fificremefarben Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 ...whether or not mine ever will? It's been 5 months, so if he was going to contact me he would've by now, right? I don't mean that in a romantic way anymore. The fact that he lied, cheated and left me for the other woman after 4 years leaves me in no doubt that he's not the partner I thought he was. However, it still annoys me the way he handled the whole breakup. The fact that he lied to my face about why he was breaking up with me, admitted to me a month later via TEXT that it was another woman, then refused to meet up with me to explain/let me talk it out (and get closure)...then he just cut me out and stopped talking to me. I'm pretty sure it was all about cowardice and not being able to face me after what he did...it was easier to just cut and run. At the end of the day, though, he was my lover for 4 years and one of my best friends for 13 years, and it's so hurtful that he would end our relationship (romantic and/or friendship) like that after all that time. I honestly though that when he cut me out it would just be until everything died down and then he would get in touch to at least apologise or makes amends for his behaviour...but there's been nothing. I'm not contacting him, because I believe it was Homebrew/Gibson who said that someone who hurt you should be the one to chase YOU if they want to make it right. I guess it's just hurtful as well that it seems the friendship aspect wasn't that important to him either, that he's been easily to go these 5 months without me in his life in any capacity. Do you think it's likely? How much later has an ex ever contacted you? Full story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t304090/
ZimboGon Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 (edited) Well, i've seen it take longer. Sometimes it takes a year or more if he even is going to contact you. He may be happier, if he did leave you for another woman and he doesn't want to get involved back into your life. Honestly, he sounds like a pretty passive person who doesn't handle confrontation well. He may just not want to face you after all this time. There are a number of reasons, ranging from him being afraid to him just not even caring anymore. I'll say for example, my ex really hurt me and took advantage of me, and she left me for another guy. She lied about everything, and threw away a good relationship. A week later she apologized and begged me to stay friends with her because she didn't want to lose me, she even asked me to wait for her. I told her to never talk to me again, called her a b*tch, and blocked contact with her. She did care about me the whole time, she was just too afraid to say anything and she never expressed herself. Now, her relationship is crumbling with this new manipulative prick. Does she want me back? Maybe, maybe not. Now, will she contact me? I highly doubt it. She must think i hate her. Why put yourself back in the shooting range? Edited December 28, 2011 by ZimboGon
Lowib Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 I went through the exact same thing. I don't think we will ever get closure from our exes. But, heck life is too short to worry about one person. He is a douche so just gravitate to what makes you happy.
M2155 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Pretty much same thing happened to me. It's taken too much energy to keep worrying with it so I have decided to let it go. You have to find closure in yourself. I would have liked to not been left for the other woman he started seeing behind my back and never told me or said goodbye...but these days I feel like it wouldn't make a difference why it happened. I just don't respect how he did it and thank God I'm not wasting anymore time wishing we will talk. When we first broke up I just KNEW we were going to friends, it was my goal. But now that i see clearly I don't care to right now, it would be weird to talk to him anyway. But to answer the question I've had exes contact me up to several YEARS later, it's funny. But I've never had one leave in such a cowardly fashion. While i suspect i'll run into him at some pont in my life (this is a small town) should he have the nerve to contact me anytime soon I will be surprised.
EgoJoe Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 If/when he does you will probably wish that he hadn't.
MarMarMar Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 It can take a really long time. My dad just made amends with my mom after the way he treated her, our family, and during the divorce and they're on friendly terms again finally. After 16 YEARS! So you never know.
stunned8165 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Cowrads. That's all I can say about our exes who lied, cheated and betrayed us. Pure cowards. ..... But know this.... We are better people then they are. 1
wilsonx Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 fifi, think about this, how would you feel right at the time if your ex told you he was leaving you for another woman? Have you ever thought, he lied to protect your feelings? How do you know he cheated? Could he have ended the relationship before he slept with the other person?
Author fificremefarben Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 fifi, think about this, how would you feel right at the time if your ex told you he was leaving you for another woman? Have you ever thought, he lied to protect your feelings? How do you know he cheated? Could he have ended the relationship before he slept with the other person? Wilson, I don't know whether he physically cheated (he says he didn't but he lies about so many things toward the end that I just don't know) but he emotionally cheated. Call me an idiot, but this still makes him unfaithful in my book. He did lie at first, but he ended up telling me the truth a month later in a bloody text message. I asked to meet me in person so he could explain it to me (cos there's a history with this girl- a client who openly flirted with him yet he denied there was anything going on and said he wasn't a "****ing cliché" who sleeps with clients.) but he said "there's nothing to talk about", and that's the last I've heard from him. How is that protecting my feelings? How is it fair to dump something like that on me then cut and run?
