choppedkittens Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 (edited) Every guy I've been with before has said he likes affection but shows in behavior that he actually responds to push pull. In other words, if I got closer they'd pull back or if I pulled bakc they'd get closer. Not saying this is a gender specific thing; my data pool is just limited to guys. I was starting to think all people were secretly like this and I'd always have to hold back a little or manage my emotions in order to keep them keen. I figured this was the unspoken rule of human relationships. This is a problem as I'm naturally very affectionate, so I really had to restrain myself in the past. When I first met my boyfriend he told me that he found emotional unavailability a turn off. I didn't believe him. At the beginning I was coy because I thought this was the only acceptable way to be around men, but it was obvious he didn't like it. So I quickly stopped filtering my behavior. Sure enough, the closer I got, the closer he got. I can't stress how weird and surprising this is to me. I am still astonished that I can just be myself around him, give him all the affection I want, and he still loves me. Sometimes my old habits kick in for a moment and I'll pull back a little out of fear of pushing him away. He immediately notices when I do this, and he'll get confused or hurt. But at the same time he won't try to reel me in again when this happens in a needy way like other guys would. Then I remember that he's different and I can just be myself. Those moments are becoming infrequent as my trust in him grows. It's such a huge relief to be with somebody who is turned off by manipulation. I've concluded that if you find yourself putting on an act or restraining your natural impulses to keep a partner keen, that's the kiss of death. Edited December 28, 2011 by choppedkittens
Philosoraptor Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 Just enjoy the ride. I too am an affectionate man and along with that I very much value emotional maturity and being able to share with my partner. I agree if you can't be yourself with someone then that is a big flag. Someone who does not value you for you is not really worth the time. Comfort is necessary and I'm glad you found someone you connect with in that way. Hope all works out for you
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 I can't wait for the thread where you whine about how he's the greatest guy you've ever dated but since you don't feel enough chemistry with him you're considering dumping him.
Author choppedkittens Posted December 28, 2011 Author Posted December 28, 2011 I can't wait for the thread where you whine about how he's the greatest guy you've ever dated but since you don't feel enough chemistry with him you're considering dumping him. Not gonna happen. I actually feel MORE chemistry with him than with any other guy I've been with. This is the first time I've legitimately been in love.
kaleidoscope Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 Great to hear a good story instead of pain and suffering.
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