PoppyK Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Hey everyone. I found the advice here so helpful last time that I thought I'd ask for more! I recently broke off a year relationship after my boyfriend told me that he didn't feel emotion, Passion and would never love anyone. I tried to encourage him to seek help but he said that was the way it is and he wouldn't change. I felt like I had no choice but to break it off (see my other thread for full details!!) But he didn't want to. Since then (7 weeks or so) I have been trying to do normal things but generally avoid places where I may see him as I know I wouldn't be able to handle it. Despite the way he felt I loved him very much although in hindsight I am unsure why as he gradually became more unkind and detached from me. Living in a small city I inevitably saw him tonight for the first time and I totally crumbled. I avoided speaking to him - not sure if he actually saw me - and as my friends were late I left. I felt really panicky and couldn't stop shaking. When we first broke up I was ok but I am starting to feel constantly anxious. I don't want medication as I know that won't solve the problem - I.e I love him but he never really cared for me. Has anyone been through this and have any advice? Thanks for your time.
ShannonMI Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Hey everyone. I found the advice here so helpful last time that I thought I'd ask for more! I recently broke off a year relationship after my boyfriend told me that he didn't feel emotion, Passion and would never love anyone. I tried to encourage him to seek help but he said that was the way it is and he wouldn't change. I felt like I had no choice but to break it off (see my other thread for full details!!) But he didn't want to. Since then (7 weeks or so) I have been trying to do normal things but generally avoid places where I may see him as I know I wouldn't be able to handle it. Despite the way he felt I loved him very much although in hindsight I am unsure why as he gradually became more unkind and detached from me. Living in a small city I inevitably saw him tonight for the first time and I totally crumbled. I avoided speaking to him - not sure if he actually saw me - and as my friends were late I left. I felt really panicky and couldn't stop shaking. When we first broke up I was ok but I am starting to feel constantly anxious. I don't want medication as I know that won't solve the problem - I.e I love him but he never really cared for me. Has anyone been through this and have any advice? Thanks for your time. What you are feeling is completely normal. I went through it and STILL go through it when I see my ex. I dated him for 8 years and a year and a half ago he dumped me for someone else. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I recently saw him out at a local bar. I high tailed it so fast out of there before he could see me. I thought I had gotten over so much. I hadn't cried in months, but on the way home, I bawled my eyes out. He still has a hold on me unfortunately. The only way I can describe seeing him is it was like seeing a ghost. Someone who is dead to me and has just come back to show himself. All the emotions of the breakup and the pain came flooding back the moment I laid on eyes on him. It was horrible. The only good thing about seeing him was that he looked like complete Sh*T. His hair was grown out and he had this scraggly beard. Not looking good at all. It was so much better seeing him look like ass then having him look hot like he used to when we dated. So I feel for you, girl. It will get better with time. Just hang in there and don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you feel. You are human and what you went through was very painful. It takes awhile to get over something like that.
Jane2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I would say just treat yourself well in this time period. Do things that will improve your stress-levels, like exercise. I've been a life-long exerciser, and I think it's something that's helped me a lot when break-ups have occurred. No matter how ****ty I feel, I always work out. And of course it doesn't solve anything or change anything, but it does keep me sane. Also, pamper yourself with small things. Buy yourself a few small luxuries that you've been wanting. I think people in general beat themselves up way too much about things. Yes, we make mistakes. Yes, we do stupid things. Yes, we are a little bit pathetic. But who cares? Acknowledge your stupidity but also acknowledge how much you love yourself. Remind yourself that tomorrow is another day. Also, think about how many attractive men there are in the world, and how one of them is next in line for you...
Soxfaninfl Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Because you loved him, it will always hurt when you see him. I was married for 11 years and with my ex-wife for a total of 13 years. She told me that she didn't love me anymore and left me for a older fat guy with more money than I. We separated in March of 2010, and our divorce was final in September of 2011. It's still hurts sometimes when I see her cause she was my first love. Other times when I see he I feel anger for what she did and for putting our 8 year old son through a divorce. It does get better with time. Those emotions that you feel won't be as strong and will become less intense. Like Sannon said in her post, it takes time. Thankfully you don't have a child with him. Why be with someone that didn't love you. You deserve someone that loves you, and can't live without you.
Philosoraptor Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 It's normal to be hurt shortly after. I saw my ex just the other day and felt no anger or sadness. I hope she finds happiness within herself like I have and that she finds a way to make her dreams come true.
Author PoppyK Posted December 31, 2011 Author Posted December 31, 2011 Many thanks for all your replies. I really appreciate it. I've been trying to exercise as much as I can - it definitely does help. Thanks again.
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