Standard-Fare Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 I'm 30/f, and my heart's been broken four times. Two times in situations that would be termed "relationships," in conventional terms; one case of unrequited love; and one "we love each other but circumstances don't allow us to do this right now" situation. At this point, I have to say I understand why people end up getting married to partners they don't genuinely love -- they start to value security over passion, and they just don't want to be reckless with their hearts anymore. In some cases I think marriage really is a declaration of "I don't want my heart to be broken ever again." I also understand why some people end up shrinking away from the dating game entirely and embracing the life of a hermit. At some point you learn to just rely on yourself and stop looking to others for happiness. I don't know what path is in my future but I do know I can't face another heartbreak. I'm going to be very delicate with my heart from now on. I won't be jumping into any situations I'm not sure about, or getting myself deeply involved with anyone I'm not certain will love me back. No more games, no more messing around... I'm in it for true love or nothing at all. Please share your own insights/history.
wilsonx Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 (edited) Congratulations, you figured it out... start going through your roledex of nice guys in the past you dated and see if they are still around. Welcome back to reality. =) Your friendly VA neighbor to all you naysayers out there, this is what the end of GIGS looks like homebrew said it best "Pain is life's greatest teacher" Edited December 28, 2011 by wilsonx
punkinless Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 my heart gets broke all over again everytime i think about her. its been about 3 months of this and i'm sick of it.
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 I am 18 years old and have had my heart truly broken once. I learned, on my part in the break up, to NEVER EVER take the one you love for granted. I guess I needed to grow up a bit, both of us still do actually. We are both very young and were together for a year and half. We were each other's first love, first everything, and had many wonderful times together. Timing was bad between us, I was entering college and he was still in high school. He already thought I was going to meet someone better, still does actually. It has been the hardest thing ignoring him and dropping him from my life, but it really is for the best right now. I still love him to this day and not a day goes by where I do not think about him, but I have been able to find happiness within myself. I am forgiving him and letting go of the bad that happened between us. All I remember are the good times now and I prefer it that way. I feel I have grown up, my confidence is higher, I am more positive, and I value myself more. I have no idea if him and I will find each other again, we always seem to, but it doesn't matter right now. Gotta keep moving forward, there is a bright future out there for me
punkinless Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 I am 18 years old and have had my heart truly broken once. I learned, on my part in the break up, to NEVER EVER take the one you love for granted. I guess I needed to grow up a bit, both of us still do actually. We are both very young and were together for a year and half. We were each other's first love, first everything, and had many wonderful times together. Timing was bad between us, I was entering college and he was still in high school. He already thought I was going to meet someone better, still does actually. It has been the hardest thing ignoring him and dropping him from my life, but it really is for the best right now. I still love him to this day and not a day goes by where I do not think about him, but I have been able to find happiness within myself. I am forgiving him and letting go of the bad that happened between us. All I remember are the good times now and I prefer it that way. I feel I have grown up, my confidence is higher, I am more positive, and I value myself more. I have no idea if him and I will find each other again, we always seem to, but it doesn't matter right now. Gotta keep moving forward, there is a bright future out there for me our storys are so alike its scary. she is a senoir in high school and i'm second year in college. we spent 16 happy months together and then she dumped me. i was taking her for granted and some how she found her way back to her ex. i am much more mature than her and she has some growing up to do. but i STILL love her dearly after 3 months post BU and i still want to see her in my future. not too sure why she went back to an abusive ex tho . . .
witchychick Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 Too many times. I could go into detail but I dont wanna write a novel in your thread.
