Author iris219 Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 'I never meet a single (attractive) man'. The key word is in the parenthesis. It's really better to be a single women in my neck of the woods because it's a wonderfully brief experience No, carhill, your first statement is incorrect. I am very lenient when it comes to looks. I have gone out with every person who asked me out this year except for two guys: a 50 yo alcoholic, and my ex's coworker (because he's a total douchebag, not just because he's my ex's coworker. He's actually quite attractive, but a horrible person). I've also been hit on by some VERY drunk guys at bars, but don't I count that. Alcohol consumption is hobby for many in my town. Sounds like I need to move to your town!
2sunny Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 It's easier to find ways to be happy without relying on others for this. Many times - too many - when I start dating someone he's not single at all like he stated at the start! Married and taken men seem to lie more often than not. I'm happy - don't "need" someone else for that!
Nexus One Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Rather than going back to your abusive ex I think you'd do yourself a service and go out to a bigger city to meet guys and if you find one that is potential husband material, then move to where he is, you both can figure it out if you really want to be together. There are people who have crossed greater distances than that. People from different countries or even continents get married all the time. Usually one moves to where the other is.
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 One thing that turns men off is a woman that is desperate to get married and have children. No matter what part of the U.S. you live, guys find that a turn off.
Author iris219 Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 One thing that turns men off is a woman that is desperate to get married and have children. No matter what part of the U.S. you live, guys find that a turn off. Yes, that's obvious.
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Dude I am so sick of your typical tripe on this forum. You know what I'm sick of? I'm sick of people coming on LS trying to act like dating gurus when in real life they are total losers when it comes to dating: I feel soooooo goddamn lonely when I am without someone to call my own. I sometimes just break out into tears because I think back on the failures of my dating life, and it hurts to think that I have never been truly happy. Quit trying to act like you're anything close to a genius when it comes to dating.
2sunny Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 You know what I'm sick of? I'm sick of people coming on LS trying to act like dating gurus when in real life they are total losers when it comes to dating: Quit trying to act like you're anything close to a genius when it comes to dating. Ahaha, wtf? Ahaha
Ruby Slippers Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 How about traveling? You can meet people even on little weekend trips. The last time I was in Texas, I went to my mom's work, and this regular came in, placed his order, targeted me immediately, and asked me out. It was so nice! The next time I visited home, we went out. We weren't a match, but if we had been, visits and a move would not have been out of the question. I'm thinking about doing more weekend trips to the South and West in 2012, so I can have some traveling fun, but also so I can meet some new and hopefully eligible fellas.
thatone Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 as i'm told by friends up north, us southerners have the "gift of gab" . i call it natural propensity for bullsh*t, but whatever. so if you travel to cities in the south and don't meet new people you must not have a pulse. if new orleans is one of your stops let me know, i can write out places to go and things to do a mile long.
carhill Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 No, carhill, your first statement is incorrect. I am very lenient when it comes to looks. I have gone out with every person who asked me out this year except for two guys: a 50 yo alcoholic, and my ex's coworker (because he's a total douchebag, not just because he's my ex's coworker. He's actually quite attractive, but a horrible person). I've also been hit on by some VERY drunk guys at bars, but don't I count that. Alcohol consumption is hobby for many in my town. Sounds like I need to move to your town! 'Attractive' doesn't necessarily pertain to looks. As evidenced in these forums, it is a multi-faceted and individual perception. My assertion pertains to the difference between meeting men who are single and meeting men who are single and attractive and my readings here, as well as recitations by women in real life, that the combination of the two defines how they *feel*, ergo if they don't meet any attractive single men, they don't meet any single men. I don't live in any town, but the one closest to me would find you being single for about ten seconds if your perception of 'attractive' wasn't too narrow.
