i asked my boyfriend if he saw a future with me and he said no!

[loveburden]

after discovering that my boyfriend has been hiding things from me e.g talking to other women we have been in ALOT of trouble..

 

ever since i found out about his "secret" i had been demanding that we move forward, it was like we had been frozen for 3 years, never changing or taking the next step. we had not had sex since before i discoverd that he had been chatting.. we were engaged, living together at once. for months its been just meeting up every few days.. im at the age where i want more, i want a commitment.

 

today we spent all day arguing.. basically i want more than this, and he doesnt. i asked him straight out if he saw a future with me and he said that he didnt. so i broke it off. all he said was " okay but please don't shut me out of your life . i cried and he said that he loved me but he can only give me this for now.

i said ok. i just feel lost and confused. its like the whole time he was looking for a way out but just didn't want to do it himself.

he has only contacted me twice , asking if we could talk. i rang him a while later and he said that he was busy. so i figure he can't give a ****.

 

i wasted my time, but its a lesson learnt..!

[Kamila]

It's good that you stick to your guns and demanded a more serious commitment. Some women would stick around with a bloke just because they love them. They forget about their dreams and let the man walk all over them.

 

My ex also talked to a lot of women. At first I thought he was just being friendly and acting social because it's in his nature. But now I know better, he was just looking for another woman all along. He even told me that he had a woman waiting for me while we were still together ! He told me that a week after we broke up. Eww...

 

And just like your ex, mine also wanted to keep in touch. Those are not serious guys. I don't really know what their hidden agenda is, but it's certainly not healthy.

 

I don't think you wasted your time, you learnt a lot, and now you know better in finding a decent guy. And better, how to spot the bad guys.

[TaraMaiden]

so i broke it off. all he said was " okay but please don't shut me out of your life....

No, do. Completely. If he's telling you he sees no future with you, all he's asking for is that you hang around as a possible f**kbuddy, Dangling.

Go NC and never, ever break it....

 

I wasted my time, but its a lesson learnt..!

No lesson learnt is a waste of time. Providing you learn it and live by it, that is......

[Lucky_One]

You haven't posted in a while, so I hope that you have stayed away from this guy. Let's face it - this was a toxic relationship.

 

1. Engaged and living together at ages 16 and 17? Totally unrealistic beginning to a dating relationship between teenagers.

 

2. He totally controlled you until you broke up with him.

 

3. You broke up with him because of violence to the point that the police were involved and a restraining order was taken out. His family hates you because of this, and your family hates him. You moved away.

 

4. You continued to have sporadic sex with him while you were broken up. He dated other women and had sex with them, and you dated other men with sexual activity.

 

5. You moved back to work things out. He was angry and controlling, and you still had sex with him in hotels, so that your families wouldn't find out.

 

6. He has been dating someone else this entire time ("My Angel"? puke) and hiding it from you. You are the piece of tail that he is hiding in a hotel, while he dates someone else publicly.

 

Nowhere in this scenario is a relationship built on mutual respect, trust, happiness, and friendship. It has always been full of disrespect, distrust, anger, jealousy, and enough drama to fill a reality show. I am glad you are out of it, and hopefully you can stay strong enough to stay out of it. That means NO calls, NO texts, NO emails, NO meeting up, NO hook-ups, NO bjs in the back of cars. Change your number if you need to. Get another AVO if you need to. But be DONE with this guy - don't stay addicted to the adrenalin rush of the drama.

[KathyM]

Lesson learned. Don't waste your time with a relationship that is going nowhere. You can't force it to be more serious than he is willing. You can't demand it. You could hint at it, that you don't think the relationship has progressed enough for the time spent on it, but that's really all you can do. But that ship has sailed for you in this case. You've wasted three years of your life with a guy who is not willing to get past a certain stage in a relationship. At least you finally did get out. Don't allow him to string you along for any longer. Don't agree to keep him in your life. That only prevents you from moving on to find someone who does want what you want in a relationship. This guy is not that person.