Philosoraptor Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 Truly broken? Multiple times by the same person. Opening your heart back up after heartbreak can be hard, but it is worth it and the only true way to find happiness. While I agree that one should never be completely reckless with their heart they also can not be so guarded that they don't let love in. Each person determines such a ratio within themselves. Myself, I have no issue taking a leap for the right person. But I do make sure this person is emotionally mature and their nature would allow them to properly care for the gift they have been given. I'm not one to make comparisons between people nor would I hold someone else accountable for issues in my past. My heart was broken not by them, but a combination of myself and my ex.
coltsfan1 Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 2 times, both different girls. Both cheated so I will be trying to choose a better lady this time around. I am 30 and male.
fucpcg Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 41 yo male, 4 times, 4 different women. This most recent (9 months ago) definitely the worst, as there were children involved, her 3 boys who I adored, and now she won't speak with me, nor can I have any contact with the children. We all have to live and learn in relationships, I guess the one thing I can share is that when others children are involved, tread VERY CAREFULLY! I didn't lose one love, I lost four, all at once. Beyond brutal, especially when the children are played somewhat as pawns, as just happened with me.
coltsfan1 Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 Amen to that Fucpcg, my ex had a son. I miss him 100 times more than I miss her, but they are a packaged deal. Now I get to have my own with a lady who wants to give me children. That is how I cope.
shayla Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 I'm 50 years old and 3 horrible heartbreaks. First when I was 20, my first real boyfriend, father of my first child (I have 2) walked out on me when I needed him most. That was a very hard break up. Second was my ex husband, father of my second child....I was 32. I married a man that was all wrong for me, he was a drug addict, and I had no idea and was so naive about what all that entailed. As his addiction sent him spiraling downward he became extremely violent, beating me several times, once when I was 8 months pregnant. I left him several months later. Before I had the chance to file for divorce, he broke into my home and tried to kill me and our 5 month old daughter. I suffered a severe head injury and spent several years in constant pain, having seizures, memory loss, etc. Because I was the victim of a heinous crime, I was able to get the divorce free of charge. he served 14 months in prison for what he did to me, and had to do this to 2 more women before he got sentenced to 25 years in prison. The last is the ex that brought me here. I was 46. I had not been in a relationship since my marriage ended 13 years before. He was very charming, very respectful, he was everything my ex husband wasn't, so I thought it was perfect. I was very wrong, and I was very lonely. It turns out that he approached me because he saw that I was damaged and he did everything he could tot exploit it. And I was so desperate for love that I ignored all the lies he told, all the little semi nasty comments he made, all the disappearances, everything. in my mind it was just something I'd have to put up with to have a man in my life because, after all, I was getting old...lol Last November I found out that he had an entire other life, and had put a ring on another woman's finger. I confronted him, he lied, I confronted her, she lied, and two months later, they got married. This feels like close to the same pain I felt when my marriage became a horror. I know that I will completely get over this, because I survived and got over my marriage.
TheDovic Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 I'm 28 and have had my heart broken 3 times! The last two who have done it now won't leave me alone... maybe they realise what they lost! Nothing hurts worse though than having your heart broken... I've been through countless operations in my life, months of rehab and nothing compares to getting my heart broken!!!
Melrapuo Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 I've had my heart broken 2 times. First time was in high school. Dated a girl for 3 days (lmao), but she left me for someone else. It was the first time any girl ever showed interest in me, and it screwed me up for years. Second girl I dated was a LTR (about 2 years). She left me for someone else (god damned patterns). Hadn't spoken for over three years, just decided to say hi two days ago to her. Now we're going to get coffee. Weird how that works... My last ex, we dated for almost 3 years. She did NOT leave me for someone else, but things weren't working out (and hadn't been for a while). We were both just unhappy, and though my heart broke because I lost the relationship, I've come to terms with the fact that the relationship had been over well before it was officially ended.
