Buttercup84 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I thought I would be productive today and starting cleaning my room and throwing old things out . I found my ex's old notebook ( nothing important in there ) but inside was a note he wrote to me , saying he loved me and wants me to cheer up. And in the notebook I saw a note I left him on his computer desk for him to find when he got home saying " I love you " that is when he was still in love with me . And I am going to go to the garage to get my stuff that I had at our place . I am scared of sorting it out . Despite him treating me like **** most of the time I think of all the good stuff he did for me too and feel so sad .Maybe because he was my first relationship I feel worse ( I am 27 ) I am doing my best by going to thearapy once a week and working , meeting friends etc . But I still miss him and keep blaming myself for it all. We were supposed to get married and have a baby but I terminated the pregnancy because I was scared and he was planning our future without me having much of a say in it ( like moving out to a property , I can't drive so I would have been totally dependent on him out there ) He really wanted the baby and I did too , but I was unemployed and we just have been together for three months . After that he turned into a different person and wasn't as loving . I know I hurt him so much and I was hurting too and hate I put him through that. I just don't feel like I deserve someone like him New year sucks , I just want this year to be over
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I know you are hurting and he is too, but it seems like you guys were moving way too fast. It isn't fair that he was making all these life plans without your say in it. Marriage should be about two, not just what one person wants. I know you feel bad about terminating the pregnancy and such, but you were not in a position in your life to start a family. You were no where near ready and neither was he. We usually want to give our childern the world, and that would have been hard if you guys didn't have a stronger foundation. Forgive yourself for everything you feel you did wrong and forgive him. He may be hurt, but he needs to realize that you were not ready for that kind of settling down. Again, any relationship and marriage takes TWO.
dicky_fish Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Ah Buttercup, my favourite Australian, I was wondering how you were doing. During the middle of the month I found a few old notes from the ex lying around in various parts of the house, all them saying how much she loved me, missed me, and would always be there for me, and it all brought me shattered down to a low again. I'm still not sure what to do with them, but for now they're out of sight until I'm ready to do whatever with them. New Year is going to suck for us yes, we were expecting things to be so different to how they are. I was hoping to be engaged by now, but that isn't the case so I'm going to make the best of the worst situation. I only have one resolution for next year and that is to escape from this place I am in, mentally and physically. We're on opposite sides of the world, but if I can do it so can you xxx
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