kaylan Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 I think helplessness is a pretty common emotion among single women of a certain age. (My observation: over 25 and under about 45. By 45, single women seem to have adopted a," Screw it, I'm gonna enjoy my life!" sort of attitude, much power to 'em.) I mean, let's say she does move, giving up a job she really loves and an area she likes, to move to a city that supposedly has more men. What if she STILL doesn't find a worthwhile guy? Then she just packed up and moved for nothing. I like in a fairly metropolitan area (it's a big city in the Midwest- you should exhaust the possibilities in under 3 guesses) and there still seems to be a major shortage of singe men here. Maybe they're all hiding under rocks, but I would actually advise against one of my female friends moving here in hopes of landing a good husband. Im from NYC, and currently live in the suburbs 80 miles north and theres still a decent amount of single women. The closer I get to NYC, loads more single women are available by the bucket fulls in their 20s and 30s. So I have to wonder if its you women thats the issue. I am no Don Juan, or Rob Pattinson, but I get by just fine in terms of finding girls to talk to or have fun with. Sure finding a girl I want to date seriously is more of a task, but I dont blame my area or a supposed lack of women. I know I am picky but I know theres loads of girls out there in any metropolis. If a woman in her 20s and 30s cant find decent guys in a densely populated metropolis, I have to start thinking its her and not the men. From the articles I've read, it seems that fertility starts to decline around 35, but doesn't really hit the skids until 40. If you have your first child before 40, you have a much better chance of having more children beyond 40 without complications. Does that seem inline with what you've read? Correct. Which is why unless a woman is already 35 plus, I feel she still has time to meet someone and date for a couple years, be married for a year, and than have a kid. OP is almost 33. She can meet a guy, date for 2 years, married for a year at 36 and have a kid at 37 and be alright. I think the big concern is not just fertility necessarily, but how men look at women over 30. Glance through some of the threads here... you're bound to find at least one male poster talking about how younger women are so much better, how older women are "used/dried up" and "barren." The older the man gets, the more he seems to skew his dating range to favor much younger women. For example, the average 33 year old man will have an age range that is 1-2 years older, but 8-10 years younger, and he'll pursue younger partners more fervently. Thats online threads. Go into real life. You arent even 30 yourself yet, so ask your older female friends about this. Men pursue younger women for sex, the same way older women pursue guys my age for sex. I see women do this same thing with skewing dating ranges online. Just not as pronounced as men. OKCupid even did a blog on this. As soon as most girls hit their mid to late twenties, all of a sudden they are more open to dating guys a couple years younger. They need less persuading all of a sudden. And by the time they reach their 30s, some of them are dating guys my age(25) or even younger. Men and women dont do it to form lasting relationships. Its about fun and sex because usually they dont have enough in common with the other person to form a long relationship. And they want someone on their level who they can age with if they seek serious relationships. Hence why the average married couple is still only a few years of an age gap. People marry those their age or a few years older most of the time. Despite all the talk that goes on online regarding dating someone in a different age group they make up a small proportion of relationships even in NY. So while women may be able to have children at a later age, most men don't seem to want those older women. The common advice at that point is to settle for whoever will take your barren self... which is why the OP is wondering if she should just go back to her ex. OP, I've also heard that adopting a baby can be expensive. Have you considered the middle ground of a toddler or slightly older child (4 or 5 years old)?The men who profess to not wanting them online are the bitter dudes who think they are getting women back for ignoring them in her 20s. However, they cant pretend like that particular woman had anything to do with their past dating misfortune. If the OP moved to a big city, shed have no shortage of men her age to date. Shes just somewhere where most of the single men are too old, too young, or not quality. Here's the problem that made me consider my ex: Even if I meet a wonderful (or at least acceptable) man tomorrow, what does that do for me? I'm 32, almost 33. I would like to have children before 35. Therefore, a new relationship will have to move at a fast pace, a pace I wouldn't dream of if I was 10 years younger. I will start looking into adoption in 5 years and see what my options are if nothing works out. Stop rushing things. This is why I feel a lot of the time that people who "fall in love" in their 30s are not really in love. Some seem to have your mindset of forcing things along because they really want a family right then and now. But what happens sometimes later? Unhappy marriage, cheating, fighting, divorce, or other drama. Why? Because they didnt take the time to actually get to know their spouse or truly see if they loved them and werent just settling. This is what I talking about in an old thread of mine...whether "love" is a product of time running out. Real love has NO time table. I've never encountered the ageism I read about on LS. I don't think it's that prevelant IRL. If a man likes a woman, he's not going to discount her when he finds out she's older than he thought. I'm not saying men aren't attracted to younger women, but the couples I know are generally around the same age. I prefer men 5-10 years older anyway. Bolded for truth. Oh, Verhrzn, you're depressing me! There's no single men there either? I'm not surprised, actually. I have a friend who moved to Seattle last year. We all thought she'd finally have the opportunity to meet a man. She's beautiful and smart (a scientist), and she doesn't meet single men over 30. She finally started doing online dating and says it's been unproductive and a chore. I guess we're just going to have finally come out and admit we're lesbians (although that doesn't help me have children). Like I said, any metropolis has PLENTY of single guys. I think its you women. And come on... a beautiful, professionally establish, women over 30 cant find a man? Me thinks shes one of those women who wont date a guy whos not in her social ranks. Shes a scientist huh? Well would she date a teacher? or a regular office manager guy? I am positive I can put any of you in NYC and find you plenty of men who would want to date you. I dont think its us guys who are hiding under rocks away from you ladies. Maybe you guys all look like shrek and scare us dudes away? thats my last guess
