Rorschach64 Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 My girlfriend of 4 months has been acting...weird. The first occurance of her acting weird was about 3 months in to the relationship she confronted me with the notion that I don't have her in my plans for the future. She concluded this when I told her, literally, that I have a loose plan to move to NYC and become a Physician's Assistant, everything else would be dealt as I go. Then she said that she needs someone that will take care of her and that I wasn't showing these signs because I can't pull out my CC faster than her, not in a figurative way...but in a literal speed of action. Believe me, I am no cheap BF, spent 100USD on her birthday present and other things. The second occurance happened a few days ago. She has been visiting her folks in India for the month of December and she told me that she has decided by this time next year she is going to move back to India indefinately because of her mother's health (Something wrong with her legs, not sure). So my response was "If that's what you want to do then I won't stand in the way of your decision." I figured that was the mature and sensible thing. She followed up with a "You didn't even try to convience me." which I pretty much respond with if you stay State side and something happens to your mom you could end up resenting me for it. SO...am I being a bad boyfriend or is there something I am not seeing or what?
Emilia Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 (edited) In my experience Asians are a bit weird for us Westerners to date: she is obviously quite immature (many of them are as they are inexperienced daters often) and playing games with you to see whether she can convince you to marry her. She will want to get married soon. They can be also quite materialistic.b (hence the credit card references and her telling you you should take care of her) Edited December 28, 2011 by Emilia
PlumPrincess Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 My girlfriend of 4 months has been acting...weird. The first occurance of her acting weird was about 3 months in to the relationship she confronted me with the notion that I don't have her in my plans for the future. She concluded this when I told her, literally, that I have a loose plan to move to NYC and become a Physician's Assistant, everything else would be dealt as I go. Then she said that she needs someone that will take care of her and that I wasn't showing these signs because I can't pull out my CC faster than her, not in a figurative way...but in a literal speed of action. Believe me, I am no cheap BF, spent 100USD on her birthday present and other things. 100 Dollars for a birthday present is a nice amount of money. I'd say a woman who expects more beyond that, especially since it's just been four months, seems to have very high expectations regarding financial security and your providing abilities. The second occurance happened a few days ago. She has been visiting her folks in India for the month of December and she told me that she has decided by this time next year she is going to move back to India indefinately because of her mother's health (Something wrong with her legs, not sure). So my response was "If that's what you want to do then I won't stand in the way of your decision." I figured that was the mature and sensible thing. She followed up with a "You didn't even try to convience me." which I pretty much respond with if you stay State side and something happens to your mom you could end up resenting me for it. SO...am I being a bad boyfriend or is there something I am not seeing or what? She doesn't feel safe in your relationship and her statement was a test to get a reaction from you - "Please don't go. I love you and I would really miss you if you left." - and obviously you failed. It looks like a relationship with a lot of drama and insecurity.
smokey bear Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 My girlfriend of 4 months has been acting...weird. The first occurance of her acting weird was about 3 months in to the relationship she confronted me with the notion that I don't have her in my plans for the future. She concluded this when I told her, literally, that I have a loose plan to move to NYC and become a Physician's Assistant, everything else would be dealt as I go. Then she said that she needs someone that will take care of her and that I wasn't showing these signs because I can't pull out my CC faster than her, not in a figurative way...but in a literal speed of action. Believe me, I am no cheap BF, spent 100USD on her birthday present and other things. The second occurance happened a few days ago. She has been visiting her folks in India for the month of December and she told me that she has decided by this time next year she is going to move back to India indefinately because of her mother's health (Something wrong with her legs, not sure). So my response was "If that's what you want to do then I won't stand in the way of your decision." I figured that was the mature and sensible thing. She followed up with a "You didn't even try to convience me." which I pretty much respond with if you stay State side and something happens to your mom you could end up resenting me for it. SO...am I being a bad boyfriend or is there something I am not seeing or what? If your ex came back, you would go i think, i think this is the problem. Your not emotionally available, your not over your ex
FitChick Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 You both have very different plans for the future to the point of living in opposite corners of the world. I think this relationship has run its course. Learn whatever lessons you need to and move on. I'm sure her parents have someone in mind for her to marry in India where arranged marriages are the norm.
