Neo Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 A little background info: I met a girl named Jen from another school who I got along with fabulously. She had gone to her school's prom with another guy named Mark, but she had told me that she "reluctantly accepted" his offer because he was a senior and had to leave school soon. Nothing there. I condoned it and said it wasn't a big deal. I eventually asked her to prom to my own school and she accepted. Ok, now to the present... I liked Jen very much... and she acted like she had deep affections for me too. She'd say the nicest things to me, tell her friends how much she liked me, etc. Her friends told me she was infatuated and got giddy whenever she talked about me at her own school. I thought this was going well... she had even invited me to her parents' wedding reception when she could only invite one friend. So, come prom night, dancing went well, but there were various car problems (we got lost, I scratched the car on accident, etc), but it still went alright although things weren't as good as I wanted them to be. Jen never did tell me that she had a good time. I spent almost 200 dollars total that night and never got any feedback from her. I dropped her off at her house and just got a "See you later" and nothing more. Come next day, she tells me that "she likes me a lot but is seeing someone else" and felt guilty for it. I wished she had told me this sooner. Apparently this "someone else" was Mark. I was devastated. Her friend told me that Jen was actually considering this two weeks ago, and was leaning towards choosing Mark over me because he was a senior; she wanted to "show him a good time before he had to go." So thus I got screwed over the day after prom with this. It was as if you are getting along really well with someone, put yourself out on a limb by taking a risk (which I don't do often out of fear of getting hurt >.< ), and then the girl you are with does a sudden 180 and ends it out of the blue. What on earth happened!? Do I have a right to be angry or am I being immature since we never went steady? What happened!?
Alexandré Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 I think your somewhat justified in your anger, she did seem to lead you on. My advice would be to talk to her about, but dont yell at her. Just tell her how you were not pleased with her not telling you. You might also want to confront her on her idea of "giving him a good time before he goes" because that sounds like a load of BS to me. But in the end you need to make up your own mind.
bluechocolate Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 You have a right to feel hurt & disappointed. But not angry. You say you never went steady so she wasn't breaking up with you. It sounds to me like she knew already that she wanted to go out with Mark but had accepted to be your date at your Prom. So she stuck it out until the Prom was over, which may not have been a wise thing for her to do. But then again, would you have been left without a date for your prom? Chances are there will be more dating in your future & more people who, for one reason or another, will decide that they don't want to take things further. And I've no doubt you will find yourself having to turn people down also. Chalk it up to experience and move on. Anger won't solve anything.
faux Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 I think that you are justified in your anger. I think that this girl led you on, and wasn't honest with you at all. I'm sure you would not have wanted to spend so much money and effort had you known this ahead of time. Additionally, I think you should forget about this girl. I think she sounds like trouble. Her wanting to pick a senior so she can "show him a good time before he goes away" is completely idiotic.
johan Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 You're right to feel angry and hurt, I think. But I'd be really careful confronting her about it. You're more likely to feel like an ass and find out she doesn't care AT ALL how you feel even if you ARE right. It will be like having a discussion with a cat. She's already shown herself to be kind of cold, so I figure this is a battle you can't win. On the other hand if you do get through to her and make her feel bad about it, that will be that. You'll never see her again either way. Sorry, though. This is a clear case of "you win some, you lose some". A lot of times prom really is just a date with a stranger. My prom date was EXTREMELY disappointed.
Author Neo Posted May 31, 2004 Author Posted May 31, 2004 Thanks for your replies... made me feel loads better In specific response to Faux: Yes, you are correct on the money aspect as well because that was also a fairly big factor. I worked more than I usually did in order to get enough extra spending money to make sure there was enough come prom night, but now I feel like that extra effort was wasted. I do wish she would have told me beforehand... honesty is better than not having a prom date or wasting money. Although perhaps not wasted since I learned a lesson but nevertheless money spent...
faux Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 Hey, the hardest and most important lessons always require you to totally get screwed over somehow. I think the major lesson here, from what I see is that you should not put so much effort and time into someone unless you have every indication that the person deserves it. I'm not saying to "not care" with new people. Just do not put as much in so quickly until they have proven themselves to you. Working up slowly is good, and always be sure that the person is nice enough to be open about everything with you!
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