kaylan Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 (edited) Read the thread, 2sunny. The kid comes off as a total expert in dating but in that thread the truth of his suckiness comes out. One thing I cannot stand are E-braggarts. These fools come on the internet, come off as authoritative, while, in reality, they are as lame as they come. Probably even lamer than the person giving the advice. I just hope iris didn't seriously read his advice and take it to heart. And you are trolling me why? You obviously missed the point of that thread. The point of that thread was that I lost my sense of what I was looking for with women. I dont need to brag about anything. I do just fine with girls, but what Ive been really looking for, I have not found yet. Its one thing to date around and hook up, which I can do just fine, and which guys here tell me Im lucky....but its another thing to find a girl I actually want to date seriously. Hop off and learn to read. Edited December 30, 2011 by kaylan
kaylan Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 (edited) You know what I'm sick of? I'm sick of people coming on LS trying to act like dating gurus when in real life they are total losers when it comes to dating: Quit trying to act like you're anything close to a genius when it comes to dating. I date quite fine. You are trying to criticize my advice by bringing up a time when I felt down about the 2 times I was heartbroken? Just because I got my heart broken twice and reflected upon those situations does not mean my whole dating life has been a failure. How about you actually read my threads for comprehension instead of taking bits and pieces in an attempt to discredit me. Thats like what bloggers do when they try and rip on someone. They pick and choose words and miss the entire message I place more value in those 2 relationships than I do in any of the other dating Ive done. So I think I have enough experience to give accurate advice. Unlike yourself who seems to consistently come from a biased and bitter viewpoint. Edited December 30, 2011 by kaylan
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 I date quite fine. Dude, this is what you wrote: And here I am, quarter life crisis, 25 year old recent grad who doesnt know what he wants in his life from his career to women. I feel soooooo goddamn lonely when I am without someone to call my own. I sometimes just break out into tears because I think back on the failures of my dating life, and it hurts to think that I have never been truly happy. Like complete happiness without worry. I dont want to go another ten years and not find what I am looking for. I just am never that happy when my romantic life isnt going anywhere, and I have always been this way. I want real mutual love. I want it so bad, but look at what a mess I am. You wrote this post November 22. It was your first post. It's December 29 and you have 322 posts. How are you able to go from spending your nights crying about what a failure your dating life is to having your dating life be "quite fine" despite the fact that you seem to spend all your time on the internet? kaylan, some of us need to know how you were able to turn your dating life around in 5 weeks?
verhrzn Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 Im from NYC, and currently live in the suburbs 80 miles north and theres still a decent amount of single women. The closer I get to NYC, loads more single women are available by the bucket fulls in their 20s and 30s. So I have to wonder if its you women thats the issue. I am no Don Juan, or Rob Pattinson, but I get by just fine in terms of finding girls to talk to or have fun with. Sure finding a girl I want to date seriously is more of a task, but I dont blame my area or a supposed lack of women. I know I am picky but I know theres loads of girls out there in any metropolis. If a woman in her 20s and 30s cant find decent guys in a densely populated metropolis, I have to start thinking its her and not the men. Like I said, any metropolis has PLENTY of single guys. I think its you women. And come on... a beautiful, professionally establish, women over 30 cant find a man? Me thinks shes one of those women who wont date a guy whos not in her social ranks. Shes a scientist huh? Well would she date a teacher? or a regular office manager guy? I am positive I can put any of you in NYC and find you plenty of men who would want to date you. I dont think its us guys who are hiding under rocks away from you ladies. Maybe you guys all look like shrek and scare us dudes away? thats my last guess It depends on what metropolis. A few pages back, one of the posters put up a map displaying the numbers of singles by gender, and where they're more densely located. New York City was nothing but a sea of blue.... meaning, it's completely over run with women. Search any news site for dating trends in NYC, and they state flat out that in terms of demographics, single women outnumber men something like 3 to 1. This is true for most East Coast cities and Midwestern cities. As to my city, mine was supposedly a huge ol' spot of single men, but wandering around the city, you'd never know it. I have no idea where they all are.... I go out to bars, night clubs, house parties, and regular old meet-up, and the crowd is overwhelmingly couples or women. As Nexus pointed out, there are single men at my workplace, but they apparently just disappear into a nebulous as soon as they walk out the company doors.
