cheche Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 Hi, I was wondering if you could help me with this long distance relationship. I met this guy over the internet a while back (about a month ago). We started really communicating on a daily basis about two weeks ago. Anyway, when we were talking, it was like we've known each other forever. We talked for hours at a time. The only problem is that we can only talk on the phone on the weekends, because he has a really bad pre-paid phone service. During the week we IM each other at least once a day or text message each other. Sometimes we have cyber sex. Well after a week and a half of talking, he told me that he loved me. He hasn't felt this way about anyone in along time this quickly. I was shocked to say the least because, we just really met. He said he said he wanted to be in a relationship with me. The funny thing about it is that I have such strong feelings for him, too. Well every convo since then has ended with I love you, from each other (He usually says it first). Well this weekend (about the second week), the first time we have gone two days without speaking. I left him a message. Maybe I should give it time. I hate the fact that it can be so hard to get in touch in with him. Right now a lot of thoughts are going through my head about the relationship. The first one being is if really loves me and if so how does he know so quickly. I just want to make sure that he really loves me and that he is not playing me for a fool. Secondly, can I really handle this long distance and the possiblility of not talking to him everyday. Sometimes it bothers me that he is so far away and that i can't talk to him when I want to. Thirdly, how i can talk to him about all these feelings if I am having trouble getting in contact with him. It really scares me that I have so much feelings for him so quickly. I wouldn't be reacting the way I am if he didn't tell me he loved me so many times. Maybe I am worrying to much. What should I do?
uriel Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 You're both infatuated with one another -- which is thrilling and scary at the same time. You don't know each other well enough to love one another. That takes time to develop. Infatuation, which can grow into love, is based on a feeling of strong connection and attraction. You feel like you've known the other person forever. They meet your unspoken needs. You can't stand to be apart. It's based partly on what you genuinely see in the other person and partly on your own fantasy of what a romantic partner is and will be to you. The fantasy element is stronger when you don't know the person well. To discover whether you are really compatible with this other person, and could love him, you need to spend time together, getting to know one another, hanging out, and even doing mundane things: errands, chores, meeting the family, etc. You need to be together frequently enough that you begin to see the sides of the other person they only show very close friends or only reveal under stress, boredom, etc. You need to slow down here and give your relationship time to develop. If you want to take it further and make it a real relationship, you're going to need to spend physical time together -- and not just romancing one another. Fact is, you don't know this guy well enough to even know if he means and will stand behind "I love you." There's no way to know but giving him time to prove himself and to get to know one another better. It's not a great sign that he's jumped the gun in saying this -- it suggests he has some emotional immaturity and possible instability. But, wait and see. -- uriel
sportsloving Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 I don't have any doubt that there may be feelings involved ... but can you honestly say if he disappeared tomorrow that you would miss him in a year? The relationship is still pretty new, fresh and exciting. The only problem is that we can only talk on the phone on the weekends, because he has a really bad pre-paid phone service. During the week we IM each other at least once a day or text message each other. Sometimes we have cyber sex. Is the weekend the only time you can talk to him? That seems odd all by itself. Can you call him? The first one being is if really loves me and if so how does he know so quickly. I just want to make sure that he really loves me and that he is not playing me for a fool. I don't know if he is playing you for a fool, but a week is really not enough time to say I love you ... especially since it is the internet. Perhaps he feels a lot and doesn't have words for it, but I sure wouldn't jump to saying "love" right away. Love takes a bit of time, patience, and growth. Thirdly, how i can talk to him about all these feelings if I am having trouble getting in contact with him Then you should tell him this a concern for you. LDR's are a lot of work. The best thing to tell you is that you need open and honest communication and you need to be able to express your concerns to him. Is there a reason why you can't get a hold of him when you want to? How big is the distance? Have you planned a meeting? It is so hard to know if the person you are talking to is really the person they are. Especially with long distance or internet. I do wish you luck, and I do know that LDR's can work. IMO, Love shouldn't be brought up til you two have met and have spent time together. But that is just me.
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