Author Rorschach64 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Posted December 28, 2011 I appreciate the responses. Well to start, she has been living in the US for 4 years now by herself, according to her it was never her intentions but came here because of a guy, and she works on wall street so she is doing well finacially. My first suspicion based on how she has been talking, yes she has mentioned wanting to settle down already because she is getting older (Just turned 25) and her parents are nagging at her, that she does want to control the tempo of the relationship. Though I didn't want to think she was going to push marriage so fast but it would seem otherwise. She has also told me from past experiences, two other guys she has ever dated, she has never loved them...anyone can tell you that's probably a red flag, right? My response to her test, I kind of figured it was a test because most people usually keep something like that to themselves and act all weird and quiet but wasn't sure, I thought personally was mature. We haven't told each other we loved each other yet but I forgot to mention, I did tell her that I personally wouldn't want her to go because I would miss her and I like her a lot but wouldn't keep her locked down in a 'golden prison'. Her family isn't traditional where they force arranged marriages so that isn't in the mix unless I was lied to. Smokey, I am surprised you are over in this section, heh. Anyway, I do not believe I am emotionally unavailable because since she left to visit her folks for the month I've been missing her and thinking about maybe dropping the L word but her behavior of late has made me think twice about telling her that. Obviously when she comes back from her trip we are going to talk about it, I was just looking for additional insight. Thanks again.
smokey bear Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 I appreciate the responses. Well to start, she has been living in the US for 4 years now by herself, according to her it was never her intentions but came here because of a guy, and she works on wall street so she is doing well finacially. My first suspicion based on how she has been talking, yes she has mentioned wanting to settle down already because she is getting older (Just turned 25) and her parents are nagging at her, that she does want to control the tempo of the relationship. Though I didn't want to think she was going to push marriage so fast but it would seem otherwise. She has also told me from past experiences, two other guys she has ever dated, she has never loved them...anyone can tell you that's probably a red flag, right? My response to her test, I kind of figured it was a test because most people usually keep something like that to themselves and act all weird and quiet but wasn't sure, I thought personally was mature. We haven't told each other we loved each other yet but I forgot to mention, I did tell her that I personally wouldn't want her to go because I would miss her and I like her a lot but wouldn't keep her locked down in a 'golden prison'. Her family isn't traditional where they force arranged marriages so that isn't in the mix unless I was lied to. Smokey, I am surprised you are over in this section, heh. Anyway, I do not believe I am emotionally unavailable because since she left to visit her folks for the month I've been missing her and thinking about maybe dropping the L word but her behavior of late has made me think twice about telling her that. Obviously when she comes back from her trip we are going to talk about it, I was just looking for additional insight. Thanks again. I browse by todays posts, not by section, im really surprised at you, from how you post about your ex i was surprised you had a partner of 4 months. If this relationship ends please take some time to yourself, a good 6 months or so xx
Author Rorschach64 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Posted December 28, 2011 You're right, it wasn't a smart or ethical move on my behalf, let alone very selfish and I should know better than that. I think my mentality was that I was above and over my ex, but, like you said, how I post about my ex indicates otherwise. Thanks Smokey. I'll do just that, 6 months to myself.
Emilia Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 My first suspicion based on how she has been talking, yes she has mentioned wanting to settle down already because she is getting older (Just turned 25) and her parents are nagging at her, that she does want to control the tempo of the relationship. Though I didn't want to think she was going to push marriage so fast but it would seem otherwise. (.....) Her family isn't traditional where they force arranged marriages so that isn't in the mix unless I was lied to. They don't force marriages, they just arrange suitors for them. 25 years old by Indian standards is old. I dated a 27 year-old and after a few weeks he started on the marriage thing and how his mother was putting pressure on him and he was scared of her etc etc. I ran.
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