kaylan Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 (edited) Dude, this is what you wrote: You wrote this post November 22. It was your first post. It's December 29 and you have 322 posts. How are you able to go from spending your nights crying about what a failure your dating life is to having your dating life be "quite fine" despite the fact that you seem to spend all your time on the internet? kaylan, some of us need to know how you were able to turn your dating life around in 5 weeks? Dude if you followed any of my posts and threads. Or really read that whole first post for comprehension you would have gotten the fact that I am not happy that I havent found the love I want yet. Its not that I havent dated around or found women to spend time with. Its that I havent found the RIGHT girl that id want to give my time to. Im admittedly picky and say so in most threads. Theres a difference between what you were trying to brand me as, and what I really am. You sought to brand me as a loser who fails at dating. Which is far from the truth. I date around and meet girls just fine, but have failed at finding a girl I could have a long term connection with. That "it" girl. Thats what upset me. I do fine at dating, but have trouble finding someone who fits my long term desires. I meet tons of fun girls who many guys here would prolly date in a heart beat, but im super picky. But I do know that the right girl is worth the wait and Id rather not be in a relationship where I wont be completely happy. Hence why is 9 years of dating, I have only had 2 serious girlfriends. And Im cool with that. I created that thread because I was going through a rough patch with a girl I had just started seeing, whom I actually really liked. I liked her enough that it caused me to reflect of the few women Ive really liked during my years of dating and it upset me. Also, I do not spend all my free time sitting at a PC. I have a smartphone which makes it easy to check this website and facebook. Plus, that does not take away from my dating life, seeing as dates occur on weekend nights. Most of my posts are during the week or if they are on the weekend, before the night time. It took me 2 weeks to get out of that rut of feeling down and pining over that other girl I was seeing where things went south. I accepted the situation, told myself "hey at least you got some good sex" and kept on truckin'. I decided to slow things down and stop trying to force a relationship to happen, and that until im a little older, that I would let life some to me and enjoy my dating life because loads more dudes have it worse than me. Around that time I was all upset, I had been pretty much involved with 2 different women, so "why complain?" is what I asked myself. I knew I did just fine meeting girls, and got over it quickly. You dont need 5 weeks to figure that out. It wasnt a matter of me turning things around, it was more of me realizing that I am lucky to have what I already have and that many others dont get my opportunities. It was me realizing that I am young and still growing and discovering myself. However, you decided to go the ad hominem route and troll me instead of arguing the points I presented here. And you sought to use ad hominem without reading most of my backstory in that thread and other threads. Next time, respond to my presented points, because nothing I have said to you, or in response to the OP, is without merit. I stand by my statement that you come from a bitter and one sided standpoint when you respond to threads on this forum. You hardly, if ever, seem to be as critical of the men and their situations, as you do the women. You always finger point at the ladies for the calamity men here face. However, if you reference my above posts on this page, you will see that I brought it to the ladies attention that they made need some self reflection. I did that in a non confrontational manner, different from how you usually present your opinions. Edited December 30, 2011 by kaylan
ascendotum Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 Stop rushing things. This is why I feel a lot of the time that people who "fall in love" in their 30s are not really in love. Some seem to have your mindset of forcing things along because they really want a family right then and now. But what happens sometimes later? Unhappy marriage, cheating, fighting, divorce, or other drama. Why? Because they didn't take the time to actually get to know their spouse or truly see if they loved them and werent just settling. This is what I talking about in an old thread of mine...whether "love" is a product of time running out. Real love has NO time table. Bolded for truth. I see this a number of times as well. For some of us, watching our friends who were a bit desperate to have a family, settle for partners who don't seem to be all that devoted or affectionate or have issues/red flags they would not have tolerated in the past or women we know who settle down with a stable guy in their mid 30s, they would not have any time for, just a few yrs earlier, is a little unsettling. There's been a number of threads on LS that have discussed settling, compromising, realistic expectations. Like I said, any metropolis has PLENTY of single guys. I think its you women. And come on... a beautiful, professionally establish, women over 30 cant find a man? Me thinks shes one of those women who wont date a guy whos not in her social ranks. Shes a scientist huh? Well would she date a teacher? or a c? I wonder to. I work with a number of professional women in their 30s who were single a long time, and in conversations with them, it was clear that career success = I also deserve an 'alpha type' guy. (not making a blanket statement here for all career women) Nothing wrong with wanting to achieve the best in all aspects of your life, but these women seemed a little too rigid in their requirements, given they were not the most feminine in nature or had fun loving personalities. They wanted to date up, and its harder to find suitable single guys in their 30s. No way would they would they consider a teacher or regular office mgr guy. These women did find someone, but seeing them with their bfs, or hearing them talk about them, the situation expressed in your first quote above stood out, well imo anyway.
2sunny Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 You know what I'm sick of? I'm sick of people coming on LS trying to act like dating gurus when in real life they are total losers when it comes to dating: Quit trying to act like you're anything close to a genius when it comes to dating. Single = I get to do what I want, when i want, with who I want - for as long as I want! What's not good about that - as long as I'm not causing harm to self or others - it's ALL good! Single - yes! ;-D
kaylan Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) Posted in wrong thread Edited January 4, 2012 by kaylan
PlumPrincess Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 i can tell you for a fact from observing my gay sister's relationships that two women in the same house is the same basic idea as a cock fight. there can only be one rooster, if there's more than one, they will try to destroy each other. I had some female flatmates in my life and I kind of agree with you. You let them move in and then after a while they tell you to move out. They don't adapt to current customs in the house, they want to mark the place with their individual brand.
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