stitch702 Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 To be honest I've dated a lot of women and have been in 4 main long term relationships...but I've only had my heart broken twice. The first was from my first love, but that happened due to external factors. We were going to different Universities in different countries, so the break up was mutual. It hurt, but we both felt it was for the better and we are still friends to this day. The second one has been an emotional rollercoaster. It has been a freaking mind game and I hate mind games. After she dumped me I have tried to remain civil, but she kept bashing me on facebook and telling her friends what a horrible person I am. I would contact her on fb, trying to make things ok, but she would just ignore me. I've sent a letter to apologize for MY faults in the relationship which helped me believe that I was the better person, and she didn't even reply. Two weeks after we broke up she began sleeping with other guys...and telling my friends oh ever since we broke up there have been ALOT of guys going after me. It's been almost 2 months and she has a boyfriend now and is bragging about how happy she is and posting pictures of them together on her status updates every 5 HOURS!!! She also began telling my friends that she had the hugest crush on him for like 3 years....the problem is we were together for 3 years. She even had the balls to bring him to a party we were at...walk up to our group and introduce him to all my friends and me...then she goes around hugging up on him, making out with him through out the night. It has been hard, simply because I am baffled at who this person is. This is not the sweet innocent girl I fell in love with. I feel almost as if I'm being provoked, but I try to ignore it. Maybe she really is happy. Maybe its my mind playing tricks on me. It is very hard sometimes, I just want to fight back, flirt with everyone, and jump into a rebound relationship, slander her on f/b...but that's not me and that is not my character. It's hard also because I'm in the process of taking my board exams for nursing and all this distractions has caused me to leave the city I am in to fly back home just so I can better concentrate. Perhaps my best revenge is my success and truly moving on.
Melrapuo Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 To be honest I've dated a lot of women and have been in 4 main long term relationships...but I've only had my heart broken twice. The first was from my first love, but that happened due to external factors. We were going to different Universities in different countries, so the break up was mutual. It hurt, but we both felt it was for the better and we are still friends to this day. The second one has been an emotional rollercoaster. It has been a freaking mind game and I hate mind games. After she dumped me I have tried to remain civil, but she kept bashing me on facebook and telling her friends what a horrible person I am. I would contact her on fb, trying to make things ok, but she would just ignore me. I've sent a letter to apologize for MY faults in the relationship which helped me believe that I was the better person, and she didn't even reply. Two weeks after we broke up she began sleeping with other guys...and telling my friends oh ever since we broke up there have been ALOT of guys going after me. It's been almost 2 months and she has a boyfriend now and is bragging about how happy she is and posting pictures of them together on her status updates every 5 HOURS!!! She also began telling my friends that she had the hugest crush on him for like 3 years....the problem is we were together for 3 years. She even had the balls to bring him to a party we were at...walk up to our group and introduce him to all my friends and me...then she goes around hugging up on him, making out with him through out the night. It has been hard, simply because I am baffled at who this person is. This is not the sweet innocent girl I fell in love with. I feel almost as if I'm being provoked, but I try to ignore it. Maybe she really is happy. Maybe its my mind playing tricks on me. It is very hard sometimes, I just want to fight back, flirt with everyone, and jump into a rebound relationship, slander her on f/b...but that's not me and that is not my character. It's hard also because I'm in the process of taking my board exams for nursing and all this distractions has caused me to leave the city I am in to fly back home just so I can better concentrate. Perhaps my best revenge is my success and truly moving on. Unfriend the hell out of her on fb, block all her crap. You're putting yourself through more pain by letting her get to you like that. The less you allow her to act out like that towards you, the better you will feel and the less power she has. Ignore this immature little girl.
stitch702 Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 Unfriend the hell out of her on fb, block all her crap. You're putting yourself through more pain by letting her get to you like that. The less you allow her to act out like that towards you, the better you will feel and the less power she has. Ignore this immature little girl. Yes I have...and it was the best decision of my life...but she still tends to pop up here and there.