Author fificremefarben Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 Also, yeah, if he'd told me at the time it would've hurt, but I would've appreciated the honesty in the long run. What he did was just cowardly...and I thought I meant more to him than that.
wilsonx Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 (edited) I know you are hurting but I do not think it was cowardly, I think he took into account your feelings and how much it would have hurt you. If he would have said, look im going to go date this person, peace, you would have been crushed for years. Look how mad you are now that he told you the truth. Same principle Trust me on this, been there, understand why they dont tell you the whole truth. And look in the long run you are better off, you can get to find someone that wants to be with you Edited December 29, 2011 by wilsonx
wilsonx Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 (edited) Im going to share something with you that I have not posted on this board, when I saw my ex on Thursday, she admitted to lying to me and that she did cheat on me. She also appologized for not respecting me when it came to what I asked her not to do. Now, remember im 7 months out from my breakup. This stung like a champ. She even told me she did not tell me because "She did not want to hurt my feelings" At the same time, I know why she did it, and I understand why she did it the cheating and the lying. It doesnt make the sting go away but it allows me to show empathy towards her and it helps me let go of the past and focus on the present. You can't go through life holding on to this type of pain. It hurts it sucks but if you can let it go, chalk it up to someone you cared about and love making a mistake and move forward from there, you become the bigger person If you label someone a monster, in your eyes, they are a monster. If you label someone as human and making a mistake, in your eyes, they are human and allowed to make mistakes. You don't treat humans with hate and disrespect, be the bigger person and show empathy and love for those that you spent a long part of your life with. Who knows, they may come back at some point in your life and you can joke about this one day Edited December 29, 2011 by wilsonx
M2155 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 (edited) I don't really care for my ex right now but in my case I do think it was cowardly not to actually break up with me. Yes actions speak louder than words so I guess you can say disappearing says it all, but I do find that cowardly. Telling me about the other woman, while I think I could have handled it, I agree that is ultimately irrelevant- she was not the hardest part to accept. So I don't hate my ex but i dont think he was trying to protect my feelings either. I just can't respect him right now as i thought it was a shady move. Edited December 29, 2011 by M2155
Author fificremefarben Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 Im going to share something with you that I have not posted on this board, when I saw my ex on Thursday, she admitted to lying to me and that she did cheat on me. She also appologized for not respecting me when it came to what I asked her not to do. Now, remember im 7 months out from my breakup. This stung like a champ. She even told me she did not tell me because "She did not want to hurt my feelings" At the same time, I know why she did it, and I understand why she did it the cheating and the lying. It doesnt make the sting go away but it allows me to show empathy towards her and it helps me let go of the past and focus on the present. You can't go through life holding on to this type of pain. It hurts it sucks but if you can let it go, chalk it up to someone you cared about and love making a mistake and move forward from there, you become the bigger person If you label someone a monster, in your eyes, they are a monster. If you label someone as human and making a mistake, in your eyes, they are human and allowed to make mistakes. You don't treat humans with hate and disrespect, be the bigger person and show empathy and love for those that you spent a long part of your life with. Who knows, they may come back at some point in your life and you can joke about this one day Thanks for sharing that, Wilson. So she left it 7 months to admit it to you? Can I ask, do you think that it took her so long to admit it because she was maybe in denial? That she'd perhaps managed to convince herself that she hadn't really done anything wrong until it suddenly hit her? Your words resonate with me, Wilson, the ones about not holding onto that type of pain. I suppose I'm feeling it particularly strongly at the moment because, as we near the end of the year, you want to have everything squared away so that you can make a fresh start. It irks me that I'm going to go into the new year on bad terms with him when it could have been so easily avoided if he'd been honest. I get what you're saying about why they lied but, me, I just hate being lied to. I like to know the facts. Still, a new year. My friend suggested that I use the remaining few days of this year to get all of the wallowing out of my system and then, come January 1st, make a conscious effort to move on and forget about it all, resolved or unresolved. I'll give it a go...
stunned8165 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Im going to share something with you that I have not posted on this board, when I saw my ex on Thursday, she admitted to lying to me and that she did cheat on me. She also appologized for not respecting me when it came to what I asked her not to do. Now, remember im 7 months out from my breakup. This stung like a champ. She even told me she did not tell me because "She did not want to hurt my feelings" At the same time, I know why she did it, and I understand why she did it the cheating and the lying. It doesnt make the sting go away but it allows me to show empathy towards her and it helps me let go of the past and focus on the present. You can't go through life holding on to this type of pain. It hurts it sucks but if you can let it go, chalk it up to someone you cared about and love making a mistake and move forward from there, you become the bigger person If you label someone a monster, in your eyes, they are a monster. If you label someone as human and making a mistake, in your eyes, they are human and allowed to make mistakes. You don't treat humans with hate and disrespect, be the bigger person and show empathy and love for those that you spent a long part of your life with. Who knows, they may come back at some point in your life and you can joke about this one day No offense Wilson but this is Bullsheeet. They are cowards. They are selfish. They could care less about our feelings. These people are usually passive aggressive in some ways too. The apology thing is to ease their own guilt or an excuse to see what's happening in our lives. Sound like you are trying to make excuses for your ex for what she did to you. It's obvious I believ that you have feelings and want recon with her which is ok. In some ways I want recon too. But I would only allow it on my terms or else she can go jump in a lake. Boy I can't wait to see your reply..
stunned8165 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 P.S. My ex had every opportunity to apologize in the past two weeks because we had a bit of contact. But not once did she say anything except fish. Cowards.
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