phone66 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 "An ex is someone who is different from the person you first fell in love with. In a way, an ex is a ghost of the person you used to love." -Clio
stunned8165 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 "An ex is someone who is different from the person you first fell in love with. In a way, an ex is a ghost of the person you used to love." -Clio As in they keep haunting us?.. lol
Author phone66 Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 As in they keep haunting us?.. lol In many cases and in many ways, yes
stunned8165 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 In many cases and in many ways, yes I heard that
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 It is sad really, when you watch somone you love change, sometimes for the worse.
stunned8165 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 It is sad really, when you watch somone you love change, sometimes for the worse. Yep. That's what mine did.
wilsonx Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Interesting question incoming... Did they change or did you change? Reflect on this
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Interesting question incoming... Did they change or did you change? Reflect on this Oh mine changed alright, everyone else and I can all see it and it wasn't for the best. But I would suppose I changed too in a bad way. I did hurt him too. Blahh thanks for making me think! haha
wilsonx Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 good for you for recognizing that and admitting that =)
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Yea I mean after, a break up does take TWO, even though we like to paint our exes as the bad person. We need to realize our faults so we can learn from them
BardoPond Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 That's something that's been bugging me a lot actually. My ex has changed a lot and nobody on her side of things will look at it as a negative change but she is now what we both agreed even six months ago is someone we would never want to end up as. I've definately accepted that I have changed, some of it good and some of it bad, but I can't really figure for the life of me if the fact that she is now who she is is good for her because she's happy (I assume she's happy anyway as I haven't spoken to her since the break up) or is it bad for her because I know that she won't be able to sustain it forever and I generally don't agree that anyone should sustain it in the first place as I view it as a shallow and meaningless existence. Do I ever have the right to pass that judgement? I don't think so really but I can't help it, especially considering she held the same view not so long ago. I'm not doing anything to act on it obviously, the way she dealt with the break up was disgusting and pig headed and if there is ever going to be a line of communication opened again it will be her doing but it's something that I can't quite seem to get off my mind. Anybody care to shed some light on this for me?
ScienceGal Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Interesting question incoming... Did they change or did you change? Reflect on this Neither. Most people just see what they want to see. We lie and sugar coat, we make excuses. We take what we want and think little of it. We spend time with people we don't know at all. The truth is there though. We get used to each other, we relax, we slip up, we argue and cry. We come back together, love, go through motions... More time, more bonds develop. Dependency. Life, stress, more disagreements. Only once both people are worn down and tired, can they see each other for the ugly dirty creatures they are... thats when real love shared between 2 people is tested. It's either there or it's not.
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 That's something that's been bugging me a lot actually. My ex has changed a lot and nobody on her side of things will look at it as a negative change but she is now what we both agreed even six months ago is someone we would never want to end up as. I've definately accepted that I have changed, some of it good and some of it bad, but I can't really figure for the life of me if the fact that she is now who she is is good for her because she's happy (I assume she's happy anyway as I haven't spoken to her since the break up) or is it bad for her because I know that she won't be able to sustain it forever and I generally don't agree that anyone should sustain it in the first place as I view it as a shallow and meaningless existence. Do I ever have the right to pass that judgement? I don't think so really but I can't help it, especially considering she held the same view not so long ago. I'm not doing anything to act on it obviously, the way she dealt with the break up was disgusting and pig headed and if there is ever going to be a line of communication opened again it will be her doing but it's something that I can't quite seem to get off my mind. Anybody care to shed some light on this for me? Unfortunately how are exes choose to live their lives is their issue, not ours anymore. Even though we feel in our eyes and perspective that they have changed for the worse, they may not see it like that. In their eyes, life is hunky dory for them and that is something we must accept. It is their life, not ours, so who are we necessarily to tell them how to live it?
fucpcg Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Here's another one: The only thing that remains constant is change. That applies to life, and to people. We all change over the years.
BardoPond Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Unfortunately how are exes choose to live their lives is their issue, not ours anymore. Even though we feel in our eyes and perspective that they have changed for the worse, they may not see it like that. In their eyes, life is hunky dory for them and that is something we must accept. It is their life, not ours, so who are we necessarily to tell them how to live it? As I've said this is something that is really bugging me and I haven't quite decided either way where I stand on the issue but have they not made it our issue by bringing us into their lives and sharing what they did with us. At the end of the day people are free to do as they chose but there has to be a certain amount of responsibility on their part after time spent. For me it seems at the minute like one of two things, they either didn't care enough about you to let you know about the changes as they were happening or else it's just a snap decision and they have no intention of dealing with any of the fallout (at least in my case). I like to think I'm not completely naive, I've recognised a lot of my failings and have spent the past two months setting about fixing them (at least the most pressing ones) but I really can't shake the feeling that regardless of who I was in the end she would have left anyway. I can't seem to make sense of this. We have to accept our failings and while they do certainly exist (again speaking for myself) it was really just her deciding to change herself up that killed us, would me being different have stopped that? Would it have been right to stop that? Am I completely overthinking this?
flitzanu Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Interesting question incoming... Did they change or did you change? Reflect on this or...did you realize you weren't able to instill the changes in them you were wishing you could? "you" generalized, not YOU, wilson.
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