral and all that good ****
Author whitefire Posted December 30, 2011 Author Posted December 30, 2011 Yeah instant karma once their boyfriends find out lol. I think it's a matter of conscience rather than karma. You definitely wouldn't want your girlfriend cheating on you with other dudes either. So good on you for respecting the value of relationships. Instead of waiting, why not find someone single? Max I don't have a good answer to that. Maybe it's because I don't know any single people. First: Your definition of karma doesn't exist. Like most people, you don't know what karma is. So you go by the popularly accepted definition of karma: when you do bad things to others, it'll come back to haunt you. Look up the definition of karma. Karma has 4 different definitions and none of those involve the popularly accepted definition. Second: you believe that if you cheat with this woman, later on, you might get cheated on. You fail to realize you could get cheated on regardless of how you behave. The first time I'd fallen in love was at 19. I'd never been in a real relationship before and I'd always treated women good. We fell in love with each other but eventually our relationship grew cold. She cheated on me, got pregnant, and blamed me as the father. If people get repaid for their bad deeds, like cheating, then how does that explain what happened to me? I had never cheated on anyone before. How does your definition of karma explain that? There are millions of people who get cheated on who never did a thing to deserve it. Bottom line: you could get cheated on regardless of your past behavior. Lastly: she was hinting that she wants to dump her boyfriend for you. When she said, "we're on a break/we're about to break up/something along those lines", she wasn't giving you a line. She was hinting she wants to leave her boyfriend for you. She just wants to make sure you're committed to her before she leaves him. My advice: go for her. Many guys on this forum, and real life, would love to be in your shoes. Ok...sorry for the misuse of the word, but whatever the proper definition of karma is, you get what I meant. I don't believe in western karma spiritually, nor do I necessarily believe what goes around comes around in a practical sense, but part of me has always hoped there's some logical truth to that idea. I'm not concerned about getting cheated on at the moment. I'd need a girlfriend before I start worrying about that, ha. I guess what I'm trying to say is - is there any way that by me not doing anything with girls who are in relationships, however much in disarray those relationships might be, if that may somehow lead to me finding someone worthwhile. If it's worth it not taking these opportunities for subjectively immoral sex, or if I'm really holding out for nothing. Honestly, I don't know how anyone can answer than, so maybe it's a stupid question. I'm not the one to condone cheating, but I agree with Oxy. If you want to avoid sleeping with girls that have boyfriends for moral reasons, it's one thing. But to do it because of some stupid, quasi-religious concept of "karma" is retarded. On a side note, you need to keep in mind that women tend to be rather cowardly when it comes to breakups. They generally prefer not to break up with their current BF before they secure a suitable replacement. I heard this phenomenon being referred to as "branch swinging". In other words, the behavior that you are observing is not at all uncommon. What can I say, we live in an immoral era...you have to go with the flow to some extent. If a girl tells you that she is in the "breaking up stage" with her BF, I don't think it's particularly terrible to sleep with her. I would not, however, pursue a relationship with such a woman. I wouldn't pursue a relationship either, because I'm sure she'd do the same to me. Something short is all I'd do. Disagree on all counts re karma. You just have a good dose of integrity!. Hang on, in there, as there will be some worthwhile, single girl along soon- it'll probably be like number 7 buses- several girls will all arrive at once and you'll have to calm your conscience by making a choice- Good luck! I can only hope. Women lie all the time about having BFs as a "jerk/creep screen," as you experienced, once she decided you aren't a jerk/creep, the BF disappears or is minimized. She isn't going to just come out and say she was lying about the BF. Learn to deal with the "disappearing BF" lie lots of them tell, and don't foreclose your options because of it. In short, you should have sexed her. Better luck next time. I know some definitely lie, but I also know for a fact that the girls I was talking about definitely had real non-disappearing boyfriends at the time. If I suspected they were lies, I wouldn't have held back. I believe in karma or at least the western view of "what goes around comes around". I don't know why, but I do. Maybe it is just another justification for me to be nobel and moral and all that good **** Yup
El Brujo Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 They just want to see if you're dumb enough to fall for it. I'm not.
fishtaco Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 Agree with Oxy. I would hook up with her anyway. But I wouldn't date her. It's very common for women (and men) to not be able to let go of their previous relationship unless they have something new on the horizon. You are just a tool for her to disconnect from her BF. Don't become emotionally invested in this woman. Penile investment however is okay. Also, if this is how she chooses to end her relationship, i.e. cheating, she'll do the same thing to you eventually. Play, but do not date. And you are right, she mostly likely found someone else to play the role you turned down. But what you chose to do is fine too. Plenty of fishes in the sea. An important skill for a man to learn in dating is to not be afraid to lose opportunities. Because there will always be more. This is no big deal. Stick to your principles. Mine is more relaxed than yours.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 Well this is difficult to say...I feel the same way as you do about making sexy time with women in relationships or what not, it's just a big turn-off and just feels dirty...but I don't like to share either. So basically it's not my style...however, depending on the circumstance I might do it anyway. I wouldn't think or try to put myself in the situation but If It was there and I felt like doing it then I probably would. However so far I have not, because I tend to consider women in relationships off-limits mentally, I don't even attempt to flirt or even receptive to their advances until they are undeniable. I would advise other men to do it however, as there really is no penalty and yeah what are the chances of that relationship lasting anyway. However for myself, I'd rather avoid the drama and don't really need to rely on these women to get laid, so I guess it depends on your options as well. I find it surprising you passed up on this...I hope you aren't too nice of a guy and expecting some kind of reward or karma for or against. You kinda just reap what you sow more than inherit karma.
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