Author Standard-Fare Posted December 28, 2011 Author Posted December 28, 2011 Not broken. Bent a few times. Re your comment above. Sounds reasonable at one level but the negativity is there. . Some (but not all) women as they experience life become like black widow spiders... mates just don't want to to approach them or, if they do, then have to atone for a woman's past relationships. The older I get, the more I want a gal with a 'nice easy feeling'. No walls. No defenses. I like a gal who jumps into the lake without worrying about her hair or if the water is too cold. I've found women that give themselves completely aren't vulnerable but rather quite strong. They can recover quicky if needed and move on. I don't know if it's possible to find any adult who hasn't been hurt and who doesn't have SOME sort of walls or defenses up. I think just about everyone fits that description. But that doesn't mean many of us won't jump into a freezing lake without worrying about our hair -- I'd do that in a second. In my case, I've just been "messing around" for too long -- not looking or trying for anything serious, just sort of landing into situations that either have no meaning and fizzle out fast, or end up eating up a lot of my time and then down the road break my heart unexpectedly. In the past I've had an attitude of "Who cares if it's not leading anywhere as long as it's fun" but it's amazing how many of these situations have ended up hurting me or someone else. My point is that I want something real. I would never again start a relationship knowing that it's a "let's have fun for five months" situation. I will only launch fully myself fully into something if it feels LEGIT.
ToothpasteLove Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 Im 22 and ive had my heart broken once.. When i met her i was terribly depressed.. She walked in and everything started to take shape again because i felt i had a reason to be happy, a reason to wake up in the morning. There was so many red flags.. and from the first day i met her i always knew id never have her even if she said i did. A month before it ended she said to me 'I know you love me more than i love you.. i like that'. One day she told me.. i dont want this anymore i changed my mind.. like it was a game you can switch on and off.. and two days later when she came back she said its okay i love you.. and i flipped out on her.. I was cruel, i said things to hurt her because i thought what she did was unfair and i was hurting. For the next few weeks we grew apart.. i tried to repair the relationship.. but she pushed me away, she eventually left me for her ex.. her reason to leave was because 'she wanted to be single for now'. She lied because two days later she was back with that ex. I facebook stalked her for the next 3 months, wrote her nasty hate mail, couldnt stop talking about her to everyone and i cried alot.. before she came back and said sorry.. it didnt work out with that ex.. and then we grew closer again.. she lead me on for a further 7 months.. till i found out she was telling everyone i was still in love with her.. and i realised i wasnt anymore.. i told her what i really thought of her and everything she ever did to me and then i wished her well.. i havent talked to her since. It wasnt loosing her that broke my heart, it was loosing the friendship we had.. But life goes on and she wasnt good for me because she brought me down.. So yes my heart has been broken once and the strange thing about it is that i enjoyed that feeling because it made me feel alive for the first time in a very long time.
ZimboGon Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 Just once. It was very recent, but she didn't just break my heart. She stole it, tormented it, ripped it apart, stomped all over it, and burned it away. Now she just constantly spits in the wound where it used to be.
Lis007 Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 Only once... I was dating my ex since i was 18. We have been married for 20 years and going out for 25. It truly sucks having a broken heart...
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 our storys are so alike its scary. she is a senoir in high school and i'm second year in college. we spent 16 happy months together and then she dumped me. i was taking her for granted and some how she found her way back to her ex. i am much more mature than her and she has some growing up to do. but i STILL love her dearly after 3 months post BU and i still want to see her in my future. not too sure why she went back to an abusive ex tho . . . Yea it sucks :/ It is such a helpless feeling, but it would be hard to manage a relationship in these two different environments. My ex was very protective of me, so I guess once he felt graduation drawing closer, he couldn't take the fact that other guys would be around me without him there. I guess I do not blame him, but I wish he would have given me a chance. He still thinks to this day that I am going to meet someone better. It really breaks my heart, but I realized both him and I need lots of time to grow up some. I mean we are so young, as are you and your ex. Who says something won't happen again in the future with them? Haha that is the little bit of hope I hold within myself speaking, but I can't help but hold some hope for him and I. We share a special bond and I really believe I will see him again someday. It gets easier, I promise Embrace the great things you have in your life right now. College is such a fun experience to let one person bring you down.
marqueemoon4 Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 4 times.. 3 relationships and one fling with unrequited love.
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